Ok, so I totally know it's wrong to go out with another guy. I mean, I am completely in love and devoted to Jesse, but the thing is, I was beginning to think he wasn't all that interested in me anymore. Paranoid I know, but I can't help having a nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I mean, was there something wrong with the way I kissed? Or with me in general? I had hardly talked to him since that day in the cemetery. And I had a general feeling he wouldn't be calling me querida for awhile. You wouldn't think someone like Jesse would hide from me just becuase of a kiss. Just so he could hide his feelings and all. Wait, Jesse is not all that open in the first place. What do I have to worry about him sharing his feelings?

But let me tell you, there's a reason why Spike is staying out all night to stalk small to medium sized mammals. And it's not because he prefers spending time with me.

So technically, if we weren't a couple-and he didn't want to talk to me-can you really blame me for wanting a normal date with a normal guy? Can you? I think not. But I still felt sorta guilty nonetheless. Would Jesse do this to me? Go out and find another otherworldly hottie` to have some fun with? No, of course not. He's too nice and gentlemanly. And that's why I felt so bad.

So of course, the last thing I wanted was to talk to Jesse when I came home that evening. Which is why I completely avoided his eye contact and headed straight for my bed. "Hello Susannah," the ghost on my window seat said. Still not looking him in the eye, "Oh, hi Jesse." Was my brilliant reply. Oh yes I'm a genius. Mastermind of words. Right. "How was your day?" he asked. Conveniatly not mentioning his twin Jamie, I said, "It was good. Went to the mall with CeeCee, she got some clothes and stuff you know. I had fun. Oh and I found this really cute top that was..- " Great...babbling...again.How wonderful it is to be Susannah Simon. Who can't even keep a decent conversation with her would-be boyfriend, besides the fact that he's a ghost and no one else would believe I had a boyfriend and think I was just weird and lonely...Yeah,just great.

But what I-of all things-did not expect Jesse to say was what he said next."Susannah,I have spoken with Father Dominic, and we both agree and think it is the best that when I move to the rectory we really not see each other again." I gaped at him.Literally.I know my jaw must have hung open too. I loved Jesse, could I take never seeing him again? All the time knowing how close he was. I know he must at least felt something for me deep down. We are friends. And are close-though I'm always wishing for more of a torrid affair than friendship-if we were even friends, how could he do this to me? I asked myself that alot awhile after he told me upsetting piece of information. But how can he be so cruel? Doesn't he feel anything...?

True, I had a date with some guy next week but that didn't mean I didn't still love Jesse! I would drop Jamie in an instant if Jesse showed any hint of emotion for me!

I debated which would come first, the tears or the anger. Because right now I had a sudden urge to let the tears forming in my eyes to come flooding out. Then again I also had an urge to go yell in his face and ask him why WHY did he do this to me? Then maybe satisfyingly sock him in the stomach.

But right when I look up, I knew he had made my decision for me, because he whispered, " I'm sorry," and disappeared.