CHAPTER 4: Into Darkest SoHo
And so it came to pass that Harry and Hermione went flat-hunting with their Uncle Russ.
First they created a cover story for Professor Snape, sticking as close to the facts as they could, with judicious editing for Muggle sensibilities. After several long evenings in the Hoghead, with copious drink and roars of laughter, and assistance from whichever Weasleys were in town, Harry, Hermione and Severus (they were now on first name basis, but only outside of Hogwarts) had produced a passable tale. Severus had committed it to memory and endured hours of drill in random questions designed to trip him up, usually flung at him during meals. "I expect you are paying me back for all those Occlumency lessons, Potter," he growled. But he was getting into the spirit of the thing, and regular socializing with the young people had started to break through that shell which Severus, child of a dysfunctional family, victim of schoolyard bullying, and former double agent against the Dark Lord, had grown for his own survival.
Then Hermione and Harry chose a Muggle wardrobe for Snape. Hermione insisted that, although black was the most fashionable color, Severus could not have an all black wardrobe. She chose a bunch of tweeds in earth tones, sweaters, and jeans, saying it would not do for Severus to look like a gangster, Matrix addict, or Goth, not at his age. At this pronouncement, Severus began a frantic search of Muggle sociology texts. His confidence began to slip.
"Trust Harry, Severus, and as far as fashion goes, always trust a woman. If Harry and Hermione are in agreement, then they are most likely correct." Albus Dumbledore was twinkling again. Severus Snape was looking dour.
"But Albus, look at these clothes! I look positively shabby, like Lupin before he got a steady job.!"
"Most Professors are not fashion plates, Uncle Russ. This is your daytime wear, anyway. For evening and special events, we picked out an entire other wardrobe." Hermione was fishing through boxes and bags. "Here it is! How do you like that?" She drew out a classic, elegant tuxedo, and a guide to both black-tie and the full soup-and-fish, and the occasions which might call for such splendor. In addition, they had purchased a white dinner jacket, a sporty outfit suitable for yachting, après ski clothing, and even a disco outfit. Professor Snape turned pale at this last.
"I do believe you are enjoying this, Granger," he said with that sneer which until lately he had discarded.
"Too right," said Harry, with that evil grin he habitually wore nowadays. "Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead in that one, Uncle Russ."
"I take your word for it, Nephew," replied Snape. "That one goes back to the store, Niece."
Albus just twinkled.
Finding a flat was much easier. With the Ministry funds to support their search, and a crackerjack agent to assist, Hermione, Harry and Severus were able to select the perfect flat in an afternoon. It came furnished in a comfortable, classic, lived-in style, with a fine large fireplace for the Floo, an excellent pantry to set up as a potions lab, and multiple exits should the need arise. There were three bedrooms, in case guests required accommodation, modern plumbing and electrical wiring, and cable and Internet already installed. The subway was within walking distance, the trains and buses in easy reach, and several modest shops for food and other necessities in the neighborhood, operated by immigrants, could provide the basics and some protective cover. "Immigrants are doing their best to assimilate, but they aren't such critical observers that a small error on your part would uncover your foreignness, Uncle." Hermione was beginning to have her doubts about the whole project. Her Worry reflex was constantly triggered, these days. "I don't think you should bring many personal possessions here, Uncle. You might have to abandon this flat at some point in a hurry, and it might be impossible to retrieve them later. It's a good thing you have no familiar. With the Floo system, you won't need owls, either. If you like, you can telephone for meals or groceries to be delivered. I wouldn't skip that detail, unless you plan to eat out all the time. The neighbors might notice. And remember, you must always arrive first on foot, and leave at last on foot for each stay. Take a taxi to The Leaky Cauldron to return to Hogwarts. And guests who floo or Apparate must leave the same way. You must assume that some nosy old biddy is watching your every move. "
"What about a House Elf? Might I bring one along to keep the place in order?" Severus was also beginning to feel anxious. He would be leaving everything familiar behind to live as an alien.
"I think Dobby might be persuaded to keep house for you, Severus. Just be sure to send him back to Hogwarts during the week. I shouldn't want him here alone for days." Albus was serene, as always. Since Tom Riddle's demise, nothing bothered him. "Also, I would not use wards during the week. The Muggles have something called a burglar alarm: use that and just leave sensing spells to detect any intruders in your absence. Of course while you occupy the space, all protections are reasonable."
"And there is one last step, Uncle," Harry added gleefully.
Following his first haircut, Severus Snape returned to Hogwarts shaken, sullen, and convinced that Harry Potter was a true son of his Marauding father.
And so it came to pass that Harry and Hermione went flat-hunting with their Uncle Russ.
First they created a cover story for Professor Snape, sticking as close to the facts as they could, with judicious editing for Muggle sensibilities. After several long evenings in the Hoghead, with copious drink and roars of laughter, and assistance from whichever Weasleys were in town, Harry, Hermione and Severus (they were now on first name basis, but only outside of Hogwarts) had produced a passable tale. Severus had committed it to memory and endured hours of drill in random questions designed to trip him up, usually flung at him during meals. "I expect you are paying me back for all those Occlumency lessons, Potter," he growled. But he was getting into the spirit of the thing, and regular socializing with the young people had started to break through that shell which Severus, child of a dysfunctional family, victim of schoolyard bullying, and former double agent against the Dark Lord, had grown for his own survival.
Then Hermione and Harry chose a Muggle wardrobe for Snape. Hermione insisted that, although black was the most fashionable color, Severus could not have an all black wardrobe. She chose a bunch of tweeds in earth tones, sweaters, and jeans, saying it would not do for Severus to look like a gangster, Matrix addict, or Goth, not at his age. At this pronouncement, Severus began a frantic search of Muggle sociology texts. His confidence began to slip.
"Trust Harry, Severus, and as far as fashion goes, always trust a woman. If Harry and Hermione are in agreement, then they are most likely correct." Albus Dumbledore was twinkling again. Severus Snape was looking dour.
"But Albus, look at these clothes! I look positively shabby, like Lupin before he got a steady job.!"
"Most Professors are not fashion plates, Uncle Russ. This is your daytime wear, anyway. For evening and special events, we picked out an entire other wardrobe." Hermione was fishing through boxes and bags. "Here it is! How do you like that?" She drew out a classic, elegant tuxedo, and a guide to both black-tie and the full soup-and-fish, and the occasions which might call for such splendor. In addition, they had purchased a white dinner jacket, a sporty outfit suitable for yachting, après ski clothing, and even a disco outfit. Professor Snape turned pale at this last.
"I do believe you are enjoying this, Granger," he said with that sneer which until lately he had discarded.
"Too right," said Harry, with that evil grin he habitually wore nowadays. "Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead in that one, Uncle Russ."
"I take your word for it, Nephew," replied Snape. "That one goes back to the store, Niece."
Albus just twinkled.
Finding a flat was much easier. With the Ministry funds to support their search, and a crackerjack agent to assist, Hermione, Harry and Severus were able to select the perfect flat in an afternoon. It came furnished in a comfortable, classic, lived-in style, with a fine large fireplace for the Floo, an excellent pantry to set up as a potions lab, and multiple exits should the need arise. There were three bedrooms, in case guests required accommodation, modern plumbing and electrical wiring, and cable and Internet already installed. The subway was within walking distance, the trains and buses in easy reach, and several modest shops for food and other necessities in the neighborhood, operated by immigrants, could provide the basics and some protective cover. "Immigrants are doing their best to assimilate, but they aren't such critical observers that a small error on your part would uncover your foreignness, Uncle." Hermione was beginning to have her doubts about the whole project. Her Worry reflex was constantly triggered, these days. "I don't think you should bring many personal possessions here, Uncle. You might have to abandon this flat at some point in a hurry, and it might be impossible to retrieve them later. It's a good thing you have no familiar. With the Floo system, you won't need owls, either. If you like, you can telephone for meals or groceries to be delivered. I wouldn't skip that detail, unless you plan to eat out all the time. The neighbors might notice. And remember, you must always arrive first on foot, and leave at last on foot for each stay. Take a taxi to The Leaky Cauldron to return to Hogwarts. And guests who floo or Apparate must leave the same way. You must assume that some nosy old biddy is watching your every move. "
"What about a House Elf? Might I bring one along to keep the place in order?" Severus was also beginning to feel anxious. He would be leaving everything familiar behind to live as an alien.
"I think Dobby might be persuaded to keep house for you, Severus. Just be sure to send him back to Hogwarts during the week. I shouldn't want him here alone for days." Albus was serene, as always. Since Tom Riddle's demise, nothing bothered him. "Also, I would not use wards during the week. The Muggles have something called a burglar alarm: use that and just leave sensing spells to detect any intruders in your absence. Of course while you occupy the space, all protections are reasonable."
"And there is one last step, Uncle," Harry added gleefully.
Following his first haircut, Severus Snape returned to Hogwarts shaken, sullen, and convinced that Harry Potter was a true son of his Marauding father.