Disclaimer: If it was mine, this wouldn't even be here, now would it? *sigh*
I am so incredibly happy about all of the people who reviewed! You are so nice, and, as always, my replies are down at the bottom of the chapter. I want to wish everyone a good New YearsJ I would start having a happy New Years if people reviewed with comments, questions and critiques, so please indulge me!
Severus burst out of the room, pulling his robe around him as he flung open the door. The site on the bed made the terrified shout completely understandable, and he realized he had to act quickly. Sir Snape had enormous powers of his own, but Severus could counteract any of the ghost's little tricks, some of which weren't so little.
"Sir Snape you will desist at once. She is my guest and-." He was cut off by a voice that sounded very much like his own.
"She is a filthy Mudblood, Severus. Sleeping in your bed, trying to invade your sainted mother's favorite room; she will bring nothing but trouble and destruction to this house. That is in the nature of these creatures." Here the ghost shot a venomous look at the girl, shaking his disturbing hands at her.
"She is here with my permission and express wish, in fact. You will leave immediately or I will have you Banished."
"Fine," the ghost muttered sullenly and, with a final hateful look, slid through the walls.
"Will you be all right?" She nodded and seemed fine, so he left. Still, he did not trust the ghost. He waited outside the room for a count of ten, and opened the door just as the ghost slithered inside the room again. Hermione backed up against the headboard of the bed, determined not to shout again. The ghost was so close she could see him even without her glasses.
"Out!" Severus yelled, enraged. The ghost quickly popped out of sight. Severus sighed and calmed down a little. "The only way to be sure that he doesn't come back is my being here. Hm," he said, looking around for a space large enough to hold the small bed he was about to transfigure. He felt Hermione get out of bed, and looked up.
"A pillow and some sheets and blankets will do fine. "
"You're not going to sleep on the floor."
"Well, there's no room for another bed, and you're certainly not sleeping on the floor of your own room."
"It's my own room, as you just stated, and I will sleep wherever the hell I want to!"
"Not because of me, you won't!" They were angry now; all the nerves of the evening forced upon them and out into this shouting match of two strong wills.
"I damn well will sleep on the floor if that's what I want to do. You will sleep on that bed and-."
"You can't just order me to sleep someplace. If you could do that, you could order me to sleep on the bed with you." Silence filled the room for a moment after her words, and then both rushed to be the first to break it.
"There is no way I am letting a guest of mine sleep on the floor."
"Well, whatever you may think of me, I am not the type of person who comes into someone's house and kicks them out of their own bed. I won't do it!"
"Too bad!" he roared. Both stopped yelling in order to take a breath. "I will sleep on this side. You will sleep on that side." He pointed to the sides of the room beside the bed, casting a spell to make make-shift beds for both of them.
"Fine," she replied.
"Fine!" he snapped back. They gave each other good night glares and rolled in their covers to face the opposite walls of the room, both invisible to the other because of the enormous, empty bed between them.
Hermione woke a few hours later to hear a fierce rain beating on the top of the roof. Her mind was trying to tell her that there was something significant about this, but she was really too tired to think about it. Analyses could wait until the morning. She turned, hearing the soft sounds of the other person in the room sleeping peacefully, then relaxed and fell back into a deep slumber.
Snape, being the light and paranoid sleeper that he was, had heard the rain the moment it began. Damn it. Unless it was a short storm they might be stuck here for a while. He sighed and pulled the covers up closer to him. He'd think about it in the morning.
Morning broke, much to the annoyance of the two sleepers. Even more annoying, daybreak heralded not the glorious sunshine both wished, but a continuance of the heavy rainstorm which had begun a few hours earlier. Hermione rubbed sleep out of her eyes, grabbed her glasses, and joined Severus in his contemplation of the rivulets of water that bedecked the windowpane.
"So…what do we do? We can't walk in this weather and transfigurations won't hold up in this heavy rain unless you want to put a lot of power into them. But I can't miss work, or I'll be fired for a certainty. And I highly doubt that you can stand to miss even a day of school." The man beside her nodded silently. Severus Snape was obviously not much of a morning person. Hermione smiled and left him to wake up while she took a quick shower and brushed her teeth.
Snape looked back as the door to the bathroom closed. He hated mornings, and he really hated those who were cheerful and awake, but Miss. Granger hadn't been all that bad. He really needed to find a solution to this problem. He would be rather upset if the girl lost her job because of him. Then it hit him and he felt extremely stupid. Of course: the library card. They could Portkey themselves out to the library, then he could Apparate them to their respective houses. She had probably been expecting to ask Alby to Apparate her home as the librarian had done for him when he was too young to have a license. Problem solved, Severus occupied himself in getting the stuff the girl had left in the guest room. Luckily, Sir Snape hadn't realized that it was there and so it was untouched. Her clothing was all folded neatly on the bed and her bag lay beside it so he gathered it up, muttering a spell to ensure that it was all dry. She was out of the bathroom by then. He appreciated her brevity as he handed her the clothes. She was wearing the robe that he had transfigured.
"We can Portkey back to the library at nine-English time-that is. So fifteen hours from when we got here, that makes the time we leave about two in the afternoon today." He probably should have phrased it as a question rather than a command, but he was so used to issuing edicts and having them carried out that he didn't give it a second thought. Hermione, however, was sick of being treated like a lackey, and Severus Snape had just pushed all the wrong buttons.
"And if I don't wish to? After all, if we aren't certain that the timing is correct or if Alby isn't in at the exact moment we Portkey, we will be bounced back to wherever people go when they try to incorrectly Portkey someplace."
"Do try to be at least a little competent. We can leave at half past two if you are so frightened of screwing up the timing."
"Whatever, so long as it gets me away from you soon as possible." Hermione infused as much distaste as she could into the sentence, and then pointed to the bathroom, a silent order that he go shower so that she could change in peace. Snape moved towards her so that he towered over the petite girl, then brushed past her with an air that told her he was very angry.
No one had questioned Severus's judgment in a long time and the thought of the diminutive snip in his bedroom doing so made him furious. Imagine, someone who did nothing but research stuff such as cauldron-width all day telling him that there was something at fault with his plans. Severus took a moment to let that thought sink in, and he almost cursed as the heavy droplets of water hit his body. Had he really become so power drunk that he was unwilling to take advice or listen to other's concern? He knew damned well that that was the way to corruption and he needed it to stop immediately. He realized to that no one had said anything against his actions because they were all too awed by him. If Minerva was still alive, she would have played the part of Devil's Advocate beautifully, but Remus, admirable Deputy Headmaster though he was, was simply too shy to ever vehemently disagree with him. And he could not afford to have anyone else in the wizarding world catch him in a blatant error. But Granger…yes, she had no problem with telling him when she thought he was wrong. She would not go to the papers with stories, and her opinions were actually, though he would die rather than admit it, quite valid. Perhaps if they could meet to discuss issues on which he was uncertain.
Once he was finished, he crept out of the bathroom, unsure of where she was. She sat on a corner of his bed, looking over some papers she must have had in her bag.
"Miss. Granger? I was wondering if you would like to meet me for lunch or coffee some time next week?" He kept his voice even and calm.
"Why?" Her short reply was sharp and skeptical. Decades of lying compelled him to be honest.
"I find myself unable to seek advice from others. Experience has taught me that this is the way to dissolution and I have no wish to be any worse than I already am. Remus is unable to stand up to me, and there aren't many people in Britain who would hear the Headmaster of Hogwarts say or do something wrong and be able to speak up or not go to the tabloids. Believe it or not, I trust you to speak freely and to keep quiet," he explained in a flat monotone, watching her face closely for a sign of acceptance or rejection, but there was none.
"Fine. Shall we begin now?" she asked in as expressionless a voice as he had used. Snape found that rather curious.
"As we eat breakfast, if that is all right with you."
"Don't eat breakfast."
"But you hardly ate dinner, either. Half a sandwich and a few mouthfuls of salad, and you expect me to believe that you are full?" he demanded.
"I am. And its none of your damn business what I eat. In don't like to eat, is all. Not that I need explain myself to anyone, especially you." Even so, Hermione's mind recalled bits of her dinner dates with Ron and Harry. 'Not hungry, 'Mione?" and 'Huh, you don't like how it tastes?' and 'Wow, you'd sure be a cheap date Hermione, you didn't eat anything at all, practically.' A shadow of doubt passed over her face, not missed by Snape. Truthfully, dinner last night had been the most she had eaten at one time for a while. She just hadn't felt like eating for the past few months.
"Let's go into the kitchen. One of the few things I really can make, other than salad dressing, is an omelet. Maybe you could eat just a few bites and see if I have an over inflated opinion of my talent," he said gently. He should have caught it last night when he had noticed her not eating very much. Should have caught it when he was carrying her ashore from the moat and had noticed that she weighed remarkably little, even for her height. He had been a teacher, not to mention Head of House, for enough years to recognize the signs of an eating disorder, and Granger was at the prime age and in the prime situation to contract one. They were in the kitchens by the time he had finished the thought. Hermione had been silent by his side, as deep in thought as he.
They were both silent as he moved about the kitchen with precise grace, arranging this and that for the meal. It was ready fairly quickly and contrary to his promise, Snape had set a full place setting for Hermione. She didn't object. They sat and Severus made sure that he was not looking at her as she picked up her fork. She cut a slice of her omelet and held it up to her mouth. Then she paused.
She couldn't believe it. It was as though her mind was engaged in a civil war. One part of her desperately wanted to prove that she was not sick, that she could eat as easily as any one, but the larger part of her was very convincingly telling her that she was full and didn't want to eat. She tried so very hard that a small strangled sound escaped her lips and her gaze darted over to Snape to see if he had heard. Luckily, he seemed completely engrossed in his own meal. She attempted again to force herself to eat the piece of omelet, but she just couldn't. She would throw up if she did, she was certain. Finally, she put down her fork and lifted the napkin from her lap, when a strong hand grasped her wrist.
"No."
"I'm sorry, I'm just really not hungry, and as I said, not really a breakfast person either." She smiled brightly at him to prove just how normal she was, not realizing how manic it looked.
"You are going to eat one bite of that omelet. Just one, and then we can go find the library." She thought for a few moments. She didn't not eat because she thought she was too fat or would get fat if she ate. She had simply, or perhaps not so simply, convinced herself that this limiting of her food intake was the best way to control her sorry life. And now she could not unconvince herself. She had been able to eat a little last night, and at the library under Alby's watchful eyes, but she was now punishing herself for those pathetic lapses in routine. Her hand was shaking erratically as she picked up the fork and she swallowed convulsively at the thought of eating. N o, she thought. I will not allow this to happen. I will control my life by controlling this impulse to control my eating. She wasn't certain whether the thought made any sense, but as long as she got the food in her mouth she didn't care. She carefully and deliberately placed the bite in her mouth and carefully and deliberately chewed. She swallowed and sat for a moment, then bolted from the table so fast not even Snape was able to stop her.
"Hermione!" That voice had commanded her for seven years and she obeyed out of habit. She forced herself to return to the table repeating a mantra to herself: it is not the end of the world that I broke the pattern, it is not the end of the world that I broke the pattern. She broke off suddenly as she realized that she had been speaking aloud. She was beyond mortified. She looked at her former Potions teacher.
"I-."
"There are some books I think you will enjoy in the library. A few may even help you with the research you are doing for me. And in half an hour, you are going to eat something else." There was no discussion in the voice, for all the friendliness that was in it as well. Hermione just nodded and followed him down a long hallway she did not recall having seen before.
Hermione quickly forgot her embarrassment and even her problem when they reached the grand double doors of the Snape library. A gasp burst from her lips as she took in a private library that was as close to the National Library of Magick as it could get in size.
"There are some muggle books in here as well- I put my personal collection in when I inherited this place, although to the intense disagreement of the shelves. Feel free to browse and read what you like. I am going to sit over here and do some administrative paperwork I've been meaning to do." Hermione nodded distractedly at him as she practically pushed past the tall man to get to all the books. He settled down in a comfortable armchair, Slytherin green, and prepared to go over next year's class list of First-years and a few changes that his professors had suggested.
Half an hour later, he looked over at the girl with the impeccable timing that made him the Potions Master he was. She had a good innate sense of timing as well. He could tell from the way she shifted in the loveseat and snuck glances at him, hoping against hope that he had forgotten his promise.
"Do you like fruit, Miss. Granger?" Her eyes went wide and she frowned.
"I really don't-."
"Well, now would be a good time to learn an appreciation for it. " He accio'd some delicious cut-up cantaloupe from the kitchens along with two forks. And two plates. He divided it unequally, giving himself a much larger portion and pushed the other plate to Hermione. She took a deep breath and gathered all her willpower. It took a moment, but she finally began to eat. Although he was careful not to stare, he could see her lips moving over and over in encouragement of herself. He admired her determination. He was done a long time before she had managed to choke down the last bite of it. She looked over at him, her gaze an odd combination of challenge and vulnerability wishing for reassurance. He smiled at her enough to give the assurance, but not enough to arouse the sharp tongue he had encountered far too much in the past two days. And would encounter many times more, if she really had agreed to his plan.
"You will still join me for lunch next…does next Tuesday work for you?"
"Yes." She made no foolish attempt to pretend to consult a calendar or schedule. He had never understood or liked women who felt that they had to do this to keep up appearances.
"What book were you reading?" he inquired, gesturing at the leather-bound volume which sat behind her on the love seat. Her eyes brightened a little bit and her excitement was obvious.
"It's by Marceau, the French wizard Arithmancer, and denotes his explorations into the fields of Arithmancy and Potions in their conjunction and possible uses together. It's really fascinating. I wish I had gone into a field like this." Her last sentence held a world of regret, so sad coming from lips so young.
"There is none."
"Hm?"
"His work never progressed beyond the theoretical and no one has yet, to my knowledge, taken a great interest in the multitude of possibilities this hybrid field offers us. Besides, both subjects take an enormous amount of power and concentration: that which few witches and wizards have in any great quantity."
"Have you?" she asked eagerly.
"I dabbled, a bit. I was busy with…other things in the years immediately before the first reign of Voldemort, was too worried between, and was busy during the second reign. Now, the time in which I ought to be able to do things such as this, I find myself supervising Quidditch matches and being the shoulder upon which frustrated adolescents cry." He smiled in acknowledgement of her quirked eyebrow. "Perhaps not, but I still have not the time to research and explore this topic, fascinating as it may be."
"Hogwarts was looking to expand its curriculum for the top students, no? I recall there being only one or two courses which allowed freedom of exploration and thus challenged me." He was a bit puzzled at this seemingly random change of topics, but answered nonetheless.
"Yes, there has been pressure on me from students, parents, and faculty alike, but it is near impossible to find either a teacher of such expertise that students feel free while still being under their jurisdiction, or a good teacher who is willing to learn along with their students and still able provide structure. But I fail to see how this has anything to do with what we were doing…?"
"It doesn't actually. Sorry, just felt the need to satisfy my curiosity. So, I'm sure you are aware that the Unforgivable Potions were created by the side of what we perceive as Light, although their powers of destruction far outstrip those of the Curses. After all, they can be given to anyone to accomplish their means."
"It is a little known fact, Miss. Granger, that the Potions in fact are able to be used only by those who have the inner power to brew them themselves. I know," he spoke forcefully as her mouth opened," only because the one text that contains this information is an old family heirloom." Hermione considered this information for a moment.
"I didn't know that there were any English wizards involved in the creation of the Potions. I thought it was only the French. And does this mean that Ron could have made those potions? It took me almost our entire seventh year to brew them." Snape was much amused at the well-hidden dismay in the former Head Girl's voice.
"My mother was a Deucelle. Her great times many grandfather was one of the most influential members of the committee that created the Potions. And although I know it may be difficult to process to your ego, you were not the only person in my classroom who had potential. Granted, you had more than most, but with some application Ronald Weasley, Harry Potter, and Draco Malfoy, as well, incidentally, could certainly have done what you did. There is nothing incontrovertibly unique about your feat." He remembered well what arrogance had cost him and so many others, and had made it his mission in life to quash it as soon as and completely as possible.
"I was not labouring under any such delusions, Professor. I was merely shocked to hear you admit this, as it means praising three Gryffindor students in your own field and I don't recall hearing even a word as a student. My comment was simply because I wanted to hear you say that yes, Ron was most certainly a decent potions brewer. I did not wish to hear you cast wild allegations on my ego." She gave a small sniff and returned to her book, determined to ignore the Potions Master until it was time to leave. Then she felt something she had not felt in a long time. Her stomach growled, loudly this time. Admittedly it had sometimes, like last night, grumbled softly when she had gone a little too long without food, or when she was too stressed to remember to control herself, but she had not felt genuine hunger in a long time. Also, she found this sudden reversal of what she had forced herself to believe was an eating disorder very strange. All the books her mother had made her read as a teenager about stuff such as this described the recovery process as long, slow, and physically and mentally painful. So how was she now cured?
"Psychosomatic effect of temporary depression. Magick causes processes like this to be cured once a certain block in a person is removed which causes the illness, like depression. It is one of the incredibly odd, but certainly beneficial, things to being a witch or wizard. It is the reason you don't see too many wizard alcoholics. A person is easily cured if the block can be discovered and removed, although it can take even as much as years to find the block. You are lucky." Hermione was shocked. And very disappointed in herself. How could she have not read this somewhere? "It is not found in books, Miss. Granger. Wizarding culture is unfortunately not so understanding of those not born to it, and what muggleborns do not come in knowing, they must find out only by experience." Hermione was so relieved that she didn't have to worry about yet something else that made her life crappy. Although the thought of how crappy her life was no longer sent her spiraling into despair as it had.
"I still feel really stupid; that it happened at all, that I didn't know how it was to be cured the magick way, and that it was so ridiculously easy to cure. It feels as though I should have known and done it at once."
"You may feel that way at the moment, but I know that you have a sound head on your shoulders and a little reflection will show you how futile and faulty this thought process is."
"No doubt," she responded dryly. There was a pause in the room as each tried to figure out what ought to happen next, but it was not so uncomfortable. Snape gestured for Hermione to pick up her belongings, including the book by Marceau, and he showed her back to the kitchens.
"Its almost one anyways. We can lunch, then Portkey to the library at half past two."
"That'll be fine." Hermione was back to being all amiability.
They had the conversation that Snape had wanted. Hermione provided some interesting insights as to how he dealt with certain things, and his dry wit had kept her laughing all the while she was eating. Although her body no longer detested her intake of food and her mind told her that it was all right, Snape had told her that it still might be a few days until she was back to her normal self. And gained weight, he had added with a look at her form which had sent a shiver up her spine. Gross, Snape, professor, hated teacher…but no matter what she told herself, it didn't change that her opinion of Severus Snape had drastically changed within the past three days.
Severus looked at the girl sitting across from his, toying idly with the silver teacup. She was clearly lost in her thoughts. The conversation that they had been having on the hexing of sundry staircases in the castle had faded gradually as they both felt slightly sleepy after eating. And neither had gotten all that much rest thanks to the resident specter's appearance. The hand that was not on the cup brushed through her hair, pulled back into the same frumpy style he had first seen her in. He had honestly mistaken her for someone much older, and not intellectually. He had seen people make bad mistakes after graduation, gods knows he had certainly made a terrible one, but no one had ever thought it of the shining Gryffindor Head Girl. If only Minerva had still been alive to advise her. While it was well-known by most wizards that the first job offers were always the worst, the muggle mindset was obviously to grab it before it goes. A mentality which had sadly cost her two years of her youth. Although if he looked a little closer he could still see the beautiful young women she would have been, and could still be. Beautiful? Where had that come from? While he was by no means blind to the changes that occurred in his students towards their later years of school, he had never once entertained a lustful thought towards any of them, even once they had graduated. Hell, he didn't even want to see most of them again, and Granger had been no exception. And yet here she was, seated across from him at his own kitchen table. He glanced at his watch and realized that it was a few minutes after the time that they had meant to leave. He cleared his throat to bring the girl out of her reverie.
"Miss. Granger, I do believe that it is time that we are able to Portkey to the Library." She looked at him disjointedly for a moment and then stood up, cleaning her dishes in a few moments as he waited for her. His own had already been taken care of. Once she was finished, she dug into her bag for her library card, made sure that she had all of her belongings, and looked at him to make sure that he held his own in his hands. They had agreed that he go first, so he spoke the words that keyed this particular type of Portkey and vanished. A moment later Hermione followed and the house was once again silent and empty.
Okay, well before the comments come rolling in about how unrealistically and ridiculously I portrayed anorexia; I would like to tell y'all I agree. See, the story wanted me to put it in, but I didn't, so we compromised by getting rid of it as swiftly as possible, but I think it made it really, well, dumb. Feel free to tell me what you think. I know there are no lemons, but I wanted to make it at least a slightly realistic relationship, and I didn't want Hermione to be a slut. I'd love it if you reviewed! Immense thanks to all those who did, the muses were very amusing with their happy antics.
Helena: Yeah, Snape's mother was a character, so he tells me. Its actually a really, grand and elegant house…just cruel. Sorry not much happened with the ghost, Severus wouldn't let itJ
CookSS: Thanks ever so, I know this isn't that fast an update, but its probably the fastest I'll ever be able top do because of love and also because I always re-check my story and try not to be hasty while writing.
Janet: Very glad that you like it, hope you like this chapter as well.
Quillusion: I'm not a big fan of Disney, but yes, the reverse of the enchanted objects in the Beast's castle *is* an apt description of Snape's house:D Actually, though I don't want to give too much away, the next chapter does have something with Hermione's boss in it, although I hadn't thought he was going to make another appearance. If only I had control! The muses thanked you for the Christmas cake and began to flit about excitedly. I'm also wondering if you are continuing your awesome, awesome story Soul Searching? Please doJ
Madeleine Jete: I am so happy that you take the time to review after each chapter (don't worry, I know its hard to do sometimes), it really means a *lot* to me because it shows that someone actually continues to read the story. And I am also very happy that you like it!
Kari: Whoah! Yes, I want them to get together as well, but the muses have the final say…;)
Riley L. Crockett: Oh, yes, I was at a party last night with some of my guy friends, so unSnape-like its sad. Oh, well, maybe someday. Until then, I hope you enjoy the story, although keep in mind that I tried not to make Snape too OOC, he can still be a prickJ
MadAboutHarry: I wish I knew what you meant about the intelligent conversation…*frowns and wishes she had a brain* Glad that you want more, and I think there might be more fun at Snape Manor, although I'm not sure.
Deritine: Hehe, no lemons quite yet, but I think they'll be coming. Glad you agree with my decision to not make them jump each other immediately. *muses poke her* Oh, allright: their decision!
Itybity83: Wow, well, here is more:D
Liquid Euphoria: By the way, that is an awesome screen name.
V-Volatile: Well, make hotmail get better so I can get my Raven Mooore. You are always excused from reviewing if you are writing since you are so awesome. And he won't always be so polite, believe me, but I am trying to make it realistic, sorry, hon. Where *did* you get your sn? But see, Jonsi's gay, right? So the other one, the cuter one, definitely. Anyhow, more will be on the way, I may have you read it over first:D Happy New Years, didn't call you in case you were doing something else.
Bessorla: I'm ecstatic that you think its original, and although I do have another romance fic where Hermione is a student, I tried not to make it quick or trivial. Harry and Ron haven't told me what they think, but that might be something I'd like to put in. Although I don't like to spoil the plot (what little of it the muses deigned to tell me), no, neither Ron nor Harry have romantic feelings for her, sorry. However, there will still be a fair amount of angst if I know my muses.
Jessicat1982: Very glad you like itJ
Orenda: I try very hard not to make a lot of mistakes, although I'm not so sure I succeed when it comes to logic, so I would really appreciate your pointing out any errors you find to me. Thanks for the comment!
Arcee: Well, I think it will be; thank you for the encouragement.
Military_Brat: Woohoo, my muses love it that you think its creative, and you're right; he won't be sappy nice if I can help it.
Dawn: Thank you very much for the support:D
Photis: Thanks for the holiday wishes, and I certainly doubt my muses would let me abandon it.
Destructogirl: So here is a little bit moreJ
Veresna Ussep: Well, I came close, but not exactly that. Really thought about it, though:D
Slytherian Angle: Hehe, yes, but Severus is all protective. Hope you liked this.
Pidgie: I write the story as it goes, and post when a chapter is done, so here is the next one.