A/N: Haha! I promised I wouldn't make you wait as long for the next chapter. It isn't quite as long as ch4 but that's okay! ^_^ Warning: I don't know when I'll get to chapter 6, school starts in less than a week and I have a killer class load this year. But there are always weekends! ^_~ Um...you may have noticed that I've upped the rating on this story to PG 13. I seriously want to stress that this story is inappropriate for readers under 13, there is some serious imagery ahead. You have been warned! And without further ado..........
Chapter Five:
Initiation
~To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive~
*Avril Lavigne's "Anything but Ordinary"
"Aunt...aunt Gin...Ginny..." Grace found herself stuttering, her brain suddenly frozen at the sight of her aunt after making that loud and confident self-condemning statement about her meeting with the Dark Lord.
"What the hell is going on here?" Ginny asked, her voice steady, as she turned slowly to face Bill, who was trying with all his being to appear calm.
"Severus and I have decided to reinstate the undercover Death Eater spy program," he replied.
"You and Severus..." Ginny repeated, her voice unnaturally soft. "Mr. Croaker, you do realize that any project you have in mind needs to be passed through me for authorization, don't you? And why the HELL did you decide to use my niece?"
"I-"
"I can explain, Aunt Ginny," Grace interrupted a now very pale Bill. "You see, it was my idea."
"Your idea?" she echoed.
"Yes. I was thinking about...well, Voldemort's return and everything, and I decided that I needed to, you know, DO something to help. So I was thinking about what my parents did and decided that-"
"You're telling me," Ginny interrupted, her eyes wide with disbelief. "That you just woke up one morning and thought to yourself, hey, I think I want to be an undercover Death Eater today!"
"Not exactly," Grace replied in a very small voice.
"Not exactly? Not exactly!" Ginny continued in mounting fury. "Do you think you can just waltz right into his ranks, Grace? Being a Death Eater isn't a walk in the park, you know."
"I am well aware of what I'm getting myself into," Grace argued stubbornly. Ginny studied her sixteen-year-old niece and sighed heavily.
"No you don't," she said miserably. "No you don't."
"Aunt Ginny-" Grace tried again.
"No, Grace. I simply cannot-"
"You don't understand-"
"No, you don't understand-"
"Mrs. Malfoy," Bill interrupted in a voice louder than was strictly necessary, "She performed the killing curse on the first try."
"You what?" Ginny whispered after a moment of uneasy silence, her unbelieving gaze fixed on her niece.
"I know...I know it's crazy," Grace said, "But I know I'm doing the right thing. Think about it, Aunt Ginny. Think of all the things I can do for the Light side. I can help. I can matter."
"You think that you have to kill yourself to matter?" Ginny snapped.
"My parents didn't die," Grace replied reasonably.
"If they had it to do over they wouldn't," Ginny responded.
"Wouldn't they?" Grace asked, looking up at her aunt with wide and unknowingly innocent eyes. Ginny opened her mouth, then shut it and turned from her niece, her face in her hands.
"Look, Ginny-"
"I know, Bill," Ginny sighed, not looking around, and Grace felt hope rise her chest. "I know you have the best intentions, but-"
"The path to hell is paved by good intentions," Grace interrupted suddenly. It was one of her mother's favorite sayings.
"Exactly," Ginny nodded, "And that's where you're headed."
"I know," Grace replied. "Please, Aunt Ginny. If it were anyone else...you can't say no just because I'm your niece. There are bigger things at stake."
"And what am I to tell the Minister?" Ginny asked, avoiding a denial or acquiescence.
"Just don't!" Grace snapped. "Why does Harry need to know, really? You, Bill, Dumbledore, and Snape--that's plenty of people if you ask me."
"But..." Ginny argued weakly.
"Harry will tell Hermione, Hermione will tell my father," Grace continued ruthlessly. "Face it, we have no choice."
"What will you do if I say no?" Ginny asked, annoyed with the comment about having no choice.
"Keep with it," Grace replied immediately and stubbornly. Ginny sighed.
"Bill..." she looked at her former partner, who heaved a heavy sigh.
"We ran her through the obstacle course, the Unforgivables, curses, counter-curses, and Apparition in the last month and she's basically mastered everything."
"No Occlumency?!" Ginny demanded, looking horrified.
"It appears," Bill replied, a twinkle in his eye, "That Ron has taken care of that for us."
"Ron taught you..." Ginny looked at Grace in surprised.
"I thought every magical child learned Occlumency," Grace mumbled. "Didn't you or Uncle Draco teach Angel and Phil...?"
"Of course not!" Ginny replied, looking scandalized. "We would never have taught them such magic as children."
"Oh," Grace muttered. "Well Dad insisted...Mum wasn't too keen on it, but..."
"Stop, just stop," Ginny interrupted, turning again. "Bill, I guess if she's already approached the Dark Lord..." she sighed. "Go to sleep, Grace. It seems you already have matters well in hand. Goodnight."
"Thank you, Aunt Ginny," Grace whispered. She through in a pinch of floo powder and did as her aunt had requested. Ginny watched the swirling green flames engulfed her favorite brother's only child.
"Bill-" she began.
"I know," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You should go home, Gin. Severus and I will look after her the best we can."
"But what if-"
"There are too many 'ifs' in this game, you know that. We really can't stop her, you know that don't you?"
"Yes, but she knows it too. That's what scares me."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Bright scarlet birds flew through a bright blue sky. The entire Weasley family was sprawled across the grass on picnic blankets. Everyone was eating vanilla pudding. Grace looked up and saw James sit down next to her, his smile wide and the wind attractively blowing his deep, rich brown hair, his emerald eyes looking deep into hers. He looked down at her and Grace felt her heart skip. "Miss Weasley," he said, and Grace frowned. It looked like James, but his voice sounded strangely like...
"Miss Weasley,"
Professor McGonagall?
"Miss Weasley!"
Grace started and opened her eyes to see a very irate Transfiguration professor. She looked around and realized she had been sleeping on her desk. The students around her were snickering.
"Yes, Professor?" she asked sheepishly.
"I just asked you why it is necessary to configure the backbone of a chameleon to continue transfiguring it to a teacup, but as you were obviously indisposed I believe you owe me a detention tonight. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, professor," she squeaked. Internally she was furious. Sure, Transfiguration was boring, but how could she have possibly fallen asleep. Just then, the bell rang.
"I expect an essay on skeletal transfiguration next Tuesday," the professor said over the normal scraping of chairs and books.
"Tough luck," James muttered to Grace.
"Yeah," she replied.
"Don't you have Advanced Potions tonight?" Angel asked as they began their track to the dungeons.
"Yes," she sighed. "I'm sure he'll understand."
"Snape? Understand?" Angel made a face. "I think those potion fumes have gone to your brain, Gold."
"I think you have some ink on your face," James said, frowning at her.
"I don't care," Grace muttered. She stomped into Potions, her two friends following with sympathetic faces.
That night at dinner Grace received an owl informing her that for her detention at 8:00 she was to meet...
Grace felt herself smile and sigh with relief. Professor S. Snape.
"Well, I guess he can't be mad about Potions then, can he?" Angel asked, making a face.
"Guess not," Grace replied, trying to get a hold of herself. "He probably asked McGonagall if he could have the detention so he could actually MAKE me clean the cauldrons. I always find an excuse."
"That's so weird that you have an extra class with him," James shook his head. Grace just shrugged.
When she arrived in the dungeons for her detention and still debating whether or not to knock, she discovered the door was already open. Shrugging, she followed the now familiar path to Severus's office, wondering what was in store for her tonight.
Grace suddenly got a vision of Snape in a long, frilly, bright pink tea dress with glasses studded with rhinestones on the end of his nose, looking at the clipboard that held survey questions on her opinion of his new line of skin treatment products: Smooth Sevie.
Or not.
"And what, might one ask, has put such a ridiculous grin on your face?" Snape demanded as she stepped inside. Reassured by the sight of his custom long black robes, Grace sat in the nearest greed chair, which was unoccupied and comfortable-in a Slytherin sort of way.
"Oh, nothing," she replied. Snape raised an eyebrow as if he didn't believe her, but changed the topic.
"Seeing as I had no Hufflepuffs today I am afraid there are no cauldrons for you to scour, so I have prepared an alternative."
"A survey?" Grace asked, snickering at her own inside joke.
"I beg your pardon?" Snape looked confused.
"Never mind," she giggled. "You were saying?"
"I wanted to use this opportunity to allow you to ask any questions you have," he said stiffly. Grace looked at him in mild surprise. It had never occurred to her to ask Snape a question of any kind.
"Once I have the Dark Mark, how can I hide it?" she asked, blurting out her first thought.
"The Dark Mark cannot be magically hidden. However, the use of Muggle cosmetics altered by a simple strengthening charm will suffice, unless you are summoned in which case the cosmetics will probably fail to hide the mark. I know its what your mother used at Harry Potter's wedding."
"What do I do if I'm summoned during class?"
"Run like hell and later claim you were sick and had to find a loo to throw up in," Snape replied, not so poetically. Grace frowned, wondering what else she really needed to know.
Well, there was one thing...one thing she had often wondered about since her parents had told her the story of their time as Death Eaters. One thing that had often kept her up at night thinking...
"Why couldn't my dad's love save my mum?" she asked after only a moment's hesitation. Snape looked quite taken aback.
"Pardon me?"
"When my mother was pierced by the Dagger of Certain Death...why did my love have to save her? Why couldn't Dad's?"
"Well..." Snape sighed and put his face in his hands, mumbling more to himself than to her. "As if it's that simple or I even understand love at all..." He looked up at her anxious face and sighed.
"Miss Weasley, I think the question you truly wish answered is whether or not your parents love each other at all. Yes, there is a magical binding to the Dark Lord that prevents Death Eaters from magically loving, but real love cannot be hindered by magic."
"What?" she asked, more confused than ever.
"You see...love is a very powerful thing," Snape explained slowly. "Or so I've been told. It didn't take ancient wizards very long to realize that the power of love can be harnessed for magical purposes. So Voldemort's spell does not prevent the Death Eater from loving, only from allowing the love he or she might have to be harnessed in a magical fashion. To Voldemort the only practical use of love is its magical abilities, so in his mind he has actually prevented his followers from loving."
"Oh," Grace said several moments later. "I guess I understand."
"Any other impertinent questions, Miss Weasley?" Snape asked. Grace was tempted to inform him that it had been his idea in the first place, but she still had one more question in mind.
"When you first became a spy, who were your partners?"
"Enough!" Snape roared, looking furious. "That has absolutely no relevance to your current situation and I refuse to allow a teenaged busybody to pry in such a manner. No more question and answer session for tonight-or any other night for that matter."
"But professor, I still have an hour and a half of detention to go," she pointed out.
"Well, McGonagall got you for sleeping her class, didn't she? Go to sleep!" Snape commanded, waving his wand and turning the chair next to Grace's into a bed. "I'll wake you when it is time for you to return to Gryffindor common room. Grace wanted to argue, but the tilt of her professor's eyebrows warned her that this would not be a good idea. So she lied down and suddenly remembered how very tired she was. Grateful beyond words, she fell into a deep sleep almost immediately.
Snape awoke her only too quickly. She said goodbye in tones muffled by tiredness and began the trek up to the common room, cursing the tower for being so far away. She was just about to exit the dungeons when she was intercepted by a figure she couldn't quite make out in the darkness.
"Weasley?" the figure demanded. Grace allowed her eyes to adjust to the shadows in which he stood, and realized she had been addressed by none other than Damian Flint.
"Yes," she replied. "What do you want, Flint?"
"What are you doing down here?" he asked, ignoring her question.
"Detention with Snape," she snapped. "Can I go now?"
"Just a minute, Weasley," he said, taking a step forward. Grace shivered. "The Bonfire is next Thursday night. Meet me at the Shrieking Shack at ten."
"I'll be there," she replied, forcing her voice to be steady. He nodded, then turned on heel and marched away. Grace looked after him, cold to the very marrow of her bones with a chill that had nothing to do with the dungeon shadows.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Thursday came altogether too quickly for Grace. She was completely unprepared for the so-called "Bonfire" and was practically shaking by the time she got to dinner, which she ate none of. The very sight of food was making her ill. She excused herself early and tried to do some homework, as if she could concentrate. Her grades were beginning to slip, but under the circumstances she didn't particularly care.
She left the common room that night with her bag over her shoulder as if she were going to Advanced Potions. She dropped the bag in the dungeon, which Snape had conveniently left open, and pulled out her cloak. She had no mask of any kind, and was actually rather puzzled as to what to do without one.
Luckily for her, it appeared the same thought had occurred to Flint. When she climbed up to the Shrieking Shack she found a figure clad in Death Eater regalia waiting, an extra mask in hand.
"I was afraid you had forgotten," he hissed as she pulled the mask over her flushed face.
"Don't be stupid," she snapped in reply. The moment she was properly attired he grabbed her arm-none too gently, mind you-and Apparated.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Picnic blankets and folding chairs spread across an open plain, a crowd of people talked, giggled, and glanced often and expectantly at the darkening sky. Baskets of food were open and investigated by people of all ages and a banner was hanging between two giant oak trees off to the left. It read "Applegate Family Reunion" in bright, bold letters. There was an air of expectation, and then, out of nowhere, the first firework brightened the sky. The children squealed with delight, their parents smiled and the elders of the family congratulated themselves on another successful reunion.
The booming fireworks mingled with the cracking and pops which announced the arrival of a horde of black-clad figures. Squeals of delight suddenly became screams of terror as the Death Eaters attacked.
Grace was, in a word, horrified. She looked around her in numb shock as the Death Eaters closed in on the unsuspecting Muggle family.
Muggles! Innocent, harmless Muggles who had done absolutely nothing to incur the wrath of the Dark Lord. One of the figures to her left cackled as he tortured an old man and another levitated a young child from its mothers arms and sent her flying at impossible speeds into one of the oak trees. Her blood spattered the banner. He proceeded to kill the mother.
She couldn't move. She couldn't breath. Death, screams, terror, murder, blood...she felt as if she were drowning in it all. The fireworks above continued to light the skies, tinting the mass below green and blue and pink. Looking around at the fallen and falling, she could hear the laughter of the Death Eaters in her ears. Her eyes fell on yet another scene.
The Death Eaters had killed most of his family, but one young man was running in her direction. He seemed to be around her own age, certainly not any older. He was tall and thin with dark brown hair. A particularly brilliant blue firework filled the night sky and reflected off the boy's glasses. He was running straight at her. She had no choice.
She didn't hear herself say the words. The flash of green matched the bright show above them as the boy fell under Grace's curse. As he landed in the grass, which had become muddy with blood, his glasses flew from his face and bounced to Grace's feet. She took a step back and almost fell, looking at the boy in shock. She was shaking.
Around her, the fun was all but over. Grace's attention was finally won when the field was put aflame. Grace stepped away, wanting to turn and run but instead watching in fascinated horror as the flames swept through the remains of the family, scorching the grass to dust, but leaving the bodies as they lie. Grace wanted so badly for the fire to envelop the boy she had killed, but they left him as they did the others leaving even the bloodstains on his glasses intact. One of the Death Eaters raised the Dark Mark and Grace raised her horrified eyes heavenward.
She felt it come from deep inside of her as she looked...a crazy, maniacal laugh which she let escape from her lips as she gazed on the Dark Mark set against a background of cheerful bursts of color, none even so much as tinting the deathly green of the Mark. It almost looked like part of the planned show. As if they Applegates had decided to invite the Death Eaters...but the idea of Voldemort and his followers sitting on a red and white checkered picnic blanket was too much even for Grace. Seeing those around her begin to leave, she followed their example and apparated. Her laughter had ceased.
After the blood and colorful fireworks of the Bonfire, the clouds and weak moonlight over the Shrieking Shack were incredibly dull. Grace ripped off the mask as if it were choking her and gasped for air. Flint appeared next to her and removed his in a much more professional manner.
"Feels good, doesn't it?" he asked her. "Your first kill?"
She looked up at him incredulously. He smirked and walked away as calmly as if he had just returned from sneaking a butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks. Grace wasn't even angry, just shocked. Shocked that he could be so utterly, completely calm. The picture of the Dark Mark against the colorful sky kept appearing, so she shut her eyes. When she did, she saw the face of the boy she had killed, his eyes wide with the unseeing stare of the dead.
"Oh," Flint said suddenly, turning around, "And don't forget Halloween." Halloween? Grace's numb mind echoed. Her...her initiation...
She fell in a heap, sobbing as she had never sobbed before. Her entire body was racked with her violent cries. She curled into a ball, hugging her knees, feeling the cold earth below her and wishing more than anything that she had died with the boy.
"Miss Weasley?" a voice she knew only too well interrupted. She looked up, blinking away the onslaught of tears, her cries easing every so slightly, to see Snape standing there with a concerned look and an awkward air. "What...what happened?"
"I...I killed..." she started, but the words never came. She was choked by tears and the sobs returned more forcefully than ever. She expected Snape to turn and walk away, muttering about weakness, but to her surprise he knelt and awkwardly but decidedly reached for her. Without a second thought she allowed herself to be pulled into a fatherly embrace and she sobbed on his shoulder, hiccupping and crying for what seemed like hours to the only person alive who could understand why.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
She cried herself to sleep and Snape personally carried her to the hospital wing, telling Madame Pomfrey she had inhaled some dangerous fumes from a potion of some kind and that she just needed rest, he had taken care of the rest. He then went to the Ministry for a whispered and clipped conversation with Bill, who was none too happy. Grace's innocence was all but gone.
When she woke up the next morning she found a box of Honeydukes chocolate and a note from Snape telling her what he had told Madame Pomfrey-and telling her not to lose heart. She gave the nurse a watery smile and ate a chocolate. However, she was given only a few moments of peace.
"Grace!" a loud, boisterous voice exclaimed as two teenagers ran into the wing. Grace started. It hadn't taken Angel and James long to discover where she was.
"Hey guys," Grace managed to murmur. Her voice was sore from crying the night before.
"We heard you inhaled poisonous fumes," Angel informed her concernedly. "Are you okay?"
"Fumes, shmumes," James snapped. "It was Snape who poisoned here, I knew taking that class was a bad idea."
"It wasn't Snape's fault," Grace defended. "Angel heard right, it was fumes. Don't worry about it. I'm...fine. I guess."
"You guess?" James raised an eyebrow. He was wearing a bright red shirt his mother had sent for his birthday less than two weeks ago. It suited him well. Not that Grace noticed or anything.
"Don't worry about it, I said," she snapped, annoyed at James for being so damned attractive.
"Hey, as long as your better for the Halloween feast next week," Angel grinned. Grace panicked, but managed to keep a cool exterior and rolled her eyes. To do otherwise would have been an extreme deviation from the norm-Angel and Phil absolutely loved Halloween, a trait Aunt Ginny insisted was instilled in them by Uncle Draco. James and Grace constantly teased Angel about it.
"I'm sure Halloween will be fine," Grace said, trying to convince herself as well as her companions.
Halloween approached with all the speed of a charging lion, devouring all the time in its path. Grace had absolutely no idea how she was going to get away from the feast and to the Shrieking Shack and...beyond. She shuddered at the thought, but it was too late now. Snape offered her the opportunity to quit, but Grace couldn't see a way she could, and she had come to believe that the Ministry needed her. She wasn't going to let anyone, especially herself, down.
She awoke even earlier than usual that day, and the dull gray of the sky before sunrise matched her mood quite accurately. She dressed for her morning run and slowly followed the familiar path to the giant oak doors. Luckily she only had one class, Charms, that day because sixth year Gryffindors had the second class on Wednesdays free for study and they had no afternoon classes because of Halloween anyway. Grace didn't think she could concentrate through more than one class.
The boys were there as usual, and Grace acted her part as well as she did every other day, smiling and flirting and talking but her heart wasn't in it. When she ran she blocked the boys from her mind and allowed her head to clear itself. By the time she had collected her thermos from Frank Winters, and ran upstairs for a much needed shower.
She listened to absolutely nothing Professor Flitwick said. Her mind was already in that evening, and as much as she tried to block the thought from her mind the memory of the Cruciatus Curse was enough to make her want to cry. Then she would remember the Bonfire...the fallen boy... How was she going to do this?
"Gold? Gold...HELLO! Grace!" Angel yelled. Grace shook herself out of her morbid thoughts.
"What?" she snapped.
"The bell rang," James explained, rolling his eyes. "Where are you today? Mars?"
"Pluto," Grace replied, grabbing her bag and following her friends out of the classroom and up to the portrait, when the reached the Fat Lady, Angel stopped.
"Um, Tom has study period now too, so..." she let her sentence trail and her cheeks turned pink slightly. James and Grace exchanged looks.
"See you later," Grace muttered. Angel smiled and took off in the other direction. James rolled his eyes, gave the Fat Lady the password, and climbed into the common room.
"We need to get that Potions essay done," James said with a sigh as fell into an armchair.
"Should we go down to the library?" Grace asked.
"Why bother?" he replied. "Everyone else is in the library, we can have the whole common room to ourselves."
"Go get your Potions book then," she snapped. He shrugged but obeyed, and Grace looked around the common room with the realization that he was right; they were completely alone. She shivered. Being alone with James had that effect on her.
"I'm back!" he exclaimed, causing her to jump. She nodded and started pulling parchment out of her bag. Her hands were shaking. The combination of James and the thought of what was going to happen that night was making her so nervous she could hardly see straight. James frowned as he saw her unsteady hands.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine," she insisted, reaching for a bottle of ink.
"Are you sure?" he pressed. His voice caused her to jump and she dropped the ink, spilling it all over the floor. She swore, and James hurriedly rushed to her side and cleaned the mess with a wave of his wand.
"Stop it," she said. He looked at her in confusion.
"Stop what?"
"Stop asking if I'm okay!" she yelled. "I'm fine, can't you see that I'm perfectly fine?"
"I'm so sorry for being worried about you," he said sarcastically, feeling his own temper rise.
"I don't need you to worry about me!" she snapped.
"How do you know?"
"It's not like you even care!"
"How can you say that?" he demanded, his eyes wide with disbelief. Did she really think that he didn't care about her?
"It's true," Grace said, her mouth set stubbornly.
"You know I care about you," James said, feeling confused and uneasy. She regarded him unblinkingly.
"Prove it."
He stared at her, taking in her flashing gold eyes and crossed arms, the set of her chin and the tilt in her hips. He couldn't take it any longer.
So he kissed her.
She was caught completely off guard. James was completely embarrassed and was about to pull away when he felt her arms come around his neck and pull him closer. She was kissing him back.
Grace didn't even know what she was doing. Her mind was a complete blank. She had been waiting for James Potter to kiss her since she was ten years old and here he was! It was just as wonderful as she had imagined, but somehow she couldn't comprehend... Why was he kissing her?
Because he doesn't know, a jeering voice in the back of her mind said, if he saw how you killed that boy he would never have kissed you. Grace tried to block out the voice but instead she could see the boy's dead face against her closed lids...
She broke the kiss and sprinted through the common room, her face in her hands, trying to block out the picture of the boy. But he wouldn't go away. He was still there...always there...She ran up to her dorm and slammed the door, fell onto her bed and dissolved into tears. Why, why, WHY had James suddenly decided to kiss her? She didn't need this, not with everything else.
Not with Lord Voldemort awaiting her arrival. No, she certainly didn't need James Potter's fickle feelings when she had that on her mind.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
James stood there all alone in the middle of the common room for quite some time, staring at the empty space Grace had just occupied. He couldn't believe he had kissed her. He couldn't believe she had kissed him back. He couldn't believe she had run away. It all seemed like a dream somehow.
He finally sat down and started working on his Potions essay, his movements mechanical. His mind was so full of questions he was afraid it would burst, but he was so confused that he couldn't think at all. Nothing was making any sense.
He heard a bell sound in the distance and the other Gryffindors came rushing into the room. They were laughing and joking. James looked around for Angel, but she was nowhere to be seen. He cursed Tom Flint under his breath-he needed to talk to Angel more than he had ever needed to talk to anyone in the past.
The essay took most of the afternoon. He then pulled out Transfiguration and continued with his homework, blotting it so badly he wound up throwing it away and starting over. His eyes weren't even on the paper; they were on the portrait, waiting for Angel's return.
When the time for the feast came Angel still wasn't back and Grace was still locked in her dorm. Seething with frustration and anger at himself, James packed his bag, dropped it in his dorm, and went down to the feast with everyone else...everyone except his two best friends.
To his relief Angel was already seated at the Gryffindor table. She gestured wildly for him to come and sit with her, which, of course, he did. He hadn't even reached for the mashed potatoes when she asked the obvious and dreaded question.
"Where's Grace?"
"I don't know," James replied, piling food on his plate.
"What's wrong?" she asked, her cheery smile gone at the look on her friend's face. "James, what happened?" He looked around to make sure everyone else was occupied with dinner then turned to Angel.
"I kissed her," he whispered. Her eyes widened.
"So what...are you guys together now?" she hissed, her eyes flashing with excitement.
"You didn't let me finish," James said darkly.
"Sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all, "So you kissed her. And...?"
"And she ran away."
"What?"
"Crying."
WHAT?!" Angel's voice had reached an alarming pitch. People around them were starting to stare. James gave them a glare that warned them to return to their own conversations and then returned to Angel.
"Keep it down, will you," he snapped.
"I...I just don't get it," she said, sounding dazed. "I thought Grace had a thing for you..."
"Well obviously you were wrong," he replied, annoyed with himself for even telling Angel in the first place.
"I can go talk to her if you want me to," she volunteered.
"No, no, I regret ever doing it in the first place. I just hope we can all forget it even happened and we can still be friends," James said.
"Things change James," Angel said softly. "Even friends."
"Not Grace," James argued stubbornly. "Grace will never change."
Meanwhile Grace was already almost to the Shrieking Shack. She pushed herself through the trapdoor and hurried out into the night, not wanting Flint to know about her secret passage. The passage was known only to her, Angel, and James.
James. She closed her eyes at the thought of him. What was a girl to do? She was going to become a Death Eater, she couldn't have the oldest son of Harry Potter kissing her left and right. It just didn't fit the persona.
Not that she would mind kissing the oldest son of Harry Potter left and right or anything.
She felt her cheeks flush and forced herself to get a grip. She certainly couldn't have Flint wondering what was going on, let alone the Dark Lord himself. She pushed James out of her mind quickly with the thought of the dead boy. Biting her lip, she started to block her mind, mentally cloaking herself in black and summoning all her energy for a powerful boost of Occlumency.
It was then that Flint decided to appear. She had expected him to jaunt and sneer, but he looked quite serious. That was probably not a good thing.
Without speaking they Apparated to Platform 9 3/4. Grace found no humor in the brick portkey now. She and Flint were transported to the freezing clearing where the tall cloaked figure awaited them. She stepped forward and felt the evil around her as he lifted his wand. She closed her eyes, knowing what came next.
"Crucio,"
She submitted to the curse, falling to her knees and crying out in agony, but not begging for mercy as she had once done. She knew that Lord Voldemort did not approve of mercy in any way, shape, or form.
An eternity passed, and the curse was lifted. She struggled to her feet and she saw the figure pull out the sharp, glowing dagger that would soon penetrate her skin. Although she knew it wasn't the Dagger of Certain Death, she couldn't help but remember the story of her mother's courage in taking that dagger in Harry's place. She would be strong, just like her mother.
After Cruciatus, the pain of the dagger piercing her skin and carving the mark was an afterthought. However when her knew master's glowing green hand stared sucking the life from the fresh blood, it was like the curse all over again. She fell to her knees with a scream of agony, and when her master released her she fell to the ground.
The pain was too much for her to get up. She lay there in the frosty grass for what seemed like hours before she managed to sit up. Voldemort and Flint were both gone. Grace took a shuddering breath and looked down at her arm. She felt her heart stop.
There it was, the Dark Mark, grinning at in all its malicious glory. One her very flesh...but more than that, burned into her soul. She was no longer her own person, she belonged to the Dark Lord. And not only did she belong to him, she was betraying him.
Grace gathered all the strength left in her and Apparated to the Shrieking Shack. When she arrived, she found Snape, Bill, and Ginny waiting for her, concern written across their features. It was dangerous, she knew, for them to all be there, but she didn't care. She had suddenly realized she wasn't alone, and it was the most wonderful feeling she could imagine.
"Aunt Ginny," she managed to mutter. Her aunt pulled her into a tight embrace and whispered a few spells to ease the pain. "Thank you," she murmured.
"Good job, kid," Bill said. She smiled at him.
"Severus, I'm not sure that she can walk," Ginny said, her face contorted with concern. In response Snape lifted her as easily as if she were a child.
"I'll take her to the Hospital Wing. Dumbledore's waiting there, he gave Poppy the night off."
"All right," Ginny replied, biting her lip. She kissed her niece's forehead as if she were ten years younger. "Goodnight, Grace. And good luck."
Grace was too tired to reply. She allowed Snape to carry her back to the castle and felt the soft bed beneath her as she was gently set down. Through the veils of sleep she heard Snape and Dumbledore converse in soft voices just outside of the curtains surrounding her bed. After that Dumbledore left and Snape turned to look at the sleeping girl who had just sold her soul to the devil. She returned the gaze, her golden eyes empty and exhausted.
"Thank you, Professor Snape," she finally managed to say.
"We are equal now," he replied. "Call me Severus."
"Goodnight...Severus," she said, falling into sleep.
"Goodnight child," he replied in a soft voice which she barely heard.
Severus Snape stared down at Grace Weasley with disbelief at all that she had done. Her bravery was something to be envied; he had to admit. But it was more than just that. She was giving up her entire life to save an entire generation of ungrateful and selfish peers. He smiled at her and blew out the only candle left in the room before quietly leaving her to sleep.
She had certainly earned his respect. And one day, she would have the respect of the rest of the world too. Even her parents.
Chapter Five:
Initiation
~To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive~
*Avril Lavigne's "Anything but Ordinary"
"Aunt...aunt Gin...Ginny..." Grace found herself stuttering, her brain suddenly frozen at the sight of her aunt after making that loud and confident self-condemning statement about her meeting with the Dark Lord.
"What the hell is going on here?" Ginny asked, her voice steady, as she turned slowly to face Bill, who was trying with all his being to appear calm.
"Severus and I have decided to reinstate the undercover Death Eater spy program," he replied.
"You and Severus..." Ginny repeated, her voice unnaturally soft. "Mr. Croaker, you do realize that any project you have in mind needs to be passed through me for authorization, don't you? And why the HELL did you decide to use my niece?"
"I-"
"I can explain, Aunt Ginny," Grace interrupted a now very pale Bill. "You see, it was my idea."
"Your idea?" she echoed.
"Yes. I was thinking about...well, Voldemort's return and everything, and I decided that I needed to, you know, DO something to help. So I was thinking about what my parents did and decided that-"
"You're telling me," Ginny interrupted, her eyes wide with disbelief. "That you just woke up one morning and thought to yourself, hey, I think I want to be an undercover Death Eater today!"
"Not exactly," Grace replied in a very small voice.
"Not exactly? Not exactly!" Ginny continued in mounting fury. "Do you think you can just waltz right into his ranks, Grace? Being a Death Eater isn't a walk in the park, you know."
"I am well aware of what I'm getting myself into," Grace argued stubbornly. Ginny studied her sixteen-year-old niece and sighed heavily.
"No you don't," she said miserably. "No you don't."
"Aunt Ginny-" Grace tried again.
"No, Grace. I simply cannot-"
"You don't understand-"
"No, you don't understand-"
"Mrs. Malfoy," Bill interrupted in a voice louder than was strictly necessary, "She performed the killing curse on the first try."
"You what?" Ginny whispered after a moment of uneasy silence, her unbelieving gaze fixed on her niece.
"I know...I know it's crazy," Grace said, "But I know I'm doing the right thing. Think about it, Aunt Ginny. Think of all the things I can do for the Light side. I can help. I can matter."
"You think that you have to kill yourself to matter?" Ginny snapped.
"My parents didn't die," Grace replied reasonably.
"If they had it to do over they wouldn't," Ginny responded.
"Wouldn't they?" Grace asked, looking up at her aunt with wide and unknowingly innocent eyes. Ginny opened her mouth, then shut it and turned from her niece, her face in her hands.
"Look, Ginny-"
"I know, Bill," Ginny sighed, not looking around, and Grace felt hope rise her chest. "I know you have the best intentions, but-"
"The path to hell is paved by good intentions," Grace interrupted suddenly. It was one of her mother's favorite sayings.
"Exactly," Ginny nodded, "And that's where you're headed."
"I know," Grace replied. "Please, Aunt Ginny. If it were anyone else...you can't say no just because I'm your niece. There are bigger things at stake."
"And what am I to tell the Minister?" Ginny asked, avoiding a denial or acquiescence.
"Just don't!" Grace snapped. "Why does Harry need to know, really? You, Bill, Dumbledore, and Snape--that's plenty of people if you ask me."
"But..." Ginny argued weakly.
"Harry will tell Hermione, Hermione will tell my father," Grace continued ruthlessly. "Face it, we have no choice."
"What will you do if I say no?" Ginny asked, annoyed with the comment about having no choice.
"Keep with it," Grace replied immediately and stubbornly. Ginny sighed.
"Bill..." she looked at her former partner, who heaved a heavy sigh.
"We ran her through the obstacle course, the Unforgivables, curses, counter-curses, and Apparition in the last month and she's basically mastered everything."
"No Occlumency?!" Ginny demanded, looking horrified.
"It appears," Bill replied, a twinkle in his eye, "That Ron has taken care of that for us."
"Ron taught you..." Ginny looked at Grace in surprised.
"I thought every magical child learned Occlumency," Grace mumbled. "Didn't you or Uncle Draco teach Angel and Phil...?"
"Of course not!" Ginny replied, looking scandalized. "We would never have taught them such magic as children."
"Oh," Grace muttered. "Well Dad insisted...Mum wasn't too keen on it, but..."
"Stop, just stop," Ginny interrupted, turning again. "Bill, I guess if she's already approached the Dark Lord..." she sighed. "Go to sleep, Grace. It seems you already have matters well in hand. Goodnight."
"Thank you, Aunt Ginny," Grace whispered. She through in a pinch of floo powder and did as her aunt had requested. Ginny watched the swirling green flames engulfed her favorite brother's only child.
"Bill-" she began.
"I know," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You should go home, Gin. Severus and I will look after her the best we can."
"But what if-"
"There are too many 'ifs' in this game, you know that. We really can't stop her, you know that don't you?"
"Yes, but she knows it too. That's what scares me."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Bright scarlet birds flew through a bright blue sky. The entire Weasley family was sprawled across the grass on picnic blankets. Everyone was eating vanilla pudding. Grace looked up and saw James sit down next to her, his smile wide and the wind attractively blowing his deep, rich brown hair, his emerald eyes looking deep into hers. He looked down at her and Grace felt her heart skip. "Miss Weasley," he said, and Grace frowned. It looked like James, but his voice sounded strangely like...
"Miss Weasley,"
Professor McGonagall?
"Miss Weasley!"
Grace started and opened her eyes to see a very irate Transfiguration professor. She looked around and realized she had been sleeping on her desk. The students around her were snickering.
"Yes, Professor?" she asked sheepishly.
"I just asked you why it is necessary to configure the backbone of a chameleon to continue transfiguring it to a teacup, but as you were obviously indisposed I believe you owe me a detention tonight. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, professor," she squeaked. Internally she was furious. Sure, Transfiguration was boring, but how could she have possibly fallen asleep. Just then, the bell rang.
"I expect an essay on skeletal transfiguration next Tuesday," the professor said over the normal scraping of chairs and books.
"Tough luck," James muttered to Grace.
"Yeah," she replied.
"Don't you have Advanced Potions tonight?" Angel asked as they began their track to the dungeons.
"Yes," she sighed. "I'm sure he'll understand."
"Snape? Understand?" Angel made a face. "I think those potion fumes have gone to your brain, Gold."
"I think you have some ink on your face," James said, frowning at her.
"I don't care," Grace muttered. She stomped into Potions, her two friends following with sympathetic faces.
That night at dinner Grace received an owl informing her that for her detention at 8:00 she was to meet...
Grace felt herself smile and sigh with relief. Professor S. Snape.
"Well, I guess he can't be mad about Potions then, can he?" Angel asked, making a face.
"Guess not," Grace replied, trying to get a hold of herself. "He probably asked McGonagall if he could have the detention so he could actually MAKE me clean the cauldrons. I always find an excuse."
"That's so weird that you have an extra class with him," James shook his head. Grace just shrugged.
When she arrived in the dungeons for her detention and still debating whether or not to knock, she discovered the door was already open. Shrugging, she followed the now familiar path to Severus's office, wondering what was in store for her tonight.
Grace suddenly got a vision of Snape in a long, frilly, bright pink tea dress with glasses studded with rhinestones on the end of his nose, looking at the clipboard that held survey questions on her opinion of his new line of skin treatment products: Smooth Sevie.
Or not.
"And what, might one ask, has put such a ridiculous grin on your face?" Snape demanded as she stepped inside. Reassured by the sight of his custom long black robes, Grace sat in the nearest greed chair, which was unoccupied and comfortable-in a Slytherin sort of way.
"Oh, nothing," she replied. Snape raised an eyebrow as if he didn't believe her, but changed the topic.
"Seeing as I had no Hufflepuffs today I am afraid there are no cauldrons for you to scour, so I have prepared an alternative."
"A survey?" Grace asked, snickering at her own inside joke.
"I beg your pardon?" Snape looked confused.
"Never mind," she giggled. "You were saying?"
"I wanted to use this opportunity to allow you to ask any questions you have," he said stiffly. Grace looked at him in mild surprise. It had never occurred to her to ask Snape a question of any kind.
"Once I have the Dark Mark, how can I hide it?" she asked, blurting out her first thought.
"The Dark Mark cannot be magically hidden. However, the use of Muggle cosmetics altered by a simple strengthening charm will suffice, unless you are summoned in which case the cosmetics will probably fail to hide the mark. I know its what your mother used at Harry Potter's wedding."
"What do I do if I'm summoned during class?"
"Run like hell and later claim you were sick and had to find a loo to throw up in," Snape replied, not so poetically. Grace frowned, wondering what else she really needed to know.
Well, there was one thing...one thing she had often wondered about since her parents had told her the story of their time as Death Eaters. One thing that had often kept her up at night thinking...
"Why couldn't my dad's love save my mum?" she asked after only a moment's hesitation. Snape looked quite taken aback.
"Pardon me?"
"When my mother was pierced by the Dagger of Certain Death...why did my love have to save her? Why couldn't Dad's?"
"Well..." Snape sighed and put his face in his hands, mumbling more to himself than to her. "As if it's that simple or I even understand love at all..." He looked up at her anxious face and sighed.
"Miss Weasley, I think the question you truly wish answered is whether or not your parents love each other at all. Yes, there is a magical binding to the Dark Lord that prevents Death Eaters from magically loving, but real love cannot be hindered by magic."
"What?" she asked, more confused than ever.
"You see...love is a very powerful thing," Snape explained slowly. "Or so I've been told. It didn't take ancient wizards very long to realize that the power of love can be harnessed for magical purposes. So Voldemort's spell does not prevent the Death Eater from loving, only from allowing the love he or she might have to be harnessed in a magical fashion. To Voldemort the only practical use of love is its magical abilities, so in his mind he has actually prevented his followers from loving."
"Oh," Grace said several moments later. "I guess I understand."
"Any other impertinent questions, Miss Weasley?" Snape asked. Grace was tempted to inform him that it had been his idea in the first place, but she still had one more question in mind.
"When you first became a spy, who were your partners?"
"Enough!" Snape roared, looking furious. "That has absolutely no relevance to your current situation and I refuse to allow a teenaged busybody to pry in such a manner. No more question and answer session for tonight-or any other night for that matter."
"But professor, I still have an hour and a half of detention to go," she pointed out.
"Well, McGonagall got you for sleeping her class, didn't she? Go to sleep!" Snape commanded, waving his wand and turning the chair next to Grace's into a bed. "I'll wake you when it is time for you to return to Gryffindor common room. Grace wanted to argue, but the tilt of her professor's eyebrows warned her that this would not be a good idea. So she lied down and suddenly remembered how very tired she was. Grateful beyond words, she fell into a deep sleep almost immediately.
Snape awoke her only too quickly. She said goodbye in tones muffled by tiredness and began the trek up to the common room, cursing the tower for being so far away. She was just about to exit the dungeons when she was intercepted by a figure she couldn't quite make out in the darkness.
"Weasley?" the figure demanded. Grace allowed her eyes to adjust to the shadows in which he stood, and realized she had been addressed by none other than Damian Flint.
"Yes," she replied. "What do you want, Flint?"
"What are you doing down here?" he asked, ignoring her question.
"Detention with Snape," she snapped. "Can I go now?"
"Just a minute, Weasley," he said, taking a step forward. Grace shivered. "The Bonfire is next Thursday night. Meet me at the Shrieking Shack at ten."
"I'll be there," she replied, forcing her voice to be steady. He nodded, then turned on heel and marched away. Grace looked after him, cold to the very marrow of her bones with a chill that had nothing to do with the dungeon shadows.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Thursday came altogether too quickly for Grace. She was completely unprepared for the so-called "Bonfire" and was practically shaking by the time she got to dinner, which she ate none of. The very sight of food was making her ill. She excused herself early and tried to do some homework, as if she could concentrate. Her grades were beginning to slip, but under the circumstances she didn't particularly care.
She left the common room that night with her bag over her shoulder as if she were going to Advanced Potions. She dropped the bag in the dungeon, which Snape had conveniently left open, and pulled out her cloak. She had no mask of any kind, and was actually rather puzzled as to what to do without one.
Luckily for her, it appeared the same thought had occurred to Flint. When she climbed up to the Shrieking Shack she found a figure clad in Death Eater regalia waiting, an extra mask in hand.
"I was afraid you had forgotten," he hissed as she pulled the mask over her flushed face.
"Don't be stupid," she snapped in reply. The moment she was properly attired he grabbed her arm-none too gently, mind you-and Apparated.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Picnic blankets and folding chairs spread across an open plain, a crowd of people talked, giggled, and glanced often and expectantly at the darkening sky. Baskets of food were open and investigated by people of all ages and a banner was hanging between two giant oak trees off to the left. It read "Applegate Family Reunion" in bright, bold letters. There was an air of expectation, and then, out of nowhere, the first firework brightened the sky. The children squealed with delight, their parents smiled and the elders of the family congratulated themselves on another successful reunion.
The booming fireworks mingled with the cracking and pops which announced the arrival of a horde of black-clad figures. Squeals of delight suddenly became screams of terror as the Death Eaters attacked.
Grace was, in a word, horrified. She looked around her in numb shock as the Death Eaters closed in on the unsuspecting Muggle family.
Muggles! Innocent, harmless Muggles who had done absolutely nothing to incur the wrath of the Dark Lord. One of the figures to her left cackled as he tortured an old man and another levitated a young child from its mothers arms and sent her flying at impossible speeds into one of the oak trees. Her blood spattered the banner. He proceeded to kill the mother.
She couldn't move. She couldn't breath. Death, screams, terror, murder, blood...she felt as if she were drowning in it all. The fireworks above continued to light the skies, tinting the mass below green and blue and pink. Looking around at the fallen and falling, she could hear the laughter of the Death Eaters in her ears. Her eyes fell on yet another scene.
The Death Eaters had killed most of his family, but one young man was running in her direction. He seemed to be around her own age, certainly not any older. He was tall and thin with dark brown hair. A particularly brilliant blue firework filled the night sky and reflected off the boy's glasses. He was running straight at her. She had no choice.
She didn't hear herself say the words. The flash of green matched the bright show above them as the boy fell under Grace's curse. As he landed in the grass, which had become muddy with blood, his glasses flew from his face and bounced to Grace's feet. She took a step back and almost fell, looking at the boy in shock. She was shaking.
Around her, the fun was all but over. Grace's attention was finally won when the field was put aflame. Grace stepped away, wanting to turn and run but instead watching in fascinated horror as the flames swept through the remains of the family, scorching the grass to dust, but leaving the bodies as they lie. Grace wanted so badly for the fire to envelop the boy she had killed, but they left him as they did the others leaving even the bloodstains on his glasses intact. One of the Death Eaters raised the Dark Mark and Grace raised her horrified eyes heavenward.
She felt it come from deep inside of her as she looked...a crazy, maniacal laugh which she let escape from her lips as she gazed on the Dark Mark set against a background of cheerful bursts of color, none even so much as tinting the deathly green of the Mark. It almost looked like part of the planned show. As if they Applegates had decided to invite the Death Eaters...but the idea of Voldemort and his followers sitting on a red and white checkered picnic blanket was too much even for Grace. Seeing those around her begin to leave, she followed their example and apparated. Her laughter had ceased.
After the blood and colorful fireworks of the Bonfire, the clouds and weak moonlight over the Shrieking Shack were incredibly dull. Grace ripped off the mask as if it were choking her and gasped for air. Flint appeared next to her and removed his in a much more professional manner.
"Feels good, doesn't it?" he asked her. "Your first kill?"
She looked up at him incredulously. He smirked and walked away as calmly as if he had just returned from sneaking a butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks. Grace wasn't even angry, just shocked. Shocked that he could be so utterly, completely calm. The picture of the Dark Mark against the colorful sky kept appearing, so she shut her eyes. When she did, she saw the face of the boy she had killed, his eyes wide with the unseeing stare of the dead.
"Oh," Flint said suddenly, turning around, "And don't forget Halloween." Halloween? Grace's numb mind echoed. Her...her initiation...
She fell in a heap, sobbing as she had never sobbed before. Her entire body was racked with her violent cries. She curled into a ball, hugging her knees, feeling the cold earth below her and wishing more than anything that she had died with the boy.
"Miss Weasley?" a voice she knew only too well interrupted. She looked up, blinking away the onslaught of tears, her cries easing every so slightly, to see Snape standing there with a concerned look and an awkward air. "What...what happened?"
"I...I killed..." she started, but the words never came. She was choked by tears and the sobs returned more forcefully than ever. She expected Snape to turn and walk away, muttering about weakness, but to her surprise he knelt and awkwardly but decidedly reached for her. Without a second thought she allowed herself to be pulled into a fatherly embrace and she sobbed on his shoulder, hiccupping and crying for what seemed like hours to the only person alive who could understand why.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
She cried herself to sleep and Snape personally carried her to the hospital wing, telling Madame Pomfrey she had inhaled some dangerous fumes from a potion of some kind and that she just needed rest, he had taken care of the rest. He then went to the Ministry for a whispered and clipped conversation with Bill, who was none too happy. Grace's innocence was all but gone.
When she woke up the next morning she found a box of Honeydukes chocolate and a note from Snape telling her what he had told Madame Pomfrey-and telling her not to lose heart. She gave the nurse a watery smile and ate a chocolate. However, she was given only a few moments of peace.
"Grace!" a loud, boisterous voice exclaimed as two teenagers ran into the wing. Grace started. It hadn't taken Angel and James long to discover where she was.
"Hey guys," Grace managed to murmur. Her voice was sore from crying the night before.
"We heard you inhaled poisonous fumes," Angel informed her concernedly. "Are you okay?"
"Fumes, shmumes," James snapped. "It was Snape who poisoned here, I knew taking that class was a bad idea."
"It wasn't Snape's fault," Grace defended. "Angel heard right, it was fumes. Don't worry about it. I'm...fine. I guess."
"You guess?" James raised an eyebrow. He was wearing a bright red shirt his mother had sent for his birthday less than two weeks ago. It suited him well. Not that Grace noticed or anything.
"Don't worry about it, I said," she snapped, annoyed at James for being so damned attractive.
"Hey, as long as your better for the Halloween feast next week," Angel grinned. Grace panicked, but managed to keep a cool exterior and rolled her eyes. To do otherwise would have been an extreme deviation from the norm-Angel and Phil absolutely loved Halloween, a trait Aunt Ginny insisted was instilled in them by Uncle Draco. James and Grace constantly teased Angel about it.
"I'm sure Halloween will be fine," Grace said, trying to convince herself as well as her companions.
Halloween approached with all the speed of a charging lion, devouring all the time in its path. Grace had absolutely no idea how she was going to get away from the feast and to the Shrieking Shack and...beyond. She shuddered at the thought, but it was too late now. Snape offered her the opportunity to quit, but Grace couldn't see a way she could, and she had come to believe that the Ministry needed her. She wasn't going to let anyone, especially herself, down.
She awoke even earlier than usual that day, and the dull gray of the sky before sunrise matched her mood quite accurately. She dressed for her morning run and slowly followed the familiar path to the giant oak doors. Luckily she only had one class, Charms, that day because sixth year Gryffindors had the second class on Wednesdays free for study and they had no afternoon classes because of Halloween anyway. Grace didn't think she could concentrate through more than one class.
The boys were there as usual, and Grace acted her part as well as she did every other day, smiling and flirting and talking but her heart wasn't in it. When she ran she blocked the boys from her mind and allowed her head to clear itself. By the time she had collected her thermos from Frank Winters, and ran upstairs for a much needed shower.
She listened to absolutely nothing Professor Flitwick said. Her mind was already in that evening, and as much as she tried to block the thought from her mind the memory of the Cruciatus Curse was enough to make her want to cry. Then she would remember the Bonfire...the fallen boy... How was she going to do this?
"Gold? Gold...HELLO! Grace!" Angel yelled. Grace shook herself out of her morbid thoughts.
"What?" she snapped.
"The bell rang," James explained, rolling his eyes. "Where are you today? Mars?"
"Pluto," Grace replied, grabbing her bag and following her friends out of the classroom and up to the portrait, when the reached the Fat Lady, Angel stopped.
"Um, Tom has study period now too, so..." she let her sentence trail and her cheeks turned pink slightly. James and Grace exchanged looks.
"See you later," Grace muttered. Angel smiled and took off in the other direction. James rolled his eyes, gave the Fat Lady the password, and climbed into the common room.
"We need to get that Potions essay done," James said with a sigh as fell into an armchair.
"Should we go down to the library?" Grace asked.
"Why bother?" he replied. "Everyone else is in the library, we can have the whole common room to ourselves."
"Go get your Potions book then," she snapped. He shrugged but obeyed, and Grace looked around the common room with the realization that he was right; they were completely alone. She shivered. Being alone with James had that effect on her.
"I'm back!" he exclaimed, causing her to jump. She nodded and started pulling parchment out of her bag. Her hands were shaking. The combination of James and the thought of what was going to happen that night was making her so nervous she could hardly see straight. James frowned as he saw her unsteady hands.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine," she insisted, reaching for a bottle of ink.
"Are you sure?" he pressed. His voice caused her to jump and she dropped the ink, spilling it all over the floor. She swore, and James hurriedly rushed to her side and cleaned the mess with a wave of his wand.
"Stop it," she said. He looked at her in confusion.
"Stop what?"
"Stop asking if I'm okay!" she yelled. "I'm fine, can't you see that I'm perfectly fine?"
"I'm so sorry for being worried about you," he said sarcastically, feeling his own temper rise.
"I don't need you to worry about me!" she snapped.
"How do you know?"
"It's not like you even care!"
"How can you say that?" he demanded, his eyes wide with disbelief. Did she really think that he didn't care about her?
"It's true," Grace said, her mouth set stubbornly.
"You know I care about you," James said, feeling confused and uneasy. She regarded him unblinkingly.
"Prove it."
He stared at her, taking in her flashing gold eyes and crossed arms, the set of her chin and the tilt in her hips. He couldn't take it any longer.
So he kissed her.
She was caught completely off guard. James was completely embarrassed and was about to pull away when he felt her arms come around his neck and pull him closer. She was kissing him back.
Grace didn't even know what she was doing. Her mind was a complete blank. She had been waiting for James Potter to kiss her since she was ten years old and here he was! It was just as wonderful as she had imagined, but somehow she couldn't comprehend... Why was he kissing her?
Because he doesn't know, a jeering voice in the back of her mind said, if he saw how you killed that boy he would never have kissed you. Grace tried to block out the voice but instead she could see the boy's dead face against her closed lids...
She broke the kiss and sprinted through the common room, her face in her hands, trying to block out the picture of the boy. But he wouldn't go away. He was still there...always there...She ran up to her dorm and slammed the door, fell onto her bed and dissolved into tears. Why, why, WHY had James suddenly decided to kiss her? She didn't need this, not with everything else.
Not with Lord Voldemort awaiting her arrival. No, she certainly didn't need James Potter's fickle feelings when she had that on her mind.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
James stood there all alone in the middle of the common room for quite some time, staring at the empty space Grace had just occupied. He couldn't believe he had kissed her. He couldn't believe she had kissed him back. He couldn't believe she had run away. It all seemed like a dream somehow.
He finally sat down and started working on his Potions essay, his movements mechanical. His mind was so full of questions he was afraid it would burst, but he was so confused that he couldn't think at all. Nothing was making any sense.
He heard a bell sound in the distance and the other Gryffindors came rushing into the room. They were laughing and joking. James looked around for Angel, but she was nowhere to be seen. He cursed Tom Flint under his breath-he needed to talk to Angel more than he had ever needed to talk to anyone in the past.
The essay took most of the afternoon. He then pulled out Transfiguration and continued with his homework, blotting it so badly he wound up throwing it away and starting over. His eyes weren't even on the paper; they were on the portrait, waiting for Angel's return.
When the time for the feast came Angel still wasn't back and Grace was still locked in her dorm. Seething with frustration and anger at himself, James packed his bag, dropped it in his dorm, and went down to the feast with everyone else...everyone except his two best friends.
To his relief Angel was already seated at the Gryffindor table. She gestured wildly for him to come and sit with her, which, of course, he did. He hadn't even reached for the mashed potatoes when she asked the obvious and dreaded question.
"Where's Grace?"
"I don't know," James replied, piling food on his plate.
"What's wrong?" she asked, her cheery smile gone at the look on her friend's face. "James, what happened?" He looked around to make sure everyone else was occupied with dinner then turned to Angel.
"I kissed her," he whispered. Her eyes widened.
"So what...are you guys together now?" she hissed, her eyes flashing with excitement.
"You didn't let me finish," James said darkly.
"Sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all, "So you kissed her. And...?"
"And she ran away."
"What?"
"Crying."
WHAT?!" Angel's voice had reached an alarming pitch. People around them were starting to stare. James gave them a glare that warned them to return to their own conversations and then returned to Angel.
"Keep it down, will you," he snapped.
"I...I just don't get it," she said, sounding dazed. "I thought Grace had a thing for you..."
"Well obviously you were wrong," he replied, annoyed with himself for even telling Angel in the first place.
"I can go talk to her if you want me to," she volunteered.
"No, no, I regret ever doing it in the first place. I just hope we can all forget it even happened and we can still be friends," James said.
"Things change James," Angel said softly. "Even friends."
"Not Grace," James argued stubbornly. "Grace will never change."
Meanwhile Grace was already almost to the Shrieking Shack. She pushed herself through the trapdoor and hurried out into the night, not wanting Flint to know about her secret passage. The passage was known only to her, Angel, and James.
James. She closed her eyes at the thought of him. What was a girl to do? She was going to become a Death Eater, she couldn't have the oldest son of Harry Potter kissing her left and right. It just didn't fit the persona.
Not that she would mind kissing the oldest son of Harry Potter left and right or anything.
She felt her cheeks flush and forced herself to get a grip. She certainly couldn't have Flint wondering what was going on, let alone the Dark Lord himself. She pushed James out of her mind quickly with the thought of the dead boy. Biting her lip, she started to block her mind, mentally cloaking herself in black and summoning all her energy for a powerful boost of Occlumency.
It was then that Flint decided to appear. She had expected him to jaunt and sneer, but he looked quite serious. That was probably not a good thing.
Without speaking they Apparated to Platform 9 3/4. Grace found no humor in the brick portkey now. She and Flint were transported to the freezing clearing where the tall cloaked figure awaited them. She stepped forward and felt the evil around her as he lifted his wand. She closed her eyes, knowing what came next.
"Crucio,"
She submitted to the curse, falling to her knees and crying out in agony, but not begging for mercy as she had once done. She knew that Lord Voldemort did not approve of mercy in any way, shape, or form.
An eternity passed, and the curse was lifted. She struggled to her feet and she saw the figure pull out the sharp, glowing dagger that would soon penetrate her skin. Although she knew it wasn't the Dagger of Certain Death, she couldn't help but remember the story of her mother's courage in taking that dagger in Harry's place. She would be strong, just like her mother.
After Cruciatus, the pain of the dagger piercing her skin and carving the mark was an afterthought. However when her knew master's glowing green hand stared sucking the life from the fresh blood, it was like the curse all over again. She fell to her knees with a scream of agony, and when her master released her she fell to the ground.
The pain was too much for her to get up. She lay there in the frosty grass for what seemed like hours before she managed to sit up. Voldemort and Flint were both gone. Grace took a shuddering breath and looked down at her arm. She felt her heart stop.
There it was, the Dark Mark, grinning at in all its malicious glory. One her very flesh...but more than that, burned into her soul. She was no longer her own person, she belonged to the Dark Lord. And not only did she belong to him, she was betraying him.
Grace gathered all the strength left in her and Apparated to the Shrieking Shack. When she arrived, she found Snape, Bill, and Ginny waiting for her, concern written across their features. It was dangerous, she knew, for them to all be there, but she didn't care. She had suddenly realized she wasn't alone, and it was the most wonderful feeling she could imagine.
"Aunt Ginny," she managed to mutter. Her aunt pulled her into a tight embrace and whispered a few spells to ease the pain. "Thank you," she murmured.
"Good job, kid," Bill said. She smiled at him.
"Severus, I'm not sure that she can walk," Ginny said, her face contorted with concern. In response Snape lifted her as easily as if she were a child.
"I'll take her to the Hospital Wing. Dumbledore's waiting there, he gave Poppy the night off."
"All right," Ginny replied, biting her lip. She kissed her niece's forehead as if she were ten years younger. "Goodnight, Grace. And good luck."
Grace was too tired to reply. She allowed Snape to carry her back to the castle and felt the soft bed beneath her as she was gently set down. Through the veils of sleep she heard Snape and Dumbledore converse in soft voices just outside of the curtains surrounding her bed. After that Dumbledore left and Snape turned to look at the sleeping girl who had just sold her soul to the devil. She returned the gaze, her golden eyes empty and exhausted.
"Thank you, Professor Snape," she finally managed to say.
"We are equal now," he replied. "Call me Severus."
"Goodnight...Severus," she said, falling into sleep.
"Goodnight child," he replied in a soft voice which she barely heard.
Severus Snape stared down at Grace Weasley with disbelief at all that she had done. Her bravery was something to be envied; he had to admit. But it was more than just that. She was giving up her entire life to save an entire generation of ungrateful and selfish peers. He smiled at her and blew out the only candle left in the room before quietly leaving her to sleep.
She had certainly earned his respect. And one day, she would have the respect of the rest of the world too. Even her parents.