Kain: Hi everyone! Welcome to the third installment of the Bachlorette!
Random Reviewer: Aren't you supposed to be in the hospital!?
Kain: …My bones knit quickly…
Random Reviewer: I don't believe you!
Kain: ^_^ (Waves hand.) KABOOM!
Random Reviewer: SIZZLE
Kain: Anyway Sol and Icy Cake have disappeared, so I'm running the show today!
Felix: …That's not good…
Kain: I don't know what you mean! ^_^ Anyway first we look at the reviews!
Destinyofthepast…well Garets off the show…no stand aside or I'lll hurt you too!
Icy Cake…congratulations you have thoroughly pissed of Sol…
Kevin C…Sol is thrilled that you like the story…and sorry but Saturos stays!
Yoshimi Takahashi…Hehe congrats you helped to get Garet off the show…that doesn't mean his suffering will end though!
Shadowthewindadept…Ah you hate Jenna…don't worry everyone will feel the pain!
Enigma…Lets see (Kain grabs the pain killer bottle) he's on Vicodin…why?
Kain: Hmmm…Okay by popular demand Garet has been voted off the show!
Garet fans: Yay! You can't hurt him anymore!
Kain: Oh really? Take him out back and give him to Kraden!
Everyone: …?
Garet: NO! (Garet is taken outside…screaming and the sounds of a cracking whip are heard through the door.)
Kain: ^_^ You don't really think that I'm that nice…do you? Anyway the pairings for today are…
(Kain pauses as screaming and shouting is heard. Sol burst through the door followed by Icy Cake whose hair has been dyed bright purple.)
Icy Cake: GET BACK HERE YOU CREEP!
Sol: YEAH RIGHT! I'M NOT STUPID!
Kain: Actually Sol you made a bet with Icy Cake…
Sol: So what?
Kain: You bet that wouldn't make any spelling mistakes in the last chapter…you lost that bet…
Sol: Yeah…maybe I did…
Kain: The terms were that she could do whatever she wanted to you.
Sol: -_-; Me and my big mouth…
Icy Cake: Come on Sol! (Grabs Sol by the collar of his shirt and begins to drag him away.)
Sol: What are you gonna do to me!?
Icy Cake: ^_^ It involves public humiliation and a lot of pain!
Sol: Eep!
(Everyone watches Icy Cake drag Sol into the room that Garet was dragged into. They hear Sol and Icy Cake through the door.)
Sol: If I apologize will you let me go?
Icy Cake: …Maybe…if you tell me what else you've been doing.
Sol: …You know that picture?
Icy Cake: Yeah…
Sol: I edited it with Photoshop.
Icy Cake: _; In what way!?
Sol: I cut off your head and put it on a bikini clad body of Britney Spears…
Icy Cake _ (Insert the sound or a time bomb ticking here.) Then what!?
Sol: …I posted it on the Internet…
Icy Cake: THAT'S IT! FORGET HUMILTIATION! YOU HAVE JUST SENTENCED YOURSELF TO A LOT OF PAIN!
Sol: NO! NOT THE FLAMETHROWER! FWOOSH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS!
Icy Cake: MESS WITH ME HUH!? I'LL SHOW YOU!
Sol: AHHHHHHHHHHH! THE PAIN!
Kain: …Sucks to be him… ^_^
Felix: He created you! Don't you feel any sympathy!?
Kain: …No… ^_^ Why should I?
Felix: …You're evil…
Kain: ^_^ Thank you!
Felix: …I'm not having any effect on you…am I?
Sol: ARGH! NO MORE! THE PAIN!
(Kain pulls out a tape record and walks into the room he comes back in smiling.)
Felix: What's was that?
Kain: The screaming is so beautiful…I couldn't help recording it for later! ^_^ (Wipes a tear from his eye.)
Felix: …YOU"RE SICK!
Kain: I know…now the pairings for today are… (Looks at paper.) Ummmm…where're are the girls?
Felix: Mia's in the freezer with Babi, Jenna's in Kraden Bungalow and Sheba and Agatio still haven't returned from the mall.
Kain: Felix! Picard! Attention!
Felix & Picard: (Salute.) YES SIR!
Kain: (Pulls out two envelopes and hands one to each of them.) Felix give this list to Jenna, Picard give this one to Mia they have the pairings on them. I'm going to the mall to find Sheba and Agatio! Whatever you do don't open those envelopes! Sol took special precautions in sealing them!
Felix & Picard: YES SIR! (They run off.)
Kain: Hey midget!
Ivan: I'm not a midget!
Kain: SNAP! (Ivan shrinks to the size of a pea.)
Ivan: HEY! TURN ME BACK!
Kain: You're too noisy! SPLAT! (Steps on Ivan.)
Kain: There! (Walks into the Control Room to find Icy Cake slapping Sol's poor face with a baseball bat. Sol is also slightly scorched and bleeding all over the place...)
Icy Cake: WHAP! WHAP! Oh! Hi Kain!
Kain: Hi Icy Cake…nice hair by the way.
Icy Cake: Keep your mouth shut unless you want to end up like him! (Points at Sol who is moaning in pain.)
Kain: Actually I think it looks nice…
Icy Cake: …Really?
Kain: No.
Icy Cake: Stay right there! Once I'm done with Sol you're next!
Kain: Actually I need to find Sheba and Agatio…do you have any idea where they are?
Icy Cake: I went to the mall earlier today…I thought I heard screaming through the wall.
Kain: Huh…thanks. (Kain warps away.)
Sol: Ouchies…
Icy Cake: Oh you're conscience! Good this is the best part!
Sol: PLEASE KILL ME!
Icy Cake: Your author powers keep you alive…sorry. ^_^ I could do anything to you and you wouldn't die.
Sol: ……Can I have my painkillers?
Icy Cake: Nope!
Sol: Maybe I can will myself to die…
(The Freezer)
Picard: Hello! Mia are you here?
MURPH!
Picard: What was that? (Opens Babi's coffin.) O_O! MIA!?
Mia: Hi Picard!
Picard: O_O
Mia: What's wrong?
Picard: How long have you been in there?
Mia: All night…why?
Picard: (Vomits.)
Mia: What?
Picard: You slept with a dead man!
Mia: Is there something wrong with that?
Picard: …URK!
Mia: -_-; I don't know what your problem is.
(Kradens Bungalow)
Felix: Jenna! Where are you!?
Kraden: Felix my boy! Is that you?
Felix: Is my sister here?
Kraden: Yes! She locked herself in the bathroom last night and refused to come out.
Felix: May I come in?
Kraden: Of course! (Opens door.)
(Felix walks in…stuff is strewn about all over the place and Kraden is in a bikini swimsuit.
Felix: O_O! URK!
Kraden: What's wrong Felix?
Jenna: FELIX! (Runs out of the bathroom only to run into Kraden and land on a heap on the floor.)
Kraden: Ah! Hello my dear!
Jenna: AHHHHHHHHHHHH! FELIX! GET HIM OFF OF ME!
Felix: (Looks at his sister and Kraden who are on the floor together.) OoO BLARGH!
(The Mall)
(Kain's walking down the Mall corridors.)
Kain: Where are they!?
Cashier: Are you looking for someone sir?
Kain: Yes I'm looking for a short girl with blond hair, she's a stupid mute. I'm also looking for a tall man with pointy hair and a pair of tights.
Cashier: Oh…well your lucky we just finished their cavity search!
Kain: Cavity search? …What did they do?
Cashier: Shop lifting.
Kain: Did they scream?
Cashier: Yes…
Kain: Do you have a recording?
Cashier: Yes! It'll cost twenty bucks though!
Kain: _ (Waves hand and cashier undergoes spontaneous combustion.) I'll just take the recording for free… ^_^ I love being a super powerful mystery man! (Picks up microphone.) Sheba and Agatio please report to the Cashier desk with the burning human silhouette immediately.
(The Fancy Room)
Felix: Here we are Jenna! Lets see what the pairing is today. (Opens envelope and a puff of smoke burst into his face.)
Felix: Huh? What was that?
POOF!
Felix: What happened? I feel funny…
Jenna: Fe Fe Fe FELIX!
Felix: WHAT?
Jenna: YOU'RE A GIRL!
Felix: WHAT!? (Looks down to find that he is indeed a female.)
Felix: WHA!? WHAT THE!?
Picard: I see you opened the envelope too…
Felix: PICARD!? (Picard is also a female.)
Jenna: (Faints.)
Felix and Picard: -_-;
POW! (Kain appears with Sheba and Agatio.)
Kain: O_O! What? We only had three females! Who are you?
Felix: You don't recognize us?
Kain: No…wait…why are you wearing Felix's clothing? Are you a cross dresser?
Felix: NO! I'M FELIX!
Kain: …No one told me that you were a drag queen…
Felix: I'm not a drag queen! Picard and I opened the envelopes and we got turned into girls!
Kain: (Carefully picks up on of the envelopes and looks inside.) The pairings are…
Everyone: …
Kain: …
Kain: Mia and Felix…
Felix: O.O!
Mia: ^_^;
Kain: Jenna and Picard…
Jenna: T_T I wanted Felix!
Picard: Jenna not only is he your brother he's also a women!
Jenna: So?
Everyone: -_-;
Kain: Sheba and…Ivan…
Sheba: ^_^
Kain: Ummm… (Scrapes Ivan off his boot and sticks him in a tissue.) Here's Ivan…take him out to dinner or something.
Sheba: O.O;
Kain: Alright…Felix and Mia need to go for a romantic night on the beach.
Felix: O.O;
Kain: Jenna and Picard need to go on a romantic cruise…
Picard: -_-;
Jenna: I still want Felix!
Kain: Sheba and Ivan…um…you were supposed to dance this evening…
Ivan: (Insert squishy sounds here.)
Sheba: …
Kain: Okay everyone! Off you go! Remember you must kiss your partner or you will be punished!
Everyone: Ewwwwwwwwwww…
Kain: ^_^ I'm going to see how Sol and Icy Cake are doing!
(The Beach)
Mia: I brought a swimsuit for you Felix. (Hands him a tight bikini.)
Felix: You expect me to wear this!?
Mia: Either wear that or go out in your trunks…
Felix: …ALRIGHT I"LL GET IN THE BIKINI!
(Cruise Ship)
Innocent little boy: Mommy looks at those girls!
Protective mother: Don't mind them…
Picard: I'm not a girl! I'm a boy!
Jenna: Shut up you idiot! Everyone will think we're weird!
Innocent little boy: Mommy that girl thinks she's a guy!
Picard: But I am a guy!
Protective mother: Don't talk that around my baby! (Smacks Picard with her purse.)
Picard: Ouch! (Leaps on the protective mother and a fight starts.)
Jenna: CAT FIGHT! WOOT! (Jumps in.)
Everyone: Cat fight! (All the women start fighting while the men cheer on their favorites.)
(Torture Room.)
Sol: Owwwwwwwwwwwwww…
Icy Cake: That will teach you to dye my hair purple!
Kain: This is beautiful! (Pulls out a video camera and starts taping Sol's torture.)
Sol: ~I want to be in my happy place…~ (Blacks Out.)
Icy Cake: Awwwwwwwwww…
Kain: _ Wake him up I want more screams of pain!
(The Fancy Room)
Ivan: SQUISH!
Sheba: …
(Sheba kisses Ivan's squished form…)
Sheba: 0_o! COUGH! COUGH!
(Sheba accidentally swallows Ivan…)
(The Beach.)
Mia: How do we start a romantic evening on the beach Felix?
Felix: …A kiss?
Mia: BUT YOU'RE A GIRL!
Felix: Only on the outside!
Mia: Fine… (They pucker up.)
(…They kiss…)
POW!
(Felix is back to normal…except he's still wearing that skimpy bikini…)
Felix: (Is turning very, very, very red.)
Mia: (Has instantly fallen in love with him.)
All other occupants of the beach: …
Mia: You look good in that bikini Felix!
Felix: ^_^; Ummm…thanks…
(The Cruise Ship)
Picard: I AM A MAN!
Random Man: I think it's that time of the month again…
Jenna: Go Picard!
Innocent little boy: Get her mommy!
Catholic Priest: Come here my child.
Innocent little boy: Mommy said not to talk to strange catholic priest.
Catholic Priest: …It was worth a shot…
(The Fancy Room)
Sheba: COUGH! COUGH! …gasp…wheeze…
(Torture Room)
Sol: ~This is boring…~
Icy Cake: Oh really? (Pulls out an envelope.)
Sol: O_O! NO WAY!
Icy Cake: Hehehehehe…
POOF!
Sol: …
Icy Cake: …It's not working…
Sol: ^_^
POOF! RIP!
Icy Cake: 0o0! AHHHHHHHHH!
Sol: O_O! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!?
Icy Cake: I'm really sorry Sol!
Sol: GRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I'm gonna make you wish you were never born Icy Cake!
(Icy Cake starts running with Sol close behind.)
Sol: GET BACK HERE!
Icy Cake: It's a nice change Sol, honest!
Sol: I'm gonna tear you ta pieces Icy Cake!
Icy Cake: O_O! I am so outta here!
Kain: (Watches Icy Cake run like hell with Sol close behind.) …Well…THAT was unexpected… (Checks the clock.)
Kain: Oh! Times up everyone return to the "Fancy Room!"
(The Fancy Room)
Sheba: (Her face has turned blue and her body is ice cold.)
Kain: Hmmm… (Kicks her in the stomach!)
Sheba: Cough! (Spits out Ivan.) … ^_^;
Kain: Where is everyone else?
Picard & Jenna: Here we are! (Both of them are covered in bruises and cuts…)
Kain: What about Felix and Mia?
Felix & Mia: Were here! (Felix is out of the bikini and back into his normal clothing.)
Kain: You broke the spell?
Felix: Yep!
Kain: …Alright…the final test! Jenna did you kiss Picard?
Jenna: My lips are for my true love. (Looks at Felix and swoons.)
Kain: Sheba?
Sheba: ^_^;
Kain: …What about you Mia?
Felix: We…errrrrrr…
Mia: We kissed.
Kain: ^_^ Really…before or after Felix changed back into a man?
Felix: Ummmm…after.
Kain: You're lying!
Felix: -_-;
Kain: But you won't be punished! Jenna and Picard! You are sentenced to public humiliation! …Oh you're also sentenced to a cavity search and a visit to Kraden…
Jenna & Picard: T_T
Jenna: I thought you loved me Felix! How could you kiss that little tramp!?
Felix: …(Shrugs.)
Jenna: MEN!
Kain: Alright off with you!
Kain: Alright now it's time for another behind the scenes look at the show! (Getting monotonous, huh?)
(Kradens Bungalow)
Kraden: Yay two pretty females! I have some new potions I want to experiment with, and you two will be perfect for my experiments!
Jenna & Picard: O_O!
(The Men's Room)
(Saturos is looking through the other guy's lockers.)
Saturos: Hmmm…I wonder what Felix keeps in here? (Opens Felix's locker.)
Saturos: 0_o? You gotta be kidding me! (Pulls out Mia's bikini!)
Saturos: Felix is a woman? …Hehe no wonder I find him so attractive…
(The Freezer)
Babi: …
Iodem: Don't worry my love I shall return!
Babi: …… (Translation: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!)
(The Lady's Room)
Sheba: …
(Opens her locker and pulls out a pair of Agatio's tights.)
Sheba: "LOVE!" ^_^
(The Control Room.)
(Kain is listening to a recording of various people screaming in pain.)
Kain: I love life… ^_^
(Icy Cake runs into the room and slams the door behind her.)
Icy Cake: Kain, help me!
Kain: Why should I? You're always mean to me!
Icy Cake: I'll never hurt you again! I promise! Just keep Sol busy!
Kain: …Nah…hearing your screams of pain when he catches you will be more satisfying!
Icy Cake: GULP
(Undisclosed Location)
(Its really dark so you can't see anything.)
Sol: I AM GONNA MAKE HER PAY!
Sol: …Huh…Oh…hi there. ^_^; As you can see I can talk now…I'm still on my pain medication though! …You know the surgery was actually pretty fun, it's the recovery part that sucks…I wish I could go back in time and do it over again! ^_^ Now excuse me while I hunt down Icy Cake! _ Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…she will PAY!