Chapter 10: Battle Stations!
"I don't see why the Professor has to touch type, Hermione," Harry Potter commented. "Most men use the hunt and peck method, even computer geeks."
"The Professor is not most men, and the truly professional ones do learn the basics, or they would never get anything done. Very few businesses or schools have secretaries nowadays. It's every man for himself. That reminds me, Professor, do you want to learn how to make coffee? There is a machine in the flat; it's quite simple, really. If you should have guests, you might be called upon to cook in front of Muggles. I'll just add cooking to the list, shall I?"
"Miss Granger, I think I shall concentrate my efforts on finding a girlfriend. She can handle all these mundane tasks while I get on with the diplomatic end of the job." Severus was massaging the cramps out of his long, slender, ink-stained fingers. "I think I am sufficiently accustomed to the ball point pen. What happens when the ink supply runs out?"
Both Harry and Hermione were staring at Severus with bemused expressions. "A girlfriend?" they chorused.
"Merlin's beard! That was a meant as a joke. Surely you don't think I have time for that as well?" Severus was alarmed by the delighted looks he got.
"I don't know, Professor," replied Harry. "A lady friend would save a tremendous amount of time for both you and us. She could introduce you to Muggle culture, and guide you through first meetings and such. She might even have a car and teach you how to drive!" Neither Harry nor Hermione had vehicles, and Harry himself had no driver's license.
"And you will need a dancing partner; most schools require couples." Hermione tapped her teeth with her quill thoughtfully. "My mother mentioned a ballroom school that doesn't, it is called Mr. Wonderful, and it organizes classes all around London. I think that would be the best place to start. Harry, you should also go and learn to dance. Your performance at the Yule Ball was unforgivable!
"There is another company called Into the Blue, they are well known for their small cooking classes. I think we could set up both of these activities this weekend. The driving lessons will have to wait until you can master the bicycle, though. Professor Dumbledore is having one sent by Floo System. It should be here tomorrow, along with some protective gear."
"Protective gear?" Snape looked a bit paler than usual. "What am I to be protected from?"
"Scrapes and crashes, nothing major. Most people learn to bicycle when they are children, and very flexible. They are also closer to the ground, and heal faster." Harry was grinning that evil grin again. "I'll be your instructor. We'll have you competing in the Tour de France in no time!"
"Very well, but if you will answer my first question: what does one do when the ink supply in the ball point pen is exhausted?" Severus was feeling rather exhausted himself.
"Well, unless it is one of those expensive luxury pens, one discards it and buys another."
"That seems to sum up Muggle culture nicely," grumbled Severus. And he started in on mastering the calculator.
Classes were over for the week when Hermione and Harry met up with the Professor in the Potions Lab on Friday afternoon.
" I called and set up classes for you at both the dancing and the cooking schools. Here are the times and addresses. You need to wear flexible shoes for dancing; these should do. The cooking class will probably offer to sell you aprons and toques and cookbooks; most of these items will be optional. You have some currency, Professor?" Hermione was in full efficiency mode. "That should be plenty. I recommend you take taxis the first time you go anywhere new, so that you can evaluate the neighborhood. We don't want you to be mugged, after all."
"What is 'mugged', Miss Granger?" Severus was studying his class schedule.
"Physically attacked and either injured or robbed, or both." Hermione handed him two small plasticized cards. "Keep this card in your wallet, and this second copy in a pocket not holding your wallet. It will provide people with information on how to contact us for help, in the event you cannot speak for yourself." Hermione's eyes brimmed with tears. "Please be careful, Professor. I know that in a pinch, you can use your wand and fight off all comers, then Obliviate the witnesses, but I will never forgive myself if you come to harm." She hugged him, kissed his cheek, and then retreated to the loo to compose herself.
"I think in her mind you really are an uncle, Uncle," Harry cleared his throat. "Don't mind Hermione, she worries about everything. I suggest we buy you a mobile telephone; it is the latest Muggle technology and quite a useful device to have. Lots of people have saved lives with them, either their own, or other people's."
"If it will keep me from being mugged by Muggles," muttered Severus. "I wonder: is only a coincidence? The words are too much alike for chance."
"I don't see why the Professor has to touch type, Hermione," Harry Potter commented. "Most men use the hunt and peck method, even computer geeks."
"The Professor is not most men, and the truly professional ones do learn the basics, or they would never get anything done. Very few businesses or schools have secretaries nowadays. It's every man for himself. That reminds me, Professor, do you want to learn how to make coffee? There is a machine in the flat; it's quite simple, really. If you should have guests, you might be called upon to cook in front of Muggles. I'll just add cooking to the list, shall I?"
"Miss Granger, I think I shall concentrate my efforts on finding a girlfriend. She can handle all these mundane tasks while I get on with the diplomatic end of the job." Severus was massaging the cramps out of his long, slender, ink-stained fingers. "I think I am sufficiently accustomed to the ball point pen. What happens when the ink supply runs out?"
Both Harry and Hermione were staring at Severus with bemused expressions. "A girlfriend?" they chorused.
"Merlin's beard! That was a meant as a joke. Surely you don't think I have time for that as well?" Severus was alarmed by the delighted looks he got.
"I don't know, Professor," replied Harry. "A lady friend would save a tremendous amount of time for both you and us. She could introduce you to Muggle culture, and guide you through first meetings and such. She might even have a car and teach you how to drive!" Neither Harry nor Hermione had vehicles, and Harry himself had no driver's license.
"And you will need a dancing partner; most schools require couples." Hermione tapped her teeth with her quill thoughtfully. "My mother mentioned a ballroom school that doesn't, it is called Mr. Wonderful, and it organizes classes all around London. I think that would be the best place to start. Harry, you should also go and learn to dance. Your performance at the Yule Ball was unforgivable!
"There is another company called Into the Blue, they are well known for their small cooking classes. I think we could set up both of these activities this weekend. The driving lessons will have to wait until you can master the bicycle, though. Professor Dumbledore is having one sent by Floo System. It should be here tomorrow, along with some protective gear."
"Protective gear?" Snape looked a bit paler than usual. "What am I to be protected from?"
"Scrapes and crashes, nothing major. Most people learn to bicycle when they are children, and very flexible. They are also closer to the ground, and heal faster." Harry was grinning that evil grin again. "I'll be your instructor. We'll have you competing in the Tour de France in no time!"
"Very well, but if you will answer my first question: what does one do when the ink supply in the ball point pen is exhausted?" Severus was feeling rather exhausted himself.
"Well, unless it is one of those expensive luxury pens, one discards it and buys another."
"That seems to sum up Muggle culture nicely," grumbled Severus. And he started in on mastering the calculator.
Classes were over for the week when Hermione and Harry met up with the Professor in the Potions Lab on Friday afternoon.
" I called and set up classes for you at both the dancing and the cooking schools. Here are the times and addresses. You need to wear flexible shoes for dancing; these should do. The cooking class will probably offer to sell you aprons and toques and cookbooks; most of these items will be optional. You have some currency, Professor?" Hermione was in full efficiency mode. "That should be plenty. I recommend you take taxis the first time you go anywhere new, so that you can evaluate the neighborhood. We don't want you to be mugged, after all."
"What is 'mugged', Miss Granger?" Severus was studying his class schedule.
"Physically attacked and either injured or robbed, or both." Hermione handed him two small plasticized cards. "Keep this card in your wallet, and this second copy in a pocket not holding your wallet. It will provide people with information on how to contact us for help, in the event you cannot speak for yourself." Hermione's eyes brimmed with tears. "Please be careful, Professor. I know that in a pinch, you can use your wand and fight off all comers, then Obliviate the witnesses, but I will never forgive myself if you come to harm." She hugged him, kissed his cheek, and then retreated to the loo to compose herself.
"I think in her mind you really are an uncle, Uncle," Harry cleared his throat. "Don't mind Hermione, she worries about everything. I suggest we buy you a mobile telephone; it is the latest Muggle technology and quite a useful device to have. Lots of people have saved lives with them, either their own, or other people's."
"If it will keep me from being mugged by Muggles," muttered Severus. "I wonder: is only a coincidence? The words are too much alike for chance."