Kain: Eh? Hi, and welcome to The Fifth Installment of the Bachlorette…
Icy Cake: Cant you sound a little more enthusiastic!?
Kain: No.
Icy Cake: Fine then…WELCOME EVERYONE! As you may or may not know Sol has been on a very long vacation…mostly because his Laptop broke, and he didn't bother to back up any files…nor did he bother to use his Desktop… But it's fixed and in good working order, so new chapters will be arriving every few weeks! ~If he can manage to juggle school, work, and life's problems.~
Kain: Where is Sol anyway?
Sol: (Warps in…he's holding a carton of milk in one hand, and a can of tuna in the other.)
Sol: Hi! ^_^ (Starts lapping at the milk.)
Kain: …You hate milk…and why are you lapping it up!?
Sol: Eh? (Realizes he is indeed lapping up the milk.)
Sol: Ummmm… ???
Icy Cake: Say Meow!
Sol: ? Make me!
Icy Cake: (Scratches Sol's chin.)
Sol: Purrrrrrrrrrr…
Icy Cake: …I think he hasn't gotten over last chapter as much as we would have liked… -_-;
Sol: _* You got a problem with my slight change in habits!?
Icy Cake: Um, Nope! Go ahead! Its not like its weird or anything… ^_^;;
Kain: -_-;
Sol: Good! Now everyone we have a very special guest today! Kairi Flamebreeze is appearing on the show! Using my uber spiffy author powers I will call her from wherever she is right now! (Glows as he uses uber spiffy author powers.)
Kairi: POW!
Kairi: …huh? Where the &!*^% am I? O_o?
Sol: O.O;;; (Blushes)
Kain: … ^_^
Icy Cake: … -_-;
Kairi: WHAT THE $@#*!? (Covers herself with a towel.) Where did the water go!? (Realizes that she is on a TV set surrounded by cameras…and yes they are running…live show ya know. ^_^ I'm such a pervert…)
Kairi: (Blushes)
Sol: (Still Blushing)
Kain: Eh…welcome to the show… ^_^ Nice entrance by the way! Love your outfit! It shows your figure quit nicely!
Kairi: …DIE! (Charges at Kain with sword held high.)
Kain: It would be best if you got dressed before you kill me…you may die of embarrassment! ^_^
Kairi: (Realizes she dropped her towel…and yes she is blushing…)
Sol: (Covers eyes.) I DID NOT SEE ANYTHING! HONEST!
Icy Cake: This coming from a guy whose cheeks are a deep shade of red… (Puts fingers on Sol's cheek.) OUCH! HOT TOO! (Blows on fingers.) ^_^
Sol: o; SHUT UP! I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS IN THE SHOWER!
Icy Cake: Awwww…your funny when you're angry and embarrassed! ^_^ (Snaps picture of Sol.)
Sol: (Blinks)
Icy Cake: …
Sol: (Blinks)
Icy Cake: …I think he's in shock… (Puts a wet rag on his face and it begins to steam.)
Icy Cake: 0_o? Wow! Cut it out Sol you're fogging up the stage!
Sol: (Blushes)
Sol: Sorry…
Kairi: -_-; …Can I have my cloths now…PLEASE!?
Icy Cake: Here! (Tosses Kairi her cloths.)
Kairi: Thanks Cake Lady! ^_^
Icy Cake: _ WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!?
Kairi: Nothing! (Slips away to get dressed.)
Sol: (Pulls out a mirror and discovers that his face is bright red.)
Sol: …DAMN IT! I HOPE THIS ISN'T PERMANENT!
Kain: (Hands Sol some bleach/sulfuric acid mix.)
Kain: Wash your face with this.
Sol: …This wouldn't be one of your attempts to end my life would it?
Kain: Not at all…I would never dream of doing such a thing to you… ^_^
Icy Cake: -_-; ~Yeah right…I bet you dream of it every night…bet you succeed too…~
Kairi: (Comes out of the dressing room. She's dressed in a black shirt and pants, her hair is brown, and her eyes are violet. Phaetons blade is strapped to her back.)
Kairi: Sol?
Sol: Uh…yes? ^_^; ?
Kairi: _ SMACK! (Whaps Sol so hard that he gets knocked unconscious.)
Kain: …Hmmm…
Icy Cake: Sol!? Wake up! We need the pairings! (Kicks him in the ribs.)
Icy Cake: KICK! KICK! KICK!
Sol: THUMP! THUMP! SNAP!
Icy Cake: ^_^;; Uh…I didn't do it…
Kain: I have the parings right here! (Pulls out a folded piece of paper.)
Icy Cake: Why didn't you tell me!?
Kain: Cause it's fun to watch Sol get hurt!
Icy Cake: -_-; Give me those! (Grabs pairings.)
Icy Cake: Today we have Issac and Jenna, Mia and Alex…Sheba and…ewwwww! KRADEN!?
Sol: (Wakes up.) It hurts so badly…
Kain: Quite! (Kicks Sol…hard.)
Sol: T_T
Icy Cake: Well lets get started! Call in the Bachelors and the Bachlorettes!
(All the contestants arrive…cept for Issac and Alex.)
Icy Cake: Where are those two?
Kain: Oh! I remember! (Opens a closet. Two very badly beaten/mauled/near death guys…Issac and Alex fall out onto the floor.)
Issac: …Help…
Alex: Ditto…
Icy Cake: O.O!? What did you do to them Kain?
Kain: They were in the way so I locked them in there…and forgot about them…as for there present condition…I'm pretty sure that I gave Kraden the keys for safe keeping… ^_^
Issac: The bad man did things to us! (Cries)
Alex: First he bound us in barb wire then he…he… (Cries)
Issac: Then the eel, and that broom stick! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Alex: And the inflatable dolls, and the cattle prod! He he… WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Kairi: 0_o! …Ewwwwwwwww…
Icy Cake: O.O!?
Kain: … ^_^ ~I wonder if Kraden recorded the screaming? Hmmmm… Mental note, ask Kraden for a recording, if he does not have one repeat torture as necessary…~
Icy Cake: …Kain…
Kain: Yes?
Icy Cake: DIE! YOU HURT ISSAC! (Jumps at Kain, but falls to the floor in pain.)
Icy Cake: Ohhhh…my back…
Kairi: What's wrong?
Icy Cake: I've been carrying so many books to school that it's been hurting my back…
Sol: Really!? We have to help her Kain! (Gets up seeming undisturbed by his broken ribs.)
Kain: (Nods) Icy Cake have no fear! I'm a professional! (Puts on a white coat stained with blood…lots of blood…still fresh…as in dripping on the floor fresh…making a puddle on the floor fresh…you get the idea…it's still warm and wet…)
Icy Cake: OoO! NO WAY!
Kain: HAVE NO FEAR! A FULL SPINAL RE-ADJUSTMENT IS HERE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Icy Cake: OoO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kain: Oh but we couldn't let your back stay the way it is! Don't worry the pain will be insignificant!
Icy Cake: How insignificant?
Kain: Slightly less than if you were amputated multiple times with a dull and broken hacksaw over the period of several days. ^_^
Icy Cake: OoO!? NO WAY! GET AWAY FROM ME!
Kain: (Grabs Icy Cake.) I'll be in the "room" Sol…
Sol: Of course…I'll meet you there!
Kain: (Nods and warps away with a still screaming Icy Cake.)
Sol: Alright…Jenna and Issac…go to the mental hospital…Mia you better take Alex to a psychiatrist. Sheba and Kraden…do what you will, just make sure that I don't see any of it, m'kay?
Everyone: Okay!
Kraden: Mmmmmm…barbwire wrappings and alcohol… (Drools)
Sheba: 0_o;;;
Sol: Oh lord… (Starts to walk away, but remembers his multiple broken ribs...)
Sol: Oh yeah… THUMP! …… x_x
Everyone: …(Shrugs)
Kairi: Hehehe…guess I'm the host for now…get going people and get me a Bargs Root beer while your at it!
Jenna: She's even worse than Icy Cake…
Kairi: _ DIE!
Jenna: Ahhh! SLASH! THUMP! SPLOCH! SPLATTER!
Kairi: Hehehe… ^_^
Jenna: x_x Drip…drip…drip…
Issac: Uh…revive?
Jenna: (Moans and gets up.)
Kairi: _* STAY DOWN! Issac you're next!
Issac: NO! I'll do anything just don't hurt me anymore! (Cries)
Sol: Ugh… (Gets up…very slowly…)
Sol: The reviews…must finish them before I pass out from the pain…
Kairi Flamebreeze…-_-; Alrighty then, here's another reward… =@ tis the one for longest review…in the meantime ^_^ I'm glad you decided to join in the fun! ^_^ (Thinking of all the things that he's gonna do to Kairi.) Gonna be kinda hard to kill Shadow though…Kain kinda beat ya to it…
Enigma…everyone thinks I need help…and they are probably right! ^_^
Icy Cake…_ Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… Well Icy Cake I decided that today would be full of pain! Next time I will humiliate you!
Yoshimi Takahashi…hehehe…that happens a lot. ^_^ I'm glad I disturbed you! This chapter may be even MORE disturbing though!
Shadowthewindadept… 0_o? Didn't Kain decapitate you in "Screwed up Sun?"
Kain: Yes…get back in the bag Shadow! (Stuffs Shadow in a bag.)
Dreamgirlie…Weeeeeeee! Everyone this is someone from a forum I visited awhile back! 0_o? What was it like being half cat? …Ummmmmm…well…well it was okay if you minus the whole thermometer thing… (Shudders) Damn that thing was enormous! Like the Empire State… (See's everyone looking at him funny.) Uh… ^_^ Never mind…
Sol: Okay Babi is off the show…that's…all… THUMP!
Sol: x_x
Kairi: On with the show! Hehehe! This is gonna be great! ^_^
Felix: (Walks up with a Root beer in hand.)
Felix: Uh…here ya go lady… ^_^;
Kairi: YES! (Downs the root beer in one gulp)
Felix: … ?
Kairi: YESIMSOFRIGGINWIRED!ILOVEITIMDAHOSTOFDASHOEANDEVERYTHING!NOTEVENSHOWTHEWINDADEPTHAS
DONEWHATIHAVEDONE!IAMTHEBEST (Starts running around Felix really fast.)
Felix: -_-;; It's only a matter of time before…
Kairi: URK! (Falls to the floor unconscious.)
Felix: Only a matter of time until she falls into a diabetic coma… ^_^
Kain: (Reappears.)
Kain: Ah yes the girl that dissed my power… (Picks up Kairi.)
Felix: What are you going to do?
Kain: Lets just say that her pain is my pleasure. ^_^
Felix: …You scare me…
Kain: I know… ^_^ Now excuse me…I need to realign Icy Cakes spine, and take care of this one. (Shakes Kairi.)
Felix: When did she diss you?
Kain: Icy Cakes little fic "Screwed up Sun"…she was bragging about how much better she is than me… And I am going to prove her wrong! ^_^
Felix: With what?
Kain: These. (Opens up cloak to revel pockets and belts full of nameless pointy objects of various shapes and sizes.
Felix: O.O!?
Kain: I never go anywhere without my personal torture devices! I got all sorts of em! ^_^ (Pulls out something that looks like a rusty screw driver that's been bent into a S shape.)
Kain: This is one of my favorites! You just insert it into the body, twist it around a couple of times, and pull very slowly…the pain it causes is immeasurable! And the rust gives you tetanus so you can't open your mouth and scream in pain! All of the anguish is trapped in your mind so you slowly go insane…it just takes a while for the tetanus to kick in… ^_^ I haven't gotten to use it in awhile so I'm really eager to try it out again!
Felix: O.o;;; …I'm going to run in the other direction now. (Runs away.)
Kain: ^_^ And the fun begins…enjoy this chapter everyone. (Kicks Sol)
Kain: Get up you lazy oaf of an author!)
Sol: SNAP! POP!
Kain: …That did not sound right…but… (Pulls out a stethoscope and puts it on Sol's chest.)
Kain: All right… (Pushes Sol's ribs until they make a popping/grinding noise.)
Sol: (Still unconscious.)
Kain: Excellent! You have never experienced true music unless you listen to the sounds of bones and joints being dislocated and broken! ^_^ (Grabs Sol.)
Kain: I'm gonna make a recording of this! ^_^ …Wait a second… (Thinks Icy Cake+Kairi+Sol's various broken bones=new hit record for sick people…namely Kain.)
Kain: This will make a great CD! To the recording studio! ^_^ (Warps away with Kairi and Sol.)
Everyone: …Who's hosting now?
Felix: Um…I will host the show for now…so take your places! ^_^
The Bachlorette! Special PAIN Edition…brought to you by Kain…Sol Sabre's official psychopathic mass murder, torturer, pain monger, and all around bad @$$ ^_^ Gotta love em, eh?.
Kain: ^_^; Awww…you guys give me too much credit…
Felix: You deserve it…
Kain: ^_^ By the time I'm done I'll be more famous than Hannibal Lector!
Felix: 0.o; Uh…
Kain: I have his cookbook at home ya know.
Felix: O.O! ~Help me…~
Kain: Never used it though…
Felix: -_-; Whew…
Kain: Cept for the cookies I made for everyone while we were on break.
Felix: O.O!? (Remembers the two dozen cookies he ate.) …Who…was it?
Kain: Babi. ^_^
Felix: O0O BLARG!
Kain: According to the cookbook the meat has to be aged awhile…that way it's tender.
Felix: (Vomiting uncontrollably.)
Kain: Eh… ^_^ I prefer chocolate chip myself…I can't eat the ones I made…
Felix: !? (Still vomiting.)
Kain: Too much protein gives me an unbelievable high.
Felix: (Still vomiting, and turning blue from lack of oxygen.)
Kain: Kinda like if you gave Sol some sugar, he'll get a really bad sugar high. Throw me a steak or something high in protein and I'll be bouncing of the walls!
Felix: THUMP! (Uh…he kinda puked himself into unconsciousness…^_^;)
Kain: Weakling… ^_^ Okay now the show really starts! Excuse me while I tend to some business… (Warps away.)
Everyone: …Now who's gonna host!?
Everyone: … (Shrugs)
Jenna: Great…this is gonna be magical… -_-; Felix! Wake up!
(The Recording/Torture Room)
Icy Cake: Uhhhh…where am I?
Kain: My recording studio! ^_^
Icy Cake: (Looks around, various torture devices are hanging on the walls and there is a large lumpy bag next to her.)
Icy Cake: O.O!?!
Kain: ^_^ Just lemme move Shadow, m'kay? (Throws the bag on the floor, it lands with a loud THUMP!)
Icy Cake: Sh…sh…Shadowthewindadept?
Kain: Yeah…I kinda damaged him in one of the reviews for your fic… ^_^ I was supposed to repair him, but I got sidetracked…besides if I let him sit for awhile he's bound to soften up a little bit…I think I misplaced an ear somewhere around here…
Icy Cake: O.O ~God help me…~
Kain: Now for your back problem… ^_^ (Picks up a metal baseball bat.) I got this just for you… ^_^; remember you need to stay calm and allow your back to absorb the punishment or else it may break…wait keep your back as stiff as possible! The sound of breaking bones fits nicely with the screams of pain! ^_^ (Turns on recorder.)
Icy Cake: Help me…
Kain: Okay…stay really still…
Icy Cake: IN YOUR DREAMS! (Runs)
Kain: ^_^ This is gonna be fun too! Yay! (Throws baseball bat)
Icy Cake: He'll never catch me! WHAP! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THUMP!
Kain: ^_^ Perfect!
Icy Cake: Ouch…
Kain: ^_^ Now for a few more! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
Icy Cake: ARGH! AHHH! OUCH! AHHHHHH!
(After a half hour of senseless Icy Cake beating…and a half hour of screaming…)
Kain: Now we use the stretcher of pain! ^_^
Icy Cake: OoO!? NO!
Kain: (Puts Icy Cake on a stretcher with cable's tied around her hands and feet.)
Kain: Now I just turn the little wheel, and… SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! CRUNCH!
Icy Cake: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Kain: ^_^ Wow I dislocated four vertebrae, and your collarbone in one go! ^_^ New record baby! WOOT!
Icy Cake: T_T Ahhhhhh…it hurts so badly…
Kain: Yup! ^_^ (Turns the wheel) SNAP! POP! POP! SNAP! POP! CRACKLE!
Icy Cake: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Kain: WOW! Six vertebrae! I'm getting better every day! ^_^
Icy Cake: Please…the pain…
Kain: Wonderful, eh? Sooths the mind and body!
Icy Cake: O.o CRUNCH! ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!
Sol: Ugh…my ribs… (Uses author powers to heal himself)
Sol: ICY CAKE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HER KAIN!?
Kain: Healing her back! When I'm done she'll be as good as new…and maybe an inch or two taller as well!
Sol: …Okay! ^_^ I'll take care of the show! (Looks at the bag) Is that who I think it is?
Kain: ^_^; Uh…yeah…
Sol: I want him put back together by the end of the day so he can review! _ It better be done…or else!
Kain: Of course…
Sol: Good…now where's my milk?
Kain: In the fridge next to the mutilated corpse on the right…on top of the severed head with the serrated knife protruding from it.
Sol: Okay…see ya later Icy Cake. ^_^
Icy Cake: HELP! SOL! DON'T GO! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Kain: Hehehehehehe…so beautiful! Hey Icy Cake can you go up an octave?
Icy Cake: -_-; Do, Re, Me, Fa, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Kain: Good…you should sing ya know! ^_^
Icy Cake: Bastard… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Kain: No actually…now again Do…
Icy Cake: Re…
Kain: Me.
Icy Cake: Fa…
Sol: So!
Kain: La!
Icy Cake: Ti…
Kain: Do! (Turns the wheel sharply.)
Icy Cake: Do, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Kain: Beautiful! ^_^
(The Fancy Room.)
Sol: I'm back! (Looks around…no one is there…)
Sol: Hello? Anyone? T_T (Sits down and laps milk.) No body loves me…and I'm the author… T_T
Menardi: I love you!
Sol: O.o! Uh…
Menardi: COME HERE LITTLE BOY!
Sol: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Runs away with male Menardi close behind…I think I'm gonna call him Menardo… ^_^)
Menardo: Come back! I WUV YOU!
Sol: GET AWAY! I DON'T WANT YOUR LOVE!
Menardo: ^_^ But I have such luscious blond hair…and such a big, muscular body! You MUST WANT ME!
Sol: O.O NO WAY! NEVER!
Menardo: You leave me no choice! ^_^ (Lifts skirt.)
Sol: O.O ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Falls to the ground frantically trying to tear out his eyes.)
Menardo: (Licks lips.) All mine! My own…MY PRECIOUS!
Sol: O.o!? Oh Shi… AHHHHHHHH!
Menardo: ^_^ Be quite little one! I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU!
(Five minutes later.)
Sol: (Blindfolded and tied up…can do nothing but quake in fear…)
Menardo: Awwwww you're so CUTE when you're scared!
Sol: ~HELP ME!~
Menardo: Awwww! Come here you cutie! (Picks up Sol and gives him a BIG hug!
Sol: x.x;;;;
Menardo: Cuttie? Are you okay? o_o? ^_^; Honey? Sweety? Pumpkin?
(Vale Mental Health Institute.)
Issac: (Still crying.)
Jenna: Stop being such a baby Issac! You're supposed to be the fearless hero remember?
Issac: Your right Jenna… (Sees a man being dragged down the hall…he's wrapped in barbed wire and an eel is gnawing his face…)
Jenna: …
Issac: GET ME OUTTA HERE! (Starts running away.)
Jenna: (Grabs Issac) No we need to see the doctor so you can get over this! Excuse me? Nurse? Where is the doctor?
Nurse: Oh hello! My name is Joy! Dr Oak is in his lab right now! Do you want to see him?
Jenna: Nurse Joy? Dr. Oak? Why does that sound familiar… (Shrugs) Yes we need to see the doctor immediately!
Nurse Joy: ^_^ Follow me! Try not to step on any of our pets! (Points to an odd yellow rat with a lightening bolt shaped tail.)
Lightening Rat: Pikachu!
Jenna: I HATE RATS! (Uses Serpents Fume on the lightening rat…)
Lightening Rat: Pikkkkaaaaa… THUMP!
Nurse Joy: ^_^ Come on Dr. Oak is this way…
Issac: No…not Pikachu…NO! (Runs away)
Jenna: Eh? What's wrong with him?
Nurse Joy: (Shrugs) I don't know… ^_^ The men in white coats will get him! Right men?
Men in white coats: Yes! (Run off in pursuit of Issac)
Nurse Joy: ^_^ Now that we are alone maybe we can have a little fun…
Jenna: What was that?
Nurse Joy: Oh…nothing…follow me…
(In another part of the building)
Issac: I SEE POKE'MON!
Men in white coats: Yeah we've heard that before…listen buddy when someone undergoes massive mental trauma they start seeing thing…like Poke'mon!
Issac: But it's right there! (Points at Pikachu)
Men in white coats: ^_^ Sir you just need a little help! Just let us shoot you full of Horse Tranquilizers and everyone will be happy!
Issac: You want to rule the world! Bad Poke'mon men!
Men in white coats: He knows too much! Get him! (Men in white coats rush Issac)
Issac: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (Gets dog piled)
(Psychiatrist Office.)
Alex: (Crying)
Mia: You big baby! You act all high and mighty but you're nothing! You need a good wife to take care of you!
Alex O.o!? SNAP! (That was his mind just in case ya didn't know)
Mia: Alex?
Alex: Mwehehehehehehehehe! Die bunnies! (Blast Mia with a geyser of water)
Mia: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! SPLAT! (Stuck to ceiling…ever seen Scary Movie? …Uh…it's kinda like that…ewwwwww…)
Alex: Mwehehehehehehehehe! Gaboing! Gaboing! Gaboing! Gaboing! (Starts jumping around like an idiot)
Mia: Men…don't know when to contain themselves! _
Psychologist: Get the straight jacket!
(They're in the psychologist office…Alex is in there tired up in a straight jacket that has been reinforced with rubber bands and duct tape…)
Mia: Duct tape?
Psychologist: Low on funding ever since the Innocent little boy vs. the catholic priest incident…
Mia: What was that?
Psychologist: Oh the priest claimed he was the boy's mother and that he loved him dearly. Another woman said she was his mother so we did a psychological test on the little boy to find out which was the real one!
Mia: …How did the priest get him?
Psychologist: ^_^ That's the beauty of reverse psychology madam! We gave the kid to the one that he said was not his mother cause that's what we do in reverse psychology! Recently the boy filed a complaint against the priest though…
Mia: Why?
Psychologist: I dunno…something to do with the cardinal and a love triangle but that's none of our concern! ^_^
Mia: O.O
Psychologist: My name is Dr. Ted you can call me Teddy Bear!
Mia: Teddy…Bear?
Psychologist: Cause I'm soft and cushy! (Hugs himself.)
Mia: SNAP! (Yes that was Mia's mind…)
Mia: (Smiles evilly) I don't like Teddy Bears! (Pulls out a knife)
Dr. Ted: Uh…Miss…put down the knife…PUT IT DOWN! ARGH! STOP STABBING ME! ARGH!
Mia: Hehehehehehehehehehehehehe! ^_^ Die Teddy! Where's your stuffing!? Hehehehehe!
Alex: Hehehehehehehehe!
Dr. Ted: GURGLE!
Mia: Hehehehehehe…everyone shall fall to the bunnies! Gaboing! Gaboing! Gaboing!
Alex: Bunnies! Gaboing! Gaboing! Gaboing!
(Kradens Bungalow.)
Sheba: O.O!?
Kraden: (Is dressed in a Speedo swimsuit… ewwww…hairy, skinny, ugly old man in a skimpy swimsuit…ICKY! Damn my mind keeps getting violated…)
Kraden: Ohhhhhhhhhh Sheba! Come play with daddy!
Sheba: ?
Kraden: I am your father! Now hop into the pool with daddy!
Sheba: OOO! (Vomiting uncontrollably…)
Kraden: When you're done put on this! (hands Sheba a leather bikini swimsuit…complete with…a thong…)
We interrupt this program to bring you an author rant…Sol: (Starts crying.) WHY AM I TYPING THIS! IT'S SO DISGUSTING AND PERVERTED! WHY GOD WHY!? (Still crying.)
We now return to your regularly scheduled program…unfortunately…Kraden: My sweet child! Come give daddy a hug!
Sheba: (Runs away as fast as her scrawny little @$$ can go…)
Kraden: DAMN IT! Why can't an older man have any fun around here?
Sol: Cause I can't lower myself to that level pervert…
Kraden: You said I'd get some!
Sol: (Blushes) I never said any such thing!
Kraden: Yes you did! I have the agreement right here! (pulls out a paper.)
Sol: … (Pulls out to knifes.) Well than…I'd usually let Kain handle this…Kraden… (Spins knifes.) You have outlived your usefulness!
Menardo: Honey! Where are you!?
Sol: O.O! Crap…gotta make this quick! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (Charges Kraden with knifes spinning really fast…)
Kraden: (Pulls out a cane and whacks sol on the head.)
Sol: Ouch! DAMN SENOIR CITIZEN! RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
Kraden: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SNAP! MY BRITTLE OLD MAN HIP!
Sol: ^_^ More to come! WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR! (In case ya didn't know those are the blades spinning…)
Kraden: SPLATTER! SPLASH! SPLOOT!
Sol: Ewwwwwwwwwwww…that was my good shirt…DAMN IT KRADEN YOU COST ME THIRTY BUCKS!
Menardo: GOT YA! (Grabs Sol.)
Sol: (Struggling to get away.) Let go! NASTY! LET GO OF ME!
Menardo: Awwwwwwwwwwwww…honey guess what?
Sol: …What?
Menardo: We're gonna get married! ^_^
Sol: O.O!? …LETGO! LETGO! LETGO! LETGO!
Menardo: Ohhhhhh…I knew you would be excited too! ^_^
Sol: (Crying as he realizes that he can't escape.)
Sol: I don't wanna marry you! Please! Let me go!
Menardo: All men say that but they're just lying to themselves! You really do want me!
Sol: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Crying openly now as he realizes that he can't reach his knifes…)
Menardo: I can hear the wedding bells ring!
Sol: HELP ME! ANYONE! (Gets dragged away.)
(The recording/torture room.)
Icy Cake: Ohhhhhhhhhhh…the pain…I just want to die…
Kain: One of those author things! ^_^ I've dislocated every bone in your body, broken and rebroken you back, twisted your spin repeatedly, and who knows what else and you wont die! ^_^ I love toys that don't break permanently!
Icy Cake: …(Starts to cry.) I just wanna go home!
Kain: Awwwwwww poor little Icy Cake! ^_^ Don't worry you get a break! I got to put Shadow back together and torture Kairi…so…I guess you get to go now! ^_^
Icy Cake: ^_^ THANK YOU!
Kain: Right after I put you on the stretcher of pain again!
Icy Cake: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! T_T
Kain: First the Shadow thing…he's an author, right? ^_^ I think I'll just put him in the dumpster and he can put himself back together! ^_^ That way I can spend more time with you and Kairi!
Icy Cake: T_T
Kain: (Throws Shadowthewindadept's bag of remains in a dumpster.)
Kairi: (Wakes up.)
Kairi: Ohhhhhh…were am I? (Sees Icy Cake strapped top the stretcher of pain.)
Kairi: O.O! Where am I!?
Kain: ^_^ I wouldn't worry about that! Now stay very still so I can stab you a few times!
Kairi: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Get away! (Pulls out Phaetons blade.)
Kain: ^_^ Ohhhh… (Pulls out his black sword.) Now we get to see who really IS better! I'm gonna have fun putting you in you place little girl! ^_^
Kairi: _ I'm gonna hurt you! You perverted &#^$%#!
Kain: -_-; Naughty language! Bad girl! (Charges Kairi.)
Kairi: SHUT THE FUC… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THUMP!
Kain: …Awwwwwwwww…you didn't even try!
Icy Cake: -_-;
Kain: What a waste…bah! (Ringing sound.) Eh?
Icy Cake: What was that?
Kain: My pager…from Jenna. "HELP! DOCTORS EVIL! MUST KILL! COME QUICK!" ^_^ Yes! This is gonna be great! Bye, bye Icy Cake! (Warps Away.)
Icy Cake: …Wait! Let me off the table! Kain! _ You are so dead next time I see you…
(The Church.)
Sol: (Dressed up in a grooms outfit…and yes he is still crying…)
Menardo: Awwww! Tears of joy!
Sol: …Dumb Blond…
Menardo: ^_^ Okay honey I'm gonna walk down so wait for me by the priest man okay?
Sol: (Gets dragged to the priest.)
Catholic Priest: Why hello there young man! ^_^ Ya know if ya don't want the body builder I am available! ^_^
Sol: O.O!?
Catholic Priest: Why the shocked face my son? Tell you what just step into my office and we can have a little talk!
Sol: …WHY IS IT THAT ONLY THE FREAKS FIND ME ATTRACTIVE!?
Catholic Priest: ^_^ God loves you my son, and I do to so step into my office!
Sol: NO WAY!
Menardo: HEY! I TOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU PREIST! BUT YOU"RE TRYING TO TAKE ME TRUE LOVE FROM ME!
Sol: … ~Just kill me now…~
Catholic Priest: (Grabs Sol's arm.) HE"S MINE!
Menardo: (Grabs Sol's other arm.) MINE!
Sol: O.O!?!?
(They start a tug of war with Sol as the rope.)
Catholic Priest: MINE! ONLY I CAN TRULY PLEASE HIM!
Menardo: MINE! I GOT HIM FIRST!
Sol: HELP ME! ANYONE! PLEASE!
(Half an hour later…Menardo is pulling one side of Sol and the whole catholic church has the other side.)
Sol: x_x
Catholic Priest: Tell ya what we can split him!?
Sol: O.O!
Menardo: NO! ALL MINE! (Uses Super Nova on the Catholic Church.)
Catholic Church: (Extra Crispy…)
Menardo: MY LOVE!
Sol: …AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Uses Menardo's momentary lose grip to escape and run away.)
Menardo: YAY! HONEY MOON!
Sol: … O.O; ~Keep running, don't look back…~
(The Fancy Room.)
Icy Cake: GROAN! Everyone…please…come… here… THUMP!
Kain: (Warps in.) ^_^ Ah the treatment worked! (Begins cleaning blood of his sword and torture devices.)
Kairi: _ I hate you Kain!
Kain: Everyone does! ^_^
Jenna: ^_^ Finally back where it is safe!
Kairi: _ DIE JENNA! (Attacks Jenna.)
Jenna: x_x
Issac: (Shrugs)
Pikachu: Pika!
Issac: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Runs away.)
Kain: Eh? SWISH! CHOP!
Pikachu: GURGLE
Kain: ^_^ These make good eating if ya know how ta cook it right! ^_^ They can be a little stringy though…
Icy Cake: 0_o;;; Ehhhh…
Voices: Gaboing, Gaboing, Gaboing! (Alex and Mia arrive wrapped up in straight jackets.)
Alex: Bunnies!
Mia: Tasty bunnies!
Kain: …
Icy Cake: …Right…has anyone seen Sol?
Sol: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Runs by screaming like a little girl, with Menardo close behind.)
Menardo: MY LOVE! COME BACK!
Icy Cake: 0_o;;;;;; Uhhhhhh…
Kain: Just don't think about it… (Shudders)
Icy Cake: Alright the people that can be voted off today are…Alex or Issac…Kradens…ummmm…Kraden left the show! ^_^ So Issac or Alex get voted off today!
Kain: And now for a behind the scenes look at The Bachlorette! …The fic that violates your mind as soon as you open it up! ^_^
(Coffee Room.)
Kain: Mmmmmm such a nice CD… ^_^ Hey everyone! Sol's off somewhere trying to avoid his future…eh…wife/husband Menardo…he left this note…
The next update may take awhile cause of school, over my period of absence Icy Cake and I have created some pictures for the Bachlorette! So far we have a two pics of Icy Cake and myself, and I am working on a profile for all of the shows characters! So send me an email or ask for the pictures in your review! All the images a JPG and will be stuffed in a zip folder as soon as possible, so make sure you can open the folder. Please not that it may take awhile cause my account is kinda screwed up and…OH SHI… I GOTTA GO!
Sol Sabre
Kain: ^_^ Hehehehehehe…that's all! If ya want the pics just say so! Icy Cakes are more animeish while Sol's are kinda cartoonish… ^_^
Issac: (Rocking back and forth muttering to himself.)
Kain: -_-;
(Icy Cake and Kairi come into the Coffee room…wrapped in bandages…)
Kain: ^_^ Feeling better you two?
Icy Cake: Shut up…
Kairi: _
Kain: ^_^ See ya all later! Hope ya liked the new chapter! I know I did…not every day I get to torture Icy Cake… ^_^
(In an undisclosed location.)
Sol: -_-; Whew…Hi everyone! If I can't email ya guys you can get in tough with me at Planet Golden Sun's Forum at ,m'kay? I have the same name there as I do here! ^_^ For now I'm safe from Menardo…so…check out this forum it's kinda nice! Especially if ya like to tease people! ^_^ Like me!
Menardo: SWEEEEEEEETY!
Sol: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Runs away.)
Menardo: HONEY BUN! COME BACK!
Sol: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!