Chapter six: Swifty
Dedicated to the lovely Alarice (SpecsGlasses)...because I love her and am getting a shrine and appreciation ritual out of it, HAHA
Whenever your mom tells you not to talk to strangers online, ignore her. I listened to that for the majority of my teenage years and you know what it got me??
Shit.
After listening to her bitch about the evils of the Internet and Instant Messenger for sixteen years, I finally snapped. Yeah, that's right. She's been trying to taint my mind since I was two years old.
Lovely woman, I'm telling you.
I guess she was one of the main reasons I entered the chat room the night I arrived here, at college. Yeah, I'm secure enough to admit that I entered a Gay Chat on AIM.
That's when I met him.
HIM.
Himhimhimhimhimhim!!!
He goes here, to this college, though he doesn't want to tell me his real name yet. I think he's nervous about actually meeting, though I can't say that I'm not freaking out about the idea.
There's one small problem.
He's the second guy that I'm in love with at this very moment.
Yeah, that's actually a huge problem.
Come on. I know you want to tell me just how screwed I am. It's not like I don't know already.
You can't be in love with two guys at the same time.
Not even if you want to.
---------
In my opinion, the best part of a heat wave is the day after it ends. The essence of rain is one of my favorite smells and the cool feeling that almost makes your skin itch was worth the pain we suffered through by drowning in a heat wave.
Ok, maybe that's a lie. The best part of the heat wave was me having my entire dorm room to myself because my roommate was smart and went outside.
I live for computer time on my own, let me tell you. Can you really blame me? I told you about my evil, sadistic mother.
I also told you about my love for Darksilenteyes, the guy I met online, so that would be one more very strong reason for me to want time to rape and ravage the computer.
HA, rape and ravage.
Ahem…anyway…
It's hard to explain what it is about D that I love. Maybe it's the mystery of not knowing who he is, what he looks like. Not knowing the outward appearance of him makes my love seem more genuine. It doesn't seem like something that will last only until someone new comes along.
Even those reasons seem strange. I can't understand why he won't tell me his real name. It isn't exactly normal to tell your best friend that you're in love with a guy who you refer to as D because his real identity is a secret.
I think that fact is in favor of Bumlets. Score's even between the two of them. Though, with Bumlets, I can see him, smell him…touch him.
Well, maybe not touch as in physical contact. He'd think it was weird, especially since I haven't been able to spit out a complete sentence in his general direction without my legs giving out.
Another point for Bumlets. He wins.
He always wins when I do this.
I just…God, sometimes I wish I were straight. HA, that's like blasphemy in the gay world, I know, but things would be a lot simpler. At least with girls, you know they're interested because they flirt like crazy. With another guys, it's different because everything a guy does can be considered gay, therefore acting as a symbol of affection. That, my friend, is dangerous logic, ending in more black eyes then I think are healthy.
Straight guys have it easy.
Ok, insert dramatic, woe-is-me sigh right here and then I'll shut up about the pains of being gay. I don't think I'd really like being straight any way. Boobs have always creeped me out for some reason.
Blah, ok. That's enough of me thinking. I'm just going to sit at my computer and log on to IM. Maybe D's on. That'd be a nice distraction from my warped thought pattern.
I wasn't really surprised when I saw that my online lover-boy was on. He never really signed off. Away messages were either up or he was on. Simple.
His screen popped up about two seconds after I signed on, giving me a mini-heart attack, though I'm not complaining. He's just...too adorable for words: darksilenteyes: i just broke my own record!
runlikeme66swift: heehee, what record would that be?
darksilenteyes: ...ice cream. Two minutes flat. One whole carton
I couldn't help but laugh as I read that. See, that's one of the major pluses of talking to him after basically raking my mind with questions. He's so random and amazing that I forget exactly why I was driving myself crazy in the first place.
runlikeme66swift: oh, the ways I question your sanity
darksilenteyes: shush shush. you know you'd only like me crazy
runlikeme66swift: that may be true, but still. Don't you have a huge brain freeze? You just killed half your sperm cells by giving them hypothermia!!
darksilenteyes: Sperm?
runlikeme66swift: AH, holy shit! I meant brain!! Really, I did!
darksilenteyes: haha, whatever you say, Romeo
…HA, can't help it. Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo? You ALL knew that was coming, so shut up. HA, I'm his Romeo! Wait…that means…
runlikeme66swift: Dude, you just admitted I'm the butch :-P
darksilenteyes: Hey, I don't mind being your bitch, sexy man *tries to wink seductively*
darksilenteyes: ...*fails miserably*
runlikeme66swift: if only I knew who you really were. Then I could tell you your winks were sexy indefinitely
darksilenteyes: we've been through this already, Swifty
I sighed to myself, knowing he was sighing along with me. He just didn't want me to know who he was. I wouldn't be surprised if, when we finally do meet, if we ever do meet, he wears a bag over his face.
runlikeme66swift: no shit, Sherlock
darksilenteyes: dig deeper, Watson
runlikeme66swift: HA, who can make the sun shine with her smile
darksilenteyes: ...did you just refer to me with a Mary Tyler Moore theme song?
darksilenteyes: Oh, how gay they make them these days
runlikeme66swift: Me? Gay?? Highly unlikely. So whatcha wearin', you sexy, sexy man, you?
Why the hell did I just remind myself of that blonde on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? Yeesh!!
darksilenteyes: Right now? My heart on my sleeve :-(
Dear God, please hold on as I melt! I love this guy!
runlikeme66swift: Aw, you're adorable. If only I could see you pout *hint hint nudge nudge*
darksilenteyes: You're nuts, kid
Insert devilish smile...
runlikeme66swift: what about my nuts?
darksilenteyes: OK, since you're mind is CLEARLY in the gutter, I'll rephrase: You're crazy, kid!
runlikeme66swift: blah blah blah...I'm not crazy
runlikeme66swift: loopidity doop doop
darksilenteyes: HA, yeah. Totally not crazy
A smile began to pull at my lips as I leaned back in my chair, staring up at the posters I had tacked to the ceiling. Hey, it beats looking at the peeling popcorn ceiling that lay beneath my music and Blue's Clue's posters. And, before it is said, YES, Blue's Clues. Got a problem?
runlikeme66swift: I've decided to call everyone Steve
darksilenteyes: That was random…and won't that get confusing?
I considered that for a second, but only ended up chuckling at the idea of saying the name "Steve" and having the entire world population respond.
runlikeme66swift: Nah
darksilenteyes: Can I be Stevey?
runlikeme66swift: NO!! Only Steve
runlikeme66swift: Be proud of our Steve Mafia!!
darksilenteyes: ...we get a mafia??
runlikeme66swift: :-D Yup. It's led by that guy from Blue's Clues
darksilenteyes: ...Steve?
runlikeme66swift: No. Joe
darksilenteyes: Ha, you're an idiot
runlikeme66swift: I should probably resent that comment...
darksilenteyes: ...but you don't, so shut up
Mmm...I really do love how well he knows me.
runlikeme66swift: Blah to you!
darksilenteyes: HA, that reminds me. My roommate sounded like a congested vampire this morning. It was funny as hell
runlikeme66swift: ...why does he sound like that? That idea is...REALLY creepy...
darksilenteyes: He's sick. Kinda a combination of things. Got him out of my room, so I'm happy
runlikeme66swift: What's he sick with? You try to make him do the baby dance with you and he barf?
darksilenteyes: HA, except for NOT
runlikeme66swift: :-P
runlikeme66swift: so what's wrong with him?
darksilenteyes: A cough, sore throat and mono
runlikeme66swift: POLO!!!
darksilenteyes: NO! Bad Swifty, bad!! Not 'Marco!' MONO!!!
runlikeme66swift: *sigh* If you'd let me see you for REAL, you could spank me for being naughty *wiggles eyebrows*
darksilenteyes: Don't guilt trip me
I sighed again, feeling bad for being an ass to him. I just wanted to know who he was. OR at least know why he wouldn't tell me who he was.
runlikeme66swift: :-P
darksilenteyes: lol, hold on for a few. I need to get more ice cream from the store
runlikeme66swift: More? I thought I already told you that you were half way to the Special Olympics
darksilenteyes: you are a terrible, terrible person for saying that and you're going to hell
runlikeme66swift: I'll be waiting at the gates to let you in
Auto response from darksilenteyes: runlikeme66swift: Me? Gay?? Highly unlikely.
runlikeme66swift: *gasp* you dare quote me in an away message??
darksilenteyes: I'm back and you're out of your mind, kid
Right before his window started blinking, I heard a door open from across the hallway. I let out a sigh, knowing that it was Bumlets. His roommate had been out of the dorm for a while, so it could only be him.
And, of course, I decided to torture myself by peeping out into the hallway to watch as he retreated into his room. I stopped breathing when I looked at him, the pain it caused swelling in my heart until I thought dying slowly and painfully would be better then watching him. Watching him not be mine.
Knowing that he'll never be mine.
runlikeme66swift: *pouts* HE just got back into his dorm. Across the hall. Behind a door. Blah...
darksilenteyes: Dream Guy #1?
runlikeme66swift: Yeah...ick. This is really unfair, you know? Sometimes I wish I could just forget him. It must suck for you to know you share a place in my heart with another guy
runlikeme66swift: I'm sorry, but I think I like torturing myself because Bumlets is so far from being gay and, even if he was, he wouldn't be interesyed in me
darksilenteyes: Interesyed? Heehee...ANYWAY...well...maybe Dream Guy Numero Uno is waiting for you to make a move. He seems pretty gay to me
runlikeme66swift: shut up. You know I can't spell
runlikeme66swift: and everyone seems gay to you
I paused for a second before adding:
runlikeme66swift: Pie Eater seems gay to you
That, my friends, is a joke if I've ever heard one. Pie is one of the straightest people On. This. Planet.
darksilenteyes: HA, he is gay! He and Itey got together last night. They have matching skirts now
...trying to catch flies now, Swifty? Yeah, that caused a bit of a jaw-drop.
runlikeme66swift: ...that's totally unfair!! BUT it doesn't mean you're right about Bumlets
darksilenteyes: yeah it does
runlikeme66swift: ugh, it does not!! You can't be right about everything, you know
darksilenteyes: Wanna bet?
runlikeme66swift: what exactly would this bet include? What are the stakes?
darksilenteyes: Give me a second and I'll tell you
That weird little blippity noise came from the speakers, announcing that D was currently using a mobile device. I checked my buddy list and, sure enough, a little cell phone sat happily next to his screen name.
runlikeme66swift: HEY! You're using a mobile device now!
runlikeme66swift: Wait...someone's knocking at my door. What do I do?
darksilenteyes: answer it, moron
runlikeme66swift: it's probably nobody, though
darksilenteyes: or maybe it's somebody
I hesitated, wondering why he wanted me to open the door.
runlikeme66swift: ...you're creepy
darksilenteyes: just open it
And, because I'm a pathetically whipped little person, I listened to him and opened the door, only to slam it in the face of the person on the other end. No. Frickin. Way.
Ok, Swifty, just breathe. He's probably here for...a cup of sugar. Wait...why would he want sugar when the cafeteria is right downstairs?? No...he probably wants homework...but he isn't in any of my classes. Fuck...
"Swifty, can you please open the door?"
How did he know my nickname? Nobody knows my nickname unless they're my friend and I'm too scared to be his friend, let alone anything else. Jesus fucking Christ! Ok...maybe if I make no noise, he'll forget I'm here...maybe. God, I'm shaking.
"Swifty, please?" The voice on the opposite side of the door was so sad, so full of emotion, that I found myself whispering that the door wasn't locked.
And then it opened and he stood there, looking at me with those amazing brown eyes...God, I wanted to die. Just seeing him this close to me made me want to die. I wanted him and couldn't have him!
"Uh...um...hi..." I said, mentally kicking myself. See why he and I don't talk? I'm physically incapable of forming sentences around this boy.
He smiled, his eyes meeting mine for a second before he started typing into the cell phone that he had in his hand. For a moment I actually forgot that the man of my (wet) dreams was standing in front of me, and I looked on curiously, wondering what he was typing.
Then I heard it. The tiny little alarm went off on my computer, signaling a new message on IM. I glanced at the screen and my brow furrowed.
darksilenteyes: nice to finally meet you
I gulped, eyes wide. This had to be some sort of sick joke. Bumlets...he was NOT gay. He did NOT like me. He doesn't even know I exist!
"Don't freak out, ok?" He whispered, shoving his phone into the pocket of his shorts. He looked nervous, as though HE was the one finding out that the two guys he loved happened to be the same person!
"Why?" I murmur, placing a hand on the back of my computer chair so my legs wouldn't give out.
"Why should you not freak out? Because..."
I shook my head, silencing him by waving my hand, "Of course I'm going to freak out! I've told you all these things, all these secrets, and you were lying the entire time! The entire fucking time!! Why the fuck would you use someone's feelings for your own sick joke?"
"Swifty, I was never lying to you. I just...couldn't..."
"Couldn't what?" I whispered harshly, my eyes narrowing upon him. He met my gaze bravely, and I saw tears waiting for release in his eyes. God dammit!
"I couldn't tell you, ok? Is that what you wanted to hear? I was too scared to tell you the truth about how I felt because..."
"Because why?" I mumbled, biting my lip slowly.
"I've been straight all my life and, all of a sudden, I'm getting turned on at the sight of you. At the thought of being with you. I was terrified," He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, eyes planted firmly on the ground. I blushed when I saw that his eyes were on a pair of my boxers that were, of course, on the ground. Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!
"...So you entered that chat because..."
"I went in there because I figured I might forget about you if I met someone else. Someone who wasn't from my high school. Someone not in my college. And then you were there again and I couldn't think of a reason not to attempt talking to you. It seemed like a good idea at the time..."
Little wheels in my head began to turn, trying to understand everything he was saying. He was gay. He liked me. He was looking at my boxers. HA, that didn't belong in my thought train.
I really didn't get how I couldn't have picked up on everything. He was across the hall at the same exact times that I was, our computers both on, and yet I suspected nothing. I'm such a moron.
I suddenly realized that actual time had passed since his little speech ended, leaving a gap of silence that I had yet to fill. Looking up, I saw the fear in his eyes, the pain and the rejection he thought he would soon be receiving.
"It still is," I whispered, taking a few steps forward. One. Two. Three. Tips of toes meet, sending chills up my spine. This, my friend, is the closest I've been to him since the changing room in high school after gym class.
"Still is what?" Bumlets asked, the fear and pain and rejection in his eyes replaced with confusion. He looked edible when he was confused.
"It's still a good idea."
His lips slowly formed an O and I smiled, watching every movement he made. He seemed so delicate up close.
"You know, come to think of it, I kinda liked the idea of you being a mystery. It's no fun now," I fought back a grin as his face literally crumpled. He looked devastated and I found it delicious.
"But...you..." He stuttered, at a loss for words. I couldn't hold back my smile any longer and, when he saw it, he smacked me, muttering something about me being an ass.
"Dude, I hate you," He whispered, making me realize how close we were as his breath hit my face. He smelled minty.
"Don't say that" I said, my voice as low as his had been. My eyes fell strictly on his lips and I felt him reach out to touch my arm.
"Ok," He said, his voice a tiny bit more confident. Apparently he likes it when people stare at his oh-so-tempting lips. Every gay guy's dream to kiss...dear god...
"I'm gonna..." I choked out as he moved his body closer. So fucking close. He nodded without hesitating, his hand tipping up my chin so I had to look at him rather then his lips. I didn't mind at all.
And that was when it happened. My first kiss that really mattered. The irony was it wasn't fireworks exploding behind my eyes or lips crashing together in heated passion. It was comfort. It was soothing. It was right.
It was real. So real that my heart began to swell, threatening to explode inside the confinement of my ribcage. My lips grew numb and my head felt dizzy.
Nothing had ever been this perfect.
And, the funny thing is, I swear, for one moment, I stopped breathing. It wasn't like the last time, though, when I had lost my breath as he walked into his room. No, this time it was far from that.
This time it wasn't from pain at all.
---------
One of the only good pieces of advice my mother ever gave me was this: if you find something worth fighting for, then fight until you no longer have life in you to fight any longer.
I know she never meant for me to use it in this context, but I did. I saw it as a justification for my entire relationship with Bumlets. Before I knew the truth, I was fighting for him, even if I hadn't realized it. Afterwards, we were no longer fighting for each other.
Once we established a steady foundation for the relationship we planned to build, we started telling people. And the hatred began, like it always does when you're a gay man open about your feelings for another man of the same sexual orientation. Bumlets and I were literally fighting for each other now. I can't even count how many fights I got in over him and I. People were so narrow-minded and I sometimes came back to my dorm to hear muffled sobs coming from across the hall.
I couldn't understand it at first. I've been out for the longest time and people were fine with it. Then, after a night of Bumlets crying into my shoulder, I realized it was because I was actually BEING gay opposed to simple stating I was. Does that make sense? Having a boyfriend sealed the deal. I was gay whether they liked it or not, so the same people who seemed ok with it now acted like I had the plague.
It's ok now, though. As ok as it possibly can be for two struggling college students, at least. He and I haven't cried or screamed or fought about people's hurtful words in a long time. We've found comfort in each other.
When he and I kiss, it gives us both this release, this feeling of eternal security. Our lips never crash or demand. Our tongues never battle against each other, aching for space in each other's mouths. They blend together as if they were interlacing. Everything seems to interlace when we kiss. I made Bumlets laugh not too long ago. I said, when we kiss, our tongues were holding hands rather then warring against each other.
I'm not cocky, saying that this will last forever, though I pray it will. I have doubts eating away at me every second I'm awake.
But, when I feel his hand on the back of my neck, rubbing small circles in a way that isn't lustful, but just a need to feel my skin beneath his, I know that everything will be all right.
End
FINAL Author's Note for the story...EVER :(*dies* Guys, this story has been going on forever, and, now that it's over, I feel really depressed, LMAO. All I've been thinking about was getting it done and now I want more and more and more!
Oh well...I have a new Skitts/Snitch fic in the works, so that'll be my new obsession. Until then...reread all six chapters and review, LOL. That'll remind me I need to write something before you people kill me
Last SOs for this story...EVER. This is getting me so depressed, lol
imaginelet: *dances around in a Santa outfit* Itey and Pie are cute and it makes me happy, LOL. I think that they ARE the cutest things ever. HAHA, and the bet makes me giggle, so you aren't the only one enjoying it
Artemis-chan of Redwing: LOL, alert the media!! We have a drool-alert!! Weee-Wooo! HAHA, I think I just made an ambulance noise...woo. HAHA, poor Itey IS under appreciated, so you joining his harem is probably a very good thing.
AND Skittery and Snitch might be a little distracted when you get them, but that's ok, right? You don't mind if they're naked when you open up the box, right?
Nakaia Aidan-Sun: LOL, I definitely have to agree that getting reviews and seeing that a story you like is updated ARE the best feelings, lol. Sadly, though...Race will be partnerless in this fic. I'm pretty sure he is getting with someone in the fic I'm working on, though, so the hot little Italian will soon be...satisfied, lol
Thistle: Ha, I knew you'd like the parts about AFI. I do what I can to please you, babe. Pie Eater scares you? Oh my god, that's too funny, LOL!! Heehee, Jack/Spot will be coming as soon as I can get it written, lol. That'll probably be sometime in January, though, but...well...lol, AFI *makes you drool so you're distracted*
SpecsGlasses: ...Alarice, darling...has anyone ever told you that you're quite frightening at times, LMAO. Oh well...Kelly loves you just as you are. Man, I just referred to myself in third person, HAHAHAHA. Teehee, you loved that chapter's ass, eh? Now that, my friend, is an interesting statement. And don't worry...I have a very LARGE fetish for cute boys crying and comforting each other. It just makes them super-sexy opposed to the normal sexiness of gay guys, haha. *giggles to self* I made you melt. I hope I get a little meltage out of this chapter, lol. MUCH LOVE TO YOU!!!!!
Gothic Author: LOL, Itey may be a self-deprecating idiot, BUT he's a very sexy self-deprecating idiot. Heehee, you got teary...and then you called Itey a little moron, but still! You got teary!!!! *dances in a circle* I feel accomplished, lol
Shadowlands: LOL, Itey is pretty cool, isn't he *long, deep thinking session follows* ...yes, the prophecy states that All llamas shall rule the world and that Itey is a very cool boy.
Sita-chan: *smothers laughter* One of the grooviest chicks on fanfiction.net has been rendered retarded by a barely-decent fic written by a psychological moron. Now that, my friends, is when you know the world has gone crazy, lol.
*giggles happily and watches as Itey and Blink fight* Sooo sexy...meh *passes out*
*Anniekins, over and out* HAHA, what a great nickname...
*looks around* Dude, I'm probably going to seem like a horrible person, but I MUST stop doing shout-outs right now. I love everyone who has reviewed...but I NEED to get this chapter out.
So I'd also like to thank: Chicago, TheHotness, Zip1899, and Depends Solomon
You All Rock!!!!!!!
End Heat Wave