:. Chapter Two .::. Spike
"Excuse me, young man." I jumped as someone sat down next to me, shaking me out of my thoughts. I looked over to see an old man. He was in a brown overcoat and his silver hair glinted in the light. His face was weathered with age, but his bright green eyes sparkled with life, wisdom, and warmth. He laughed. I was in no mood to be laughed at.
"Find me amusing, do you?" I asked sharply. The man shrugged.
"I was only wondering what a handsome young man would be doing alone tonight. I know if I had your looks, I'd have myself a pretty lady at my side." He said. I gave him a look.
"Sorry to disappoint. But I'm not young, though I won't deny the whole handsome part." I added humorously. "But I think you knew that." I guessed the man wasn't human, and I could tell I was right as he chuckled.
"You're much younger than me, vampire." He confirmed my guesses, first that he knew what I was, and second that he wasn't human.
"I had a feeling that was the case. Anyway, what did you mean about why would I be alone?" I asked. (no, that was not a typo.) The man smiled.
"You know that." He replied. "What are you looking for?" I blinked at the sudden question.
"I'm not looking for anything." I said, a little worried. I wondered how old the man really was. He smiled.
"Ah, but we're all looking for something." He said knowingly. "And in all my years I've learned the one thing everyone is trying to find. And that's magic." I smirked at him.
"No, Magic is far from what I'm looking for." I replied. I was looking for love, friendship, acceptance, joy. . .
"Well, you must know magic appears in all different ways. In the gently falling snow, in the wonder and beauty of the tiny flame of a candle, in the hopes and dreams of all, but the best kind of magic, the kind most are searching for, is found in the comfort and peace of night." He said. I listened, the respect for my elders that was drilled into me while I was alive coming out again. " And there's one night that holds the most magic, one night where all dreams can come true." Here he leaned in close. "That's tonight. Christmas Eve."
I snorted derisively. I couldn't help it. It was the whole Christmas Spirit-Santa-Claus-Anything-Can-Happen thing again.
"Sorry. Not much for the holidays. Especially one that is believed to be the most religious holiday about. And that's not very vampire-friendly, if you know what I mean." I replied. The old man frowned.
"no, I won't have any of that." He said sharply. "That's a pure- bred lie. You're different." His look softened into a humorous grin. "You're the legendary Vampire with a Soul." I laughed bitterly.
"Nah, you're lookin' for Angelus. He had it first. Mister High and Mighty with his big law firm and fan club." I said, letting a bit of edge come into my voice. He shook his head.
"No, it's not Angel. It's you. You are different from Angel. You knew you wanted a soul, you knew you had to get one, and when you were still under the voice of the demon inside. He was cursed, and when the soul was removed, he reverted back to his old ways. You were good without the soul." He praised. That was the exact truth I had been trying to get across to Buffy for years. And failed. And then failed again with Angel himself in the big Battle for the Dew. And here comes this complete stranger, correcting my story.
"I'd like it if you mentioned that a little quieter." I said quietly, indicating the rest of the bar. "Most types don't take kindly to a demon who hunts his own kind." The man smiled.
"Oh, you did get me." He said. "You changed the subject!" I raised an eyebrow.
"Did I? I seem to recall you bringing up the whole vampire subject." I replied.
"Well, in any case. Back to my original question. Why do you hate it so much, William?" I didn't ask how he knew my name. My old name, at that.
"I don't know. I just never really liked it much. Never a good time of year for me." I said. I kind of wondered why I was telling this complete stranger everything. For some reason, I knew I could trust the old man. Even though I knew he was a demon, and he could be another enemy, I just felt comfortable sitting here talking to him.
"You want to see them again." He said suddenly. I looked up.
"What?" I asked. Had he lost his mind? See who? The old man laughed.
"Don't play stupid, boy." It was a gentle reprimand. "You know who I mean. It's what you came here for, isn't it? To see your friends again?" I stared at him. He knew so much about me. . .
"Ahh, yes. And there's always her. That's one of the main reasons you came to our little town, right? To be reunited with the one you love?" he asked softly, green eyes staring into my own blue ones. I sighed.
"That's why I came in the first place, yeah." I said slowly. "But. . .it doesn't look like it's going to happen." He looked at me in surprise.
"What? What changed?" he asked. I got the feeling he already knew, but I decided to spill anyway.
"I was going to surprise her for Christmas, you know," I gave him a sheepish grin. "I'd knock on the door and she open it and her eyes would go all wide then she would just stare a moment, and we'd share a look. . .and then she'd just run into my arms and we'd kiss under the Christmas lights and falling snow. . ." It was my fantasy, how I had pictured our meeting since I left Los Angeles. Always have been a hopeless romantic.
"That sounds beautiful. What happened?" the old man asked, looking incredibly interested in my story. I laughed.
"I wussed out. That's what happened. I got to the door and I realized. . ." I paused, taking a breath. "I realized she wouldn't take me back. If I came back after everything I did. . .I wouldn't be the hero anymore."
"You still saved the world." The man pointed out. I wished it was that simple.
"Yeah, but I didn't die. Not really. I just got sucked into that bloody amulet. Thought I was dead, but here I am. So now I have no reason to go back." I said. "Even if she let me tell my story she'd be even angrier that I didn't come back right off."
"Did you try?" the man asked. I sighed.
"You bet I did. That's pretty much the first thing I did after I got over the shock of being a ghost. But I kept getting zapped back to bloody Wolfram & Hart." I remembered, making a face.
"But you did try, more than once." He said, as if that solved it all.
"The thing is, I stopped trying. After I figured out how not to get sucked into hell, I just hung out haunting Angel and his crew and working on touching things." I said. "I didn't try to leave again. Even when I first got corporeal, I didn't just run right out to Buffy, I had to go try and fulfill the prophecy." The old man frowned.
"Prophecy?" he asked. I snorted.
"Yeah, something about there being two vampires with souls, both champions, there can only be one, balance is off, yada-yada. It all came down to one of us drinking this cup of perpetual torture and become the ultimate champion or whatever, and whoever drank it was predestined to." I explained.
"I've never heard that. . ." the old man said, voice puzzled. "And I know most of the prophecies." I laughed.
"You wouldn't. It wasn't a true prophecy. Someone set us up. The only thing the Holy Grail had was a nice, refreshing gulp of Mountain Dew." I replied. The man looked relieved. Lucky him. I felt kinda gypped and pissed at whoever set us up. Sirk or whatever his name was.
"So you didn't come back right off. Surely a Slayer would understand the importance of fulfilling a prophecy, true or not." He said reasonably. I shrugged.
"You know, she'd probably be on Angel's side like everyone else. Everyone thinks Angel's the Neo in this story." I said, hoping my pop- culture reference wouldn't confuse him like such references did Giles. It didn't, fortunately.
"in any case, you should let her decide." The old man said. I sighed.
"I just don't want. . .I don't want to be stepped all over again." I admitted slowly. Once again I was shocked at my readiness to confide in the old man.
"But you want to see her, don't you?" he asked. "And the rest of them? Your friends." I thought a moment. Did I? Did I really. Yes. I longed to see her again, to see Buffy, and the Niblet, and Red, and even Xander. I even missed ol' Rupert, even though he had plotted with Wood to kill me. The old man was watching me closely.
"Yeah, I do. But. . .I don't think I want to be seen." I replied carefully. "I just want to see them. One more time. Then I'll leave." The old man nodded.
"I understand." He said. For a moment he just stared off into space. Then he smiled. I began to get a little worried. I mean, human or not, he was pretty old. And it was never a good sign when the elderly just started staring off into space.
"Come with me." He said suddenly, making me jump. I shrugged and quickly swallowed down my drink, throwing a few bills on the counter to pay for it. Then I followed the man out of the bar.
:. Buffy
The woman smiled.
"Beautiful night, isn't it?" she asked. I nodded.
"It's pretty. Snow." I replied. "I've only seen it once before. It got cold in California, but never cold enough to snow. The only time it did, I think it was magic." The woman laughed.
"Yes. Magic is a wonderful thing." She agreed. I frowned.
"Not all magic. Magic has caused a lot of problems where I was from." I said, remembering all the spells Willow had tried, plus the spell Xander cast to summon Sweet and make us sing, and when Willow went evil. . .
"No, not pure, white, earth magic. Pure magic can only do good." The old woman said. "And it's all around us. In the sparkling snow, in the crystal waters of a pond, in the wonders and dreams of us all. . . and especially the magic this night holds. Christmas magic. Black magic is bound tonight, and pure magic flies free." I laughed.
"I don't know. If tonight has such good magic, I could probably just make a wish, and it would come true." I joked. But the woman nodded.
"Exactly. Tonight is the night dreams come true." She said seriously. "I've been around a long time, and I've seen many, many wishes granted on Christmas Eve." I sighed.
"I never had good luck with wishes. They usually had a bad ending." I said, remembering Anya's old business.
"You mean vengeance wishes. I'm talking about real wishes." The woman explained. She smiled. "What would you wish for?" I returned the smile. But inside I was sad. I knew exactly what I would wish for. The same thing I wished for in my mind every day, night, all the time. For him to come home.
"Love." I replied, simply but vaguely. The woman nodded again.
"We all search for it, yes. You are one of the lucky ones. You are surrounded by people who love you." She said. I shrugged.
"I don't know. I mean, yeah, I know they love me, and I love them, but that's not really what I meant." I said. The woman gave me a knowing look.
"You want the love of a man." She said. I suddenly realized she wasn't just some old lady. She had to be something more.
"Yeah." I replied. The love of a man. One man. One very dead, dusty man.
"You know he loves you too." She said gently. I laughed bitterly.
"I knew. I knew he loved me. But I never accepted it. By the time I did. . .it was too late. He's gone now." I said, kind of surprised at myself for telling this woman I had never seen before what took me so long to tell my own friends and sister. The lady raised her eyebrows.
"What? Where is he now?" she asked. I bit my lip, then took a deep breath.
"He. . .he died. Saving my life, and the world." I explained quietly. I was surprised it didn't hurt to admit the fact as much as I had thought it would.
"Then he's still with you. You're here because of him." She pointed out. I hated the 'even though your loved one is gone, they're still with you in spirit of you remember them,' junk. It was just stupid and corny.
"Well, I should be with him." I replied.
"What do you mean?" The lady asked. I sighed, looking at the ground. I was preparing to admit to her something I had never told anyone. Not even Dawn.
"Once he told me he was alone. And he always had been. He told me how had become a vampire and it was because he had been alone. And I let him die alone. I left him down in that basement to die alone. I could have stayed with him. Then he would have believed. . ." I trailed off.
"Believed what?" the woman pressed. I looked up at her.
"Believed I really loved him." I whispered. The old woman frowned.
"Oh, but surely he knew that." She said. I shook my head.
"I told him I loved him, and he said no I didn't. Then he told me to go and. . .and I went. Without a second thought. I just left him there." I explained. The lady put her hand over mine.
"Did you ever think of the other possibilities? Maybe he told you that because he didn't want you staying there with him." She said. I looked at her.
"I know. But I still feel guilty, like I should have stayed." I said. She gave me a look.
"You don't understand a thing, do you, dear?" she asked in amazement. I frowned at her.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Everything has a purpose, darling." She said. I just stared at her. What was this leading to? She sighed.
"I'm going to have to show you, aren't I?" she asked, more to herself than to me. "Come on."
:. End Chapter Two (Just remembered I forgot to Holly the end of the last chap. :. There.)
Ta da! Thus we begin the Telling Of Many Secrets part. This goes on for um. . .maybe four or five chapters. Then some fun.
I like reviews. I want reviews for Christmas!
"Excuse me, young man." I jumped as someone sat down next to me, shaking me out of my thoughts. I looked over to see an old man. He was in a brown overcoat and his silver hair glinted in the light. His face was weathered with age, but his bright green eyes sparkled with life, wisdom, and warmth. He laughed. I was in no mood to be laughed at.
"Find me amusing, do you?" I asked sharply. The man shrugged.
"I was only wondering what a handsome young man would be doing alone tonight. I know if I had your looks, I'd have myself a pretty lady at my side." He said. I gave him a look.
"Sorry to disappoint. But I'm not young, though I won't deny the whole handsome part." I added humorously. "But I think you knew that." I guessed the man wasn't human, and I could tell I was right as he chuckled.
"You're much younger than me, vampire." He confirmed my guesses, first that he knew what I was, and second that he wasn't human.
"I had a feeling that was the case. Anyway, what did you mean about why would I be alone?" I asked. (no, that was not a typo.) The man smiled.
"You know that." He replied. "What are you looking for?" I blinked at the sudden question.
"I'm not looking for anything." I said, a little worried. I wondered how old the man really was. He smiled.
"Ah, but we're all looking for something." He said knowingly. "And in all my years I've learned the one thing everyone is trying to find. And that's magic." I smirked at him.
"No, Magic is far from what I'm looking for." I replied. I was looking for love, friendship, acceptance, joy. . .
"Well, you must know magic appears in all different ways. In the gently falling snow, in the wonder and beauty of the tiny flame of a candle, in the hopes and dreams of all, but the best kind of magic, the kind most are searching for, is found in the comfort and peace of night." He said. I listened, the respect for my elders that was drilled into me while I was alive coming out again. " And there's one night that holds the most magic, one night where all dreams can come true." Here he leaned in close. "That's tonight. Christmas Eve."
I snorted derisively. I couldn't help it. It was the whole Christmas Spirit-Santa-Claus-Anything-Can-Happen thing again.
"Sorry. Not much for the holidays. Especially one that is believed to be the most religious holiday about. And that's not very vampire-friendly, if you know what I mean." I replied. The old man frowned.
"no, I won't have any of that." He said sharply. "That's a pure- bred lie. You're different." His look softened into a humorous grin. "You're the legendary Vampire with a Soul." I laughed bitterly.
"Nah, you're lookin' for Angelus. He had it first. Mister High and Mighty with his big law firm and fan club." I said, letting a bit of edge come into my voice. He shook his head.
"No, it's not Angel. It's you. You are different from Angel. You knew you wanted a soul, you knew you had to get one, and when you were still under the voice of the demon inside. He was cursed, and when the soul was removed, he reverted back to his old ways. You were good without the soul." He praised. That was the exact truth I had been trying to get across to Buffy for years. And failed. And then failed again with Angel himself in the big Battle for the Dew. And here comes this complete stranger, correcting my story.
"I'd like it if you mentioned that a little quieter." I said quietly, indicating the rest of the bar. "Most types don't take kindly to a demon who hunts his own kind." The man smiled.
"Oh, you did get me." He said. "You changed the subject!" I raised an eyebrow.
"Did I? I seem to recall you bringing up the whole vampire subject." I replied.
"Well, in any case. Back to my original question. Why do you hate it so much, William?" I didn't ask how he knew my name. My old name, at that.
"I don't know. I just never really liked it much. Never a good time of year for me." I said. I kind of wondered why I was telling this complete stranger everything. For some reason, I knew I could trust the old man. Even though I knew he was a demon, and he could be another enemy, I just felt comfortable sitting here talking to him.
"You want to see them again." He said suddenly. I looked up.
"What?" I asked. Had he lost his mind? See who? The old man laughed.
"Don't play stupid, boy." It was a gentle reprimand. "You know who I mean. It's what you came here for, isn't it? To see your friends again?" I stared at him. He knew so much about me. . .
"Ahh, yes. And there's always her. That's one of the main reasons you came to our little town, right? To be reunited with the one you love?" he asked softly, green eyes staring into my own blue ones. I sighed.
"That's why I came in the first place, yeah." I said slowly. "But. . .it doesn't look like it's going to happen." He looked at me in surprise.
"What? What changed?" he asked. I got the feeling he already knew, but I decided to spill anyway.
"I was going to surprise her for Christmas, you know," I gave him a sheepish grin. "I'd knock on the door and she open it and her eyes would go all wide then she would just stare a moment, and we'd share a look. . .and then she'd just run into my arms and we'd kiss under the Christmas lights and falling snow. . ." It was my fantasy, how I had pictured our meeting since I left Los Angeles. Always have been a hopeless romantic.
"That sounds beautiful. What happened?" the old man asked, looking incredibly interested in my story. I laughed.
"I wussed out. That's what happened. I got to the door and I realized. . ." I paused, taking a breath. "I realized she wouldn't take me back. If I came back after everything I did. . .I wouldn't be the hero anymore."
"You still saved the world." The man pointed out. I wished it was that simple.
"Yeah, but I didn't die. Not really. I just got sucked into that bloody amulet. Thought I was dead, but here I am. So now I have no reason to go back." I said. "Even if she let me tell my story she'd be even angrier that I didn't come back right off."
"Did you try?" the man asked. I sighed.
"You bet I did. That's pretty much the first thing I did after I got over the shock of being a ghost. But I kept getting zapped back to bloody Wolfram & Hart." I remembered, making a face.
"But you did try, more than once." He said, as if that solved it all.
"The thing is, I stopped trying. After I figured out how not to get sucked into hell, I just hung out haunting Angel and his crew and working on touching things." I said. "I didn't try to leave again. Even when I first got corporeal, I didn't just run right out to Buffy, I had to go try and fulfill the prophecy." The old man frowned.
"Prophecy?" he asked. I snorted.
"Yeah, something about there being two vampires with souls, both champions, there can only be one, balance is off, yada-yada. It all came down to one of us drinking this cup of perpetual torture and become the ultimate champion or whatever, and whoever drank it was predestined to." I explained.
"I've never heard that. . ." the old man said, voice puzzled. "And I know most of the prophecies." I laughed.
"You wouldn't. It wasn't a true prophecy. Someone set us up. The only thing the Holy Grail had was a nice, refreshing gulp of Mountain Dew." I replied. The man looked relieved. Lucky him. I felt kinda gypped and pissed at whoever set us up. Sirk or whatever his name was.
"So you didn't come back right off. Surely a Slayer would understand the importance of fulfilling a prophecy, true or not." He said reasonably. I shrugged.
"You know, she'd probably be on Angel's side like everyone else. Everyone thinks Angel's the Neo in this story." I said, hoping my pop- culture reference wouldn't confuse him like such references did Giles. It didn't, fortunately.
"in any case, you should let her decide." The old man said. I sighed.
"I just don't want. . .I don't want to be stepped all over again." I admitted slowly. Once again I was shocked at my readiness to confide in the old man.
"But you want to see her, don't you?" he asked. "And the rest of them? Your friends." I thought a moment. Did I? Did I really. Yes. I longed to see her again, to see Buffy, and the Niblet, and Red, and even Xander. I even missed ol' Rupert, even though he had plotted with Wood to kill me. The old man was watching me closely.
"Yeah, I do. But. . .I don't think I want to be seen." I replied carefully. "I just want to see them. One more time. Then I'll leave." The old man nodded.
"I understand." He said. For a moment he just stared off into space. Then he smiled. I began to get a little worried. I mean, human or not, he was pretty old. And it was never a good sign when the elderly just started staring off into space.
"Come with me." He said suddenly, making me jump. I shrugged and quickly swallowed down my drink, throwing a few bills on the counter to pay for it. Then I followed the man out of the bar.
:. Buffy
The woman smiled.
"Beautiful night, isn't it?" she asked. I nodded.
"It's pretty. Snow." I replied. "I've only seen it once before. It got cold in California, but never cold enough to snow. The only time it did, I think it was magic." The woman laughed.
"Yes. Magic is a wonderful thing." She agreed. I frowned.
"Not all magic. Magic has caused a lot of problems where I was from." I said, remembering all the spells Willow had tried, plus the spell Xander cast to summon Sweet and make us sing, and when Willow went evil. . .
"No, not pure, white, earth magic. Pure magic can only do good." The old woman said. "And it's all around us. In the sparkling snow, in the crystal waters of a pond, in the wonders and dreams of us all. . . and especially the magic this night holds. Christmas magic. Black magic is bound tonight, and pure magic flies free." I laughed.
"I don't know. If tonight has such good magic, I could probably just make a wish, and it would come true." I joked. But the woman nodded.
"Exactly. Tonight is the night dreams come true." She said seriously. "I've been around a long time, and I've seen many, many wishes granted on Christmas Eve." I sighed.
"I never had good luck with wishes. They usually had a bad ending." I said, remembering Anya's old business.
"You mean vengeance wishes. I'm talking about real wishes." The woman explained. She smiled. "What would you wish for?" I returned the smile. But inside I was sad. I knew exactly what I would wish for. The same thing I wished for in my mind every day, night, all the time. For him to come home.
"Love." I replied, simply but vaguely. The woman nodded again.
"We all search for it, yes. You are one of the lucky ones. You are surrounded by people who love you." She said. I shrugged.
"I don't know. I mean, yeah, I know they love me, and I love them, but that's not really what I meant." I said. The woman gave me a knowing look.
"You want the love of a man." She said. I suddenly realized she wasn't just some old lady. She had to be something more.
"Yeah." I replied. The love of a man. One man. One very dead, dusty man.
"You know he loves you too." She said gently. I laughed bitterly.
"I knew. I knew he loved me. But I never accepted it. By the time I did. . .it was too late. He's gone now." I said, kind of surprised at myself for telling this woman I had never seen before what took me so long to tell my own friends and sister. The lady raised her eyebrows.
"What? Where is he now?" she asked. I bit my lip, then took a deep breath.
"He. . .he died. Saving my life, and the world." I explained quietly. I was surprised it didn't hurt to admit the fact as much as I had thought it would.
"Then he's still with you. You're here because of him." She pointed out. I hated the 'even though your loved one is gone, they're still with you in spirit of you remember them,' junk. It was just stupid and corny.
"Well, I should be with him." I replied.
"What do you mean?" The lady asked. I sighed, looking at the ground. I was preparing to admit to her something I had never told anyone. Not even Dawn.
"Once he told me he was alone. And he always had been. He told me how had become a vampire and it was because he had been alone. And I let him die alone. I left him down in that basement to die alone. I could have stayed with him. Then he would have believed. . ." I trailed off.
"Believed what?" the woman pressed. I looked up at her.
"Believed I really loved him." I whispered. The old woman frowned.
"Oh, but surely he knew that." She said. I shook my head.
"I told him I loved him, and he said no I didn't. Then he told me to go and. . .and I went. Without a second thought. I just left him there." I explained. The lady put her hand over mine.
"Did you ever think of the other possibilities? Maybe he told you that because he didn't want you staying there with him." She said. I looked at her.
"I know. But I still feel guilty, like I should have stayed." I said. She gave me a look.
"You don't understand a thing, do you, dear?" she asked in amazement. I frowned at her.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Everything has a purpose, darling." She said. I just stared at her. What was this leading to? She sighed.
"I'm going to have to show you, aren't I?" she asked, more to herself than to me. "Come on."
:. End Chapter Two (Just remembered I forgot to Holly the end of the last chap. :. There.)
Ta da! Thus we begin the Telling Of Many Secrets part. This goes on for um. . .maybe four or five chapters. Then some fun.
I like reviews. I want reviews for Christmas!