(A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! It makes me happy when ya'll
do! *shivers* the guilt trip worked again and I decided to type another
chapter.But I feel sluggish.*Puts on right-out-of-dryer Old Navy pants and
sweatshirt, perks up BIG TIME* Ahh, sweet simplicity. Ok if anybody has ANY
ideas on how to make my story longer, PLZ suggest them. I tried and tried
and I made it longer like 3 times. And yet you people think its to short!
It takes up 4 pages or 5 when I write it but when I type it out it
magically gets ALOT shorter, no how many times I make the font bigger to
make me happy.*bangs head on desk, not hard though* So ANY suggestions on
what to do. And oh to Rachel whom I think I scared off. Sorry, I was hyper
and plz email me back what you think.AND OH YES to my reviewers do you
think I should put a Jesse POV??Plz write what you think! And some love to
Jennifer(), she has updated TWICE in one day.w00t!But she injured
Jesse*sniffle* but he's a ghost, not like he could DIE again. Now the
killing of Paul I could get used too... Rain)
As soon as I got to Father Dominic's office I just blew off the top. Apparently I had been building alot of tension and suppressed anger-as my former therapist in New York would say-during my walk to the Mission. Poor old Father Dom didn't have a clue what had hit him. I began my rant:
"Father Dominic, after all Jesse and I have been through, how COULD you suggest that Jesse just STAY AWAY FROM ME?" He started to say something but I didn't let him get to the second syllable.
"I mean, I know Jesse and I have sort of a history, but you know Jesse would NEVER try to take advantage of me! He doesn't deserve to spend the last of his time on Earth in a rectory Father Dom and you know that! As many times as Jesse has had my back I thought it would have gotten through to you by now. But NO, you tell Jesse to stay away from me so I can try to live normally and fall for someone not dead. DON'T YOU!?!?Well it's too late. I'm not normal I never can nor will be. And I've already fallen for Jesse!" Oops.That was NOT the best thing to tell Father Dom straight out. But oh well he has had his share of unrequited love so why can't I? Therefore I continued my rage.
"Besides Father Dom, what if Paul besides to come, oh I don't know try to rape me in my sleep. If Jesse's not there to help me out, then I just about done for! You can't tell Jesse to stay away from me! You just CANNOT!"
I was on the verge of tears by then. And I knew just about anything would set me off. But then Father D. did the worst thing possible. Or rather he said the worst thing possible.
"Susannah, I am so terribly sorry to inform you, but it was not me who suggested Jesse go away from you. On the contrary, it was Jesse himself."
I stood there speechless for a while. I bet I looked so poised. RIGHT. Shock took over my entire body. The dam of tears broke. And my senses took over. I realized someone had been standing behind me. Probably my whole speech. Apparently that someone had materialized at the beginning of my yelling spat I began to understand with dread.
But all I could get out after gapping-and probably catching some flies while doing so-was, "Jesse, he-I..but...I don-suggested it?"
I slowly turned around around, not caring if he saw the pain in my eyes and face. I didn't want to hide it. I looked Jesse straight in the eyes. Which my eyes were flowing with tears. Then, just before I ran from the room, I whispered, "How could you?" Then I fled.
*******************
I didn't know where to go, I just kept running. But since I'm not that athletic of a person, I soon had to jog, then just walk wearly.I couldn't go to my house.Jesse would show up there.I just knew he would. It's a good long walk even if it was in the cool dark. I didn't trust the serenity of it all. Now I couldn't see the poison oak that lurked in clumps of weeds that were out to get me.
I decided to call Adam to come get me. He was the obvious choice.Again.I couldn't call my parents or my lovely siblings to come get me. I would be criticized and ridiculed for doing all that in the first place.
But when I get to a Safeway, who else do I see but my date for next Saturday, Jamie.Great.Just peachy.
I tried to hide. I SWEAR I did. But he saw me before I could duck behind an aisle of canned food. Of course he came over too. No, he couldn't just be NORMAL and wave then walk away. Oh this was perfect. If Paul was here we could have a little party of 'people I didn't really want to see and be around right now.' Just great.
"Susannah, how ya been?" he asked sweetly. Ok call me crazy, but I didn't really want anyone but Jesse to call me Susannah. Well, Jesse and Father D. that is.
"Just call me Suze is that's ok." Is all I had to answer in return.
"Ok then Suze, what have you been up too?" Ok, I just the guy yesterday afternoon. Not too much you can really do from then till now. But I didn't want to sound indignant. After all he WAS my date for next Saturday, so I simply said,
"Oh not much really. Just hanging out around my house. How about you?" I WISH! But that was all I could come up with for a reply.
"Well, not much, just learning where everything is really.''
My brilliant reply was: "Oh," smart Suze.I decided that if I was going to talk to him, I might as well make it useful conversation.
"Hey do you have a cellphone? I kinda need my friend to come get me." He only thought about his answer for what seemed only two seconds before answering. "No, sorry. But I could take you wherever you need to go to."
I almost laughed out loud. But I suppressed my mirth. Well, I NEEDED to go far away from Jesse and this whole situation. Back to New York would be nice. But since it seemed like he wasn't ready to drive me all the way back to New York, I thought about what to do about his seemingly good- intentioned offer.
I hardly knew him. Yet I was going on a date with him next week. I could use this little car trip to get to know him better too. And this would mean no questions whatsoever from Adam. But I still needed to ask CeeCee if it was ok if I crashed there for the night. Finally I gushed, "Oh thanks that would be so great if you could do that for me."
On the way to CeeCee's I really began to know and like Jamie better. He was funny, smart, and didn't seem to either BE a psychopathic killer or have one stalking him. Plus he was from New York. A bonus. It meant he probably missed the bagels and all the public transportation just like I did. Which got me wondering, how did he learn to drive? Any sane person in New York took the subway or a taxi. So I asked. "If your from New York, how did you learn to drive?" He flustered a bit but answered, "Well I lived my whole life in New York City but the year before I moved out here I lived up in the Hamptons and the Upper East with my grandparents. Someone taught me to drive up there." Wow the Hamptons, his grandparents must be loaded. But I didn't pry.
When we finally got to CeeCee's I vigorously thanked him for the ride and told him that I would see him Saturday. If we were still on for that. Which turns out we were. So I grabbed a pen and gave him my address. Then told him to give me a call before Saturday if he wanted. You know what? He didn't even try to make one move on me before I got out of the car. Not one. I almost leaned over and kissed him on the cheek just for that. Almost. But of course if he had tried to make a move I would have had to sock him in the jaw and bruise that perfect face. So it was so much better he hadn't made a move. So I walked up the path to CeeCee's door and with a wave to Jamie I turned and rang the doorbell.
**************************
CeeCee came to the door. I'm glad it wasn't all that late, otherwise I would have been really embarrassed. I put on my saddest-look at me I'm desperate of somewhere to stay please let me come in-face and said, " Hey, can I crash here tonight?" CeeCee is absolutely the best friend anyone can have. See understood I was desperate for somewhere to stay but wasn't sure why. And that I didn't feel like answering questions right now. Although I knew I would pay for it later. So she nodded and let me in. She didn't ask one question on why I was staying there for the night. Then she started asking if I wanted a shower now or in the morning. I could of hugged her. I went with the alternative statement at the moment. "I have to call my Mom and tell them I staying here tonight. I just told her I was going to the Mission."
Thank goodness my Mom was ok with it. I would have to ask CeeCee if I could borrow an outfit to wear tomorrow in a minute.....
*******************************
The next day went fine thankfully. No calls to the principals office to rub in the callousness of the whole situation. And thank God I didn't bump into Paul the entire day. Well, except for when he winked at me in the hall. Ugh.
I intentionally stalled going home, just in case Jesse was going to be there. Which he was. Going to be there I mean. I asked CeeCee and Adam if they wanted to go to the Coffee Clutch, but much to my dismay, they BOTH couldn't go. Great, I have to go home then.
After Jake brought us home-which, took much less time than I liked I normally expected a car ride to be- I dragged and delayed going up to my room all I could. I hung out with David a bit-not to mention he helped me with my Trig homework-and actually talked with Andy. I think my Mom would have been proud if she had been home yet. Yes, I was desperate to avoid my room. I shouldn't of had to. In my defense, is completely unfair. After all it is my room. I shouldn't have to avoid it like it was poison oak. But yet here I was talking to Andy about my day.
Finally I tediously dragged myself up to my room. Slowly taking the stairs one at a time. I edged open my door. Intent on doing so very quietly so that at the slightest sign of Jesse, I could bolt back downstairs and refuse entrance to my room. I poked my head in. No sign of Jesse. But just to be on the safe side, I tiptoed to my bathroom. Making sure I made very little noise as possible. Thankfully I had remembered to grab some comfortable clothes to change into. Then I turned on the shower.
When I got out of the shower I had a very startling thought. I suddenly realized Jesse wouldn't show up. I mean, he didn't want to come around me anymore, so why would he care or even bother to come check and see about how he went and hurt me. And how badly he had hurt me. He obviously didn't love me. He wouldn't have told Father Dom all of this if he did. It meant he couldn't stand to even be around me anymore. And that he felt sorry for me so he thought he would just get away from me know and force me to fall for someone else. Maybe I could fall for Paul. That might spark SOMETHING in him. No, I couldn't fall for Paul. I hated him too much.
Right now I wished I could hate him. Jesse I mean. I really did. But I couldn't, because I loved him. So I just couldn't hate him. And yes, the fact that he never wanted to see me again proved that he didn't like me or would ever love me now. And that those kisses, those spine-tingling kisses, were some kind of sick joke. I couldn't handle that. I was so dumb as to fall for a ghost. I should have known better. I really should of. I am so pathetically stupid.
I finally cautiously emerged from my bathroom. No Jesse, good. Because as much as I might want to cry my sad woes to Father Dominic, I would be VERY rude and malevolent to Jesse. After all, he did break my heart. The thing is, I never could figure out why I liked Jesse so much. I mean yeah he is REALLY hott, but I'm not shallow like that. There are other reasons I like Jesse too. He is sweet and protective and all. But I never can figure out just why I like him so much. I don't question stuff like that.Fate.Destiny.I just let attraction take it's course. I mean Maybe fate decided to give me these abilities just so I could met Jesse. But then again Jesse doesn't like me so that ruins it all.
I had a few minutes to read and such before dinner. So I settled down with a new issue of Seventeen, and started reading an article about how to find out if he really likes you, or if he is just messing with your head. Ha, I thought, if only these things applied to guys circa 1850.
As I was getting content and enveloped in the article, I finally noticed Spike had come in and had started to purr loudly like a car engine. I suddenly got up very fast with a very malicious look on my face, ready to bolt. But I didn't get the chance. Why couldn't I have been RIGHT about Jesse not going to show up? For once why couldn't I of been right??
Ever so slowly, a ghost materialized on my window seat with a very remorseful look on his face. Then Jesse said very causally, "Hello Susannah."
As soon as I got to Father Dominic's office I just blew off the top. Apparently I had been building alot of tension and suppressed anger-as my former therapist in New York would say-during my walk to the Mission. Poor old Father Dom didn't have a clue what had hit him. I began my rant:
"Father Dominic, after all Jesse and I have been through, how COULD you suggest that Jesse just STAY AWAY FROM ME?" He started to say something but I didn't let him get to the second syllable.
"I mean, I know Jesse and I have sort of a history, but you know Jesse would NEVER try to take advantage of me! He doesn't deserve to spend the last of his time on Earth in a rectory Father Dom and you know that! As many times as Jesse has had my back I thought it would have gotten through to you by now. But NO, you tell Jesse to stay away from me so I can try to live normally and fall for someone not dead. DON'T YOU!?!?Well it's too late. I'm not normal I never can nor will be. And I've already fallen for Jesse!" Oops.That was NOT the best thing to tell Father Dom straight out. But oh well he has had his share of unrequited love so why can't I? Therefore I continued my rage.
"Besides Father Dom, what if Paul besides to come, oh I don't know try to rape me in my sleep. If Jesse's not there to help me out, then I just about done for! You can't tell Jesse to stay away from me! You just CANNOT!"
I was on the verge of tears by then. And I knew just about anything would set me off. But then Father D. did the worst thing possible. Or rather he said the worst thing possible.
"Susannah, I am so terribly sorry to inform you, but it was not me who suggested Jesse go away from you. On the contrary, it was Jesse himself."
I stood there speechless for a while. I bet I looked so poised. RIGHT. Shock took over my entire body. The dam of tears broke. And my senses took over. I realized someone had been standing behind me. Probably my whole speech. Apparently that someone had materialized at the beginning of my yelling spat I began to understand with dread.
But all I could get out after gapping-and probably catching some flies while doing so-was, "Jesse, he-I..but...I don-suggested it?"
I slowly turned around around, not caring if he saw the pain in my eyes and face. I didn't want to hide it. I looked Jesse straight in the eyes. Which my eyes were flowing with tears. Then, just before I ran from the room, I whispered, "How could you?" Then I fled.
*******************
I didn't know where to go, I just kept running. But since I'm not that athletic of a person, I soon had to jog, then just walk wearly.I couldn't go to my house.Jesse would show up there.I just knew he would. It's a good long walk even if it was in the cool dark. I didn't trust the serenity of it all. Now I couldn't see the poison oak that lurked in clumps of weeds that were out to get me.
I decided to call Adam to come get me. He was the obvious choice.Again.I couldn't call my parents or my lovely siblings to come get me. I would be criticized and ridiculed for doing all that in the first place.
But when I get to a Safeway, who else do I see but my date for next Saturday, Jamie.Great.Just peachy.
I tried to hide. I SWEAR I did. But he saw me before I could duck behind an aisle of canned food. Of course he came over too. No, he couldn't just be NORMAL and wave then walk away. Oh this was perfect. If Paul was here we could have a little party of 'people I didn't really want to see and be around right now.' Just great.
"Susannah, how ya been?" he asked sweetly. Ok call me crazy, but I didn't really want anyone but Jesse to call me Susannah. Well, Jesse and Father D. that is.
"Just call me Suze is that's ok." Is all I had to answer in return.
"Ok then Suze, what have you been up too?" Ok, I just the guy yesterday afternoon. Not too much you can really do from then till now. But I didn't want to sound indignant. After all he WAS my date for next Saturday, so I simply said,
"Oh not much really. Just hanging out around my house. How about you?" I WISH! But that was all I could come up with for a reply.
"Well, not much, just learning where everything is really.''
My brilliant reply was: "Oh," smart Suze.I decided that if I was going to talk to him, I might as well make it useful conversation.
"Hey do you have a cellphone? I kinda need my friend to come get me." He only thought about his answer for what seemed only two seconds before answering. "No, sorry. But I could take you wherever you need to go to."
I almost laughed out loud. But I suppressed my mirth. Well, I NEEDED to go far away from Jesse and this whole situation. Back to New York would be nice. But since it seemed like he wasn't ready to drive me all the way back to New York, I thought about what to do about his seemingly good- intentioned offer.
I hardly knew him. Yet I was going on a date with him next week. I could use this little car trip to get to know him better too. And this would mean no questions whatsoever from Adam. But I still needed to ask CeeCee if it was ok if I crashed there for the night. Finally I gushed, "Oh thanks that would be so great if you could do that for me."
On the way to CeeCee's I really began to know and like Jamie better. He was funny, smart, and didn't seem to either BE a psychopathic killer or have one stalking him. Plus he was from New York. A bonus. It meant he probably missed the bagels and all the public transportation just like I did. Which got me wondering, how did he learn to drive? Any sane person in New York took the subway or a taxi. So I asked. "If your from New York, how did you learn to drive?" He flustered a bit but answered, "Well I lived my whole life in New York City but the year before I moved out here I lived up in the Hamptons and the Upper East with my grandparents. Someone taught me to drive up there." Wow the Hamptons, his grandparents must be loaded. But I didn't pry.
When we finally got to CeeCee's I vigorously thanked him for the ride and told him that I would see him Saturday. If we were still on for that. Which turns out we were. So I grabbed a pen and gave him my address. Then told him to give me a call before Saturday if he wanted. You know what? He didn't even try to make one move on me before I got out of the car. Not one. I almost leaned over and kissed him on the cheek just for that. Almost. But of course if he had tried to make a move I would have had to sock him in the jaw and bruise that perfect face. So it was so much better he hadn't made a move. So I walked up the path to CeeCee's door and with a wave to Jamie I turned and rang the doorbell.
**************************
CeeCee came to the door. I'm glad it wasn't all that late, otherwise I would have been really embarrassed. I put on my saddest-look at me I'm desperate of somewhere to stay please let me come in-face and said, " Hey, can I crash here tonight?" CeeCee is absolutely the best friend anyone can have. See understood I was desperate for somewhere to stay but wasn't sure why. And that I didn't feel like answering questions right now. Although I knew I would pay for it later. So she nodded and let me in. She didn't ask one question on why I was staying there for the night. Then she started asking if I wanted a shower now or in the morning. I could of hugged her. I went with the alternative statement at the moment. "I have to call my Mom and tell them I staying here tonight. I just told her I was going to the Mission."
Thank goodness my Mom was ok with it. I would have to ask CeeCee if I could borrow an outfit to wear tomorrow in a minute.....
*******************************
The next day went fine thankfully. No calls to the principals office to rub in the callousness of the whole situation. And thank God I didn't bump into Paul the entire day. Well, except for when he winked at me in the hall. Ugh.
I intentionally stalled going home, just in case Jesse was going to be there. Which he was. Going to be there I mean. I asked CeeCee and Adam if they wanted to go to the Coffee Clutch, but much to my dismay, they BOTH couldn't go. Great, I have to go home then.
After Jake brought us home-which, took much less time than I liked I normally expected a car ride to be- I dragged and delayed going up to my room all I could. I hung out with David a bit-not to mention he helped me with my Trig homework-and actually talked with Andy. I think my Mom would have been proud if she had been home yet. Yes, I was desperate to avoid my room. I shouldn't of had to. In my defense, is completely unfair. After all it is my room. I shouldn't have to avoid it like it was poison oak. But yet here I was talking to Andy about my day.
Finally I tediously dragged myself up to my room. Slowly taking the stairs one at a time. I edged open my door. Intent on doing so very quietly so that at the slightest sign of Jesse, I could bolt back downstairs and refuse entrance to my room. I poked my head in. No sign of Jesse. But just to be on the safe side, I tiptoed to my bathroom. Making sure I made very little noise as possible. Thankfully I had remembered to grab some comfortable clothes to change into. Then I turned on the shower.
When I got out of the shower I had a very startling thought. I suddenly realized Jesse wouldn't show up. I mean, he didn't want to come around me anymore, so why would he care or even bother to come check and see about how he went and hurt me. And how badly he had hurt me. He obviously didn't love me. He wouldn't have told Father Dom all of this if he did. It meant he couldn't stand to even be around me anymore. And that he felt sorry for me so he thought he would just get away from me know and force me to fall for someone else. Maybe I could fall for Paul. That might spark SOMETHING in him. No, I couldn't fall for Paul. I hated him too much.
Right now I wished I could hate him. Jesse I mean. I really did. But I couldn't, because I loved him. So I just couldn't hate him. And yes, the fact that he never wanted to see me again proved that he didn't like me or would ever love me now. And that those kisses, those spine-tingling kisses, were some kind of sick joke. I couldn't handle that. I was so dumb as to fall for a ghost. I should have known better. I really should of. I am so pathetically stupid.
I finally cautiously emerged from my bathroom. No Jesse, good. Because as much as I might want to cry my sad woes to Father Dominic, I would be VERY rude and malevolent to Jesse. After all, he did break my heart. The thing is, I never could figure out why I liked Jesse so much. I mean yeah he is REALLY hott, but I'm not shallow like that. There are other reasons I like Jesse too. He is sweet and protective and all. But I never can figure out just why I like him so much. I don't question stuff like that.Fate.Destiny.I just let attraction take it's course. I mean Maybe fate decided to give me these abilities just so I could met Jesse. But then again Jesse doesn't like me so that ruins it all.
I had a few minutes to read and such before dinner. So I settled down with a new issue of Seventeen, and started reading an article about how to find out if he really likes you, or if he is just messing with your head. Ha, I thought, if only these things applied to guys circa 1850.
As I was getting content and enveloped in the article, I finally noticed Spike had come in and had started to purr loudly like a car engine. I suddenly got up very fast with a very malicious look on my face, ready to bolt. But I didn't get the chance. Why couldn't I have been RIGHT about Jesse not going to show up? For once why couldn't I of been right??
Ever so slowly, a ghost materialized on my window seat with a very remorseful look on his face. Then Jesse said very causally, "Hello Susannah."