Disclaimer: I didn't own Gilmore Girls yesterday, I didn't own them the day before, and guess what? Nothing's changed. Oh yeah, and Jess's Miracle Cure is based on an actual recipe, for those of you who're wondering…

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Cheers

Chapter 13: Sherlock Holmes, Breakfast at Luke's, and The Mariano Miracle Cure

The diner was surprisingly crowded for a Sunday morning, not that it mattered, of course. The sounds and smells of the kitchen wafted into the main eating area, where tables of hungry patrons sat waiting to place their orders. The sounds of laughter and raised voices pervaded the air, along with the ever-present buzz of activity, but the young man seated at the counter could hardly care less.

"Geez, my head is killing me."

"Hearing you loud and clear, Bag Boy," Jess muttered, pausing long enough to shoot a vaguely impatient look at Dean. "Quit whining."

"Just out of curiosity," Tristan glanced up from the menu he had been scrutinizing for the past few minutes, a bored expression on his face. "What are you doing? And which would you recommend – the blueberry pancakes, or the French toast?"

"French toast," Luke Danes grumpily suggested as he sailed by, his face harried and his hands balancing several plates of food. "Hey Jess, would it kill you to help me out here?"

Hearing his name, Jess's head snapped up, and he offered the man another one of his annoying smirks. "Sure thing, Uncle Luke. In a minute."

"No," Luke snapped, marching up to his nephew. "Listen Curly, you're going to tear yourself away from Moe and Larry here, and you're helping me right now. Understood?"

"Got it," Jess nodded, turning his back on the burly, plaid-shirted man. "Right after I'm done."

"What're the Evil One and Narcolepsy Boy doing here, anyway?" Luke frowned. "By the way Dean, you look like hell."

"Thanks, Luke," Dean winced, his hand gingerly pressed to his forehead. "You always did have a way with words."

Taking in the mess on the counter, Luke scowled. "Jess…" 

"Yeah?"

Leaning forward, Luke picked up a banana peel, which rested alongside an empty can, some crumpled packaging, and several used spoons. "Any reason why my counter looks like Beirut?"

"In case you haven't noticed, Dean here has a royal hangover," Jess blandly explained, reaching for a few small bottles on his left. "Out of the kindness of my heart, I decided to whip up my famous Mariano Miracle Hangover Cure."

"Jess the Humanitarian – that's new," Luke sniped, watching as Jess stirred the full glass one last time before sliding it toward Dean, who accepted it somewhat dubiously.

"So, uh," Dean stared warily at the murky coloured liquid inside the glass. "What exactly is in here?"

"Orange juice, two tablespoons of honey, a banana, some V-8, milk, salt–" Turning away to retrieve a dishcloth, Jess missed the expression of faint horror on Dean's face. "–Strawberries, and a dash of nutmeg."

"And here," Tristan neatly placed a handful of pills in front of Dean. "Don't forget these."

"What're they?" Dean frowned suspiciously at his companion.

 "Two aspirin tablets, and some vitamin C and B-complex. Gotta flush out those toxins," Tristan smiled, clearly enjoying the uneasiness on the taller man's face. "Bottoms up, Bag Boy."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Dean muttered, his tone distrustful. "Should I ask what this tastes like? Is it even fit for human consumption?"

Jess rolled his eyes. "Less talking, more drinking, do you mind?"

"You're actually going to drink that?" Luke stared at Dean, his expression a mixture of incredulity and downright admiration. "You're either really brave, or just plain stupid. That stuff looks – vile."

"Trust me, this baby'll get rid of that hangover before you know it," Jess confidently stated. "I should know."

Luke shook his head disapprovingly, but he knew how useless it would be to lecture his nephew on the hazards of liquor. Besides, Jess wasn't seventeen any more – he was a full-grown man. He could do whatever he wanted. And even if that meant he wanted to dance the Hokey Pokey buck-naked in the middle of the Stars Hollow town square, it simply wasn't any of Luke's business. Thankfully, the chime of the front door distracted him just then, and he looked up to see Lorelai and Christopher walking in. He grunted. "Looks like the Coffee Junkie and her unfortunate spouse have arrived. For the last time Jess, clean up this damn mess, will you?"

"Now see, that's what I love about this place," Lorelai walked up to the group, her smile bright. "All that love. It makes me want to go outside and pick daisies or something."

"I'll just pretend I didn't hear that." Luke whipped out his notepad and looked up expectantly. "What'll it be? The usual?"

"You bet," Lorelai affirmed, sitting down on the empty seat on Dean's left. "Oh gross, what's that?"

"That," Tristan reached out and poked the glass, "is Jess's Miracle Hangover Cure."

Glancing quizzically at Jess, Christopher's eyebrows quirked. "You have a Miracle Hangover Cure?"

"Wow, it looks…interesting," ventured Lorelai, her eyes still riveted on the contents of the glass. "Sort of like an alien life form or something."

"Nice," Christopher laughed, just as Luke placed two huge mugs of coffee on the counter, alongside two orders of pancakes.

"Geez, is that thing still here?" Luke shook his head with disgust. "Drink it already, before it has time to procreate."

"Okay," Dean sighed as he picked up the drink, bracing himself for the worst. "Here goes."

The rest of the group was quiet as they watched Dean knock back Jess's concoction, and it was a few minutes before anyone spoke. Finally Lorelai couldn't take the silence any longer.

"Well? What's it taste like?"

Wiping his mouth with a napkin, a look of slight nausea washed over Dean's face. "Let's just say it's unlike anything I have ever tasted."

"Quick," Lorelai prodded Luke urgently. "Get the man some coffee, for goodness' sake! Can't you see he's suffering?"

"No," Jess shook his head. "No caffeine. You're going on a liquid diet today, at least until the worst of the hangover wears off."

"No complaints here," Dean joked weakly. "I'm not particularly hungry right now, anyway."

"So where's Rory?" Tristan asked, keeping his tone carefully indifferent. "I haven't seen her come in the diner this morning."

"Oh, that's because she's busy canoodling with Robert back at the house," Lorelai responded, with a flippant wave of her hand. "They'll be heading here in a few minutes."

Jess frowned. "What're they doing at your house?"   

"Well, she's still our daughter, you know," Christopher smiled, taking another bite of his breakfast. "They came down this morning, and Rory's taking Robert around on an official sight-seeing tour of Stars Hollow."

"What's there to see?" Dean shrugged, looking mystified. "You go outside, make two left turns, and you're back in the middle of the town square."

"That's Stars Hollow for you," Jess shrugged.

"Hey everybody! Sorry we're late!"

Everyone turned at the sound of the familiar voice, and Lorelai smiled. "Rory, Robert. Have you guys had breakfast?"

"Well, Robert wanted to head straight for the nearest StarBucks," Rory grinned, wrapping her arm around her fiancé. "You won't believe how long it took to convince him to give Luke's food a try. I'll have coffee, Luke, thanks. "

"Sure," Luke nodded, turning to look distastefully at Robert. "What about you?"

"Let me see–" Robert paused.  "Do you serve Macchiatos here?" 

Luke barely even looked up from his notepad. "Nope."

"Fine," Robert sighed, somewhat annoyed. "I'll just have a coffee."

"Okay then, two coffees coming right up."

Watching Luke walk away, Lorelai stifled a grin. Luke? Serving complicated coffee drinks? In an alternate universe – maybe. But not here in Stars Hollow, and definitely not in Luke's Diner.

Shifting her gaze around the small gathering, Rory's eyes alighted on Dean, who was still slumped over the counter. "Dean, are you okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine," Tristan cut in. "He just had a little run-in with one of Jess's Chemistry experiments, that's all."

"Oh yeah, you should've seen it," Lorelai interjected, her eyes round. "It was all gross-looking, and Dean drank it!"

Robert smirked. "Why? Lose a bet?"

Rory shot her fiancé a sharp look before smiling apologetically. "What happened, Dean?"

"I, uh–" He hesitated before smiling wanly. "I just had one too many to drink last night, that's all."

Rory's reproachful gaze travelled from Tristan to Jess. "Why didn't you two stop him?"

"He's a big boy, Rory," Robert interrupted. "He can take care of himself, you know."

"Yes, but–"

A shrill electronic sounding beep cut across her words, and she watched helplessly as Robert retrieved his cell phone from his pocket. Luke, who had finally reappeared with two cups of coffee, pointed tersely at the taped up sign on the wall.

"No cell phones in the diner."

"Right," Robert nodded dismissively. He stepped closer to Rory, dropping an absent kiss on her cheek. "I'll be right back." Turning on his heel, he swept out of the diner, the door closing behind him with a clang. 

Jess waited until the coast was clear before handing Rory a paper napkin. "Nice guy."

If Rory had picked up on the sarcasm in Jess's words, she made no comment. Instead, she sat down beside her father, her eyes troubled as she took a careful sip of her coffee. "Well, he's got a lot on his mind right now, so…"

"Yeah, sure," Lorelai nodded, pushing the remainders of her breakfast around the plate.

"Really," Rory insisted, as though her mother had disagreed. "He's a great guy, once you get to know him."

"I'm sure he is," Tristan muttered, loud enough for Jess and Dean to hear.

"He's just really busy with his work and everything," Rory rushed on, placing her coffee cup on the counter with a thud.

"Whoa there, Rory," Christopher squeezed his daughter's shoulders comfortingly. "Don't worry about it."

"Sorry about that, folks," Robert said, rejoining the group a few minutes later. "Business call. You know how it is."

"Of course," Tristan nodded solemnly, and Dean grinned.

Looking at Rory, Robert smiled. "So, how about you take me around this quaint little town of yours, sweetie?"

Tristan arched an eyebrow. "Quaint?"

"Not my definition of Stars Hollow, but what the hell," Jess shrugged.

"Sure," Rory nodded, unaware of the exchange between Jess and Tristan. "Just let me finish up my coffee."

"Actually," Robert corrected, "I was thinking we could go now, because I have a meeting to attend in a few hours, so I won't be able to hang around for very long."

"Oh?" Rory's face fell. "You're working? But it's a Sunday!"

"Tell that to my business partners," Robert replied, trying to sound contrite.

"Well then," Rory sighed. "Mom, Dad, do you mind if–"

"Oh no, not at all!" Lorelai answered, smiling encouragingly. "Go on, go have fun."

"We'll see you back home for lunch," Christopher added.

"Okay." Getting off her seat, Rory shot one last smile at the others. "See you guys later."

A chorus of goodbyes went around the small group, and they looked on as Robert walked out of the diner once again, Rory following meekly behind. Once the couple was safely outside, Lorelai thumped her mug down emphatically.

"I don't like that man."

"Trust me," Jess smirked. "No one does."

"Do you know anything about him?" Dean demanded, his headache and nausea forgotten.

"Well, I met his dad a few years ago at a business function," Christopher offered.

"What was he like?" Lorelai wanted to know.

"A carbon copy of his son, I'm afraid," Christopher shrugged. "It must be a father-son thing."

"And to think, my grandkids might end up like that," Lorelai shuddered. "Ugh!"

"Come on," Tristan sighed, frustrated. "Someone's got to know something about him!"

"You think we haven't tried digging up some dirt on him?" Lorelai gave him a sidelong glance. "It's pointless! The guy's about as interesting as a bowl of pudding. No seedy double life. No secret gambling problem or alcohol addiction. No love child hidden away in Wisconsin. Absolutely no juicy gossip about him."

"Lorelai," Christopher said, struggling to keep his amusement in check.

"No more coffee for you," Luke grumbled, attempting to pull away Lorelai's half-empty mug.

"No!" Lorelai slapped Luke's hands away, indignant. "Evil man! Never will you convince me to renounce my coffee!"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Have you been reading Rory's dictionary again?"

"I may have," she grinned, taking another gulp of her coffee. Seeing Tristan rise from his seat, she looked up in surprise. "Leaving already, Tristan?"

"Yeah," he smiled, placing some notes on the counter.

"Where're you off to?" Jess inquired.

"Nothing much – meeting some friends, having lunch with my parents, digging up some dirt on Rory's fiancé," Tristan smiled coolly, paying no attention to the expressions on the faces of the others. "See you around."

Dean watched him leave. "So what, he's Sherlock Holmes now?"

"Apparently so," Christopher concurred.

"Think he'll find anything good?" Lorelai asked, her voice hopeful.

Leaning against the counter, Jess folded his arms, a knowing smile spread across his face. "Guess we'll just have to wait and see."

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To Be Continued…