A/N: Sorry guyz for taking so long. Know you hate that. I've been lazy with
this and just haven't had time to update. But I'll try to get better I
swear. Please don't hurt me! I've turned into the person that annoys me.
The person that does about 5 or 6 chapters then just stops! Hehe. Review
and tell me what you think and what you think should happen. BTW-Merry
Christmas! And Happy Hanukah.*
That was so like Jesse, to barge in on an important moment. Especially when it was with my dad! Finally it all got to me. I mean you would lose it too if you would-be-boyfriend decides to never see you again, then says he's happiest with that person he can't see ever again, and then my DAD of all people shows up and tells me to let the aforementioned guy go too.
Well, anyways you would be a tiny bit stressed too.
So I just let a strangled scream come out of my mouth and grit out of my clenched teeth, "What more do you people want from me? The REST of my sanity?!?" Ok ok, so maybe it was a bit dramatic but hey, after the day I had been having, I felt I deserved to act spoiled and selfish. Meanwhile during my bratty little episode, Jesse had walked over to my dad and had begun to talk to him.
When I finally noticed I vocalized my utter disapproval about the whole thing. "Well I'm glad you both care so much about my well-being.'' I'm pretty sure that by now my face was a shadow of pure venom. I know my dad and Jesse looked up skittishly in attention anyways. So I was pleased to have gotten through to them.
"Excuse me, but would someone please tell me why and a 150 year-old ghost are conversing in my bedroom without my consent?!?''
At that point and time my dad choices to mumble something unintelligible and Jesse mutters just loud enough to be audible about hell having no fury like a woman's hatred under his breath while I continue to glare at them equally.
Finally I break the awkward silence. "You know what I don't care. I just really don't. I just wanna go to bed now. Is that ok with you both??'' I dared them without words to say something. But in response to my commentation they disappear.
I'm not quite sure how I made it to bed that night. All I remember is waking up with just enough time to throw on some clothes for school. I did notice that my windows had been shut though.
My day proved to not get any worse but nor any better as I progressed to school. And I'm still not sure how I managed to get through till the end of the week. And no Jesse sightings. But its all a blur for me but I distinctively remember Adam telling me I better share whatever I smoked, cuz my buzz apparently still wasn't gone.
Friday I came home relieved that I had the whole weekend ahead of me to procrastinate my homework. And I enjoyed the rest of my evening ghost and also stress free. I even had time to paint my nails! But around 7 after dinner my mother called me back downstairs.
When I walked into her room I soon realized this is going to be a mother-daughter chat. Because Andy is not in the room with us. I settle in the vanity chair.
"So whets up Mom?" I ask oh-so casually.
"Well honey, see the thing is..." And this is where her voice breaks. At this point I realize this won't be good news. Not a good chat. At all. A tear rolls down my mother's face. And I can't stand it anymore. Can't stand to see my mother suffer. But it's killing me so I ask quietly, "What is it Mom? What's wrong?"
"Oh Suzie," she sobs out. I rise to go and comfort her. I begin to awkwardly pat her on the back. Hey, I never said I was the touchy-feely type.
My mother suddenly remembers her purpose and regains her composure. Kinda. Not really.
"Suzie, the thing is....your grandmother..." Oh god, what has happened? I become frantic.
"Mom, MOM! What is it? Tell me please!" I'm so frightened now. It can't be helped either. Because my grandmother is a strong woman. And if something could happen to her... I don't want to think about it.
Slowly I repeat, "Mom, tell me what's wrong with Grams. PLEASE.''
My mom looks up, eyes filled with tears, and I guess she saw the raw terror in my eyes and all the concern in my voice so she finally croaks out, "Oh honey, you grandmother, she well...There was some noise going on down on the ground floor and she knew it was trouble, so she went to tell whoever it was that she could sue for whatever reason in a New York minute if they didn't clear out. She told them she would personally too on account of her being a lawyer. Apparently there was a drive by...and she was shot."
At that point two things happen: my mom falters, and I freeze. Totally stop all movement and suck in my breath. What does this mean? I plead silently for my Grandmother to be ok.
"Is she going to be alright? She is, isn't she?" But deep down I know drive-bys don't usually end well.
My mom looked grief-stricken. "They don't think she'll make it. She's in intensive care. Critical condition. She's very lucky to be alive as it is. Suze you and I are flying out Sunday to be with her as long as possible. Pack as much as you might need. I don't know when we will be back."
At this point my mother grabs me into a tight embrace. For right now, I let her. I remain calm. If I don't, no one will. I love my mom, she deserves better than this.
When I finally get in my room, its much later and I have a sense of purpose, to pack. I barely have my suitcase out before I collapse in a heap, tears streaming down my face. I sit there like that for awhile, but then I get up and stumble around like a drunk looking for the one thing I need the most right now and I find it packed under some old junk in a jewelry box. I cradle it in my arms, letting tears burn paths down my cheeks for awhile, unable to stop. I'm not quite sure when Jesse appeared, but when I finally looked I saw him staring at me. Looking afraid.
I knew I had to look like a mess. My hair tousled and my makeup smudged from crying. Finally I broke his gaze by putting my head in my hands and rocking back and forth, crying silently. I heard concern in Jesse's voice as he rushed to comfort me.
"Susannah, are you alright? Has Slater harmed you? I swear on my grave I will hurt that..." But I cut him off by my impulse grasping at him. It hushes him instantly.
So there we sat, him holding desperately onto me. In fear of what I might tell him. Finally I let go of him and show him my beloved object of affection I had searched desperately for earlier.
"Who is this?" he asks as he studies the picture. "You?" he points to the 7 year old me.
"Yeah my grandmother and me when I was 7." That picture was taken at a happy time in my life. It showed on my face in the picture too.
"Why are you upset Susannah? Why were you crying?" So I tell him the story. By the end tears are threatening to flow. I curse myself as one escapes down my cheek. Jesse smoothes it away. And this time he grabs me and holds me tight. Murmuring that it will all be alright. And that's what I fell asleep too. To my amazement, when I awoke, Jesse was still there.
He looked up when he noticed I was awake. I was still in his arms. He smiled sheepishly. "You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn't want to wake you." I would have smiled and questioned him about it but everything came flooding back to me. It was Saturday. I only had one day to pack for God knows how long.
I figured I better tell Jesse sooner or later that I was leaving. I kinda omitted that part last night. He still had his arms around me, afraid I might bawl at any given moment I suppose. I didn't want to interrupt this cozy scene but...I began to speak, "Jesse..." but I trailed off. I was supposed to be mad at him. For him leaving and what he had done and is still doing to my heart. But all my anger just melted away when he was touching me. I tried to push his arms off me. But he held tight.
"Susannah, I am very sorry if I have upset you in any way."
Ok, this is the part where I just might get mad again. Here he goes and ruins a good moment. Even though I was about to do the same seconds before him. So I get sassy, "Oh, so you think its just oh so best for me without you is that it? Hrmm!?!"
Now I was struggling pretty hard to get away. But he wouldn't let me go. And I don't know why. Normally he was embarrassed to even brush against me! Finally I broke down and my anger subsided. It was all too much.
"Jesse don't leave me. I don't understand why your doing this to me." My face fell blank with pain. Because at this time my heart gave a painful twinge. Like it was breaking. How ironic...
That was so like Jesse, to barge in on an important moment. Especially when it was with my dad! Finally it all got to me. I mean you would lose it too if you would-be-boyfriend decides to never see you again, then says he's happiest with that person he can't see ever again, and then my DAD of all people shows up and tells me to let the aforementioned guy go too.
Well, anyways you would be a tiny bit stressed too.
So I just let a strangled scream come out of my mouth and grit out of my clenched teeth, "What more do you people want from me? The REST of my sanity?!?" Ok ok, so maybe it was a bit dramatic but hey, after the day I had been having, I felt I deserved to act spoiled and selfish. Meanwhile during my bratty little episode, Jesse had walked over to my dad and had begun to talk to him.
When I finally noticed I vocalized my utter disapproval about the whole thing. "Well I'm glad you both care so much about my well-being.'' I'm pretty sure that by now my face was a shadow of pure venom. I know my dad and Jesse looked up skittishly in attention anyways. So I was pleased to have gotten through to them.
"Excuse me, but would someone please tell me why and a 150 year-old ghost are conversing in my bedroom without my consent?!?''
At that point and time my dad choices to mumble something unintelligible and Jesse mutters just loud enough to be audible about hell having no fury like a woman's hatred under his breath while I continue to glare at them equally.
Finally I break the awkward silence. "You know what I don't care. I just really don't. I just wanna go to bed now. Is that ok with you both??'' I dared them without words to say something. But in response to my commentation they disappear.
I'm not quite sure how I made it to bed that night. All I remember is waking up with just enough time to throw on some clothes for school. I did notice that my windows had been shut though.
My day proved to not get any worse but nor any better as I progressed to school. And I'm still not sure how I managed to get through till the end of the week. And no Jesse sightings. But its all a blur for me but I distinctively remember Adam telling me I better share whatever I smoked, cuz my buzz apparently still wasn't gone.
Friday I came home relieved that I had the whole weekend ahead of me to procrastinate my homework. And I enjoyed the rest of my evening ghost and also stress free. I even had time to paint my nails! But around 7 after dinner my mother called me back downstairs.
When I walked into her room I soon realized this is going to be a mother-daughter chat. Because Andy is not in the room with us. I settle in the vanity chair.
"So whets up Mom?" I ask oh-so casually.
"Well honey, see the thing is..." And this is where her voice breaks. At this point I realize this won't be good news. Not a good chat. At all. A tear rolls down my mother's face. And I can't stand it anymore. Can't stand to see my mother suffer. But it's killing me so I ask quietly, "What is it Mom? What's wrong?"
"Oh Suzie," she sobs out. I rise to go and comfort her. I begin to awkwardly pat her on the back. Hey, I never said I was the touchy-feely type.
My mother suddenly remembers her purpose and regains her composure. Kinda. Not really.
"Suzie, the thing is....your grandmother..." Oh god, what has happened? I become frantic.
"Mom, MOM! What is it? Tell me please!" I'm so frightened now. It can't be helped either. Because my grandmother is a strong woman. And if something could happen to her... I don't want to think about it.
Slowly I repeat, "Mom, tell me what's wrong with Grams. PLEASE.''
My mom looks up, eyes filled with tears, and I guess she saw the raw terror in my eyes and all the concern in my voice so she finally croaks out, "Oh honey, you grandmother, she well...There was some noise going on down on the ground floor and she knew it was trouble, so she went to tell whoever it was that she could sue for whatever reason in a New York minute if they didn't clear out. She told them she would personally too on account of her being a lawyer. Apparently there was a drive by...and she was shot."
At that point two things happen: my mom falters, and I freeze. Totally stop all movement and suck in my breath. What does this mean? I plead silently for my Grandmother to be ok.
"Is she going to be alright? She is, isn't she?" But deep down I know drive-bys don't usually end well.
My mom looked grief-stricken. "They don't think she'll make it. She's in intensive care. Critical condition. She's very lucky to be alive as it is. Suze you and I are flying out Sunday to be with her as long as possible. Pack as much as you might need. I don't know when we will be back."
At this point my mother grabs me into a tight embrace. For right now, I let her. I remain calm. If I don't, no one will. I love my mom, she deserves better than this.
When I finally get in my room, its much later and I have a sense of purpose, to pack. I barely have my suitcase out before I collapse in a heap, tears streaming down my face. I sit there like that for awhile, but then I get up and stumble around like a drunk looking for the one thing I need the most right now and I find it packed under some old junk in a jewelry box. I cradle it in my arms, letting tears burn paths down my cheeks for awhile, unable to stop. I'm not quite sure when Jesse appeared, but when I finally looked I saw him staring at me. Looking afraid.
I knew I had to look like a mess. My hair tousled and my makeup smudged from crying. Finally I broke his gaze by putting my head in my hands and rocking back and forth, crying silently. I heard concern in Jesse's voice as he rushed to comfort me.
"Susannah, are you alright? Has Slater harmed you? I swear on my grave I will hurt that..." But I cut him off by my impulse grasping at him. It hushes him instantly.
So there we sat, him holding desperately onto me. In fear of what I might tell him. Finally I let go of him and show him my beloved object of affection I had searched desperately for earlier.
"Who is this?" he asks as he studies the picture. "You?" he points to the 7 year old me.
"Yeah my grandmother and me when I was 7." That picture was taken at a happy time in my life. It showed on my face in the picture too.
"Why are you upset Susannah? Why were you crying?" So I tell him the story. By the end tears are threatening to flow. I curse myself as one escapes down my cheek. Jesse smoothes it away. And this time he grabs me and holds me tight. Murmuring that it will all be alright. And that's what I fell asleep too. To my amazement, when I awoke, Jesse was still there.
He looked up when he noticed I was awake. I was still in his arms. He smiled sheepishly. "You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn't want to wake you." I would have smiled and questioned him about it but everything came flooding back to me. It was Saturday. I only had one day to pack for God knows how long.
I figured I better tell Jesse sooner or later that I was leaving. I kinda omitted that part last night. He still had his arms around me, afraid I might bawl at any given moment I suppose. I didn't want to interrupt this cozy scene but...I began to speak, "Jesse..." but I trailed off. I was supposed to be mad at him. For him leaving and what he had done and is still doing to my heart. But all my anger just melted away when he was touching me. I tried to push his arms off me. But he held tight.
"Susannah, I am very sorry if I have upset you in any way."
Ok, this is the part where I just might get mad again. Here he goes and ruins a good moment. Even though I was about to do the same seconds before him. So I get sassy, "Oh, so you think its just oh so best for me without you is that it? Hrmm!?!"
Now I was struggling pretty hard to get away. But he wouldn't let me go. And I don't know why. Normally he was embarrassed to even brush against me! Finally I broke down and my anger subsided. It was all too much.
"Jesse don't leave me. I don't understand why your doing this to me." My face fell blank with pain. Because at this time my heart gave a painful twinge. Like it was breaking. How ironic...