I Don't Give A Damn About You

Chapter 3



KEY: thoughts



Tai awoke to sunlight slipping in through the blinds as he groaned. He forced his eyes slowly open with a yawn. As he opened his eyes he noticed his strange surroundings and a certain someone's closed eyes right in front of his own. Golden hairs splayed across the pillow they shared and hung delicately over the side of Matt's face moving with each breath. Tai gasped in panic at the strange thoughts normally reserved for girls that flashed through his mind as he realized how close Matt was snuggling into him. He pulled back his own arms that had been wrapped around Matt's sleeping form and almost slipped of the bed.

Matt gave a small tired moan as he opens his own eyes. Tai watched as Matt, looking exhausted and slightly rumpled, opens his own deep blue azure eyes. He's so beautiful. Tai stared as Matt ran his hand through his golden hair that seemed to glow in the fractured sunlight giving a small tired smile to Tai as he watched him from his spot on the pillow. Wait...beautiful? This is Matt I'm talking about. He gave a more nervous smile to Matt's which was beginning to look like a sexy grin to Tai. Wow. He has a nice smile. Oh God. What was happening to him? Tai thought.

Matt laid his back down onto the pillow shrugging the blanket over his head as he wished he hadn't woken up.

"What time is it?" He mumbled from beneath his blanket sanctuary. Tai looked around the room till his eyes fell upon a black digital clock with neon green numbers.

"It's almost one pm." Tai said a little shocked at first, as he usually woke up early even on weekends. A groan was heard from the pillow as Matt slid his eyes just over the edge of the comforter checking the clock. It's flashing green letters seemed to mock him as he re-submerged. Thinking back to last night and how late it had been though, it made sense to Tai.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?" Tai asked. An unintelligible mumble was his only answer for several minutes until Matt pulled the blankets down under arms. He stared sleepily at the ceiling as he replied, "That's okay. I could just use a little food."

"Whatcha' want?"

"I dunno."

Tai watched Matt for awhile as he seemed lost in thought and Tai didn't want to interrupt. Finally even Tai could feel some tension and sadness building in the air. He really thought Matt should have some time to feel a little better and have a break before he broke down again, so he started naming off some things he could make.

"Well.... I can make toast, eggs, hash browns, pancakes, potatoes, I think we have fruit, and then there's more lunch type food. Any ideas?" Tai questioned trying to lighten the bleak air.

"I dunno." He said again. This Tai thought was too close for comfort to depression this soon after last night.

"Come on" He said as he slowly pulled Matt's slack form into the empty kitchen. He started pulling out cooking supplies deciding that maybe if Matt smelled food his stomach might take over. The last thing Tai wanted was for him to starve himself.

"Well how about I make some pancakes, toast, eggs and hash browns. I could chop up some fruit too?" Tai said turning the last sentence into a question.

"Whatever." He said nonchalantly pulling out his "cool" act. I gave a sad shake of my head, which he didn't notice, as I gathered the last of my food supplies. After around 20 minutes there was a platter of pancakes in the center of the table, a piece of toast on each of their plates, a pan of scrambled eggs and hash browns, and each of them had a small bowl of fruit.

Matt stared at his food feeling too depressed to feel hungry though a little voice in the back of his mind kept whispering that he was hungry and needed to eat but he pushed it aside. He pushed food around his plate looking pointedly uninterested. Tai getting worried was too busy watching Matt shoving around his food to eat much of his own.

"I think I'll just go back to bed. I'm not really hungry." He said pushing out his chair.

"Matt, You should eat something the doctor said you need to eat and drink lots. You lost a lot of blood." Tai said his voice becoming nearly a whisper at the last part. Matt shot him a glare and continued towards the room. Tai got up abruptly and turned Matt around by his arm his glare mirroring Matt's.

"Matt I will not let you hurt yourself again whether it's through starving yourself or cutting. I won't..." He broke off his glare losing a little of it's former strength. They stood and glared for several more minutes before finally Matt heaved a sigh and Tai dragged him back to the table. Tai waited watching him as he stared at his food as if it were the size of a basketball and he was supposed to swallow it. After awhile of staring at Matt intently willing him to eat, Tai sighed.

Matt's sigh echoed Tai's as he finally took a bite out of his toast. After chewing on it and forcing a swallow he looked back at Tai. Tai continued to give him a disapproving look until Matt had eaten almost half the plate and was looking slightly miserable.

Tai let up and said, "Want to sleep? You look a little tired." Matt gave a sad smile and stood up disappearing into the guestroom. Tai watched him disappear around the corner wanting to follow him but also knowing he could leave his huge cooking mess behind. Torn he finally decided on putting away the food and putting the dishes in the sink.

Matt lay on the soft mattress on top of the rumbled comforter staring off into space through the ceiling. His heart felt like a mass of beating pain. His stomach feeling like an endless void of misery. His head felt like a painting that had been in the rain for a couple hours. He could barely tell what he was feeling through this numbing void-ness that seemed to be consuming him.

Suddenly the radio turned on and he turned nonchalantly toward it. He realized the alarm had gone off. The lyrics blared echoing off his skull.



"Scared the lights will turn green,

You'll have to be seen,

You'll be like anybody else.

Scared the lights will turn red,

You're stuck in your head,

Your scared to commit to even her,

How you gonna make it through...."



The line was never finished as Tai slammed it off. Matt was staring with glazed over eyes at the blank wall. Tai sat down on the edge of the bed next to him.

"Matt?" He asked quietly but Matt continued staring as if he hadn't heard him.

"Matt??" He reached down shaking Matt's shoulder lightly. Matt had no reaction even as Tai shook him more forcefully.

"Matt?!?" Tai said fear in voice. A single tear rolled down Matt's cheek as he stared off somewhere no one else could see.

"Matt? Matt... I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry..." Tai held onto Matt's limp form as Matt relived memory after memory that only he could see.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you... That I didn't see it... I didn't know... I... I..." He trailed off several tears trailing down his own cheeks.

"I'm sorry..." Matt echoed, his voice empty sounding like a hollow echo of Tai's own lament. Tai wished with all his heart that he could make Matt's pain go away or that Matt would really open up to him because he had only done it when he completely broke down and as soon as it was over he was back behind his mask and barriers that hid his true self from the world.

Matt watched Tai realizing for the first time how much he cared for Tai. More than I should love my best friend....or any guy. He was far too exhausted in more ways than one to deny his hidden feelings for Tai. Besides why would he like a cry baby like me who's falling apart? He could never like me that way. It brought him closer to tears but instead of falling apart he let the void in stomach numb him all over, drifting in and out of his mind like an ocean tide.



Authors Note-(sorry it's long, skip to the end if it's too long for you)-



Catgirl: Aaaaaand End Really Long Scene! Yay! The third chapter is done. I hope it's not too long because I was on a streak and couldn't find a good place to cut off the chapter. I also hope it didn't suck too much or drag a lot. It will probably be a REALLY long time till I update again because of school. I have been super busy and it's only getting worse. By the way, I need Advice! I want to know what my loyal fans want to happen next!

Llana: Like you have any fans. *scoffs*

Catgirl: Well, I could have a couple...maybe?? *eyes fill with tears*

Llana: *rolls eyes* *exasperated sigh* Maybe...

Catgirl: *rabid fan ferret squeal* I have Fans!!! Erm..anyway....I need help! Here's a notice to tell you what I would like you to help me with:

!NOTICE!: When you R/R if you could PLEASE let me know:

-Whether Matt should have an eating disorder or not. I pretty sure it's kind of overused...so let me know.

-Also if you have any suggestions on what should happen next or what you want to see in the story.

-Where should I go with the story?

-Should any other Digidestined characters appear in the story?

PLEASE R/R and Heeeeeeelp Meeee! THANKIES!