Chapter Nine
"I'm sorry, Mom. I guess my mind wasn't in the right place at the time."
Those words came from Lucy, as she helped her mother set the dining room table for that evening's supper.
"It's okay, Luce," said Annie. "I did that a lot too when I was in high school, and I was thinking perfectly straight."
"But you never did anything to make Grandma and Grandpa mad at you, at least not until you smoked that joint one night."
"You're right. It's just that I was so focused on my homework and other non-sport extracurricular activities that I never had time for any long- term relationships. There's nothing wrong with it as long as you don't make it a substitute for interacting with other people." Annie paused, and then added, "But I'm sure you'd never have done it there and then if you knew that Mr. Henderson was videotaping the stalls in the girls' restroom. What was that man thinking?"
"You know, there's something about this whole thing that's so weird," said Lucy, relieved that her mother considered the matter closed. "I'm not at all sure that this was a random thing, picking his targets as it were. I think Henderson specifically focused on one or more groups of students."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, all the students who were on those videotapes that I saw - and I can't name names just yet because of a gag order - but all of them either were the children of single parents, or had issues with one or both of their parents. Some had gotten into big trouble, or had fallen in with the wrong crowd.
"My guess is, no I'm certain of it, Henderson took advantage of them when they were really vulnerable. For some, like me, he just gathered up a personal porn collection. For the most vulnerable, he actually had sex with them. That would explain Rhiannon and Helen, and a few of the male students. What I don't understand, though, is how he started on the path to perdition in the first place."
"Maybe he himself was abused as a child," pondered Annie. "Maybe he wasn't physically abused, maybe it was verbal. Or he and his siblings saw their father beat their mother repeatedly. That can't help but have had an effect on him."
"Sure, Mom," agreed Lucy, "but that's no excuse for taking advantage of even one minor. Most victims get past their anger and live normal lives, without showing any signs of that anger towards their children. They even go to the point of swearing they'll never raise a hand against their own kids even if they commit murder or treason. As far as I know, his siblings turned out fine. If they stormed out of church yesterday with their families, it may have only been as a sign of solidarity with their brother. I can't believe that they would've turned on their kids, too."
"Do you remember if Frank has any kids of his own?" asked Annie.
"A twenty-one year old daughter and a nine year old son," replied Lucy. "Child and Family Services named the sister foster 'parent' to her brother, pending the outcome of the court case. Maybe I can talk to them and see if they're victims, too. After all, if Frank beat up his wife, that's usually a good indication; the children have been targets, too."
Lucy had placed the last of the cutlery on the table, and was now lighting the candelabra. As she stepped into the kitchen to grab the casserole that Annie had been cooking, she said, "Um, Mom? Thanks for understanding. I have enough problems trying to figure out how to tell Kevin about me. Oh, and take it easy on Ruthie. She's had a bad enough day as it is."
Supper was a quiet affair that night. After the dishwasher was turned on, Ruthie approached Annie. Eric had been called on business to the hospital; a patient wanted to be prayed over before going into surgery.
"Mom?" said Ruthie. "I think we need to talk."
"Yes we do, Ruthie," agreed Annie. "How about we talk in the living room?"
"Fine."
The two women walked over to the large living room and sat down, each in an oversized armchair.
"Mom," said Ruthie after an awkward pause, "Peter and I are more than just friends now. For the last month, well month and a half, we've been having sex. The first time was at camp."
"I know, Ruthie," said Annie.
"You do?" Ruthie was stunned. "Who told you?"
"No one," replied her mother, "but this morning, when I was cleaning out your bedroom, I found these on the floor."
Annie reached into her purse, and pulled out a re-sealable plastic bag. Inside of it were a condom and a dental dam, which she had carefully placed inside after donning a latex glove of her own.
Ruthie rolled her eyes. She almost felt like killing Peter right now for having neglected to destroy the evidence, but since she made the admission to her mother, that was a moot point anyway.
"Ruthie," said Annie, "I know you and Peter love each other very much and that maybe it got to the point where you just couldn't wait anymore. While the two of you were wrong to have premarital sex, I can't blame either of you for 'breaking the waves.' But you know that over the years our family has helped numerous unwed mothers, including teen mothers; and seeing how they struggled with it might have sent you a message that you should wait.
"Sure, they all turned out fine in the end, but it was very, very difficult for each and every one of them. They all love their respective children very, very much but to a person they wish they had waiting until they were either married, or at least had gotten to the point where they could afford to have children."
"But if they had waited, their children wouldn't exist at all," pointed out Ruthie. "I thought you were fond of all of them."
"Sure I am," said Annie in exasperation, "we all are. But that's not the point. I'm quite certain that you are on the Pill right now, and that you and Peter are both very careful when you're together. But chances are far better than even that, eventually, one or both of you are bound to slip up. I'm giving you the third degree right now, and I hope you get this message to Peter, because much to my chagrin Paris pretty much gave up on the idea her son would wait. When she told me before you two went to camp that she had procured a supply of condoms and dental dams, I came very close to punching her lights out!."
"Why didn't you, then?" asked Ruthie.
"One, it's against the law. Two, it would have embarrassed both Eric and Lucy as ministers. Third, I thought you respected yourself enough that you would have said 'no' to having sex, and I thought Peter respected you enough that he never would have asked you in the first place."
"Two points," snapped Ruthie. "One, I do respect myself enough that it was the right decision for me. In fact, he didn't seduce me that first time, I seduced him. And second, Peter does respect me, almost to the point of being deferential to me."
"Maybe in his mind," said Annie, "but not as much as he should."
"If he had said no, Mom, I would have accepted that and left it there. I would not have held it against him."
"If it was just one time, I might have brushed it off as a lapse in judgment and left it there," said Annie. "But you two have been at it for six weeks. SIX WEEKS! Did you really think you could have kept it a secret for long? Lucy, I'm sure, figured you out first. Your other siblings probably have by now as well. Why Eric and I found out last I don't know, but you and Peter need to understand that having an ongoing liaison like that has its consequences, and I just don't mean the risk of getting knocked up."
"So," said Ruthie after a very, very long silence, "I can't see Peter anymore right?" She was biting her lip.
"Your father and I discussed it," Annie answered, "and we came to the conclusion that, as disappointed as we are in both of you, we can't stop you from having any kind of a relationship with your boyfriend even if we wanted to. Even if we grounded you and Paris grounded Peter - which I doubt she would anyway - you two would find a way to continue to have sex."
"So you're okay with it?" Ruthie was confused.
"No, we're not," repeated Annie. "But we can't run your life. This is something only you and Peter can decide on. As much as it reflects badly on your father and your sister as ministers, your father, Lucy and I have concluded that we're not going to stop you. You can still go to his place for study dates, and he's more than welcome over here any time - in the living room and the kitchen. If you and Peter want to have a sexual relationship, you're free to do so, but only at his place or somewhere else - not here in the parsonage. Nevertheless, the three of us have one big condition. And your father and I included Lucy on this one, because she's co-proprietor of the family business."
"Okay, name it." Ruthie suspected she knew what her parents and Lucy had in mind, but she wanted to hear it anyway.
"If you get pregnant," warned Annie, "you and Peter are on your own as to raising it. You both will have a home here if you want it, but you two will be entirely responsible for that baby's expenses other than pre-and post-natal care and the delivery itself, which of course is covered by the HMO. Diapers, formula, the crib and baby clothes, whatever, will be out of your pocket. And don't even think about dropping out of school, because we expect you to finish it and get a high school diploma, summa or magna cum laude, at the same time as the rest of your year - which means no GED either. If you have to work a job night and weekends to pay for the expenses, that'll be your problem. We won't disown you or any of our grandchildren that come through you, but if they are born out of wedlock, that's the price you'll have to pay."
"What if we decide to terminate the pregnancy?"
"Well, you know how we all feel about that," said Annie, "but it's your right. If it comes to that, and you and Peter make the decision to have an abortion, again, that's something that will come out of your own pocket. Don't bother billing it to insurance because the deacons who review the monthly statements will flip out and your father will almost certainly be fired over it - and maybe your sister, too. Do we have an agreement?"
"Deal," said Ruthie, shaking her mother's hand.
"Just one thing, Ruthie," wondered Annie; surprised that Ruthie accepted the terms unconditionally. "Why did you decide to tell us now, before we confronted you?"
"Guess."
"My God, he DIDN"T!"
"Yes. He did. Frank Henderson put in a hidden camera and got plenty of stuff from the women counselors doing all sorts of stuff to themselves and each other, and when it was empty that's where Peter and I did it. It was all there, in black-and-white auto focus. Peter and I felt pretty stupid after that, but we were even angrier that our privacy was violated." Ruthie got up and headed upstairs to review the assignments that were sent to the parsonage; she and Peter had decided to go back to school the next day so they would not fall behind. As she hit the staircase, she turned around and had a question of her own. "Mom?"
"Yes, Ruthie?"
"There's something I want to know about you, and please don't lie. Virgin through high school?"
"Yes."
"College?"
"Yes - at least to the middle of my senior year."
"Was Dad the first man you slept with?"
"He was."
"Was that before or after you two eloped?"
"Six months before," admitted Annie. "Once we did, we knew there was no turning back. We were getting married no matter what. Is there anything else?"
"Were you Dad's first?" asked Ruthie.
"No," said Annie. "According to the Colonel, he was a womanizer in high school, and even through the first year of college. But I tamed your father. Once I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Eric, I told him we weren't going to do it until I was ready and that was nearly two and a half years after we met. Really, though, I wasn't going to sleep with him until I could see that he was ready to be responsible both as a minister and as a father. Once he proved that beyond the shadow of a doubt he was ready for the ministry and parenthood, I surrendered myself to him. I knew it might mean giving up on my dream to be a minister alongside him, which is what eventually happened. To this day, I wonder if we had waited a little longer if we both would have been ministers. I have no regrets about my choice, but I still had to accept the consequences.
"You and Peter should keep that in mind, Ruthie. You two may love each other; but you have to make him understand what a woman wants, and he had to make you understand what a man wants. Until both of you reach that point, you two are really doing yourselves a disservice by continuing to have sex."
"We know that, Mom," agreed Ruthie, "which is why we're stopping it for now. We agreed to that at the courthouse. We said three months, but I think it'll be even longer than that. It's not that we're bored with the novelty, but that we really need to concentrate on our studies and it was starting to get tough balancing it all. I'm letting Peter know that."
"Wow," said Annie. "I'm really, really proud of you, Ruthie. I'm glad you figured it out on your own."
"Peter and I would have eventually, anyway," replied Ruthie, "and for what it's worth, I'm glad we're taking a break even though it meant we were confronted by what we did to reach that decision. Now, we can focus on ways to become intimate that don't involve sex or even undressing in front of each other. I really have to get to my homework, Mom."
"Of course, honey, but just one last question. If he popped the question right now, would you accept?"
"Yes," said Ruthie, "and not because of the sex, but in spite of it. He's a real man, not like most of the other guys in high school who just want to put notches in their belt. He's quality, not quantity. I hope - no, I know -- we're each other's first, and last."
"He's that good."
"Oh, yeah!" Ruthie gave Annie a sly smile. "Good night, Mom. I love you."
"Night, sweetheart. Love you too."
Ruthie headed upstairs to her attic bedroom. She wanted to check her e- mail quickly before getting to her homework. There was only one message.
It was from Simon. He and Cecilia had an argument the previous night, the last in a series that had gone on for months. She walked out on him, this time for good. This morning, after his morning classes at Tennessee State (he was doing a double major in sociology and psychology - he wanted to be a social worker), he had gone down to the coffee shop and was stunned to see none other than Deena Margaret Stewart, who was studying kinesiology at Vanderbilt and, she was happy to say, into her thirteenth straight year of remission from leukemia. One hour later, Simon told his sister, the two made love and after a brief talk, she agreed to move in with him, neither of her parents objecting to her decision. For what it was worth, she had gotten sick of her roommate in residence anyway.
Ruthie printed off a hard copy and put it aside so she could talk about it with her parents and Lucy the next day. At last, Deena had come to her senses and gotten together with the right guy for her. However, was Simon thinking straight, or was he just on the rebound?
"I'm sorry, Mom. I guess my mind wasn't in the right place at the time."
Those words came from Lucy, as she helped her mother set the dining room table for that evening's supper.
"It's okay, Luce," said Annie. "I did that a lot too when I was in high school, and I was thinking perfectly straight."
"But you never did anything to make Grandma and Grandpa mad at you, at least not until you smoked that joint one night."
"You're right. It's just that I was so focused on my homework and other non-sport extracurricular activities that I never had time for any long- term relationships. There's nothing wrong with it as long as you don't make it a substitute for interacting with other people." Annie paused, and then added, "But I'm sure you'd never have done it there and then if you knew that Mr. Henderson was videotaping the stalls in the girls' restroom. What was that man thinking?"
"You know, there's something about this whole thing that's so weird," said Lucy, relieved that her mother considered the matter closed. "I'm not at all sure that this was a random thing, picking his targets as it were. I think Henderson specifically focused on one or more groups of students."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, all the students who were on those videotapes that I saw - and I can't name names just yet because of a gag order - but all of them either were the children of single parents, or had issues with one or both of their parents. Some had gotten into big trouble, or had fallen in with the wrong crowd.
"My guess is, no I'm certain of it, Henderson took advantage of them when they were really vulnerable. For some, like me, he just gathered up a personal porn collection. For the most vulnerable, he actually had sex with them. That would explain Rhiannon and Helen, and a few of the male students. What I don't understand, though, is how he started on the path to perdition in the first place."
"Maybe he himself was abused as a child," pondered Annie. "Maybe he wasn't physically abused, maybe it was verbal. Or he and his siblings saw their father beat their mother repeatedly. That can't help but have had an effect on him."
"Sure, Mom," agreed Lucy, "but that's no excuse for taking advantage of even one minor. Most victims get past their anger and live normal lives, without showing any signs of that anger towards their children. They even go to the point of swearing they'll never raise a hand against their own kids even if they commit murder or treason. As far as I know, his siblings turned out fine. If they stormed out of church yesterday with their families, it may have only been as a sign of solidarity with their brother. I can't believe that they would've turned on their kids, too."
"Do you remember if Frank has any kids of his own?" asked Annie.
"A twenty-one year old daughter and a nine year old son," replied Lucy. "Child and Family Services named the sister foster 'parent' to her brother, pending the outcome of the court case. Maybe I can talk to them and see if they're victims, too. After all, if Frank beat up his wife, that's usually a good indication; the children have been targets, too."
Lucy had placed the last of the cutlery on the table, and was now lighting the candelabra. As she stepped into the kitchen to grab the casserole that Annie had been cooking, she said, "Um, Mom? Thanks for understanding. I have enough problems trying to figure out how to tell Kevin about me. Oh, and take it easy on Ruthie. She's had a bad enough day as it is."
Supper was a quiet affair that night. After the dishwasher was turned on, Ruthie approached Annie. Eric had been called on business to the hospital; a patient wanted to be prayed over before going into surgery.
"Mom?" said Ruthie. "I think we need to talk."
"Yes we do, Ruthie," agreed Annie. "How about we talk in the living room?"
"Fine."
The two women walked over to the large living room and sat down, each in an oversized armchair.
"Mom," said Ruthie after an awkward pause, "Peter and I are more than just friends now. For the last month, well month and a half, we've been having sex. The first time was at camp."
"I know, Ruthie," said Annie.
"You do?" Ruthie was stunned. "Who told you?"
"No one," replied her mother, "but this morning, when I was cleaning out your bedroom, I found these on the floor."
Annie reached into her purse, and pulled out a re-sealable plastic bag. Inside of it were a condom and a dental dam, which she had carefully placed inside after donning a latex glove of her own.
Ruthie rolled her eyes. She almost felt like killing Peter right now for having neglected to destroy the evidence, but since she made the admission to her mother, that was a moot point anyway.
"Ruthie," said Annie, "I know you and Peter love each other very much and that maybe it got to the point where you just couldn't wait anymore. While the two of you were wrong to have premarital sex, I can't blame either of you for 'breaking the waves.' But you know that over the years our family has helped numerous unwed mothers, including teen mothers; and seeing how they struggled with it might have sent you a message that you should wait.
"Sure, they all turned out fine in the end, but it was very, very difficult for each and every one of them. They all love their respective children very, very much but to a person they wish they had waiting until they were either married, or at least had gotten to the point where they could afford to have children."
"But if they had waited, their children wouldn't exist at all," pointed out Ruthie. "I thought you were fond of all of them."
"Sure I am," said Annie in exasperation, "we all are. But that's not the point. I'm quite certain that you are on the Pill right now, and that you and Peter are both very careful when you're together. But chances are far better than even that, eventually, one or both of you are bound to slip up. I'm giving you the third degree right now, and I hope you get this message to Peter, because much to my chagrin Paris pretty much gave up on the idea her son would wait. When she told me before you two went to camp that she had procured a supply of condoms and dental dams, I came very close to punching her lights out!."
"Why didn't you, then?" asked Ruthie.
"One, it's against the law. Two, it would have embarrassed both Eric and Lucy as ministers. Third, I thought you respected yourself enough that you would have said 'no' to having sex, and I thought Peter respected you enough that he never would have asked you in the first place."
"Two points," snapped Ruthie. "One, I do respect myself enough that it was the right decision for me. In fact, he didn't seduce me that first time, I seduced him. And second, Peter does respect me, almost to the point of being deferential to me."
"Maybe in his mind," said Annie, "but not as much as he should."
"If he had said no, Mom, I would have accepted that and left it there. I would not have held it against him."
"If it was just one time, I might have brushed it off as a lapse in judgment and left it there," said Annie. "But you two have been at it for six weeks. SIX WEEKS! Did you really think you could have kept it a secret for long? Lucy, I'm sure, figured you out first. Your other siblings probably have by now as well. Why Eric and I found out last I don't know, but you and Peter need to understand that having an ongoing liaison like that has its consequences, and I just don't mean the risk of getting knocked up."
"So," said Ruthie after a very, very long silence, "I can't see Peter anymore right?" She was biting her lip.
"Your father and I discussed it," Annie answered, "and we came to the conclusion that, as disappointed as we are in both of you, we can't stop you from having any kind of a relationship with your boyfriend even if we wanted to. Even if we grounded you and Paris grounded Peter - which I doubt she would anyway - you two would find a way to continue to have sex."
"So you're okay with it?" Ruthie was confused.
"No, we're not," repeated Annie. "But we can't run your life. This is something only you and Peter can decide on. As much as it reflects badly on your father and your sister as ministers, your father, Lucy and I have concluded that we're not going to stop you. You can still go to his place for study dates, and he's more than welcome over here any time - in the living room and the kitchen. If you and Peter want to have a sexual relationship, you're free to do so, but only at his place or somewhere else - not here in the parsonage. Nevertheless, the three of us have one big condition. And your father and I included Lucy on this one, because she's co-proprietor of the family business."
"Okay, name it." Ruthie suspected she knew what her parents and Lucy had in mind, but she wanted to hear it anyway.
"If you get pregnant," warned Annie, "you and Peter are on your own as to raising it. You both will have a home here if you want it, but you two will be entirely responsible for that baby's expenses other than pre-and post-natal care and the delivery itself, which of course is covered by the HMO. Diapers, formula, the crib and baby clothes, whatever, will be out of your pocket. And don't even think about dropping out of school, because we expect you to finish it and get a high school diploma, summa or magna cum laude, at the same time as the rest of your year - which means no GED either. If you have to work a job night and weekends to pay for the expenses, that'll be your problem. We won't disown you or any of our grandchildren that come through you, but if they are born out of wedlock, that's the price you'll have to pay."
"What if we decide to terminate the pregnancy?"
"Well, you know how we all feel about that," said Annie, "but it's your right. If it comes to that, and you and Peter make the decision to have an abortion, again, that's something that will come out of your own pocket. Don't bother billing it to insurance because the deacons who review the monthly statements will flip out and your father will almost certainly be fired over it - and maybe your sister, too. Do we have an agreement?"
"Deal," said Ruthie, shaking her mother's hand.
"Just one thing, Ruthie," wondered Annie; surprised that Ruthie accepted the terms unconditionally. "Why did you decide to tell us now, before we confronted you?"
"Guess."
"My God, he DIDN"T!"
"Yes. He did. Frank Henderson put in a hidden camera and got plenty of stuff from the women counselors doing all sorts of stuff to themselves and each other, and when it was empty that's where Peter and I did it. It was all there, in black-and-white auto focus. Peter and I felt pretty stupid after that, but we were even angrier that our privacy was violated." Ruthie got up and headed upstairs to review the assignments that were sent to the parsonage; she and Peter had decided to go back to school the next day so they would not fall behind. As she hit the staircase, she turned around and had a question of her own. "Mom?"
"Yes, Ruthie?"
"There's something I want to know about you, and please don't lie. Virgin through high school?"
"Yes."
"College?"
"Yes - at least to the middle of my senior year."
"Was Dad the first man you slept with?"
"He was."
"Was that before or after you two eloped?"
"Six months before," admitted Annie. "Once we did, we knew there was no turning back. We were getting married no matter what. Is there anything else?"
"Were you Dad's first?" asked Ruthie.
"No," said Annie. "According to the Colonel, he was a womanizer in high school, and even through the first year of college. But I tamed your father. Once I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Eric, I told him we weren't going to do it until I was ready and that was nearly two and a half years after we met. Really, though, I wasn't going to sleep with him until I could see that he was ready to be responsible both as a minister and as a father. Once he proved that beyond the shadow of a doubt he was ready for the ministry and parenthood, I surrendered myself to him. I knew it might mean giving up on my dream to be a minister alongside him, which is what eventually happened. To this day, I wonder if we had waited a little longer if we both would have been ministers. I have no regrets about my choice, but I still had to accept the consequences.
"You and Peter should keep that in mind, Ruthie. You two may love each other; but you have to make him understand what a woman wants, and he had to make you understand what a man wants. Until both of you reach that point, you two are really doing yourselves a disservice by continuing to have sex."
"We know that, Mom," agreed Ruthie, "which is why we're stopping it for now. We agreed to that at the courthouse. We said three months, but I think it'll be even longer than that. It's not that we're bored with the novelty, but that we really need to concentrate on our studies and it was starting to get tough balancing it all. I'm letting Peter know that."
"Wow," said Annie. "I'm really, really proud of you, Ruthie. I'm glad you figured it out on your own."
"Peter and I would have eventually, anyway," replied Ruthie, "and for what it's worth, I'm glad we're taking a break even though it meant we were confronted by what we did to reach that decision. Now, we can focus on ways to become intimate that don't involve sex or even undressing in front of each other. I really have to get to my homework, Mom."
"Of course, honey, but just one last question. If he popped the question right now, would you accept?"
"Yes," said Ruthie, "and not because of the sex, but in spite of it. He's a real man, not like most of the other guys in high school who just want to put notches in their belt. He's quality, not quantity. I hope - no, I know -- we're each other's first, and last."
"He's that good."
"Oh, yeah!" Ruthie gave Annie a sly smile. "Good night, Mom. I love you."
"Night, sweetheart. Love you too."
Ruthie headed upstairs to her attic bedroom. She wanted to check her e- mail quickly before getting to her homework. There was only one message.
It was from Simon. He and Cecilia had an argument the previous night, the last in a series that had gone on for months. She walked out on him, this time for good. This morning, after his morning classes at Tennessee State (he was doing a double major in sociology and psychology - he wanted to be a social worker), he had gone down to the coffee shop and was stunned to see none other than Deena Margaret Stewart, who was studying kinesiology at Vanderbilt and, she was happy to say, into her thirteenth straight year of remission from leukemia. One hour later, Simon told his sister, the two made love and after a brief talk, she agreed to move in with him, neither of her parents objecting to her decision. For what it was worth, she had gotten sick of her roommate in residence anyway.
Ruthie printed off a hard copy and put it aside so she could talk about it with her parents and Lucy the next day. At last, Deena had come to her senses and gotten together with the right guy for her. However, was Simon thinking straight, or was he just on the rebound?