"So, when are you going to make your move?" asked Sirius to James the next week in the dorm room.
"My move?" asked James, looking thoroughly confused. "What are you going on about?"
"Your move," he repeated. "Don't tell me you've forgotten about your lessons already!"
"Lessons? You mean the romantic ones?" asked James.
"Yeah! What'd you think I meant?" asked Sirius. "You think that after I finally get to teach something that I wouldn't assign homework? I had to write an essay! I was being easy on you!"
"Fine," said James. "Give me some time! I'll make 'my move.'"
Sirius looked at him disbelievingly.
"What?" said James. "Eventually I'll get around to it!"
"Yeah, eventually never," he replied.
"You say that as though you have no trust in me. It hurts," said James, placing his hand on his heart.
"You're such a drama queen, James," said Sirius. He then got an evil smirk on his face. "I'm going to have to start calling you queenie."
"You're not!" cried James.
"Hey queenie, let's go see what Grace says about your homework!" cried Sirius, rushing out the door.
"NOOOOO!" cried James. "Not Grace! Come back!"
It was too late.
Sirius could run fast down stairs.
"Hey Gracie-kins!" said Sirius, walking over to where she was seated in the common room.
"Sirius, what have I told you about giving me pet names?" asked Grace.
"That I shouldn't if I want to see the light of day," said Sirius.
"Exactly. Now, what did you have to say?" she asked.
"Well James doesn't think he should do his homework so-" started Sirius.
"Sirius!" James yelled, finally catching up with him. "What are you doing?!"
"Precisely what I said I was going to. Queenie here isn't doing his homework and-"
"James," cut in Lily, "you should always do your homework!"
"L-l-l-lily!" cried James. "I didn't see you there!"
"Neither did I," said Sirius. "But she's right. You should always do your homework. In fact, why don't you start right now?"
"Don't rush me!" cried James. "I have to leave now, bye!" He ran back up the stairs.
"Okay, is it just me, or has he been weirder than usual this week?" asked Lily. "I mean, he runs away just about whenever he sees me, and now this homework thing."
"Don't worry," said Grace, "James is psycho. We all know that. He's probably going through a phase, or something."
"He does go through phases," said Sirius. "He's got these odd little things. One of his phases was sleeping with one red sock on his left ear. It couldn't be green or blue; it had to be red! Oh, and if it was on his right ear, well, you prayed you had ear plugs."
"Thank you for another Tale from the Crypt," said Grace. "Like Sirius just told us, James is loony."
"But why does he always say things like 'Don't rush me,' or 'I'm not ready yet,' or 'Ah! Too much pressure!' whenever he sees me?" asked Lily.
Sirius shrugged, "Queenie's not really good at dating. You'll have to excuse him. He's probably going to get over it eventually. I'll talk to him. You know, help him along a bit."
Sirius walked off, saying, "The sex god has left the common room!"
"Why can't James just say something instead of running off faster than a cheetah?" asked Lily.
"I've said it often enough that Legolas is the only male with a clue," said Grace.
"Ya know what, Grace? I'm really starting to believe you," said Lily. She got back to her book, but looked up after a few seconds. "Why was he calling James queenie?"
"She thinks you hate her now, mate," said Sirius. "Congratulations! You're really good at this romantic thing!"
"Shut up!" said James. "I feel bad enough- wait, she thinks I hate her?!"
"Yes, that was the first thing I said, wasn't it?" said Sirius.
"But I don't hate her! I think she's the greatest thing that ever happened to me!" cried James.
"Yeah, you think I care? That's the crap you should be telling her," said Sirius.
"I can't believe she thinks I hate her!" said James. "I have to do something about that!"
"No shit Sherlock," said Sirius.
"But what can I do?" James asked, sinking into his bed.
"Do your homework finally," suggested Sirius.
"I have to show her!" cried James. "I have to prove it! I have to make my move!"
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Why am I even here?"
James grabbed his invisibility cloak. "Sirius, I have to go! Don't tell anyone where I've gone or what I'm doing!" he shouted, and ran out of the room.
"Don't worry! I have no idea where the hell you're going anyways!" cried Sirius behind his back.
"Was that James that almost killed me by knocking me down the stairs?" asked Remus, walking into the room.
"Yes," said Sirius. "Or at least, I'm pretty sure he's still James."
"Why? What's wrong with him?" asked Remus, glancing down the stairs.
"He's suffering from Lily-itus," said Sirius.
"From what?" asked Remus.
"It's where your heart starts to take over your brain," said Sirius. "You stop making sense and you run into things a lot, because you don't have eyes in your heart, just arteries."
"I'm not even going to try and decipher what you just said," said Remus.
"Believe you me, if you spent five seconds listening to queenie you'd figure out what I mean," said Sirius.
"I think I'll ask someone else what's going on," said Remus, backing away from Sirius. "Maybe they can tell me."
"Alright, but don't ask Lily. She's got even less of a clue than you," said Sirius.
"But she's dating him. Why doesn't she know?" asked Remus.
"There's lots of things she doesn't know about James," said Sirius.
"Like…"
"She doesn't know he's an animagus," said Sirius.
"Yes, she does!" said Remus.
"No, she doesn't!" said Sirius.
"Yes, she does!" Remus repeated.
"He told her?" cried an outraged Sirius. "Why didn't he ask first?! It's not just his secret!"
"Sirius, do you remember why Lily and Grace had you take classes in the first place?" asked Remus.
"Had us? Don't you mean blackmailed? Man, when they found out we were animagus they were so cruel!" cried Sirius.
Remus nodded expectantly at him.
"What?" he cried. "Are you saying they should have blackmailed us?"
Remus sighed. "I'm going to go find someone else."
"Because I don't think they should have!" Sirius continued saying as Remus closed the door behind him.
"Here's someone with a clue!" cried Grace, as Remus walked past them in the common room.
"Remus, what's wrong with James?" asked Lily.
"I have no idea. I was going to ask you. I tried asking Sirius, but he's currently oblivious to all around him," replied Remus.
"He's been like that for his whole life," Grace sighed.
"You haven't know him his whole life," Remus pointed out.
"What's your point?" asked Grace.
"Do you have any idea why he's calling James queenie?" asked Lily.
"No," said Remus. "I thought you might. I guess no one really has any idea what's going on."
"Maybe we will later," said Lily.
"Or maybe we never will," Grace added.
"Hey, clueless!" Grace called out to Sirius later at dinner.
He walked over, Natalie at his side.
"You screamed?" he said.
"Yeah, where's James or queenie or whatever his name is today?" asked Grace.
"Scoot over for Natalie, will you?" he said to Peter, who obliged. "Prongs is currently," he said, sitting down, "doing his homework."
"Where is he?" asked Lily. "The library?"
"Quite possibly. Queenie tells me next to nothing," said Sirius.
"Why are you calling him queenie?" asked Lily.
"Because he's a bloody drama queen!" said Sirius. He got an evil smirk on his face and added, "Plus some other reasons."
Grace raised an eyebrow, Lily's jaw dropped, and Natalie looked lost.
Remus slapped Sirius on the shoulder. "He doesn't do drag! Honestly, Sirius! You're scaring his girlfriend!"
"And yours too," added Natalie.
"Look, I have no idea where Prongs is," said Sirius. "He bolted out of the room like there was no tomorrow without an explanation."
"I hope he's alright!" said Lily. "He seemed like he was delirious or something earlier. Maybe he's sick!"
"Don't worry," said Grace, "he's not sick."
"James can be rather… odd sometimes. I wouldn't worry about it. He shows up eventually," reassured Remus.
"Yeah," said Peter. "He's gone out loads of times. Sometimes he doesn't come back for a few days, but only on weekends!"
"Today's Saturday!" cried Lily.
"Great going, Wormy," said Sirius. "Now she's gonna go mental on us."
"Relax, Lily! He's fine! Don't have a nervy b!" cried Grace.
"I knew he should have seen Madam Pomfrey! I've been saying it all weekend!" said Lily.
"No you haven't. You said he was avoiding you because he changed his mind," reminded Grace.
"What's the difference?" asked Lily.
"Well-" Sirius started.
"That was a rhetorical question," Grace frowned.
"Lily, Peter was over-exaggerating, James is fine. He'll come back soon, I know it," said Remus.
"Alright," said Lily. "Maybe he'll stop avoiding me when he comes back."
"He definitely will," said Sirius.
Lily woke up later that night to something tapping at her window.
"Ah!" screamed Grace. "We're under attack!"
"Grace, wake up! Someone's at the window," said Lily.
"Oh," said Grace. "Go get them then. I'm going back to sleep." She rolled over onto her other side.
Lily walked carefully over to the window, and threw back the curtains. When she saw who it was, she quickly opened it.
"James!" she whisperingly yelled (an oxymoron if I've ever seen one). "Where have you been all day?"
"Lily Evans," he said, "can I be your knight in shining armor? Of course not in a damsal-in-distress way. More in a there-for-you-when-you-need-me-which-won't-be-often-because-you-are-a-strong-capable-female kind of way."
At a closer glance, Lily could see that he did indeed have shining armor on. She gave a small smile. "Of course." Her smile became bigger at his sigh of relief. "How'd you get up here?"
"I'm standing on my broom. Care to join me?" he held out his arms.
"If I may," she said, crawling out of the window.
He caught her, and flew down to something.
"You have a white horse!" cried Lily. "You have a white horse!"
James smiled. "Do you like it? I thought I needed one for the whole knight thing."
Lily gave him a huge hug, which was difficult due to his armor.
"James, this is so sweet!" Lily exclaimed.
"Well, I know you thought I was avoiding you, but-" he was cut off by another hug, this one knocking him over.
"You did this to honor my feelings?" she said. "That is the nicest, sweetest…"
She went on and on, because Lily, as Sirius often said, had memorized the thesaurus.
"Er, yeah. You deserve it because I think you're… well… great."
James, Sirius had said as well, had never even seen a thesaurus.
They then started making out (or snogging, if you're British) for quite some time.
That was how James knew he'd gotten a perfect score on his homework.
"Where's Lily and James?" asked Sirius the next morning at lunch. "They've been sleeping for the entire day, it seems."
"Well," said Grace, "James did his homework finally. He came to our window last night."
"He did?" asked Sirius.
"Something was pounding on our window," said Grace. "It was either him or someone who kidnapped Lily, 'cause I think she left."
"You think?" asked Sirius. "How can you not know?"
"I was tired! You know how it was all of yesterday! It's hard pretending like I have no idea what's going on!" exclaimed Grace.
Remus rubbed his chin in thought. "You know, Sirius," he said, "that might explain why you're tired all the time."
"No, he doesn't pretend," said Grace.
Sirius pretended to look shocked, but smiled. "So, it was either James or someone kidnapping Lily at the window. That's quite a difference."
"What?! Someone's kidnapped Lily?!" a voice cried.
They hadn't noticed James coming up behind them.
"Yeah, they left a ransom note," said Sirius. "Give two hundred galleons to Sirius Black if you ever want to see your precious Lily again."
"It did not! It clearly stated that the money should be paid to Grace Greenleaf!" Grace exclaimed.
"Haha, very funny," said James. "You're all a bunch of comedians. No really, where is Lily?"
"Sleeping," said Grace. "What happened last night?"
"Did you make your move?" asked Sirius.
"I can't say," said James.
"Why ever not?" asked Sirius.
"Because Sirius, as you well know, gentleman never kiss and tell," said James.
"By George, I think he's got it!" said Lily, coming up behind him, and kissing him on the cheek.
"Lily," said Sirius, "you and Grace have ruined him!"
"No we haven't," said Grace. "It's an improvement. You'll thank us later."
"I'd rather burn in hell for all eternity," muttered Sirius.
"That can be arranged," said Grace.
"What was that?" asked Sirius, looking taken aback.
"Honestly," said Grace, "if you were still taking classes, I'd have one on learning to hear things properly."
"Ah!" cried Sirius. "No more classes! I love women! They are my equals, possibly even better!"
Grace turned to Lily, "What does he mean possibly?"
A/n: this is the final chapter. i only wanted the program to be 12 steps.
however, i am continuing with a sequel, something i've never done b4. i didn't want grace and sirius 2gether in this 1, but who knows w/ the next 1? it'll be out sometime in january.
sry it took so long 2 update! i actually sent this chapter to grace 5 weeks ago, and she has yet to give it back. my cousin ended up betta-ing this one for me.
so u ppl know what's going on, i started a live cuz i can't post just a/n on chapters anymore.
well, thank u all for reviewing!!!!!
Bettas: LoverofAllThingsLegolas and Lima Beans
Thanks to:
Alex smiley
Alia
Alia5
Alice of Wonderland
Angl
Arianna
BastsCleopatra
BlueTwilight24
Bobo SB- u got the LoTR part!!!!! go u! yes, that was definitely put in there on purpose.
Boy-hating, prank-playing Edana
br*tney
canadian/american/brittish
Carmel March- u understood that part?! yay! love the caps thing.
Cassandrah Potter
Céline
Chicken Stars
ChickoftheDarkMoon
Chrissy-tine
ciss- the next story has WAY more serious scenes. just for u. :)
citrus scented
crazyinluv
Damia - Queen of the Gypsi's
Demeter, Goddess of Protection
Dude Wheres My Cheese
Elven Dagger- i'm glad u liked the compliments! i tried.
enelya
Evelyn Halliwell
flamin-phyinix
Hanna-chan
Horse-Obssesed
hpfan20507
i o u a name- i hope this chapter was as funny as the last 1 ~crosses fingers~
icy2
irina
Kat44- yeah it's a great movie!
Kirunai
kitkat
Lady J.
Lady Tiffy
Lima Beans- i think i got the message.
Little House Girl
Lololchik- yeah he is! lol
Lorelei6- i'd probably beat him up 2, after i finished laughing.
lovely
LunaMoon7- sirius is a "sex god" so he knows ALL about complimenting, james learned in... well, he didn't learn at all.
lYdoSpaRklyLemOnDroP
macedonia
Manny2003
Melly
MoonFaith
Moonlight and Midnight
Musicizdbest
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Nike25
OriginalProxy
Paddycake- i think ur the first guy that's actually reviewed! THIS is the last chapter. but i'll try 2 lighten up on them in the next story. note, i said TRY.
peachiez- i'm glad u like it!
PhoenixTears
Princess Pixie ice
QoF
rosezgarden
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sailorsunandchildofthesun- sry, that part WAS confusing
sissy-6- i think ur the only person who understood that part!!!!! go u!
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starblaze
Stormie Night
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TeArS oF fAtE
The Bronze Snidget- love the name of the reading list! it made me laugh.
ThreeEaredBunny
Tiger12
Tribal Leader
Unhealthily-Obsessed- i'm glad u like the compliments. maybe i should try them on ppl...
whatdyasay?
Willow23- commended? i feel so special.
xCriscrossx
Yael M.
Yugi's Little Sister
Zoey
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