Disclaimer: ::sigh:: not mine, no money is made, though money is badly needed.

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Bakura's POV

Bakura's smile faded as Ryou drifted off, murmuring about eternity and devotion. He couldn't stand to see this angel giving up everything for him. Ryou had an unmarred pure beauty and Bakura felt like he was soiling him every time they...made love. To Bakura, those long moments were like tastes of heaven. The world around him was hell and Ryou was his salvation. Ryou didn't change like he said he did. His yami's beatings did nothing to chase away the innocence. People don't change easily. Bakura would know.



~*I'm on fire

And the day is turning hopeless

You see me burning but the burning's turning smokeless

So I don't feel at all

It's electric

The neon hurt inside your phone calls

The layered sadness and the madness it revolves

Breaking down the walls where you find love*~

Bakura quietly stood up and walked out of the bedroom into the living room, quietly punching the wall on the way. He sat down heavily on the couch and buried his face in his hands, his long hair providing a silky curtain between the world and his silent tears. He took deep breaths to calm himself, admitting that he still felt a strong, inevitable need to hurt Ryou, to mar his being, to soil the purity.

~*I'm willing to break myself

To shake this hell from everything I touch

I'm willing to bleed for days, my reds and grays

So you don't hurt so much*~

He fought the need to cut his lover's skin, to leave bruises, to rape his lover during sex. So instead, he turned that in towards himself. Slowly, whatever was left of his sanity was going and he knew he couldn't let Ryou find out about this. He would much rather suffer and eternity of these lifetimes that hurt the blessing he had for a lover. HI lover, his light, his other half. Ryou was his soul, his conscience, his good feeling. Bakura felt his mind losing grip over himself.



~*Now I'm static

And your sky is turning purple and gray

I'm learning that the further that I crawl

The further that I fall

Is that okay?

And you're in pieces

And your world's become a rainstorm

You've got no shelter- I'm a thousand miles away

If you survive the day

Don't say you're leaving*~

Bakura thought back to Ryou's promises of eternity and abandon and sensed himself dying on the inside, the monster inside him suppressed yet fighting and screaming for release. A feeling of frustration, loss, restlessness, and fear rose up in Bakura like all those times before.



~*I'm willing to break myself

To shake this hell from everything I touch

I'm willing to bleed for days, my reds and grays

So you don't hurt so much

So you don't hurt so much*~

His hand reached towards the nearest sharp object and his mind envisioned it slicing the pale flesh of his lover. Bakura closed his eyes tightly and slid it across his wrist. A thick line of blood appeared and Bakura hissed. Being with Ryou was like falling from hell into heaven, then back again. It was taking his strength, his mind, his soul. But all that mattered was that Ryou was happy. Ryou deserved to be happy. He was worth this internal struggle. Even at this price. Even at the price of Bakura's life. But how long until I break?

~*Never agin- will we fire this gun

Never again- you're the only one

Never again- don't tell me you're gone

I'm willing to break myself- I'm not afraid*~

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Lady Maeve: Okay, that was a long chapter...well folks, this is it. Tell me what you though and whether I should keep writing YGO fanfiction of crawl back under the same rock I crawled out of. The song is by my all-time favorite band called Something Corporate. They rule!