Chapter Eight
AN: Okay. This is only gonna be a ten chapter story. So much for brilliant ideas. Forgot how busy it gets this close to Christmas. Terribly sorry, but hey, reunion next time!
This is the semi-long Spike Finds Out About Buffy segment. Much fun to be had.
:. Spike
"If Buffy hadn't returned, I would be dead." I concluded, looking up. The man grinned at me, pointing a finger in triumph. I kind of wondered why. I mean, is that what he wanted me to realize? But I already knew that.
"That," he said. "is it. That's the whole point, isn't it?" I started. Okay, the whole conversation just turned around with me knowing. . .absolutely nothing.
"you mean that me being saved by Buffy's return is the whole point?" I asked, confused.
"Oh, but you have to look at the big picture." The old man said. "the two of you have saved each other many times. And here we come to the reality of this whole evening. I came to show you your friends, but you must *see* them yourself." I sighed, raking a hand through my hair. I knew what he was asking em to do, but it wasn't something I was looking forward to doing.
"So. . .you want me to go back. Is that the point to our little game?" I asked. The man laughed.
"there's always a catch. That's what you're thinking, isn't it?" he asked gently. I frowned.
"Somewhere along those lines, yeah. What's it to you?" I replied. I was not liking where our conversation was going. And the fact he knew exactly what I was thinking did not help my mood.
"I'm not forcing you to do anything, William." The man explained.
"No, but I'm picking up major hint-hint vibes here." I said. He smiled.
"It will not have such great consequences as you expect." He said. I sighed again.
"Look, I want to go back. Really, I do. And I know most of them won't mind. Too much, anyway. But. . .they're happy. Dawn and Buffy, I mean." I explained. "I did see for myself. They moved on. I don't want to drag the past back up. It would ruin everything." And we would be exactly where we started, with Buffy begin angry and hating me and me trying to convince her otherwise. Not something I wanted to go through again. I think we've played enough "kick the Spike" for a good lifetime or two.
"Hm, you really think that." The man said. I shook my head.
"No, I know that." I replied. . .sadly, but confidently. No matter how I tried to imagine a happy reunion, I always knew in the back of my mind it was going to end the same way. With Buffy angry and me hurt once again. She would be hurt as well. If I came back, I would hurt her. Again.
"Really." The man said, raising his silver eyebrows. "Do you now? Of course. You're all knowing when it comes to others' feelings, aren't you?" I frowned at him. He was doing that cryptic thing again.
"Are you telling me I'm wrong?" I asked. But that was impossible. She was happy. I knew it. I saw it with my own two eyes.
"I'm telling you maybe you should watch a little more of the Slayer's life." The old man said. This was my very obvious cue to turn to the pond, which I did.
The image showed Buffy sitting on top of something in the center of my mark on Sunnydale. She was frowning at the others, who were digging through the rubbish.
"Buffy, you should be helping. He's your boyfriend, you know." Willow pointed out. Buffy gave her a pouty look. But I could see the pain in her eyes. Pain because she had lost her home? Or pain because. . .because she had lost me?
"We're not going to find anything. If he were anywhere, he'd be at the bottom of the crater and we can't get down to there." She said. "He's really gone you guys. Face it." Willow gave her a concerned look, then moved a few pieces of debris with her telekinesis. I smiled a little, realizing Buffy hadn't denied the title Willow had given me.
"Hey!" Xander suddenly yelled. "Hey!" He picked up the amulet. Everyone ran over. Everyone except Buffy, who sat still. The look on her face, through the mask, reminded me of the catatonic look she had worn when Dawn had been captured by Glory. God, I had been worried about her then. She hadn't moved. She hadn't done anything at all. She had been lost in her own world, where something circled through her head. I hadn't known what was bothering her then. I had a good idea what was bothering her now. IT was somewhat impossible in my mind, but there was a small chance. I wanted to know if it was true, but I didn't ask.
Everyone looked as Xander held up the amulet. They all turned to Buffy. She looked up. Xander pushed through the crowd of Scoobies, Slayers, and Wood. He walked over to Buffy. They looked at each other for a long moment, then Xander held out the amulet, much in the same way Buffy had held it out to me.
"You should have it. It's. . .it's probably all that's left." He said quietly as Buffy's fingers curled around the amulet. She looked at the chain spilling from her hand, then up at Xander. I was surprised. I mean, Xander and I really weren't the best of friends, especially after. . .after what I had done to Buffy. But he gave her the amulet, the last reminder of me, all the same.
"I know. Thank you." She said quietly. Xander searched her face with his one good eye, then finally gave her a small smile, putting a hand on her shoulder. She returned the smile, but it was forced.
The image rippled, then changed, showing Buffy laying on her stomach on a hotel bed. The room was dark. Dawn was asleep in the other bed. Buffy had her hands cupped around something. Suddenly, there was a click, an all too familiar click, and a flame shot up form a silver lighter. My silver lighter. My *favorite* silver lighter. My mind wandered a moment, remembering how I had torn up my crypt looking for that lighter. She'd stolen it twice now.
Just then, the significance hit me. My lighter. She had kept it. Then I saw the other item she had been holding. The amulet, sparkling in the little flame. I looked up to Buffy's face, and I gasped. Silent tears ran down her face. Tears for me. Because she knew the two items she held weren't just a somewhat expensive silver cigarette lighter and a pretty bangle. Those were the two things she had left of me. Actually, when you come right down to it, she held me in her very hands, as I had seen earlier. It was pretty and somewhat symbolic.
I realized how much that meant to me. . .the fact that she sat there in the silence of night with two things. . .two things that were mine. That were me. It felt good to know she loved me. But at the same time it hurt to know even in death I caused her pain.
I sighed. That was the one thing I had always fought against. I had believed that if I left, Buffy would forget about me, and I couldn't let that happen. First of all, it happened too much with Buffy. Angel left her when she loved him, Riley left without giving her a chance to do a thing. Neither gave her a chance to prove herself to them. But I stayed when she didn't believe in me. She had always asked, along with everyone else, if I could just leave and never come back. But I couldn't.
And now I finally give her what she wants, and it hurts her instead of bringing the relief I had always imagined under such circumstances. I suddenly noticed my eyes were beginning to get a little misty. I took a deep breath and turned to the old man.
"Shouldn't we be moving on to the. . .well. . .the moving on?" I asked. "This vision is not having such a pleasant effect on me."
"I'm sorry, but we're going in chronological order," he replied cryptically.
"All right. Fine." I said knowing there was no argument.
The next image showed Buffy and Dawn looking through the house I had seen earlier. Their eyes were shining as they strode through the empty rooms. They returned to the livingroom and smiled at Giles and a dark woman in a gray business suit. I didn't know the other woman.
"What do you think?" the woman asked.
"This house is awesome!" Dawn cried.
"It's the best I've seen so far." Buffy agreed. The woman handed her a piece of paper which held the price and everything. Buffy's smile faded.
"Oh. . ." she said. Giles looked concerned and he took the paper. He looked down at it.
"Oh. . .we can't ever afford this. . ." Buffy said regretfully. Giles looked up again.
"What? Of course you can. They'll take it." he said. Buffy turned.
"Giles, no. You're probably going back to England, and that's not cheap and-"
"No arguments, Buffy. I've got a nice bit saved away and I think I can help you out. Anyway, I don't believe I should leave you alone on another. . .um. . ." Giles stopped and looked at the woman. He kind of made a gesture towards the ground. "Another. . .you know. . ."
Hellmouth. I got it and so did Buffy. She smiled.
"Thanks." She said. Giles took care of the paperwork, and Buffy and Dawn went back upstairs to claim their rooms. Buffy walked into one and sat down on the floor. She looked around.
"Home sweet home." She said, but she sounded a little sad still. I understood. The house was nice and all, but it wasn't good ol' SunnyD. It was a whole new place, and a whole new life. I wished I had been there to help her through everything. But I guessed that had been about the time I was rather ghostly.
"So here we are in Cleveland, then?" I asked. The man nodded.
"She had to start her life all over again. At first she worked at Dawn's high school. She had her reasons." He said. I grinned.
"Let me guess. Hellmouth?" I asked. The man shook his head.
"No, the Hellmouth is located. . .well. . .right underneath a Wal-Mart Super-center." He replied. Huh. Odd. But then, the Hellmouth always did seem to have some kind of odd sense of humor.
"So I suppose you're not planning on telling me what reasons she had." I guessed.
"That is not relevant in our story." The old man replied, confirming my guess. I shrugged and returned my gaze. Buffy was laying in the same room on a mattress. There were only two other pieces of furniture in the room, a dresser and a small bookcase. Buffy was sleeping, though she tossed and turned.
The image showed me her dream.
She was standing in the middle of the basement. People were fighting all around her, but they were blurred. I guessed that was how she remembered the Fight. Suddenly the light from my amulet shone out across the room. I raised an eyebrow as she turned and the other me came into view. He wore black jeans and for some odd reason, was shirtless.
Buffy ran across the room towards the other me. She stopped in front of him. I realized everything was silent, even though the battle raged on. The only sound was Buffy's footsteps as she ran through the people. The dream-me looked at her, looking all cool and glowy with golden light. No words were actually said, but volumes passed between "us". All of a sudden, Dream-Spike's face contorted and he began to burn. They both screamed, Buffy in shock, Dream-Spike in pain. Buffy ripped the amulet from his/my chest and threw it across the room, into the Hellmouth. The Hellmouth froze, turning instantly to stone. The fight scene vanished.
Dream-Spike looked at his hands , which were not burning anymore, then up at Buffy. She gave him a smile.
"I love you." She said. He returned the smile and stroked her cheek.
"Sorry pet. But you never saved me." He replied. Buffy woke up, shaking. She took a long, shaky breath. She put a hand to her chest and I realized the amulet was gone. Instead, she pulled the old lighter out from under her pillow. She flicked it open, but it didn't light anymore.
I remembered suddenly when Buffy had been dead. It seemed like ages ago. But every night I saved her in a different way, then she would always disappear in the end. She would be gone, and I would be alone. That's exactly what was happening here. Some kind of nagging panic began in the back of my head. It got louder and louder as the image faded and the pond was only a pond again.
"What happens next? She. . .she's happy now, right?" I asked. The man shrugged.
"What do you think?" he asked.
"She's happy. Moved on, new life. The one she always wanted with the white picket fence and all." I reassured myself. The man gave me a look.
"Are you sure of that?" he asked. "What if she's been standing in the cold, it stopped snowing by the way, for an hour or so for your sake. Because she hasn't let go?" I stared at the man.
"What are you saying?" I asked. The man looked down. I followed his gaze as one more image appeared in the pond.
Buffy was sitting in the livingroom tonight, right after I had left. She suddenly froze and looked quickly out the window. Her face faded a little. Dawn went on happily. Buffy got up, walking over to the door. Dawn asked her something, I wasn't really listening, but I watched as Buffy gave her the smile I had seen while Buffy had assured everyone she was thankful from being "rescued from hell" and made a reply. I knew the look well. Buffy was somewhat happy knowing everyone else was happy while she concealed her true feelings.
She paused on her front porch, looking at my footprints in the snow, and the tire-tracks. She frowned, but walked on. She walked through the town, stopping a moment to stake a vampire in a graveyard. God, I missed watching her fight. Then she continued on until she came to a park. She sat down on a bench in front of. . .my eyes widened. In front of the pond. I whipped around to face the old man.
"What. . ." I couldn't form a question. I didn't know what to ask.
"Are you ready?" the man asked. I stared at him.
"I. . .to meet her?" I asked. He nodded. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I opened them again.
"Yes." I replied in a calm voice. The man smiled.
"Spike?" I heard a familiar, missed, loved voice gasp. I turned, and there she was.
:. End Chapter Eight.
And There She Was. Ah, don't you just *love* a good cliffhanger? Oh, come now, no hard feelings. Or fists. Lee will kill you. As will I. And Faye. And possibly my brother. He'd either kill you or hug you. He's being huggy 'cos it's almost Christmas.
REVIEWS:
Imzadi: No. Sorry, I told you, I don't know Lindsey, and therefore you'd hate my guts if I possibly tried to write him. Besides, isn't he that one annoying dude?
Nicki-boo: Faye says hello. And then she hit me on the head for sticking her in my fic.
Everyone Else: Thanks for reading and do continue with the enjoying.
NEXT: Spuffiness abounds.
AN: Okay. This is only gonna be a ten chapter story. So much for brilliant ideas. Forgot how busy it gets this close to Christmas. Terribly sorry, but hey, reunion next time!
This is the semi-long Spike Finds Out About Buffy segment. Much fun to be had.
:. Spike
"If Buffy hadn't returned, I would be dead." I concluded, looking up. The man grinned at me, pointing a finger in triumph. I kind of wondered why. I mean, is that what he wanted me to realize? But I already knew that.
"That," he said. "is it. That's the whole point, isn't it?" I started. Okay, the whole conversation just turned around with me knowing. . .absolutely nothing.
"you mean that me being saved by Buffy's return is the whole point?" I asked, confused.
"Oh, but you have to look at the big picture." The old man said. "the two of you have saved each other many times. And here we come to the reality of this whole evening. I came to show you your friends, but you must *see* them yourself." I sighed, raking a hand through my hair. I knew what he was asking em to do, but it wasn't something I was looking forward to doing.
"So. . .you want me to go back. Is that the point to our little game?" I asked. The man laughed.
"there's always a catch. That's what you're thinking, isn't it?" he asked gently. I frowned.
"Somewhere along those lines, yeah. What's it to you?" I replied. I was not liking where our conversation was going. And the fact he knew exactly what I was thinking did not help my mood.
"I'm not forcing you to do anything, William." The man explained.
"No, but I'm picking up major hint-hint vibes here." I said. He smiled.
"It will not have such great consequences as you expect." He said. I sighed again.
"Look, I want to go back. Really, I do. And I know most of them won't mind. Too much, anyway. But. . .they're happy. Dawn and Buffy, I mean." I explained. "I did see for myself. They moved on. I don't want to drag the past back up. It would ruin everything." And we would be exactly where we started, with Buffy begin angry and hating me and me trying to convince her otherwise. Not something I wanted to go through again. I think we've played enough "kick the Spike" for a good lifetime or two.
"Hm, you really think that." The man said. I shook my head.
"No, I know that." I replied. . .sadly, but confidently. No matter how I tried to imagine a happy reunion, I always knew in the back of my mind it was going to end the same way. With Buffy angry and me hurt once again. She would be hurt as well. If I came back, I would hurt her. Again.
"Really." The man said, raising his silver eyebrows. "Do you now? Of course. You're all knowing when it comes to others' feelings, aren't you?" I frowned at him. He was doing that cryptic thing again.
"Are you telling me I'm wrong?" I asked. But that was impossible. She was happy. I knew it. I saw it with my own two eyes.
"I'm telling you maybe you should watch a little more of the Slayer's life." The old man said. This was my very obvious cue to turn to the pond, which I did.
The image showed Buffy sitting on top of something in the center of my mark on Sunnydale. She was frowning at the others, who were digging through the rubbish.
"Buffy, you should be helping. He's your boyfriend, you know." Willow pointed out. Buffy gave her a pouty look. But I could see the pain in her eyes. Pain because she had lost her home? Or pain because. . .because she had lost me?
"We're not going to find anything. If he were anywhere, he'd be at the bottom of the crater and we can't get down to there." She said. "He's really gone you guys. Face it." Willow gave her a concerned look, then moved a few pieces of debris with her telekinesis. I smiled a little, realizing Buffy hadn't denied the title Willow had given me.
"Hey!" Xander suddenly yelled. "Hey!" He picked up the amulet. Everyone ran over. Everyone except Buffy, who sat still. The look on her face, through the mask, reminded me of the catatonic look she had worn when Dawn had been captured by Glory. God, I had been worried about her then. She hadn't moved. She hadn't done anything at all. She had been lost in her own world, where something circled through her head. I hadn't known what was bothering her then. I had a good idea what was bothering her now. IT was somewhat impossible in my mind, but there was a small chance. I wanted to know if it was true, but I didn't ask.
Everyone looked as Xander held up the amulet. They all turned to Buffy. She looked up. Xander pushed through the crowd of Scoobies, Slayers, and Wood. He walked over to Buffy. They looked at each other for a long moment, then Xander held out the amulet, much in the same way Buffy had held it out to me.
"You should have it. It's. . .it's probably all that's left." He said quietly as Buffy's fingers curled around the amulet. She looked at the chain spilling from her hand, then up at Xander. I was surprised. I mean, Xander and I really weren't the best of friends, especially after. . .after what I had done to Buffy. But he gave her the amulet, the last reminder of me, all the same.
"I know. Thank you." She said quietly. Xander searched her face with his one good eye, then finally gave her a small smile, putting a hand on her shoulder. She returned the smile, but it was forced.
The image rippled, then changed, showing Buffy laying on her stomach on a hotel bed. The room was dark. Dawn was asleep in the other bed. Buffy had her hands cupped around something. Suddenly, there was a click, an all too familiar click, and a flame shot up form a silver lighter. My silver lighter. My *favorite* silver lighter. My mind wandered a moment, remembering how I had torn up my crypt looking for that lighter. She'd stolen it twice now.
Just then, the significance hit me. My lighter. She had kept it. Then I saw the other item she had been holding. The amulet, sparkling in the little flame. I looked up to Buffy's face, and I gasped. Silent tears ran down her face. Tears for me. Because she knew the two items she held weren't just a somewhat expensive silver cigarette lighter and a pretty bangle. Those were the two things she had left of me. Actually, when you come right down to it, she held me in her very hands, as I had seen earlier. It was pretty and somewhat symbolic.
I realized how much that meant to me. . .the fact that she sat there in the silence of night with two things. . .two things that were mine. That were me. It felt good to know she loved me. But at the same time it hurt to know even in death I caused her pain.
I sighed. That was the one thing I had always fought against. I had believed that if I left, Buffy would forget about me, and I couldn't let that happen. First of all, it happened too much with Buffy. Angel left her when she loved him, Riley left without giving her a chance to do a thing. Neither gave her a chance to prove herself to them. But I stayed when she didn't believe in me. She had always asked, along with everyone else, if I could just leave and never come back. But I couldn't.
And now I finally give her what she wants, and it hurts her instead of bringing the relief I had always imagined under such circumstances. I suddenly noticed my eyes were beginning to get a little misty. I took a deep breath and turned to the old man.
"Shouldn't we be moving on to the. . .well. . .the moving on?" I asked. "This vision is not having such a pleasant effect on me."
"I'm sorry, but we're going in chronological order," he replied cryptically.
"All right. Fine." I said knowing there was no argument.
The next image showed Buffy and Dawn looking through the house I had seen earlier. Their eyes were shining as they strode through the empty rooms. They returned to the livingroom and smiled at Giles and a dark woman in a gray business suit. I didn't know the other woman.
"What do you think?" the woman asked.
"This house is awesome!" Dawn cried.
"It's the best I've seen so far." Buffy agreed. The woman handed her a piece of paper which held the price and everything. Buffy's smile faded.
"Oh. . ." she said. Giles looked concerned and he took the paper. He looked down at it.
"Oh. . .we can't ever afford this. . ." Buffy said regretfully. Giles looked up again.
"What? Of course you can. They'll take it." he said. Buffy turned.
"Giles, no. You're probably going back to England, and that's not cheap and-"
"No arguments, Buffy. I've got a nice bit saved away and I think I can help you out. Anyway, I don't believe I should leave you alone on another. . .um. . ." Giles stopped and looked at the woman. He kind of made a gesture towards the ground. "Another. . .you know. . ."
Hellmouth. I got it and so did Buffy. She smiled.
"Thanks." She said. Giles took care of the paperwork, and Buffy and Dawn went back upstairs to claim their rooms. Buffy walked into one and sat down on the floor. She looked around.
"Home sweet home." She said, but she sounded a little sad still. I understood. The house was nice and all, but it wasn't good ol' SunnyD. It was a whole new place, and a whole new life. I wished I had been there to help her through everything. But I guessed that had been about the time I was rather ghostly.
"So here we are in Cleveland, then?" I asked. The man nodded.
"She had to start her life all over again. At first she worked at Dawn's high school. She had her reasons." He said. I grinned.
"Let me guess. Hellmouth?" I asked. The man shook his head.
"No, the Hellmouth is located. . .well. . .right underneath a Wal-Mart Super-center." He replied. Huh. Odd. But then, the Hellmouth always did seem to have some kind of odd sense of humor.
"So I suppose you're not planning on telling me what reasons she had." I guessed.
"That is not relevant in our story." The old man replied, confirming my guess. I shrugged and returned my gaze. Buffy was laying in the same room on a mattress. There were only two other pieces of furniture in the room, a dresser and a small bookcase. Buffy was sleeping, though she tossed and turned.
The image showed me her dream.
She was standing in the middle of the basement. People were fighting all around her, but they were blurred. I guessed that was how she remembered the Fight. Suddenly the light from my amulet shone out across the room. I raised an eyebrow as she turned and the other me came into view. He wore black jeans and for some odd reason, was shirtless.
Buffy ran across the room towards the other me. She stopped in front of him. I realized everything was silent, even though the battle raged on. The only sound was Buffy's footsteps as she ran through the people. The dream-me looked at her, looking all cool and glowy with golden light. No words were actually said, but volumes passed between "us". All of a sudden, Dream-Spike's face contorted and he began to burn. They both screamed, Buffy in shock, Dream-Spike in pain. Buffy ripped the amulet from his/my chest and threw it across the room, into the Hellmouth. The Hellmouth froze, turning instantly to stone. The fight scene vanished.
Dream-Spike looked at his hands , which were not burning anymore, then up at Buffy. She gave him a smile.
"I love you." She said. He returned the smile and stroked her cheek.
"Sorry pet. But you never saved me." He replied. Buffy woke up, shaking. She took a long, shaky breath. She put a hand to her chest and I realized the amulet was gone. Instead, she pulled the old lighter out from under her pillow. She flicked it open, but it didn't light anymore.
I remembered suddenly when Buffy had been dead. It seemed like ages ago. But every night I saved her in a different way, then she would always disappear in the end. She would be gone, and I would be alone. That's exactly what was happening here. Some kind of nagging panic began in the back of my head. It got louder and louder as the image faded and the pond was only a pond again.
"What happens next? She. . .she's happy now, right?" I asked. The man shrugged.
"What do you think?" he asked.
"She's happy. Moved on, new life. The one she always wanted with the white picket fence and all." I reassured myself. The man gave me a look.
"Are you sure of that?" he asked. "What if she's been standing in the cold, it stopped snowing by the way, for an hour or so for your sake. Because she hasn't let go?" I stared at the man.
"What are you saying?" I asked. The man looked down. I followed his gaze as one more image appeared in the pond.
Buffy was sitting in the livingroom tonight, right after I had left. She suddenly froze and looked quickly out the window. Her face faded a little. Dawn went on happily. Buffy got up, walking over to the door. Dawn asked her something, I wasn't really listening, but I watched as Buffy gave her the smile I had seen while Buffy had assured everyone she was thankful from being "rescued from hell" and made a reply. I knew the look well. Buffy was somewhat happy knowing everyone else was happy while she concealed her true feelings.
She paused on her front porch, looking at my footprints in the snow, and the tire-tracks. She frowned, but walked on. She walked through the town, stopping a moment to stake a vampire in a graveyard. God, I missed watching her fight. Then she continued on until she came to a park. She sat down on a bench in front of. . .my eyes widened. In front of the pond. I whipped around to face the old man.
"What. . ." I couldn't form a question. I didn't know what to ask.
"Are you ready?" the man asked. I stared at him.
"I. . .to meet her?" I asked. He nodded. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I opened them again.
"Yes." I replied in a calm voice. The man smiled.
"Spike?" I heard a familiar, missed, loved voice gasp. I turned, and there she was.
:. End Chapter Eight.
And There She Was. Ah, don't you just *love* a good cliffhanger? Oh, come now, no hard feelings. Or fists. Lee will kill you. As will I. And Faye. And possibly my brother. He'd either kill you or hug you. He's being huggy 'cos it's almost Christmas.
REVIEWS:
Imzadi: No. Sorry, I told you, I don't know Lindsey, and therefore you'd hate my guts if I possibly tried to write him. Besides, isn't he that one annoying dude?
Nicki-boo: Faye says hello. And then she hit me on the head for sticking her in my fic.
Everyone Else: Thanks for reading and do continue with the enjoying.
NEXT: Spuffiness abounds.