`*`*`*`
Step Ten: Deflating Egos

"-And so then I hugged Grace and she was all, 'Siry, please hug me forever! I wanna marry you and be your wife and have your children!'" Sirius was busy telling Remus and Peter about the morning's happenings in their train compartment.

"I'm sure that's exactly what she said," nodded Remus. "And right after that, she went outside and made herself a squirrel sandwich."

"No, no, Remus," said Sirius. "Grace doesn't eat meat."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Thank you for reminding me."

"So anyways, she practically declared her undying love for me," Sirius continued.

The door opened and Grace stepped in. "You people have no idea how hard you are to find!"

"Hi Grace," said Remus. "Shall we leave you and Sirius alone then?"

Grace looked really confused. "Lupin, are you on some new medication?"

"Oh no he isn't," said Peter. "He just said that 'cause Sirius was just telling us about how-" He was cut off by Sirius's hand over his mouth.

"About what?" asked Grace, glaring at them all suspiciously.

"About how I finished my beautiful essay! You should really see it!" said Sirius.

"Right," said Grace, obviously not convinced.

"It's right here!" Sirius exclaimed, pulling something out of his trunk.

"Let's see," said Grace, grabbing it and looking it over.

Muggle people have had manners for ages. They've written loads and loads of books on it. But most importantly, I, Sirius Black, have read all of them. Actually, I've only a read a few of them. Okay, so I've only read one. Fine, I'll tell the truth! I read a chapter of one. But it was a long chapter! There were lots of chapters, too! I think around a thousand! Fine, so there were only ten. But they were ten really long chapters!

Manners are hard and really confusing if you're a muggle. Apparently, they've got even more rules than Minerva, who would be called Ms. McGonagall if she were a muggle. The rules are straightforward (isn't that a really neat word? I copied it right from the book! I mean, I made it up myself, 'cause I'm smart like that!), and simple.

Muggles have many rules for eating. The males are supposed to help the women get seated, and pull out their chairs. Which is brilliant, if you think about it - building a prank right into all this etiquette junk. You just pull her chair out from under her and blame it on the rules! Also, you're supposed to put your napkin in your lap, which makes no sense, as you don't eat with your lap. At least wizards don't. Maybe muggles are deformed.

Grace laughed several times in the duration that she read the paper. But by the end, she was laughing so hard that when Lily and James came into the compartment Lily demanded that Sirius take off whatever hex he had put on her.

"But I didn't put a hex on her!" Sirius cried. "I have absolutely no idea why she's acting like a deranged lunatic! All I did was give her my essay! I thought it was good!"

Grace laughed even harder at his words, and began rolling on the floor.

"Grace," said Lily, bending down to check on her. The guys were all maintaining their distances as though she had some horrible disease. "Grace, are you alright?"

It took awhile for Grace to calm down enough to speak, but when she finally could she turned to Lily. "L-Lils, you h-h-have to see-e what he's wr-written!" She burst into another fit of laughter, and pointed to where she had dropped the essay on the seat.

Lily stood up and walked over to the seat. "Alright then, let's see what we've got here." She grabbed the paper and sat down, reading.

In a few minutes, Lily was laughing just as hard as Grace, though her face was redder.

"Padfoot," said James, "what'd you put in the paper?"

Sirius was glaring at Lily and Grace, and didn't seem to hear James's question. "What I'd like to know," he began, turning red in anger, "is what the hell is wrong with the paper I worked so hard on!"

Grace and Lily were silent for a moment, then turned to each other and laughed even harder then before.

Sirius groaned.

"S-s-s-sorry, S-s-s-sirius!" laughed Lily. "We'll t-t-tell you in a sec!"

When they had finally composed themselves, Grace and Lily got up and sat on the seats.

"Now then," said Lily, as though she hadn't been laughing at all, "about your paper. It was very… very… Grace, what's the word I'm looking for?"

"Interesting," imputed Grace.

"Yes," agreed Lily. "That would be the best part for it. I especially liked the part when he talked about clothes!"

"Yeah!" agreed Grace. "I liked the whole, 'Men wear suit with vests, collared shirts, pants, and sometimes even a pocket watch!'"

"Oh, and we can't forget the part where he started talking about horses and buggies!" said Lily.

"Or the part where he started talking about dowry for marriage proposals!" cried Grace.

"Oh yes!" laughed Lily. "'One horse and twenty-six sheep works if you live in the country, but today's society is all about the handkerchiefs!'"

"Ah the handkerchiefs!" laughed Grace. "I loved the definition, 'something muggles use to bathe with!' Bathing with handkerchiefs! We're a very clean lot, we are!"

"Oh, and I loved the bit about fans!" said Lily. "'Fans are a must in getting a marriage proposal. Ladies can flirt very well with them!' Oh, Sirius, I'm definitely taking a fan to our next ball so I can get a marriage proposal!"

"Me too!" cried Grace. "And I loved the comments he added!"

"Oh, I know!" laughed Lily. "Especially the parts about what women are supposed to wear!"

Grace laughed really hard. "Oh, the 'muggle women wear too much' one? Or was it the one after the bit about corsets?"

"Corsets!" laughed Lily. "That was the best part!"

"I know!" agreed Grace. 'Corsets are necessary in correcting a woman's figure. They squeeze her until she looks all skinny. They are a form of muggle torture device, and I hope Filch doesn't get ahold of one!'"

Grace and Lily just burst out laughing and kept laughing.

"What's so funny about all of that?" asked Sirius. "I thought it was good!"

"Sirius," said Lily, in-between spurts of laughter, "where'd you get all this from?"

"James has a library in his house. I just got a book from there," Sirius said.

"What was it called?" asked Grace.

"Er… Etiquette for the 19th Century, I think," he replied.

Grace and Lily laughed harder.

"Why do they keep doing that?" asked Sirius. "What's so funny about that title? It sounds fine to me!"

"B-b-b-because!" said Lily. "T-t-t-t-that book was mm-m-meant for the 1800's, not the 1970s!"

"No, it said 19th century, not 18th!" protested Sirius.

"Sirius, we're in the 20th century!" cried James, who looked, along with Remus, as though they finally got what Lily and Grace were saying.

"You mean I spent that much time on an essay, and it wasn't even right?!" cried Sirius.

"Yep," said Lily, who had finally managed to stop laughing. "That's the gist of it."

"Don't worry," said Grace, "we won't make you rewrite it. I think that's more than enough entertainment for one day."

"You're just letting me off because you think I'm sexy," said Sirius, retaining his old self.

Grace raised an eyebrow at him. "Legolas is sexy. Sirius Black is…"

"Sexier," inputted Sirius.

"Not the word I was going for," said Grace.

"Insane?" suggested Lily.

"Odd?" added James.

"Lacking just a tad bit upstairs?" added Remus.

"More than just a tad bit, but you get the point," said Grace. "Oh look, we're almost there."

"Time to put on dress robes," said Lily. The two girls walked out.

"Yeah," said Remus, "Grace loves you alright, Sirius."

"When's the wedding?" asked James.

"A wedding?!" cried Peter. "Am I invited?"

"We're not getting married yet!" said Sirius. He put a hand through his hair. "Grace wants to take it slow."

"Oh, she wants to take it slow alright!" said James.

"Yeah, any slower and they'd be goin' backwards!" said Remus.

"I dunno," said Peter. "I think they have a backwards relationship already."

"You're just jealous 'cause Grace loves me better!" cried Sirius.

"Yeah, better than she loves gum on her shoe!" said James.

"Hey, stop with the jokes!" said Sirius. "I know you all want to be me, but it's a hard process. It takes a lot of effort and time to do what I do!"

"And what's that?" asked Remus.

"I bring joy into the world," Sirius said simply. "Just look at me and you'll see."

They all stared blankly at him for a minute. "See what?" asked James.

"Why I bring joy into the world!" Sirius exclaimed.

The other three continued to stare at him blankly.

The door opened and Grace and Lily stepped back in.

"Grace! Lily!" cried Sirius. "Tell them why I bring joy to all who look upon me!"

"Thank you, Sirius!" cried Lily.

"What, you agree?" he asked.

"No, you've helped us think of a new thing you need to work on!" she replied.

`*`*`*`

"And the focus of this class is going to be deflating egos," said Lily, a week into the school year.

"What?!" cried Sirius. "Why does perfect Sirius need work on that?"

"So," said Grace, ignoring his comment like she usually did, "we have an assignment for you."

"But you just had an assignment for me!" moaned Sirius.

"And you did great on it," said Lily. "But this isn't a written assignment!"

"Yay!" cried Sirius, bouncing up and down in his seat. "No writing!"

"Wait," said James, giving them distrusting looks, "what is it?"

"You have to pay compliments to at least ten people a day," said Lily.

"People you don't usually talk to," said Grace.

"That's not so bad," said Sirius. "If that's all, I'll be on my way!" He walked out and bolted to the door.

"Not so fast, Mr. Black!" said Grace, grabbing his arm with amazing strength. "We weren't quite finished yet!"

"Don't make us go over manners, again!" said Lily. "Wait until we announce that class is ended!"

Sirius sat down quickly after that.

"Now," said Grace, "you have to pay ten compliments a day to people you don't usually talk to, guys included in this, and one to Snape."

"What?!" cried Sirius and James together.

"Snape?" cried James. "Are you crazy?"

"Are you trying to turn us into homos, or something?" asked Sirius. "Compliment guys and Snape?!"

"Have you got something against homosexuals?" asked Grace, crossing her arms. "Because they're human beings just like you and me!"

"And why are you so uptight about complimenting Snape?" asked Lily. "You asked him out!"

"It was a simulation!" protested Sirius. "Oh, and it wasn't in public!"

"Don't say anything to make them mad," whispered James.

"Oh, and I already knew you didn't have anything against homosexuals," Sirius said to Grace. "You're in love with one."

"Like that," sighed James as Lily grabbed Grace from lunging at Sirius.

"You take that back, Black!" she cried.

"It's not Black, it's Mr. Black!" said Sirius.

"You shut your pie hole or you'll be calling your eye 'Mr. Black!'" she cried, straining against Lily's hold.

"James," said Lily, "a little help!"

James went over and helped her hold back Grace.

"I thought you two were done with this fighting," he moaned.

"If Sirius wasn't such a moron we wouldn't be fighting!" cried Grace.

"I'm a moron?" exclaimed Sirius. "At least I'm not gay!"

"I'm not gay! I don't go out asking other guys to date me like you did with Snape," said Grace.

"You made me do that!" cried Sirius. "Oh, and I think that you just admitted that you would never date a guy!"

"What? When did I say that?" protested Grace.

"When you said the bit about not asking other guys out on dates!"

"You knew what I meant!"

"Oh did I?" asked Sirius, raising an eyebrow.

Grace attempted to lunge at him.

"That's it!" cried Lily. "Sirius, Grace, broom closet. NOW!"

She and James both grabbed the two stunned people, and pushed them out of the room into the hallway.

They brought them to a door, and James opened it.

"Now you two can learn how to be nice to each other!" he cried.

Then something happened that neither Lily nor he was expecting.

Sirius and Grace had turned and put them together in the broom closet.

After locking the door, Grace turned to Sirius. They gave each other high fives and shouted, "Mission accomplished!"

"You got James's wand?" she asked him.

"Yup," he replied. "You got Lily's?"

"Right here," she said.

"Let us out!" cried Lily and James, pounding on the door.

"No, I don't think I will," said Grace, whispering a silencing charm.

"How long do you think it'll take 'til he asks her out?" asked Sirius.

"We both saw the picture," said Grace, "it's only a matter of time."

"Wanna bet on it?" asked Sirius.

"Why not? I love a good gamble," she said.

"I say ten galleons he asks her out tonight," said Sirius.

"That soon? No, I say it's in two days," she replied.

"Two days? We're keeping them in there that long?" asked Sirius.

"However long it takes," said Grace. "Besides, it's the weekend. We don't have any classes."

"I still say tonight," he said.

"Wanna raise your price?" she asked. "How about 50 galleons?"

They shook on it. "I hope you're prepared to lose some money," said Sirius. "'Cause the Magnificent Black is never wrong."

"The 'Magnificent Black' better have 50 galleons to lose, 'cause he's gonna!" cried Grace.

They had reached the Fat Lady by then. Grace said the password, and was about to step through when Sirius said, "At least I don't have to pay Snape compliments." He shuddered.

"What do you mean?" asked Grace.

"You know, the fake assignment you gave so that I'd get mad at you," he said.

"Fake?" asked Grace. "What do you mean fake?"

With that, she stepped through the portrait hole, leaving a crushed Sirius behind her.

`*`*`*`

A/n: sorry it took so long to update! the next one should be in a week or 2 latest! i've just had crew since august (which ends next week), so i should have more time!

Lily and James together in a broom closet. Who knew Grace could be so devious? I'm thinkin' this story is gonna be ending soon, which sux for me cuz i'm running out of ideas for stories! we'll see if i can think of a new original 1! if any1 wants to offer ideas, i'm open.

i love everyone who reviewed! You all made my day!

i o u a name- did i c pirates of the caribbean? only 4 times! it would have been more but i ran out of money. :( orlando is still MINE!

Carmel March- i posted again! it only took me forever!

The Bronze Snidget- i hope you liked the essay!

LoverOfAllThingsLegolas- gonna be my first reviewer? huh? huh? i won't carve your statue in marble unless you are!

JerseyGirl03- i'm glad you like it!!!!

soupie- i know! it's going by so quick. *sob*

Lorelei6- i hope this update was just as fantastic as the other one! did you hug everyone when you went 2 school?

Manny2003- yup, 7th year!

crazyinluv- i'm sorry it's taking me so long! the next one will be extra son, just for you!

Alex smiley- I'm glad you like the fic! Miss Greenleaf could care less about Orlando Bloom. She likes Leoglas. Orlando, however, is MINE!

Tiger12- i'm sorry it took so long!

Cassandrah Potter- sorry! i can't join the site! i would if i could! and i'd take divination!

Kat44- you'll find out soon enough who grace goes with!

Unhealthily-Obsessed- yeah highly obssessed girls! lol

Willow23- sure! take sirius! i'll even write you in the story if you want, just tell me what name to use.