`*`*`*`
Step Eleven: Observing Romanticism
The first and only thing Ray Chang said to Lily and James when he approached them in the Great Hall later that night was, "Why?"
When he walked off, the two were left staring confusedly at Leslie.
"Oh don't mind him," she said. "He's still pissed about the whole double date thing. But," she said quickly when James got a terrified look on his face, "he's almost over it. Enough that he won't do anything rash."
"Thank you," said James, "that's so comforting."
"He's just angry that someone did that to his girlfriend," explained Leslie.
"Girlfriend?!" shrieked Lily.
"Girlfriend?" cried James, with slightly more horror than Lily.
"Yeah, haven't you heard?" shrieked back Leslie. "Oh, I have to tell you!"
James looked back and forth between the two of them, then said, "I'm going to go avoid Chang while you two discuss his love life."
"Go right ahead, sweetie," said Lily, clearly not paying attention to him at all. She and Leslie sat down at the Ravenclaw table (A/n: Leslie and Gwen are in Ravenclaw, sorry if that confused anyone), and began discussing the Gwen-Ray hookup.
`*`*`*`
James walked swiftly over to the Gryffindor table.
"Well mate," he said to Sirius, "I'm gonna die."
"What? Why?" asked Sirius. "How serious is it?"
"It's worse than if you told Grace that her fairy bloke was gay," said James.
"Worse?" exclaimed Sirius.
"Worse," nodded James.
"I'm sitting right here, you know," said Grace.
"Grace, don't interrupt other people's conversations," said Sirius. "Honestly, and you're supposed to be teaching us manners?" He turned back to James. "How much worse?"
"Two words: Ray Chang," said James.
Sirius counted on his hand. "Yup, Ray Chang is two words, congratulations. What about him?"
"You know his great left hook?" asked James.
"He gave me a black eye with that left hook," said Sirius. "Well, among other things." He winced in memory.
"Yeah, I know," said James. "He cracked two of my ribs."
"Oh yeah! You were bleeding all over the place!" said Sirius.
"Ew! I'm eating!" cried Grace.
"Erm, Grace," said Sirius. "First off, you interrupted me again. Where are those manners, huh? And secondly, you're eating asparagus. Asparaguses are vegetables. Vegetables don't bleed. There's no reason to be disgusted by that." He turned back to James. "So, what about Ray Chang?"
"Left hook."
"Left hook? Ray Chang?"
"Ray Chang."
"Just now?"
"No!"
"No?"
"NO!"
"When?"
"We just discussed this!"
"When?"
"Just now!"
"Now?"
"Yes!"
"Where was I?"
"Right here!"
"Right here?"
"Right here!"
Lily sat down next to James during this argument. "Grace, why is Sirius repeating everything James says?"
"James is trying to tell him, I think. I dunno. He lost me at Ray Chang," said Grace.
"Ray Chang?" asked Lily.
"Yup," said Grace. "But don't do that, you sound like them," she motioned over to James and Sirius.
"Ray Chang and Gwen are dating!" cried Lily.
Sirius heard this and paled. "You're kidding, right?"
"I was trying to tell you!" said James.
"Me?" asked Sirius.
"You," said James.
"What?"
"That."
"That?"
"That."
"No!" cried Grace. "No more! I hate that! Yes Sirius, he was trying to tell you that Ray and Gwen are going out and that Ray's gonna kill him! Now we're done, no more."
"Grace, you really need to control your temper," said Sirius.
Grace ignored him. "So, they're going out? Took them long enough!"
"I know!" said Lily. "That's what I said! He did it all romantic, too!"
"He did?" asked Grace. "How?"
"She got a poem by owl one morning and it told her to go to this one room at five o'clock. When she gets there he's laid out this candlelit dinner and has rose petals all throughout the room. He did it like a proposal, and got her this promise ring. He had a person serenading them, too!" relayed Lily.
Grace sighed. "If only stuff like that happened to me!"
"Oh, I know!" cried Lily.
"Damn Chang!" muttered James.
"I think he's trying to make it harder for us," said Sirius.
"This is worse than a punch. Do you know how hard it's gonna be to top that?" asked James.
"Hm…" said Sirius. "Actually, it shouldn't be that hard. Here, I'll show you."
"Right now?" asked James.
"There's no time like the present," said Sirius.
"I'd like to see you try," said James.
"Alright then, I shall. I was going to ask out this girl anyways," said Sirius.
"Who?" asked James.
"See that pretty girl sitting next to the not so pretty one at the end of the table?" asked Sirius.
Lily and Grace turned their attention to him, as he had said it rather loudly.
"That's so mean!" cried Grace.
"I can't believe you're talking like that!" said Lily.
"Don't get your knickers in a twist," said Sirius. "Just watch and learn."
"Learn what?" asked Grace, but Sirius had already walked away.
He disappeared for quite awhile.
The candles suddenly dimmed. Sirius's magically magnified voice came singing over the Great Hall.
"Natalie, you're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived, and I thank God I'm alive. You're just to good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you." He appeared then, pointing at the "pretty girl sitting next to the not so pretty one at the end of the table."
"You've got to be kidding me," said James, as all the females in the room cried, "Awwwwwwwwww!"
"Natalie," said Sirius, still singing, "would you put me out of my single misery and be my girlfriend?"
"Yes!" cried Natalie. She threw her arms around him in a huge hug, and he winked at James.
"Sirius," cried Lily when he came back, "that was so sweet!"
"Yeah, thanks a lot, Sirius," said James sarcastically.
"No problemo," said Sirius. "I'm happy to make you look bad in front of Lily anytime."
He brought his stuff over to where Natalie was sitting, and they didn't see him for the rest of the night.
`*`*`*`
"James, I have to talk to you and Sirius," said Grace at breakfast the next morning.
"Where is Sirius?" asked Lily, sitting down next to James.
"I haven't seen him since last night," said James. "I feel like I've lost my best friend."
Grace looked over at him and raised an eyebrow.
"I'm kidding, Grace," he said.
"I know. Just the way you said it, like it was a bad thing to lose, or something," replied Grace.
"Are you jealous of Natalie?" asked James slyly.
"For what?" asked Grace.
"For taking precious Sirius away from you?" asked James.
Grace looked at him like he was insane. "Wait, lemme think, this is a tough one. How about no."
"You know you love him," said James.
"It's a love that burns so deep the fires in hell cannot compare," added Sirius, sitting next to James.
"You two caught me," said Grace, rolling her eyes. "I'm head over heels in love with Sirius Black."
"Can I quote you on that?" asked James.
"Sorry, I'm already taken," said Sirius at the same time.
Grace ignored them both, as usual. "So Lily and I had to remind you to pay up those compliments. You haven't been doing like we asked."
"That was fake," said Sirius. "It was part of a master plan!"
"Yeah!" agreed James. "I thought you made it up!"
"Well, you thought wrong," said Grace.
"That was the only part of that lesson I agreed with," said Lily. "It was great homework."
"But I have…" trailed James in thought.
"You have what?" asked Lily.
"I have Quidditch practice! And so do you, Lily! It's hard work, being on the Quidditch team."
"Nice try, James," said Lily. "But I don't think so."
"Fine," said James. "Grace, you look human today." Leslie and Gwen walked passed the table. "Leslie, your hair looks interesting. Gwen, you look fine, even if your judgement in boyfriends isn't. Oh, hi Roy, didn't see you there. Your muscles look bigger than before. Have you been working out?"
The three just walked past the table.
Sirius and Grace exchanged a look.
"I've got to go to the library," said Lily, standing up.
"Great!" said Sirius. "Well, I've just got to talk to my buddy, James, here."
Lily left.
"James," said Sirius, "where did you learn to compliment?"
"Your hair looks interesting?" asked Grace. "Interesting is not a compliment."
"What?" said James. "I thought I did fine."
Grace and Sirius exchanged another glance.
"I think we need an emergency class," said Grace.
"I actually agree with you," said Sirius.
"Charms classroom, then," said Grace.
`*`*`*`
"Now, Lily can never live with you until you learn to pay her the respect she needs," said Sirius.
"Wow, that was actually intelligent sounding, Black," said Grace.
"Thanks," he said. "I've been reading Witch Weekly."
"Er… okay," said Grace. "Anyways, a girl never looks fine. Fine can imply many things, the main one being that she doesn't look as good as normal."
"And girls like to be compared to pretty things," said Sirius. "Flowers, snow, butterflies, stuff like that. Not pond scum or cleaning detergent, though. Believe you me, that is not something to compare her with."
"Moonlight, things that are pretty in nature," added Grace. "They all work."
"Sun light, star light, Christmas lights," added Sirius.
"How do you know about Christmas lights?" asked Grace.
"They're shiny," shrugged Sirius.
"Why are you doing this to me?" asked James.
"Because, the only time I've been remotely impressed with your speaking abilities is the one time you complimented Lily in class," said Grace.
"I asked her out," cried James.
"L-l-l-l-lily, w-w-w-w-w-w-will you please go out with poor, helpless me. I have no romantic bone in my body, but I'm sure we can work something out!" mocked Sirius.
"Squirrel man has that down pat," said Grace. "No, you need to listen to this."
"Lily is a beautiful girl. Beautiful girls like to be complimented every so often. It's like a sign of appreciation," said Sirius.
"Sirius, that was so feminine sounding," said James.
"I know! These lessons are making me lose touch with my inner sex god!" cried Sirius.
"Right," said Grace. "Moving on, more about complimenting…"
"Be romantic! Like her Prince Charming!" said Sirius.
"Prince Charming?!" cried Grace. "No way! He only fell for Cinderella because she was pretty. She was an airhead. Honestly, who marries a person they've met the night before? Guys don't think with their heads, that's the problem."
"What do we think with, then?" asked Sirius.
"I'll give you a hint: you think with it," said Grace.
"My head?" asked Sirius.
"No," said Grace.
"I know what Sirius thinks with!" cried James.
"My head!" cried Sirius.
"He's hopeless," sighed James.
"As are your compliments," said Grace. "So, moving on…"
`*`*`*`
"Where have you three been all day?" asked Lily at the Great Hall. "I've been looking all over."
"These two have passed their complimenting homework," said Grace. Sirius and James both whooped. "Except for the complimenting Snape part," she added.
"W-w-what?" gasped Sirius.
"Nooooooooooooooooo!" cried James.
"Just one little compliment each," said Grace.
"Fine, fine, fine," said Sirius. "OY, SNAPE! YOUR NOSE LOOKS LESS… LESS… WELL, LESS!"
"AND YOUR SKIN LOOKS AS THOUGH IT'S SEEN SOME SUN! YOU MUST HAVE BEEN OUTSIDE FOR AT LEAST FIVE MINUTES IN THE PAST YEAR!" added James.
"That'll do," said Grace.
"You count those as compliments?" asked Lily.
"If you'd heard some of the stuff I have the past few hours, you'd agree," said Grace.
"Like what?" asked Lily.
"Grace, your hair looks as brown as the pond by my house," she mocked.
"That was a good one!" said Sirius. "My favorite was, 'Your skin is like watered down milk, so white it's almost see-through.'"
Grace burst out laughing. "Followed by, 'Your uniform looks as though it's been ironed today."
Sirius joined in her laughter.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh at my expense," said James.
"James," said Lily, struggling to keep a straight face, "it's alright. Not everyone can be the best complimenter in the world." She burst out laughing. "S-s-s-sorry. I s-s-shouldn't be laughing. I'm n-n-n-not laughing at you."
"Yeah you are!" laughed Sirius.
"I'm done with you people," said James, walking off.
`*`*`*`
A/n: the song sirius sings is by some lady, but more importantly, it's sung by heath in 10 things i hate about you.
i know, i know. it's late. u can blame grace 4 me not getting it up last week (jk grace, jk)
i dunno how many more chapters there r gonna be. i know they're coming 2 the end of the program, cuz i wanted it to be a 12 step program, but i could have grace and lily checking up on them for 37 million more chapters. i dunno. have yet to decide.
o, and you should all go read grace's story about me called "Dreams of the Meghan" (her penname is LoverOfAllThingsLegolas, so fitting, i know). she's on my fav's list. check it out! especially orlando lovers!
i o u a name- sirius does rock my sock(s).
Unhealthily-Obsessed- erm.... maybe not. ah well, u can have a special prize anyways.
Carmel March- dumbledore rox.
JerseyGirl03- sorry it took so long to update!
soupie- aw!!!!! thanks!!!
crazyinluv- sorry about the weekly thing. i'll try.
willow23- ur in this chapter!!!!!!
Alice of Wonderland- thanx 4 reviewing!
Lorelei6- naw they r temporary friends. i'm glad the hugging thing worked out...
sailorsunandchildofthesun- sleep deprivation: it affects us all. and i wonder who the best maurader is? maybe i'll have a poll...
Cassandrah Potter- yeah, great review! author alert list? wow, am flattered!
Alia5- thanx for the compliment!
macedonia- no changing my mind about grace and sirius, sorry. they have ppl already. it'll all work out.
Hermione06560- sirius is an easy person to torture.
The Bronze Snidget- u send this 2 ur friends?????? u rock!
ally (sissy-6)- hehe, if possible, he's having an even worse time!
Tiger12- glad u like it!
LoverOfAllThingsLegolas- locked up in a closet w/ 1 of the dans? which one? oh, and u were SO not the frist person 2 review this, greega. u need 2 work on that.
Céline- yes, he rather does deserve it, doesn't he?
Elven Dagger- sorry it took so long!
Lima Beans- bridge, bridge, bridge. no lying 4 me! i updated like i said i would!
ThreeEaredBunny- glad ur hooked! it makes me feel special ish!
LunaMoon7- of course they're having lessons! james needs work!! loved ur story!
