Disclaimer: Wish I did own GG, but I don't. Sniff. However, I think Lord Byron is a splendid old chap for allowing me to pop his poem 'She Walks In Beauty' into my humble little story.
*
Cheers
Chapter 15: In The Still of the Night
Another night in Stars Hollow. Another night of being alone. Not that he minded. Really, he didn't.
Jess frowned, putting down the paperback he'd been reading. Where had that thought come from? Shifting from his position on the wooden bridge, he shook his head. As he allowed his eyes to roam across the page he'd been staring at for the past ten minutes, his lips quirked in a small smile.
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless
climes and starry skies;
The crickets continued their symphony around him, seemingly unaware of his inner turmoil. The moon glowed in the midnight skies above, illuminating the scene with its milky brilliance.
And all that's
best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes,
Thus mellow'd to
that tender light
which heaven to gaudy day denies.
Sighing impatiently, Jess placed
the dog-eared book beside him. There was no point in continuing, anyway. He
knew the entire poem – no, the entire volume – by heart.
One shade the
more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face–
"Hey, what're you doing here?"
Snapping out of his reverie, Jess tilted his head. "Might I ask the same thing?"
Rory sat down beside him, her small hands pulling her coat tighter around her. "I couldn't sleep." Peering down between them, she raised her eyebrows curiously. "What's that?"
"Byron," Jess explained curtly, glancing away.
"I thought you didn't read poetry."
"I make an exception for Byron," Jess responded. The pair sat in companionable silence for a moment before Rory cleared her throat.
"So, um…" She fiddled self-consciously with her hair, her brow furrowed. "What's the book about?"
Hiding a smile, Jess was amused by Rory's feeble attempt at conversation. "It's a collection of Byron's works."
"Is it good?"
"Yeah," Jess shrugged casually, offhandedly. This was an aspect of their friendship that he was used to. In as long as he'd known her, their exchanges always included a thorough dissertation of whatever book either of them had happened to read prior to their tête-à-têtes. It was habitual, something they'd both come to expect. In truth, Jess actually looked forward to this part of their interactions, for two reasons. To start with, Rory was just about the only person in the entire town of Stars Hollow whose voracious reading habits matched – or perhaps even surpassed – his own. And secondly, long spirited debates on books were always neutral ground. It didn't take him long to learn one simple truth: discussing Literature with Rory was preferable to having emotionally charged heart-to-hearts. Unlike her previous boyfriends (i.e. Dean), talking about feelings made him physically sick, which was why he made it a point to steer clear of the topic as often as he could.
Rory's voice crept across the dreamy twilight. "Any favourites out of the whole book?"
"Mm-hmm." Jess felt a smile tugging at his lips, wistful.
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.
"She Walks In Beauty."
Jess blinked, startled out of his thoughts. "What?"
"The poem," Rory explained. Seeing the perplexed expression on Jess's face, she frowned. "That verse you just read to me, it's She Walks In Beauty, isn't it?"
Dear Lord. Had he really just spaced out and recited lines from a Byron poem to Rory Gilmore? He would have blamed it on liquor if he could, but given the fact that he was as sober as he could possibly get, there was no simple explanation as to why his subconscious had chosen that particular verse to serenade her with. He glanced about again. On second thought, the atmosphere did seem to be conducive to spontaneous poetry recitations (or in this case, a sudden lapse in his thought processes). "Uh, yeah."
Silence.
Jess threw a sidelong glance at Rory. "So…"
"So," Rory prompted, grinning in return. "Hey, you never told me what it's been like living in the Big Apple all this time."
"It's okay," Jess shrugged. "The City That Never Sleeps. Need I say more?"
"No, you pretty much summed it up," Rory teased.
Jess laughed along with her, but then his features grew serious again. "Rory, about what happened the last time–"
"Oh no, that's ancient history," Rory waved his words away. "Let's just put it behind us."
"Yeah, well," Jess looked down. "I just wanted to, you know…I wanted to say I'm sorry. For what happened."
Rory's words drifted across the peaceful night. "I'm sorry too."
Leaning back on his hands, Jess closed his eyes briefly, his mind floating back to times long forgotten. And then he called forth memories of the day that brought about his decision to leave Stars Hollow for good all those years ago. There had been that horrible argument with Rory. There had been tears and recrimination, and ultimately he'd packed up and left. It had been as simple as that. As rash as his decision had been in retrospect, Jess knew it was a choice that he'd had to make. So he'd left. And to his surprise, it turned out to be exactly what he'd needed to clear his head. Gone was the bitter, jaded misfit he once was, to be replaced by someone stronger, better, wiser. And of course, he had Rory Gilmore to thank for that.
"What're you thinking about?" Rory suddenly asked, breaking through Jess's thoughts.
"Just – oh, nothing," he smiled. "So how're you feeling? You know, with the wedding coming up and all."
"I'm not sure," Rory said, her voice soft as she tugged at the sleeve of her coat.
Jess raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I had a talk with Robert this morning, and…" she paused, almost reluctantly. "He doesn't want me working once we get married."
"Really?" Jess sat upright again. "What're you going to do?"
"I have no idea," Rory sighed. "He seemed pretty resolute on that point."
"So what, you're just going to cave in?" Jess stared at Rory incredulously. "What happened to being a journalist for CNN?"
"I still want to do that," Rory asserted, though her face was shadowed with worry. "It's just that Robert said–"
"Forget about what Robert said!" Jess exclaimed. "It's your life! Since when does he have full authority on what you want to do?"
"Starting from the moment I become Mrs. Robert Matheson," Rory tried to joke, but it came out sounding wrong somehow, inappropriate for the seriousness of the situation.
"So is that what you're going to do?" Jess turned to her. "Forget about being what you've always wanted to be and become a stay-at-home wife instead?"
Rory frowned. "Stop making it sound so…"
"Bad?" Jess offered, and when Rory nodded, he looked at her earnestly. "I'm not making it sound bad, I'm simply highlighting the fact that it is bad. This guy wants you to sacrifice your dreams for him. How could it not be bad?"
"Give me a break, Jess!" Rory threw up her hands in frustration. "I'm just so confused by all this!"
"Rory," Jess said, choosing his words carefully. "Marriage is a big step. You can't make your decisions based on a whim."
"I know that," Rory started, but Jess motioned for her to listen.
"And Robert is asking for a big thing here. But tell me this," Jess fixed his gaze on her. "Are you really sure you're willing to give up everything for him?"
"I–" Rory stared at Jess helplessly. "I don't know."
"Well…" Jess regarded her seriously. "I'd say this gives you something to think about, don't you agree?"
"Yeah," Rory glanced down, her expression distressed. "You're right."
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To Be Continued…
