(A/N: See! It was very fast! And this is long!Mwuahaha!Like really
long though.Ok.Thanks for all the reviews! REALLY! Now I have a little
score to settle with genies9.WHY HAVEN'T YOU UPDATED
REVELATIONS!WHY!?!?!*glares* Maybe I should do something drastic! Like not
update for months!Ok.Better now. And bunny girl. She better'd update too!
Those are the ones I could think of off the top of my head. Especially
genies9 because she hasn't updated in FOREVER!Yes.So would somebody PLZ
tell me if I should put Jesse POV?PLZ!And Rachel, no matter what I do, to
everyone else it seems to be a cliffy! I guess that's because only I know
what's going to happen next.Hehe.And cliffs keep em' guessin! Ok, on with
the show.)
I glared at him with all the anger I could possibly combine. "What do you think your doing here Jesse?" I said rather icily, "If you haven't noticed this is MY room now, and since you are to stay away from me. So would you be so kind as to stick to your resolutions?" Then I gave him a death stare. "Susannah," he pleaded, "don't be like this, surely you know this is for the bett-" Do you really think I let him finish THAT statement?? "I suggest," I said again rather coldly, "you get out, NOW. You don't want to make Father Dominic think you've been led astray in the rectory now, do you?" For some odd reason, Jesse had a pained look on his face. As if this was painful for HIM.HA!But I didn't care. I just kept on. "I'm out of your life Jesse! You don't have to deal with me anymore, happy now!?!I won't be some big load of trouble you have to deal with. I won't bother you anymore.OK.I get it! That's what you want, isn't it!?! Ok, so I was really mad, ok? But I can say it really shocked me by what he said next. "Susannah, you know I am not happy when I am not with you. I...I am happiest when I'm with you," he said rather uncomfortably.
Wait, whoa, did he REALLY just say he was happiest with me? I was more than a little confused now. "Wha- I...yo-...you are??"
"Of course Susannah, so you really must see that it really IS better this way." Ok, THAT got me started again. All my happiness was washed away. All I wanted to do was scream," It's not better this way! It's better when your here, with me! Particularly when your here, kissing me!" But I didn't. Of course I didn't. All I said was, "No, I really don't see. Could you please explain it to me?" Did I mention I said that wickedly innocent? To show Jesse I was really pissed. I guess I got my point across. Jesse kind of stuttered over what he said next, "Well, you uh, see -" He only got that much out-rather difficultly might I add-before he had to stop because the next thing I knew, Brad was pounding at my door, shouting that it was time for dinner. I turned slightly towards the door-blocking Jesse from my line of sight-to yell at him back to go away because I would be right down. And when I turned back, Jesse was gone.
I let out a silent scream and mouthed 'men' to myself. Damn Jesse! Why does he always have to disappear on me like that?? I had half a mind to call him back here right now. But I didn't. Why subject myself to more hardship? I'm such a wimp. It's a sad day when Susannah Simon can't take on a ghost. I went down to dinner. As soon as I appeared in the doorway my Mom came over and kissed me on the forehead, asking me, "How was your day Suzie?" Then proceeded on to the kitchen to get the mashed potatoes.
Instead of REALLY telling her what was going on and what a crappy time I'd been having, I simply replied, "Oh, it was fine Mom." Just to keep her happy. I loved my Mom. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea and think that I was getting back into my old habits from back in New York again or anything.
I sat through a pleasant meal of roasted turkey, mashed potatoes, and rolls. I didn't have much to say in the dinner conversations. All I could think of was about Jesse. He liked being with me? That had to mean something.Right??Even though he was dreadfully cruel and told Father Dom he was going to stay away from me. It still gave me hope. I liked being with me! I liked it the most! Over anything else! Then again, maybe that was because I was the only female he had been in contact with in over 150 years. I let that thought sink in sadly. That's what it was. It had to be. I cursed myself for being so stupid as to think he really liked me. Even the tiniest bit.I am so freaking stupid. It was all I could think about as I finished up my strawberry shortcake and sprinted up my stairs to my room. Lucky me, Jesse was there.Again.Oh joy. "Ok, since I get such a pleasure of your company, please tell me what you were saying, or about to say before you politely disappeared on me." I saw Jesse cringe at the way I said 'pleasure of your company.' Serves him right.
"Querida, it really IS complicated. Need we be having this conversation?" I just stared. "Yes, we need to have this conversation! I want to know and I want to know now! It's bad enough I had to find out from Father Dominic it was you who brought on the whole situation of never seeing me again. So I want to know NOW." I continued to stare him down with a look of pure hatred. Not to say that I really hated Jesse. But not even those liquid dark eyes or every uncavaderous abs that peeked through his shirt could make me melt and give way NOW.
Jesse's face suddenly held a look of deep concern and regret. "Susannah. It cannot go on this way. If I kept living here..." he trailed off, but quickly regained his thought. "It CANNOT continue this way. This is how it must be. I must get out of your life. Why do you not understand? I am just a nuisance. I hold you back. You can't live normally with me here! You need to continue with your life, without me."
That one sentence-just that one simple sentence-had enough power and impact to shatter my whole world as I knew it. Without Jesse!?!?He was about the sanest thing in my life right now! He was the only thing I could count on. He had saved me so many times. How could I ever go one without him?!?But Jesse wasn't done stomping on my already broken and bleeding heart yet, oh no.
"This is hard for me too Susannah, please believe it. But I am just a bother. It is best this way. You deserve so much more." Better than Jesse? I didn't think that could be accomplished. The look of concern on his face only deepened. I was about to cry. I just knew it. And I also knew it showed. Father Dominic would be furious if he thought I wad using my 'feminine wiles' against Jesse. But still, all I could get out before a single tear slid down my cheek was, "I don't see how this is better for me. It's not better." Forget 'feminine wiles' I had to tell him. And all of it came out. Well, at least the part where I thought it wasn't right. "Jesse, you don't mess up my life, you make it better. Your probably the sanest thing I have going for me right now. I can always count on you to be there for me. And I know I don't always show it but I really appreciate that. I just don't get how it's better that way. I just don't." Then that single teardrop turned into two teardrops, then three, then too many to count. Jesse hurried over to where I had ended up sitting on my bed. He looked at me sadly. "Querida, please don't cry." And with that he took me into his arms and made very soothing noises. I'm pretty sure he kissed the top of my head too. But it didn't take long for me to settle down. All I wanted was for Jesse to just hold me there for awhile. Which he did. It was Jesse who finally spoke though.
"Susannah, I l-" but he never did get to finish that sentence. Because my mother had to ruin the moment. She yelled up the stairs that there was a phone call for me. I jumped up. This is why I need a cellphone I thought right when she said, "It's some boy Suzie. He says his name is Jamie. And that you met at the mall. Is this true Suze? He said something about this Saturday. Do you have a date with this boy Suzie?" I could just see the look on her face as I bean to turn a nice shade of crimson. She was overly excited to have me have a date. I turned towards the door-Jesse had let me out of his cozy embrace when my mother first began screeching at me and killed whatever Jesse and I just had-and hoped that Jesse had politely dematerialized like he normally does. Then yelled back, "Uh, yeah Mom. Uh- it's a guy I met at the mall. I'm going out with him...umm...Saturday." With a grim look I turned-still hoping Jesse had gone-to look where Jesse had been last originally. But saw I had no such luck and Jesse had not disappeared as I had hoped. No, he was standing there with one of those unreadable expressions on his face. So I went for the smart decision. I got away from Jesse, fast. I ran down the stairs-barely being able to stop myself from tripping over Max-and then went and picked up the phone.
"Hello?" I let out a long breathe.
"Hey Suze, how ya been?"
"Oh, just great been uh, wonderful."
"Oh well. That's nice. Are we still on for Saturday night?"
"Uh...Yeah...Yes.Yes we are. Can't wait."
"Ok, well I'll pick you up at 7, sound good to you Suze?"
"Yes, that sounds just fine."
"Ok then. Bye.''
"Bye"
I wasn't sure what to do next as I slowly put down the phone. As it turns out I didn't have a choice. Right when I got off the phone my Mom approached me. "So Suzie, how come you didn't tell me you had a date?" THIS is why I thought as she made me tell her every single detail I could remember about Jamie. Which was easy really. All I had to do was think about Jesse.Jesse.I felt my heart twinge. He had heard what I said. And what my Mom had said. I knew he was going to be mad. More than mad.Furious.But so what! He didn't like me. And I didn't belong to him! Yet I felt kinda bad all the same. But I knew I had to face him all the same. So when my mother was done interrogating me, I walked to the stairs and slowly went up them, one at a time.
When I emerged into my room, Jesse wasn't there. But someone else was.
(A/N:Hehe, and you all thought that was goin to be a cliffie! DIDN'TYOU!?!?!)
"Hi dad." I went over and gave him a hearty hug. "Long time no see." He just gave me a look. "How have you been Suze?"
"Oh fine. Everything's been just great." I don't know how much of that he could tell was forced to sound cheerful. I am such a liar.
''Now Suze, you know that isn't true. I know what's been going on. Especially with that Paul guy."
My dad said Paul with almost as much distaste as I normally said it. Oh crap. Did he know what happened at Paul's house too? Nonetheless I was proud. "Well dad, if you know what's going on, then you know I had no choice in the matter. He's the one who applied to MY school. I had no say in the matter. Because if I had....well Paul would have stayed away." And most likely with a broken nose I added silently. Still I hoped that's all my dad knew about.
"Suze that's not all I'm talking about either. You should have guessed by now. I'm talking about Jesse." Oh God not THIS again. "DAD! What else do I need to do to prove to you and convince you that Jesse's intentionsof me are anything less than honorable!?!?" Unfortunately and much to my dismay he didn't anyways. Probably never did and never will I thought sadly. But my dad caught me a little off guard when he said, "No Suze, it's not that either. You can't go on loving Jesse, Suze. You need to move on to someone LIVING." Hold on now. WHAT!?! How did my DAD know I loved Jesse? HOW?!? He is, more than less, always gone and is never there when I REALLY need him. Only Jesse is. I walked over to my for poster bed slowly then sat down heavily. I guess the concern, anger, and mostly shock must have showed on my face because my dad said, "Suzie, it's unhealthy to love someone no longer living. Go on and find someone to love that can love you back, properly." He said that last word with alot of emphasis. Well, that was a load of crap. "Dad, your dead, and I still love YOU, so what's the difference really?" He gave me a harsh, stern look. "Now Susannah, you know what I mean. Cut the sarcasm." I just let it drop. No use arguing. He was using his don't-question-me- tone. I just hoped he hadn't told Jesse that I loved him or anything. How embarrassing would THAT be? And for him to find out from my dad no less. I shuddered at the thought.
"Um dad, you didn't uh...TELL Jesse I loved him, did you? Because that would be really embarrassing and all. For him to find out from my dad." My dad just stood there. Taking in what I just said. Then his eyes widened and looked at me incredulously. "Suze, " he just stared. Dumbfounded. "Wha-he...doesn't KNOW!?!?" Oops.Smart Suze real smart. But now it was my turn to be dumbfounded. I was in trouble now. I decided to question my dad. "What do you mean he doesn't know?!? Of COURSE he doesn't know! Why would I tell him?!?" Then I gave him my best-are you really THAT mental-look. He gave me a look back. "Susannah, the way you are. I'd thought you had told him by now. I mean, your attitude, how you act...You must have really changed since New York Suze." Yeah, I thought bitterly. I have changed. Only you couldn't of known because your never here.
"Well, yeah, I guess I have changed. I mean it was a new start. I wanted to at least try to be normal for once Dad." "And I understand that Suze." Somehow I doubted that. "But your life would be more towards normal if you get over Jesse." I couldn't believe this. Jesse, Father Dominic and my DAD were all telling me to move on. Well, Father D. didn't exactly tell me but I knew he was going to. But all I wanted was to just stay this way, with Jesse here with me. But no, that wasn't going to happen. Why? Because I am a mediator that's why.
"Daddy," I used that form of Dad because it always made him go soft. "Why can't you see I want things to stay the way they are. Or were. I want Jesse to stay with me. Because I-" I had to stop abruptly. For that certain host I had just been talking about began to materialize next to my dad.
(A/N:Ok sorry.I just couldn't think of anything else to put.I have major writer's block. Be lucky I got this far. Anybody that has any idea's plz. tell me. I need them right now. Thanks!)
I glared at him with all the anger I could possibly combine. "What do you think your doing here Jesse?" I said rather icily, "If you haven't noticed this is MY room now, and since you are to stay away from me. So would you be so kind as to stick to your resolutions?" Then I gave him a death stare. "Susannah," he pleaded, "don't be like this, surely you know this is for the bett-" Do you really think I let him finish THAT statement?? "I suggest," I said again rather coldly, "you get out, NOW. You don't want to make Father Dominic think you've been led astray in the rectory now, do you?" For some odd reason, Jesse had a pained look on his face. As if this was painful for HIM.HA!But I didn't care. I just kept on. "I'm out of your life Jesse! You don't have to deal with me anymore, happy now!?!I won't be some big load of trouble you have to deal with. I won't bother you anymore.OK.I get it! That's what you want, isn't it!?! Ok, so I was really mad, ok? But I can say it really shocked me by what he said next. "Susannah, you know I am not happy when I am not with you. I...I am happiest when I'm with you," he said rather uncomfortably.
Wait, whoa, did he REALLY just say he was happiest with me? I was more than a little confused now. "Wha- I...yo-...you are??"
"Of course Susannah, so you really must see that it really IS better this way." Ok, THAT got me started again. All my happiness was washed away. All I wanted to do was scream," It's not better this way! It's better when your here, with me! Particularly when your here, kissing me!" But I didn't. Of course I didn't. All I said was, "No, I really don't see. Could you please explain it to me?" Did I mention I said that wickedly innocent? To show Jesse I was really pissed. I guess I got my point across. Jesse kind of stuttered over what he said next, "Well, you uh, see -" He only got that much out-rather difficultly might I add-before he had to stop because the next thing I knew, Brad was pounding at my door, shouting that it was time for dinner. I turned slightly towards the door-blocking Jesse from my line of sight-to yell at him back to go away because I would be right down. And when I turned back, Jesse was gone.
I let out a silent scream and mouthed 'men' to myself. Damn Jesse! Why does he always have to disappear on me like that?? I had half a mind to call him back here right now. But I didn't. Why subject myself to more hardship? I'm such a wimp. It's a sad day when Susannah Simon can't take on a ghost. I went down to dinner. As soon as I appeared in the doorway my Mom came over and kissed me on the forehead, asking me, "How was your day Suzie?" Then proceeded on to the kitchen to get the mashed potatoes.
Instead of REALLY telling her what was going on and what a crappy time I'd been having, I simply replied, "Oh, it was fine Mom." Just to keep her happy. I loved my Mom. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea and think that I was getting back into my old habits from back in New York again or anything.
I sat through a pleasant meal of roasted turkey, mashed potatoes, and rolls. I didn't have much to say in the dinner conversations. All I could think of was about Jesse. He liked being with me? That had to mean something.Right??Even though he was dreadfully cruel and told Father Dom he was going to stay away from me. It still gave me hope. I liked being with me! I liked it the most! Over anything else! Then again, maybe that was because I was the only female he had been in contact with in over 150 years. I let that thought sink in sadly. That's what it was. It had to be. I cursed myself for being so stupid as to think he really liked me. Even the tiniest bit.I am so freaking stupid. It was all I could think about as I finished up my strawberry shortcake and sprinted up my stairs to my room. Lucky me, Jesse was there.Again.Oh joy. "Ok, since I get such a pleasure of your company, please tell me what you were saying, or about to say before you politely disappeared on me." I saw Jesse cringe at the way I said 'pleasure of your company.' Serves him right.
"Querida, it really IS complicated. Need we be having this conversation?" I just stared. "Yes, we need to have this conversation! I want to know and I want to know now! It's bad enough I had to find out from Father Dominic it was you who brought on the whole situation of never seeing me again. So I want to know NOW." I continued to stare him down with a look of pure hatred. Not to say that I really hated Jesse. But not even those liquid dark eyes or every uncavaderous abs that peeked through his shirt could make me melt and give way NOW.
Jesse's face suddenly held a look of deep concern and regret. "Susannah. It cannot go on this way. If I kept living here..." he trailed off, but quickly regained his thought. "It CANNOT continue this way. This is how it must be. I must get out of your life. Why do you not understand? I am just a nuisance. I hold you back. You can't live normally with me here! You need to continue with your life, without me."
That one sentence-just that one simple sentence-had enough power and impact to shatter my whole world as I knew it. Without Jesse!?!?He was about the sanest thing in my life right now! He was the only thing I could count on. He had saved me so many times. How could I ever go one without him?!?But Jesse wasn't done stomping on my already broken and bleeding heart yet, oh no.
"This is hard for me too Susannah, please believe it. But I am just a bother. It is best this way. You deserve so much more." Better than Jesse? I didn't think that could be accomplished. The look of concern on his face only deepened. I was about to cry. I just knew it. And I also knew it showed. Father Dominic would be furious if he thought I wad using my 'feminine wiles' against Jesse. But still, all I could get out before a single tear slid down my cheek was, "I don't see how this is better for me. It's not better." Forget 'feminine wiles' I had to tell him. And all of it came out. Well, at least the part where I thought it wasn't right. "Jesse, you don't mess up my life, you make it better. Your probably the sanest thing I have going for me right now. I can always count on you to be there for me. And I know I don't always show it but I really appreciate that. I just don't get how it's better that way. I just don't." Then that single teardrop turned into two teardrops, then three, then too many to count. Jesse hurried over to where I had ended up sitting on my bed. He looked at me sadly. "Querida, please don't cry." And with that he took me into his arms and made very soothing noises. I'm pretty sure he kissed the top of my head too. But it didn't take long for me to settle down. All I wanted was for Jesse to just hold me there for awhile. Which he did. It was Jesse who finally spoke though.
"Susannah, I l-" but he never did get to finish that sentence. Because my mother had to ruin the moment. She yelled up the stairs that there was a phone call for me. I jumped up. This is why I need a cellphone I thought right when she said, "It's some boy Suzie. He says his name is Jamie. And that you met at the mall. Is this true Suze? He said something about this Saturday. Do you have a date with this boy Suzie?" I could just see the look on her face as I bean to turn a nice shade of crimson. She was overly excited to have me have a date. I turned towards the door-Jesse had let me out of his cozy embrace when my mother first began screeching at me and killed whatever Jesse and I just had-and hoped that Jesse had politely dematerialized like he normally does. Then yelled back, "Uh, yeah Mom. Uh- it's a guy I met at the mall. I'm going out with him...umm...Saturday." With a grim look I turned-still hoping Jesse had gone-to look where Jesse had been last originally. But saw I had no such luck and Jesse had not disappeared as I had hoped. No, he was standing there with one of those unreadable expressions on his face. So I went for the smart decision. I got away from Jesse, fast. I ran down the stairs-barely being able to stop myself from tripping over Max-and then went and picked up the phone.
"Hello?" I let out a long breathe.
"Hey Suze, how ya been?"
"Oh, just great been uh, wonderful."
"Oh well. That's nice. Are we still on for Saturday night?"
"Uh...Yeah...Yes.Yes we are. Can't wait."
"Ok, well I'll pick you up at 7, sound good to you Suze?"
"Yes, that sounds just fine."
"Ok then. Bye.''
"Bye"
I wasn't sure what to do next as I slowly put down the phone. As it turns out I didn't have a choice. Right when I got off the phone my Mom approached me. "So Suzie, how come you didn't tell me you had a date?" THIS is why I thought as she made me tell her every single detail I could remember about Jamie. Which was easy really. All I had to do was think about Jesse.Jesse.I felt my heart twinge. He had heard what I said. And what my Mom had said. I knew he was going to be mad. More than mad.Furious.But so what! He didn't like me. And I didn't belong to him! Yet I felt kinda bad all the same. But I knew I had to face him all the same. So when my mother was done interrogating me, I walked to the stairs and slowly went up them, one at a time.
When I emerged into my room, Jesse wasn't there. But someone else was.
(A/N:Hehe, and you all thought that was goin to be a cliffie! DIDN'TYOU!?!?!)
"Hi dad." I went over and gave him a hearty hug. "Long time no see." He just gave me a look. "How have you been Suze?"
"Oh fine. Everything's been just great." I don't know how much of that he could tell was forced to sound cheerful. I am such a liar.
''Now Suze, you know that isn't true. I know what's been going on. Especially with that Paul guy."
My dad said Paul with almost as much distaste as I normally said it. Oh crap. Did he know what happened at Paul's house too? Nonetheless I was proud. "Well dad, if you know what's going on, then you know I had no choice in the matter. He's the one who applied to MY school. I had no say in the matter. Because if I had....well Paul would have stayed away." And most likely with a broken nose I added silently. Still I hoped that's all my dad knew about.
"Suze that's not all I'm talking about either. You should have guessed by now. I'm talking about Jesse." Oh God not THIS again. "DAD! What else do I need to do to prove to you and convince you that Jesse's intentionsof me are anything less than honorable!?!?" Unfortunately and much to my dismay he didn't anyways. Probably never did and never will I thought sadly. But my dad caught me a little off guard when he said, "No Suze, it's not that either. You can't go on loving Jesse, Suze. You need to move on to someone LIVING." Hold on now. WHAT!?! How did my DAD know I loved Jesse? HOW?!? He is, more than less, always gone and is never there when I REALLY need him. Only Jesse is. I walked over to my for poster bed slowly then sat down heavily. I guess the concern, anger, and mostly shock must have showed on my face because my dad said, "Suzie, it's unhealthy to love someone no longer living. Go on and find someone to love that can love you back, properly." He said that last word with alot of emphasis. Well, that was a load of crap. "Dad, your dead, and I still love YOU, so what's the difference really?" He gave me a harsh, stern look. "Now Susannah, you know what I mean. Cut the sarcasm." I just let it drop. No use arguing. He was using his don't-question-me- tone. I just hoped he hadn't told Jesse that I loved him or anything. How embarrassing would THAT be? And for him to find out from my dad no less. I shuddered at the thought.
"Um dad, you didn't uh...TELL Jesse I loved him, did you? Because that would be really embarrassing and all. For him to find out from my dad." My dad just stood there. Taking in what I just said. Then his eyes widened and looked at me incredulously. "Suze, " he just stared. Dumbfounded. "Wha-he...doesn't KNOW!?!?" Oops.Smart Suze real smart. But now it was my turn to be dumbfounded. I was in trouble now. I decided to question my dad. "What do you mean he doesn't know?!? Of COURSE he doesn't know! Why would I tell him?!?" Then I gave him my best-are you really THAT mental-look. He gave me a look back. "Susannah, the way you are. I'd thought you had told him by now. I mean, your attitude, how you act...You must have really changed since New York Suze." Yeah, I thought bitterly. I have changed. Only you couldn't of known because your never here.
"Well, yeah, I guess I have changed. I mean it was a new start. I wanted to at least try to be normal for once Dad." "And I understand that Suze." Somehow I doubted that. "But your life would be more towards normal if you get over Jesse." I couldn't believe this. Jesse, Father Dominic and my DAD were all telling me to move on. Well, Father D. didn't exactly tell me but I knew he was going to. But all I wanted was to just stay this way, with Jesse here with me. But no, that wasn't going to happen. Why? Because I am a mediator that's why.
"Daddy," I used that form of Dad because it always made him go soft. "Why can't you see I want things to stay the way they are. Or were. I want Jesse to stay with me. Because I-" I had to stop abruptly. For that certain host I had just been talking about began to materialize next to my dad.
(A/N:Ok sorry.I just couldn't think of anything else to put.I have major writer's block. Be lucky I got this far. Anybody that has any idea's plz. tell me. I need them right now. Thanks!)