This is special chapter…for Christmas! ^_^ And it's actually on time! Well…sort of… Also, it's very long…but it's for Christmas so you should have the time to read it all…
(Warning, if you take Christmas very seriously, or jokes about sexual preferences offend you. Don't read this. However, if you DO like such jokes and do not find them offensive, read and enjoy! ^-^ And be kind and donate a few reviews…it keeps me going, makes the writing process go much faster, cept when I'm really busy! Which is most of the time… T-T
A Bachlorette ChristmasNarrator: Once upon a time there were three little girl adepts; they were the cutest adepts in Vale. One burned like a fire, her name was Jenna. The second was a cold hearted @&!*% named Mia, she was as cold as ice…
Jenna: ^_^
Narrator: She was a heartless @&!*%!
Jenna: _ Hey! I have a heart… T-T
The second was a cold hearted @&!*% named Mia, she was as cold as ice…
Mia: Hey! T-T
Narrator: Shut up… cough the last was an idiot, mute blond girl named Sheba, she was the most unattractive of the bunch.
Sheba: T-T
Narrator: ^-^ These young girls were the best of a bad bunch.
The girls: Hey! T-T
Narrator: These heartless sluts…
Sol: That's it Kain! Stop! (Stomps over) I want to make some reviews off this chapter, so step down and let me take over! I wont have you insulting the girls! _*
Kain: Bah! Fine…meanie.
Sol: Cough! Ahem…these beautiful young girls were accepted onto the greatest show ever, the Bachlorette, and today we have a celebration, of Christmas, a wonderful holiday in which we pass around gifts, eat food, put up a tree…
Jenna: Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus! ^_^ (Is happy cause she actually knows something)
Kain: Jesus? Who's Jesus?
Sol: ……
Jenna: ……
Everyone: …… -_-;
Kain: …What?
Sol: Nothing…just…you go get the tree okay?
Kain: Okay! ^_^ How hard can it be to find a tree? (Walks outside)
Sol: Eh…Icy Cake…Jenna, Mia. Come with me, we're going to prepare the food! ^_^
Icy Cake: We're going to cook!?
Jenna: Cool! Let's go to the grocery store!
Mia: AND THE MALL! ^_^
Icy Cake: YEAH! ^_^ Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!?
Sol: …… -_-; Okay, the Mall too…
Girls YES! (Pump fist in the air)
Felix: What are we supposed to do?
Sol: Get the decorations, and prepare the house, m'kay?
Felix: Okay! ^_^ Come on guys! I'll get the lights! Garet, Ivan, you get the decorations!
Garet: Yay! …What's a decoration? O.o?
Felix: Sigh Look for shiny breakable objects, those are decorations…
Garet: Okay! ^_^
Ivan: Sigh This is going to hurt, I just know it…
Felix: Alex and Picard can make some more snow…
Alex: Make some snow, okay, right after I do my hair! ^_^ (Pulls out a bag of fifty different hair products)
Picard: YAY! HAIR PRODUCTS! (They skip off to do their hair…)
Felix: -_-; Isaac and Menardo can get the mistle toe hung…
Menardo: Ohhhh… ^______^ such a manly job… (Gives Isaac a squeeze…you can guess where… -_-;)
Isaac: O.O!
Felix: Saturos and Babi can get the firewood…
Babi: … (In coffin)
Saturos: This is going to be easy… ^_^
Felix: And Kraden…
Kraden: (Is dressed in leather with a bull whip at his side) Yes?
Felix: Err…you can have the most important job! Chase away any Carolers that come here!
Kraden: Yay! Can I play with the ones I catch?
Felix: Err…sure… (Shudders)
Kraden: Yay!
Sol: Uh…okay…everyone! To work! Christmas is only…err…a short ways away…also I'm sure everyone already bought presents for everyone else…
Everyone: …
Sol: …Right?
Everyone: ……
Sol: -_-; Okay, once you're done with stuff go get whoever you want presents! Okay?
Everyone: ^_^ Okay!
Sol: Sigh Good…now…to work! (Runs outside)
Girls: (Run outside)
(Outside)
Icy Cake: … O.o?(Hears screeching tires) What's that sound? OoO! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Sol's beat up car comes flying around the corner at 50 mph)
Sol: Weeeeeeeeeeeee! (Slams the breaks, the car rolls over to land on its wheels next to Icy Cake, Jenna and Mia)
Icy Cake: (Is in a snow pile)
Jenna: (Is curled into a sobbing ball)
Mia: (Has wet her dress)
Sol: Hop in! …Err…Mia…why is your dress wet?
Mia: CAUSE YOU SCARED THE FRIGGIN $%!^ out of me! o
Sol: Err… (Uses author powers to put her in new, not wet clothes) Hop in! ^_^
Jenna: (Opens front door to hop in)
Sol: This seat is reserved for MY co-host! _
Jenna: Err…sorry…
Icy Cake: -_-; (Gets in)
Sol: ^_^
Jenna: (hops into back of car) Let's goooooooooooooooo! AGH! (Falls down inside the car)
Mia: Jenna are you okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! EEK! (Falls on Jenna)
Sol: Oh yeah, careful back there, the car leaks and the floorboards in the back seat are covered with two inches of ice. ^_^; Now let's go! (Slams on gas)
VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Icy Cake: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! WE"RE GONNA DIE! ToT
Jenna: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OoO
Mia: EAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGHHHHHH! OoO
Sol: Don't worry! I'm an excellent driver! ^____^ (Drives over a hill)
WHAM! CRUNCH!
Girls: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OoO!
Sol: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ^_____^ (Turns on radio)
Radio: Driving through the snow! Is a rusty Cheverly, over the hills we go! Sliding all the way!
Sol: I love this song! ^-^
Icy Cake: YOU'RE INSANE! o
Sol: Not insane, just misunderstood! ^-^ (Slams on gas pedal)
Girls: OoO AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Somewhere outside)
Kain: La de da da…I need a tree so Sol wont be mad at me…la de dah da…huh?
(He sees a very odd red sleigh with reindeer on it)
Kain: MONSTERS! (Draws Sword)
Rudolph: O.O
Kain: DIE!
Rudolph: . (Takes a martial arts pose)
Kain: (Blinks) Eh…
Rudolph: Waaaah…poing! (Kicks Kain in the…spot)
Kain: X_X (Is in pain)
(The ground shakes)
Fat man: Fe fi foh fum!
Kain: O.O (Sees a huge fat man with a white beard and red suit) HOLY CRAP! YOU'RE HUGE!
Fat man: _* Shut up! I have a slow metabolism!
Kain: Sure… -_-;;; A really slow metabolism…
Rudolph: Don't talk to Santa like that or I'm gonna kick your @$$ some more! _
Kain: A talking monster!? O.O Err…WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY!?
Santa: Who am I? WHO AM I? I AM SANTA CLAUSE! (Does a heroic pose)
Kain: Santa Clause?
Santa: Yes! Haven't you ever heard of me?
Kain: No.
Santa: WHAT!? T-T No one loves me anymore… I deliver presents to all the good little boys and girls of the world!
Kain: Oh really? Why didn't I get any presents! _
Santa: Well…what's your name?
Kain: Kain.
Santa: HOLY $#!^! HIDE! (Santa and his deer dive behind his sleigh, Santa holds up a crucifix) Be gone demon!
Kain: …Huh? I'm not a demon…why're you frightened?
Santa: (Throws a huge book out onto the snow) Here! THAT'S YOUR RECORD!
Kain: (Picks up record and opens it) Hmm…pictures of my parents…after I gave them rat poison…my best friend…after I brutally stabbed him to death…my math teacher…died in a mysterious car bomb accident…Jenny my high school girl friend… O.O She lived!? Damn…I knew I should have dug a few more feet! She must of clawed her way out of the box… _* Next time I'll use a steal box so she can't gnaw her way out!
Santa: Err…as you can see you've been a VERY bad boy…
Kain: I WANT A PRESENT! _ GIMME OR DIE!
Santa: EEP! (Throws Kain a lump of coal) HERE!
Kain: … (Picks up coal) …Is this…mine?
Santa: (Is shaking.) Y yes…
Kain: THANK YOU SANTA! (Hugs Santa and cries on his shoulder) No one has EVER given me a present! (Cries) I LOVE YOU SANTA!
Santa: Uh…okay… (Is aware that a psychopathic killer is hugging him)
Kain: Sniffles Can I have more presents?
Santa: Uh…sure… (Gives Kain a huge bag of coal)
Kain: ToT THANK YOU SANTA! (Has an emotional breakdown)
Santa: Uhhh… -_-; Sure…any day… Now I gotta go…if I don't deliver these presents my wife will beat my @$$ again… (Cries)
Rudolph: There, there Santa. (Pats his back) You know she loves you… (Rolls eyes)
Santa: Really? Sniff
Rudolph: Err…yeah…
Blitzen: Cough She loves him about as much as Comet loves me…
Comet: Shut your mouth Blitzen! _ (Slaps him)
Blitzen: Owwwwwww! T-T Sorry sugarplum…
Comet: Don't sugar plum me! I saw you eyeballing that slut Dancer!
Dancer: I'm not a slut! _
Comet: Are to! _
Blitzen: Now girls…
Comet&Dancer: SHUT UP! _*
Rudolph: I am sooooo glad I'm not married… (Eyeballs Blitzen)
Blitzen: O.O Errr…hi Rudolph…
Rudolph: ^__^ Hello Blitzen… (Smacks his…err…rear…)
Blitzen: YAGH! _ What the %!@$ are you DOING!?
Rudolph: winks Oh…nothing…
Kain: O.O Is Rudolph gay?
Rudolph: cough The CORRECT term is "homosexual."
Kain: O.O;;; Err…
Rudolph: _ YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!?
Santa: Now Rudolph…calm down…
Rudolph: I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! _*
Comet: O.O (Hides behind Blitzen)
Dancer: Err…yoink! (Hides behind comet, who is hiding behind Blitzen, who is hiding behind Santa, who is hiding behind the sleigh, who is hiding behind…you get the idea…)
Kain: Err…I didn't mean to be offensive, it's just that I never expected a deer to be a fairy…
Rudolph: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!? _* (Is wrapping a random piano wire around his hooves)
Kain: Uh I mean… ……… LOOK AT THAT! A CUTE GUY DEER, WITH LONG BLOND FUR!
Rudolph: OoO!? WHAT! WHERE!? (Spins around) I LOVE BLONDS!
Kain: Yoink! (Grabs his bag of coal and runs away, fast)
Rudolph: I don't see a… (Spins around) DAMMIT! _* I'LL KILL HIM!
Blitzen: We have a job to do!
Rudolph: I DON'T CARE! STAND ASIDE!
Santa: -_- Rudolph, I'll let you lead my sleigh…
Rudolph: O.O Really!?
Santa: …Yes…
Other Deer: Ewwwwwwwww…
Santa&Rudolph: SHUT UP! _*
Other Deer: O.O Right away sirs! (They salute)
(The mall)
Sol: Hit brakes) Weeeeeeeeeee! (Car slides and rolls into a parking spot)
Icy Cake: (Her hair is messed up and she's covered with snow) Is…it…over?
Jenna: Is lying unconscious on top of Mia in the back seat)
Mia: Get off! (Wiggles)
Dodonpa: (Coming out of the mall, he has lots of presents in his arms, and he just happens to see Jenna on top of Mia in a very… cough suggestive position… O.O (Drops his gifts, breaking glass is heard)
Mia: Off…eh? (Blushes) It's not what it looks like!
Dodonpa: Drools I don't care…it looks like what it looks like… @_@
Mia: _ You…GET OFF DAMMIT! (Continues to wiggle)
Dodonpa: Oh yeah…that's good… (Is standing in a puddle of drool)
Sol: Eh? O.O!? Jeez Mia! Not in my car!
Icy Cake: Huh? O.O!? MIA!? (Covers eyes)
Mia" It's not what it looks like! o
Jenna: Ugh…Felix… (Grabs Mia's head)
Mia: Huh?
Jenna: KISS ME! (Kisses)
Mia: O.O MURPH! MURAGH! (Thrashes)
Jenna: SMACK I LOVE YOU FELIX! (Kisses)
Mia: (Turning blue) Murgh…wheeze…
Sol: O.O Err…Couldn't you guys have done this AFTER the show? THIS IS LIVE DAMMIT!
Icy Cake: -_-; Jenna…WAKE UP! (Pulls out flamethrower)
Sol: NOW WHAT A SEC! I NEED THIS CAR!
Dodonpa: (Has fainted)
Jenna: (Kisses)
Mia: (Is pale…err…more pale…)
Icy Cake: o THAT"\'S IT! DIE! FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
Car: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Debris: Clank! Clunk! Smash! Shatter! Ect!
Sol: (In a snow pile) My car… T-T
Icy Cake: ^__^ Car? That thing wasn't worthy of being called a car!
Jenna&Mia: X_X
Sol: -_-;; (Cast revive)
Jenna: Ugh…what happened?
Sol: That is better left unsaid…
Mia: @_@ Is it over?
Icy Cake: Yes.
Mia: I thought I was going to die for sure… (Looks at Jenna) YOU SLUT! I'LL KILL YOU! o
Sol: (Pulls out a pair of sun glasses and gives em to Icy Cake)
Icy Cake: Thanks! ^__^
Sol: No problem. (Pulls out one of those men and black things) Now then. FLASH!
Mia: @_@
Jenna: @_@
Sol: Okay, you and Mia never kissed, my car never existed… sigh Anything else?
Icy Cake: Umm…nope! ^__^
Sol: Oh yeah, live long happy lives and all that crap. (Snaps the Men in Black thing shut)
Mia: Whoa…ummm...hey we're at the mall! Let's go shopping! ^__^
Jenna: Yeah! SHOP! WOOT! (Runs into store followed by Mia)
Sol: …
Icy Cake: … (Looks at Sol with pleading eyes)
Sol: …
Ice: T-T
Sol: -_-; Fine, go fulfill your feminine desires and shop until you drop…
Icy Cake: YAY! (Runs into the Mall)
Sol: I guess that leaves me all alone to get groceries… T-T No body loves me… (Walks into grocery store)
(The attic)
Garet: Decorations1 we are gonna get some decorations Ivan! ^__^
Ivan: _ I know I know! You've told me fifty times already!
Garet: Oh...I have?
Ivan: Yes!
Garet: Okay…
Ivan: Sigh …
Garet: Hey Ivan!
Ivan: What?
Garet: Were gonna get some decorations! ^_^ Shiny decorations!
Ivan: _* (Is wanting to stab Garet with his tiny sword)
Garet: Where do we find some decorations anyway?
Ivan: Uh…in a box?
Garet: Really? (Grabs a box and shakes it)
Box: Murph!
Ivan: O.o!?
Garet: …This must be a decoration!
Box: (Shakes) Murph!
Ivan: Uh…I think you should put the box down Garet…
Garet: Nah! I wanna see the decoration! (Opens box)
BLAM! ( A blond haired sword wielding plushy out of the box) Hewwo! ^-^
Ivan: OoO!? AHHHHHHHHHHHH! A DEMON POSSESED PLUSHIE! (Screams and runs in circles)
Garet: Oh it's so cute! ^_^ (Hugs plushy)
Plushy: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii! ^__^
Ivan: o Garet! Put it down! It's possessed!
Plushy: T-T No I'm nowt!
Garet: ^__^ I thought decorations were shiny…
Ivan: Err…they are… (Looks at box) O.O Uh…Garet…put the plushy back in the box…
Garet: Why? It's cute! ^__^
Ivan: It's…a present…for someone… (Looks at tag on plushy) OoO!? And it's expensive! PUT IT BACK!
Garet: Awww…
Plushy: T-T Awww… (Jumps back in he box) The decowations are behind the midget guw… (Closes box)
Ivan: o I am not a midget!
Plushy: Whatever…
Garet: Awww… T-T He was a cute plushy too… ^__^ Oh well! Decorations! (Grabs Ivan and the decorations)
Ivan: AGH! O LET GO!
Garet: Uh…okay… (Drops)
Ivan: THUMP! Owwwww!
Decorations: SMASH!
Ivan: …
Garet: …
Decorations: ~Owww…~
Ivan: YOU BROKE THE DECORATIONS! _
Garet: They break? O_o?
Ivan: -_-; Yes…THEY BREAK!
Garet: WE CAN MAKE NEW ONES! ^_^ (Grabs the box) Let's go!
Ivan: …T-T I hate my life…
Garet: ^_^ Come on Ivan, we don't have all day! Bye Plushy!
Plushy in a box: Murph!
Ivan: What? (Leans in front of box)
Plushy: RARGH! (Jumps out and pummels Ivan before stuffing him in the box)
Ivan in a box: MURPH!
Plushy: ^_^ Hewwo again!
Garet: HI! ^__^ Did you see where Ivan went?
Plushy: Nope! (Stabs his sword into the box)
Ivan in a box: Murph! Murrrgh…
Plushy: _ (Stab again)
Ivan in a box: ……cleigh……
Plushy: _ (Stabs ten more times)
Ivan in a box: …
Plushy: I'll help you since Ivan left! ^__^
Garet: Okay! ^__^
Ivan in a box: … ~Owww… O.O I've been circumcised! T____T~
(A random room)
Picard: I love my luscious hair! My beautiful hair!
Alex: Well, GIRLS love my hair, so do guys! ^_^
Picard: O.o Uh…that's…nice…
Voices: Jingles bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to…
…silence…
Picard: … ?
Alex: … ?
WHIP! CRACK!
Voices: AEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Alex: -_- That would be Kraden…
Picard: (Looking out the window) …Wow he got them undressed really quickly…
Alex: Really? Let me see! (Looks out window)
Kraden: Faster me hearties! HAHAHAHAHA!
Carolers: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO FASTER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Alex: Is he…
Picard: I think he is…
Alex: He making them slide down that hill on their rears? O.o
Picard: Yup…must be cold out there…
Caroler RIP! AGH!
Alex: OWWWW! That must have hurt…
Picard: Nods Never stick bare skin on ice when it's forty below outside…
Kraden: HAHAHAHAHA!
Carolers: PLEASE! NO MORE!
Alex: Uh…maybe we should make some snow?
Picard: Yup! ^_^ How much?
Alex: Lots, make it quick, I need to perk my hair again…
Picard: Snow coming up! (Uses psynergy)
Kraden: EH? I got dark awful quick… EEP!
Carolers: AGH!
THUMP!
Kraden: MURPH! MURGH! POP! The hell?
Carolers: …murph…mmmm…gack…
Kraden: Awww…DAMN IT! I WANTED TO HAVE SOME MORE FUN!
Alex: Uh…I can't see out the window Picard…
Picard: You said you wanted snow! You got it!
Alex: -_- Kraden, stop pressing your face on the glass and look for a door.
Kraden: (Has his ugly, leather bound old man body stuck to the window) :p
Picard: -_- Freeze…
Kraden: Urk! (Is frozen)
Alex: Better! ^__^
(Somewhere…in the house)
Menardo: It's that time of the year again!
Issac: ?
Menardo: The time of LOVE cutie! ^___^ Hugs And looks who's under the mistle toe!
Issac: O.O!? (Is under mistle toe) …
Menardo: Give me a kiss!
Issac: (Shakes head) O.O!!!
Menardo: MMMMMMM… (Kisses)
Issac: O.O!
POW!
Menardi: (Kisses, is now…normal… Shudders)
Issac: O.O!!!! OoO!!!! (Try's to run away, you would to if you were kissing her!)
Menardi: What's wrong sweetie? Eh? (Looks down) Dammit! T-T I'm…normal! (Cries)
Issac: (Runs away and begins to peel off his face with a cheese grater)
(The fireplace)
Saturos: Okay! Start a fire! Easy! ^_^
Babi: …
Saturos: (Grabs Babi's coffin and throws it into the fire place.
Babi: …
Saturos: Add some gasoline… (Pours on some gasoline)
Babi: …
Alex: (Walks in) EH? Saturos…what's that smell?
Saturos: I was just getting ready to light the fire, wanna watch?
Alex: Yeah! (Sits down in front of the fire place)
Saturos: ^_^ Actually, here's a match, you can light it, just wait for me to step back… (Gives Alex the matches and runs away, diving behind a desk)
Alex: ^o^ Yay! (Lights match)
…
……
………
KAFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
(Outside)
Kraden: EH? (Looks at chimney as a house jet of fire burst out of it, blowing the top off of the chimney and launching Babi's coffin into the air)
Babi: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee………………………………………………. *
Kraden: Pretty!
(Somewhere else)
Kain: Eh? A shooting star? (I watching Babi's flaming coffin soar through the air) ^-^ Cool! I wonder if Santa can see this…
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! AGHHHHHHHHHH! CRASH!
Kain: Oh…Santa got a close view! ^_^
(The flaming corpse of one of his deer lands in front of Kain)
Kain: Ohhh, Sol shouldn't have gone to the store. ^_^ Cause we're having veal tonight! WOOT! (Takes a bite of Deer) Ohhh…just like chicken!
Santa: (On fire) AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Kain: O.O Wow! It's like something out of some sick fanfic… _ Oh yeah…never mind… -_-
Santa: ARGH! (Is burning)
(The fireplace)
Saturos: Wow… ^_^ Cool!
Alex: (Hair has been blasted off, his face is black an all he's wearing is a pair of burnt boxers) Owwwwwwwww… Thump!
Alex Fan girls: OoO!? ALEX! NO! OUR HONEY BUN! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Saturos: Bah! Who cares, besides, he is in his boxers… ^_~ Doesn't that account for something?
Alex Fan girls: (Drool) Boxers…
Alex: OoO! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! FAN GIRLS! (Runs away)
Alex Fan girls: CATCH HIM! (They give chase)
(The air above)
(The grocery store)
Sol: pants (Is pushing five carts of groceries) This…isn't…funny…
Random person: HAHAHAHA! Look at him! Shoving all those carts! Weak kid! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sol: _ SHUT UP! (Lets go of cart, it rolls back and all five carts roll over him)
Random person: HAHAHAHAHA! (Points) Shrimp!
Sol: Owww…if I could move I'd kill you…
Random people: Wow…look at him…
Sol: o I'm not a friggin exhibit!
Random People: (Poke him with sticks)
Sol: T-T I don't get any respect…
Manager: Eh? Sir…please get off the floor. (Is an ugly woman)
Sol: I'm trying! Get this people away from me!
Manager: You expect us to empty the store for you!?
Sol: No! Just get them away from me! They keep poking me with sticks!
Manager: Obviously they want you to MOVE! _
Sol: Owww… (Peels himself off the floor) Sorry… glares
Manager: :p Bug off goggle boy!
Sol: _ They're sun glasses! NOT GOGGLES!
Manager: On your miniscule head, they look like goggles.
Sol: T-T That hurt…my heads not minuscule…
Manager: FINE! GET GOING BEFORE I HAVE BOBBY JOE TAKE YOU OUT BACK! (Points to a huge guy…with a very weird smile on his face)
Sol: I'm outta here! (Runs carts to checkout stands)
(The front of the store)
Cashier: Hewwo!
Sol: Err…hello.
Bagger: ^__^ Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! I'm Teddy! And this is Freddy!
Freddy! Gowogowoh! HEWWWWWWOOOOOOO! ^____________^
Teddy: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! ^_____________^
Sol: Erk…um…just…check me out of here, please!
Teddy: Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! ^_^
Freddy: Yuuuuuupo! (Begins doing the checkout thing, then throws the groceries on the floor)
Sol: O.O
Teddy: This is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun! (Kicks groceries into the front of the store where they are trampled on by other shoppers)
Sol: … growls
Freddy: Donno! ^_^
Teddy: It's all dooooooone! ^_^
Freddy: Thato beo five hundred buckoroonos! ^_^
Sol: OoO!? Five hundred dollars for trampled groceries!? _* NO WAY!
Freddy: …
Teddy: …
Freddy: You be evilo! Gwogohwoh! (Cries)
Teddy: Manager! This customer's being meeeeeeeeeean! (Cries)
Sol: I'M NOT! YOU CRUSHED MY CHRISTMAS GROCERYS!
Teddy: We're not peeeeeeeerfect! (Cries)
Freddy: Gwogohwoh! (Cries)
Manager: You again! _*
Sol: Look ma'am! I dunno who these bakas think they are! BUT THEY JUST CRUSHED ALL MY GROCERYS! AND THEY EXPECT ME TO PAY FULL PRICE!
Manager: _* Those baka are my kids!
Sol: …Err… whimpers
Manager: YOU ARE SENTENCED TO CLEANING THE TOILETS! Poof! (Sol finds himself in a bathroom with a bunch of cleaning things)
Sol: T-T I didn't do anything… (Lifts lid on a toilet) … OoO!? OH MY GOD! (Slams the lid down and jams it shut with a mop. The lid rattles and shakes.)
Toilet monster: Freeeee meeeee…I won't hurt yooooou….pleeeeease freeeee meeeeee…
Sol: (Pins himself against the wall) whimpers It evolved! (He shivers) There is no way I am opening that up!
Toiler monster: Awwwww…I'll do whatever you want…
Sol: …Will you eat the manager and her kids?
Toilet monster: Yeeeees…just please let me out…I've been so lonely…
Sol: whimpers Fine, no funny stuff though… (Opens the toilet)
Toilet monster: THANK YOU! (Jumps…err…oozes out) Can I give you a hug?
Sol: NO! _
Toilet monster…I'll call him…Mr. Hanky! ^_^
Mr. Hanky: Awwwww… T-T
Sol: Just do it…pleeeeease? You promised. (Gives the…thing…his best cute look)
Mr. Hanky: Awwwww… (Pinches Sol's cheek) Okay!
Sol: OoO! IT TOUCHED ME!A HHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Pulls out a bottle of emergency bleach and bleaches his face)
Mr. Hanky: Bye! ^__^ (Slithers under the door and unlocks it)
Sol: (Tip toes out of the bathroom, trying to avoid everything Mr. Hanky has touched) This is sooooo gross! :p
(The Mall)
Jenna: (Is carrying five shopping bags, Mia and Icy Cake are doing the same thing) ^_^ I love my brother so much! I bought him a new wallet!
Mia: A new wallet? Why?
Jenna: I tore up his old one to get enough money to shop! ^_^
Mia: Hehehe, I got Issac's! ^_^ (Holds up Issac wallet) What about you Ice?
Ice: …Well…
Mia: ? Something wrong? You didn't steal that did you!? (Points at Ice's shopping bags)
Ice: Nope! ^__^ But I did get a hold of Sol's credit card!
Mia: Awwwww… T-T You're so lucky…
Jenna: Yeah… T-T
Ice: ^__^ Yup! Now…I got presents for everyone…cept for you two and Sol… What would Sol like?
Mia: A new pair of sunglasses?
Ice: No way! -_-; I don't understand why he wears those things…there's no way I'm getting him another pair though!
Jenna: Ummm… ^_^ I know! A life?
Ice: -_-;
Mia: -_-;
Jena: What? He DOES need one…
Ice: Bah! Go put your stuff away, I'm going to finish shopping.
Mia: OKAY! ^_^ (Skips out of the mall with Mia following)
Icy Cake: Now what can I get Sol?
(In a Winter Wonder Land)
Kain: I need a tree! A big ol tree… ^_^ And Some more coal too! (Here bells)
People in sleigh: Giddayup! Giddayup! Giddayup, let's go! Let's look at the show! We're riding in a wonderland of snow!
Kain: O.o How atrocious… _ DIE! (Draws sword)
People in sleigh: ARGH! We are dying! Save us! Bleah! X_X
Kain: (Picks up a carol book and flips through it) Hmmm… (See's a whole bunch of carolers) ^_^
Carolers: Our next song will be…Winter Wonder Land!
Kain: Mind if I join in?
Carolers: SURE! ^_^ This is a season of loving lovingness!
Kain: Bleah…how disgusting…can I do a solo?
Carolers: Sure! ^_^
Kain: (Draws sword and coughs) Okay… SLASH! SWIPE! CUT!
Carolers: SPLATTER!
Kain: Ahem… (Sings in a tenor voice) Drawn blades ring, are you listening? In the lane, blood is glistening. A beautiful sight, I'm happy tonight, walking in a bloody wonderland.
Gone away is the sane man! Here to stay is the mad man. I sing a song as I go along, walking in a bloody wonderland.
In the meadow I can cut up children and pretend that they are old school friends, They'll scream in pain and say "WHY MAN? WHAT'S THE MATTER!? HAVE YOU GONE INSANE!?" I'll say "Heck, kid, I'm having fun, now stand still so I can make the final cut!"
Later on I'll conspire as corpses burn in the fire. To face unafraid the SWAT team brigades, walking in a bloody wonderland.
Drawn blades ring, are you listening? In the lane, blood are glistening. A beautiful sight, I'm happy tonight, walking in a bloody wonderland, Walking in a bloody wonderland, Walking in a bloody wonderland.
Kain: (Is standing in a bloody field amid the corpses of the carolers) Sigh It's so beautiful…really brings out the REAL sprit of Christmas… (Walks away to find a tree)
(Up above)
Santa: (In sleigh, emptying his cookies and milk into an air bag) BLARGH! –o- Why? WHY!?
Blitzin: I thought he did a good job! He kept in pitch, his tone was perfect…and the special effects! INCREDIBLE!
Santa: _ He just wiped out two dozen people!
Blitzen: …Look on the bright side, less people to give presents too! ^__^
Santa: … (Pumps fist in a air) YES! WOO HOO! Remind me to give Kain some more coal!
Vixen: Meh, I just wanna get home…I have deer to seduce! Right Blitzin?
Blitzen: ^__^;; Err…not so loud Vixen… (Is blushing)
Dancer: _
Comet: _
Rudolph: _
Blitzen: -_-;; It sucks being the most attractive of Santa's deer… sigh
Rudolph: _ You've been cheating on me!
Comet: O.O
Dancer: O.O
Santa: Sigh
Blitzen: _ I never did anything with you! How many times do I have to tell you that you were DREAMING!?
Rudolph: T-T But it felt so real…
Blitzen: -_-;; This is so depressing…
(Down Below)
Kain: …A TREE! FINALLY! (See's a tree) Now I can get out of here… HI YAH! (Cuts down tree) TIMBER!
Tree: …… (Sways left)
Tree: ………… (Sways right)
Tree: ……………… (Sways backward)
Kain: …………………… OoO!? AGH!
WHAM!
Kain under a tree: Owwwwww… twitches
(The grocery store)
Sol: It's so quiet…
Manager: AGH! GET AWAY YOU DIRTY THING!
Freddy: GWOGOGHWOH! T-T
Teddy: MOMMY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Sol: O.o?
Mr. Hanky: T-T That hurt my feelings… WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Manager: Awwww…I'm sorry. (Hugs Mr. Hanky)
Teddy: O.o …
Freddy: O.o …
Manager: …You smell funny…
Mr. Hanky: _ WHAT DO YOU EXPECT! No one cleaned my toilet! But...you gave me a hug! ^__^ (Hugs)
Manager: Gags
Sol: Giggles Not everyday you find a stink sprit… ^_^ (Walks into the bathroom and closes the door) Now I'll just wait her until everything is over… (Looks at Mr. Hanky's toilet) Err…wouldn't hurt to see what else is in there? (Peeks)
(A hand reaches out of the toilet and pinches Sol's cheek)
Sol: OoO GAH! (Jumps back and begins to re bleach his head)
Hand: I'm a sorry a bought that, you a have any paper?
Sol: P paper?
Hand: YEAH! LIKE A TOILET PAPER?
Sol: Err… (Tosses the hand a roll of toilet paper)
Hand: (Catches it) Thanks! Hey…Can I a ask a you a favor?
Sol: Err… ^_^;;; Sure Mr. Hand in the Toilet…
Hand: Can you a plunge me?
Sol: O.o What the hell kind of favor is that!?
Hand: I've been a trapped in here for years! (Crying is heard from deep inside the toilet) Please plunge a me!
Sol: Promise not to touch me again?
Hand: Hands on my lid, hope to a die!
Sol: -_-;; Okay. (Grabs a plunger)
SQUISH! PLOP! SQUISH! PLOP! … PFWOOOOOSH!
Sol: Gah! (Jumps away as man pops out of the toilet with a plunger stuck to his head)
Mario: Me a thank a you kindly! ^__^ (Unsticks plunger from head and hat)
Sol: …Mario?
Mario: That a is my a name! Mario the professional Italian plumber at a your service! (Bows)
Sol: What are you doing here? THIS IS A GOLDEN SUN FIC! _
Mario: As if I had a choice! Bowser ate a me and he stopped a here, you may not a know this but Bowser has a bad constipation problem!
Sol: (Is green) I didn't need to know that… -_-
Mario: Well you a know, now I will be on my a way! (Launches himself into another toilet and flushes)
Sol: O.O?
Mario: See a you later odd goggle kiddo! Bye, bye! Weeeeeeeeeeee! (Is flushed)
Sol: _ They are not goggles! (Tears off sun glasses and smashes them beneath his foot) They are not goggles! …Uh… (Looks down) T-T Now everyone will know I have blue eyes… T-T
Random toilet monster: As if anyone cared.
Sol: o SHUT UP! (Stomps out of the bathroom and grabs some new groceries)
Mr. Hanky: ^_^ Hey goggle… O.O Whoa! They're gone! …COOL! ^_^ You have eyes!
Sol: Growls
Mr. Hanky: Sorry…uh, miss Manager, give the groceries to goggle boy on the house!
Manager: Murph! (Is wrapped in toilet paper with her kids)
Sol: Thanks Hank! I hope you find…err…someone…a friend…or…something… (Runs out of the store, jumps in car with Jenna and Mia and drives away as fast as possible)
Icy Cake: (Covered in slush on the side of the road) _* Sol…you…are…so…DEAD! (Her packages have been set on fire cause she's so mad, also she's completely dry cause al the snow and slush has melted off of her…in other words…she is ready to blow) DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! (Begins following)
(At house, err…at the snow pile that was a house)
Sol: O.o It's buried…I was sure I left it here…GAH! (Falls through the snow) *THUMP!* OWWWW!! _ THE &@*)!?
Garet: Hi!
Plushy: Hi! ^____^
Sol: GAH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF YOUR BOX!? _
Plushy: Uh…he let me out!
Garet: Yup! ^-^
Mia: I wanna drive the car now! (Jumps in the front seat and presses the gas, it goes forward and falls into the hole)
Sol: Now get back in your box or… Eh? (Looks up)
Mia: O0O AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Jenna: T0T WE'RE GONNA DIE!
Plushy: O-o
Sol: OoO!? AGH!
Garet: ^__^ Shiny Headlights!
Sol: -_-;
Plushy: -_-;
THUMP!
Sol: …Owwies… (Is jammed under the front of the car)
Plushy: MURPH! (Is jammed into snow)
Garet: Ohhh there's nothing like being jammed under a car, pushed down in the snow!
Sol: I hate you…Owww… (Crawls out from under car)
Mia: Owww…AGH! (Falls out of car, grabs Jenna)
Jenna: OoO EEK! (Falls out with Mia, they land on top of Sol in a VERY suggestive position…)
Sol: Owww, what the… O.O
Mia: Owww… O.o Err…hi…
Jenna: ^_^ Hi!
Sol: Get off! _ As if things couldn't get any worse then this!
Icy Cake: (Appears in the hole) … _* Sol…
Sol: O.O Eep! H hi Icy Cake…
Mia: (Jumps off Sol and hides)
Jenna: (Jumps off Sol and dives into the brutally mangled car)
Garet: (Runs away)
Sol: (Alone with Icy Cake) Err…
Icy Cake: _* (Is melting the snow with her anger)
Sol: Uh…I got you a present! (Garbs plushy) See! ^_^;;
Icy Cake: …It's…
Sol: Cloud from Final Fantasy Seven, your favorite…and he talks too! ^_^ And he has a real sword!
Icy Cake: …
Sol: … ~Is praying in his head~
Icy Cake: ^o^ KAWAII! (Grabs Cloud plushy and snuggles it)
Sol: Whew…
Icy Cake: ^_^ THANK YOU! (Hugs plushy)
Cloud: I wuv you! (Hugs Icy Cake)
Icy Cake: AWWWWWWWWWWW! I wuv you too! (Hugs plushy)
Sol: … T-T Don't I get any credit?
Icy Cake: …You left me at the mall! _
Sol: I did? (Cowers in fear) Since I got you such a nice present you won't hurt me…right?
Icy Cake: I suppose so… ^_^ (Walks insides dragging plushy and her bags of gifts and who knows what else in with her)
Sol: Phew… (Walks into the house) Now I just need to… OoO!? GAH!
Kain: Hi! ^_^ Look at all the presents Santa gave me! (the house is full of coal, the tree has a burning Babi coffin in it, the decorations are smashed and have been glued to the wall…and Alex's boxers are hanging on the top of the tree…)
Sol: …This is one of those moments where I wish I was dead…
Kain: And look! I have Santa here with all his deer! (Points at Santa and his deer)
Santa: Ho ho ho, so this is the guy that's running this show, eh?
Sol: Yes…
Santa: Name?
Sol: Err…Sol Sabre…
Santa: Right, for all the horror I have had to endure you get no presents this year, or next year, or the year after…
Sol: T-T No fair…
Rudolph: _ Be quite blue eyed boy! Or I'll show you the force of Rudolph!
Blitzen: (Whispers in Sol's ear) Yeah, don't piss him off… (Shudders) He made me pick up Santa's pipe with my @$$…
Sol: O.O!?
Icy Cake: …
Santa: As for you. (Points at Icy Cake) Name?
Icy Cake: Icy Cake…
Santa: Oh you have our best record! You get extra presents! ^__^
Icy Cake: ^__^ Really?
Sol: T-T That is so not fair…
Rudolph: _ Shut up baby face!
Sol: Growls I am not a baby face…
Santa: -_- I must deliver presents to everyone else now! Farewell, ho ho ho, and all that stuff! (Flies away with deer in his beat up sleigh, he's wrapped in bandages so he's having trouble steering.)
Sol: T-T
Icy Cake: Merry Christmas everyone!
Plushy: Mewwy chwistmast!
Kain: Merry Christmas! Have a bloody new year! ^__^
Sol: …Merry Christmas… T-T
Icy Cake: Oh Sol, I got you a present!
Sol: Really? ^_^
Icy Cake: Yeah, but I was so angry when you left me all alone at the mall that I broke it into a million separate pieces…
Sol: T-T Fate hates me…
Icy Cake: You're just sad cause you didn't get a present…
Sol: T-T
Kain: I'll share some of my coal…
Sol: -_- Err…no thanks…anyway, from everyone on "The Bachlorette…"
Everyone: MERRY CHRISTMAS! AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR! ^________^
~Now please review…presents would be appreciated too…please?~ (Is begging) T-T ~Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?~