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quicker! Hehe....! anyways, here's chapter six, please enjoy it and review!
Chapter Six
disclaimer: okay, they're not mine! How many times do I have to say it?
Six Months Later:
"So, are you going to go?" Rachel asked Monica as they stood in her kitchen.
Monica shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know if there's any point in going, I mean......what are going to do? Just stand around and cry?"
Rachel laughed, "No," she said, "But maybe it'll be good for you to interact with the other families," she said.
"Maybe," Monica said, sighing, "I don't know if I really want to drag Ryan and Micaela all the way out to Philadelphia, though."
"We'll watch them," Rachel offered, "Olivia will have a blast," she said.
"Well......." Monica said, "I don't know......"
"Monica, it's the one-year anniversary. You have to go, okay? You owe it to him."
Rachel's words sealed the deal. "All right," said Monica. "I'll go." ***
Monica took a deep breath as she clutched her purse and walked into the huge conference hall where the one-year-anniversary of the crash gathering was taking place. For a moment, she wished she'd brought the kids with her. Or someone. Anyone. Even bringing baby Olivia with her would be better than doing this alone. But, she reminded herself, she had to. She owed it. To him.
***
"Mind if I sit here?" Chandler Bing asked, as he approached the tables set up for dinner.
Monica looked up, "Uh, no, go ahead."
Chandler sat down and looked at his tablemate. "Oh my goodness," he said softly.....of all of the people in the world for him to sit next to, "Monica Burke?"
Monica looked at him, recognition dawning. "The guy sitting next to Richard....." she said softly.
Chandler nodded, "I'm sorry," he said, "Maybe I should sit someplace else," he said, starting to get up.
"No," Monica said evenly, "Stay."
"Are you sure?" he asked, looking her in the eye. Gosh, she was gorgeous. He'd seen Richard's picture and he'd seen her at the funeral, but he still was amazed. Richard had been so lucky. His wife was amazing.
Monica nodded, and Chandler sat back down. "Did you, um, bring your kids?" he asked.
Monica looked at him, wondering how he knew about Ryan and Micaela. Chandler smiled, "Richard told me about your kids. Showed me pictures and everything. They're gorgeous."
Monica smiled, "Thank you," she said, "And no, I didn't bring them. They're with their aunt and uncle. They, well, they had a hard enough time dealing with this and I didn't want to drudge all the feelings up for them again."
Chandler nodded, "I can see that," he said, looking around a bit, "I feel so awkward here," he admitted, "Everyone's well, grieving and sharing stories about their loved ones and I well......I guess I feel like I shouldn't be here. I didn't lose anyone."
"But you were still on the plane," Monica offered.
Chandler shrugged, "Yeah, I was. But all I got out of it was a busted leg. I'm okay, you know?"
Monica nodded and Chandler debated whether or not to tell her what he'd always wanted to tell her, since the second he'd seen her at the funeral. Finally, he decided to tell her. "I, um, actually hoped to see you here," he said softly.
Monica glanced at him, confused, "Really?"
"Yeah," Chandler said slowly, "I, uh, wanted to let you know, that well, that I'm sorry."
Monica looked at him, more confused than ever, "Sorry for what?" she asked.
"It should've.....It should've been me, and I should've done something," Chandler said.
"What?"
"On the plane, I should've been the one who died. Richard had you, he had the kids. He had a life worth living for. Me.....I'm just me. No family, no nothing. I should've thrown myself on him, or protected him, or something. I should've died. He deserved to live."
Monica bit her lip, holding back tears. "Chandler....." she said softly, "Richard's death wasn't your fault. Please don't think I'd ever blame you for not doing something. Even if you had time to think about throwing yourself on him, I wouldn't expect you to do it. And I doubt Richard would've wanted you to."
"Still...."
"No still, Chandler," Monica said.
Chandler smiled softly, "Thank you," he said.
Monica smiled back, "No, thank you."
***
Sitting next to Monica at dinner turned out to be one of the best decisions Chandler ever could've made. They talked long into the night, after Chandler had made his confession.
"So when we finally got out of the stupid taxi cab, after being stuck in traffic for practically an hour, I didn't even get into the hospital, and out Micaela popped," Monica said, laughing as she relayed the story of Micaela's birth to Chandler. "That's why I call her my speedy one.....she's in a hurry to get everything done. Always has been."
Chandler chuckled, and smiled, "Your kids sound pretty great," he said.
Monica smiled thoughtfully, "Yeah," she said, "They are. I mean, they've had a tough time this past year, but all in all, they are pretty great."
Chandler looked at her sympathetically, "They've had a real hard time, then?" he asked. He'd always worried they would. Sure, he'd never met them, but they way Richard described them.....he figured they both loved their father very much.
"Yeah," Monica sighed, "Well, Ryan has, anyway. Micaela.....she just doesn't understand where her father is, and what happened. But everyone says she's forget. I mean, she was only four. She will forget, and I suppose that's a good thing. But Ryan.....well, Ryan has struggled with it, and probably will struggle with it for awhile. And it may not even be the fact that Richard's gone that bothers him. It's more of the fact that he doesn't have a dad anymore. All the boys his age have their fathers taking them fishing and watching their baseball games, and Ryan doesn't have that."
Chandler nodded, "I can see that. In fact, I can relate." Monica looked at him skeptically, "No, seriously," he continued, "My dad.....well, he wasn't around much, especially when I was Ryan's age. And he certainly wasn't your typical dad."
Again, Monica shot him a confused look, and Chandler laughed, "He was, well.....gay. And I missed all that stuff. All the fishing and baseball games. So I can see where Ryan's coming from."
Monica nodded, "I guess you can," she said softly, "Better than I can, I suppose. I mean, I had all that, coming from both my mom and my dad. And it's all I ever wanted to give my kids."
Chandler nodded, and sighed softly, "And that got taken away, huh?"
"Yeah," Monica said softly, "And I guess I just wish every day that I could give it back. I mean, I try to go to Ryan's baseball games, and read to Micaela like their dad did, but it's not the same. It's not like I can do all the guy stuff with Ryan or do all the things fathers do with their daughters. It's impossible."
Chandler nodded again, and a thought crossed his mind, but he quickly brushed it off. Finally, he decided to bring it up, "You know, well.....I mean, if you ever wanted a guy around.....I mean, I've never met your kids, but, uh....well,"
Monica smiled at his nervousness, "What is it Chandler?" she asked.
"Well, if you ever wanted someone around to well, do the guy stuff with your kids, I mean, well I'd be happy to do it. I know I can't replace Richard, and I'm not trying to. I guess.....I guess I just feel connected to your family, because of what happened."
Monica looked at him for a long time, "You'd do that?" she whispered finally.
"Yeah," Chandler said, happy he hadn't freaked her out too badly, "I would."
Monica smiled, "I'd love for you to be around then. I mean, Ryan could definitely use a guy influence. Micaela could to, for that matter. I mean, my brother tries.......but he has his own kids."
Chandler smiled back, "Well, I definitely don't have my own kids."
"Wait," Monica said, as a thought crossed her mind, "Don't you live here?"
Chandler shook his head, "I'm moving," he said, "I can't stand being here anymore.....too many bad memories. I might as well move closer to you."
Monica laughed abruptly, "This is so weird!" she said "I mean, we barely know each other and you're moving just to be closer to me!"
Chandler laughed at that, too. "Yeah," he said, "It is weird. But like I said.....I feel....connected."
Monica smiled softly, "Yeah," she said gently, "I do, too."
There is a picture in the pocket of my shirt
I always keep you next to me
When I'm away from you all I do is hurt
I think about you constantly
But you're always with me deep inside
I can feel you when I close my eyes
We are connected at the heart
Nothing on earth can keep the two of us apart
Time has no meaning
Distance has no power It's never too late
No matter how long
We're never that far
We are connected at the heart
Every night I get down on my knees and pray
I know God's listening to me
Sometimes I have to work a little on my faith
But I don't have to see him to believe
Isn't that a little bit like you and me
We're not always eye to eye but I know we Part of each other
One and the same
Blood of my blood
Soul of my soul We are connected at the heart
Oh, we are connected at the heart
Song: Connected At the Heart by Ricochet
okay, everybody, now please, please, please review! Just press that cute little button! Thnx!
Chapter Six
disclaimer: okay, they're not mine! How many times do I have to say it?
Six Months Later:
"So, are you going to go?" Rachel asked Monica as they stood in her kitchen.
Monica shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know if there's any point in going, I mean......what are going to do? Just stand around and cry?"
Rachel laughed, "No," she said, "But maybe it'll be good for you to interact with the other families," she said.
"Maybe," Monica said, sighing, "I don't know if I really want to drag Ryan and Micaela all the way out to Philadelphia, though."
"We'll watch them," Rachel offered, "Olivia will have a blast," she said.
"Well......." Monica said, "I don't know......"
"Monica, it's the one-year anniversary. You have to go, okay? You owe it to him."
Rachel's words sealed the deal. "All right," said Monica. "I'll go." ***
Monica took a deep breath as she clutched her purse and walked into the huge conference hall where the one-year-anniversary of the crash gathering was taking place. For a moment, she wished she'd brought the kids with her. Or someone. Anyone. Even bringing baby Olivia with her would be better than doing this alone. But, she reminded herself, she had to. She owed it. To him.
***
"Mind if I sit here?" Chandler Bing asked, as he approached the tables set up for dinner.
Monica looked up, "Uh, no, go ahead."
Chandler sat down and looked at his tablemate. "Oh my goodness," he said softly.....of all of the people in the world for him to sit next to, "Monica Burke?"
Monica looked at him, recognition dawning. "The guy sitting next to Richard....." she said softly.
Chandler nodded, "I'm sorry," he said, "Maybe I should sit someplace else," he said, starting to get up.
"No," Monica said evenly, "Stay."
"Are you sure?" he asked, looking her in the eye. Gosh, she was gorgeous. He'd seen Richard's picture and he'd seen her at the funeral, but he still was amazed. Richard had been so lucky. His wife was amazing.
Monica nodded, and Chandler sat back down. "Did you, um, bring your kids?" he asked.
Monica looked at him, wondering how he knew about Ryan and Micaela. Chandler smiled, "Richard told me about your kids. Showed me pictures and everything. They're gorgeous."
Monica smiled, "Thank you," she said, "And no, I didn't bring them. They're with their aunt and uncle. They, well, they had a hard enough time dealing with this and I didn't want to drudge all the feelings up for them again."
Chandler nodded, "I can see that," he said, looking around a bit, "I feel so awkward here," he admitted, "Everyone's well, grieving and sharing stories about their loved ones and I well......I guess I feel like I shouldn't be here. I didn't lose anyone."
"But you were still on the plane," Monica offered.
Chandler shrugged, "Yeah, I was. But all I got out of it was a busted leg. I'm okay, you know?"
Monica nodded and Chandler debated whether or not to tell her what he'd always wanted to tell her, since the second he'd seen her at the funeral. Finally, he decided to tell her. "I, um, actually hoped to see you here," he said softly.
Monica glanced at him, confused, "Really?"
"Yeah," Chandler said slowly, "I, uh, wanted to let you know, that well, that I'm sorry."
Monica looked at him, more confused than ever, "Sorry for what?" she asked.
"It should've.....It should've been me, and I should've done something," Chandler said.
"What?"
"On the plane, I should've been the one who died. Richard had you, he had the kids. He had a life worth living for. Me.....I'm just me. No family, no nothing. I should've thrown myself on him, or protected him, or something. I should've died. He deserved to live."
Monica bit her lip, holding back tears. "Chandler....." she said softly, "Richard's death wasn't your fault. Please don't think I'd ever blame you for not doing something. Even if you had time to think about throwing yourself on him, I wouldn't expect you to do it. And I doubt Richard would've wanted you to."
"Still...."
"No still, Chandler," Monica said.
Chandler smiled softly, "Thank you," he said.
Monica smiled back, "No, thank you."
***
Sitting next to Monica at dinner turned out to be one of the best decisions Chandler ever could've made. They talked long into the night, after Chandler had made his confession.
"So when we finally got out of the stupid taxi cab, after being stuck in traffic for practically an hour, I didn't even get into the hospital, and out Micaela popped," Monica said, laughing as she relayed the story of Micaela's birth to Chandler. "That's why I call her my speedy one.....she's in a hurry to get everything done. Always has been."
Chandler chuckled, and smiled, "Your kids sound pretty great," he said.
Monica smiled thoughtfully, "Yeah," she said, "They are. I mean, they've had a tough time this past year, but all in all, they are pretty great."
Chandler looked at her sympathetically, "They've had a real hard time, then?" he asked. He'd always worried they would. Sure, he'd never met them, but they way Richard described them.....he figured they both loved their father very much.
"Yeah," Monica sighed, "Well, Ryan has, anyway. Micaela.....she just doesn't understand where her father is, and what happened. But everyone says she's forget. I mean, she was only four. She will forget, and I suppose that's a good thing. But Ryan.....well, Ryan has struggled with it, and probably will struggle with it for awhile. And it may not even be the fact that Richard's gone that bothers him. It's more of the fact that he doesn't have a dad anymore. All the boys his age have their fathers taking them fishing and watching their baseball games, and Ryan doesn't have that."
Chandler nodded, "I can see that. In fact, I can relate." Monica looked at him skeptically, "No, seriously," he continued, "My dad.....well, he wasn't around much, especially when I was Ryan's age. And he certainly wasn't your typical dad."
Again, Monica shot him a confused look, and Chandler laughed, "He was, well.....gay. And I missed all that stuff. All the fishing and baseball games. So I can see where Ryan's coming from."
Monica nodded, "I guess you can," she said softly, "Better than I can, I suppose. I mean, I had all that, coming from both my mom and my dad. And it's all I ever wanted to give my kids."
Chandler nodded, and sighed softly, "And that got taken away, huh?"
"Yeah," Monica said softly, "And I guess I just wish every day that I could give it back. I mean, I try to go to Ryan's baseball games, and read to Micaela like their dad did, but it's not the same. It's not like I can do all the guy stuff with Ryan or do all the things fathers do with their daughters. It's impossible."
Chandler nodded again, and a thought crossed his mind, but he quickly brushed it off. Finally, he decided to bring it up, "You know, well.....I mean, if you ever wanted a guy around.....I mean, I've never met your kids, but, uh....well,"
Monica smiled at his nervousness, "What is it Chandler?" she asked.
"Well, if you ever wanted someone around to well, do the guy stuff with your kids, I mean, well I'd be happy to do it. I know I can't replace Richard, and I'm not trying to. I guess.....I guess I just feel connected to your family, because of what happened."
Monica looked at him for a long time, "You'd do that?" she whispered finally.
"Yeah," Chandler said, happy he hadn't freaked her out too badly, "I would."
Monica smiled, "I'd love for you to be around then. I mean, Ryan could definitely use a guy influence. Micaela could to, for that matter. I mean, my brother tries.......but he has his own kids."
Chandler smiled back, "Well, I definitely don't have my own kids."
"Wait," Monica said, as a thought crossed her mind, "Don't you live here?"
Chandler shook his head, "I'm moving," he said, "I can't stand being here anymore.....too many bad memories. I might as well move closer to you."
Monica laughed abruptly, "This is so weird!" she said "I mean, we barely know each other and you're moving just to be closer to me!"
Chandler laughed at that, too. "Yeah," he said, "It is weird. But like I said.....I feel....connected."
Monica smiled softly, "Yeah," she said gently, "I do, too."
There is a picture in the pocket of my shirt
I always keep you next to me
When I'm away from you all I do is hurt
I think about you constantly
But you're always with me deep inside
I can feel you when I close my eyes
We are connected at the heart
Nothing on earth can keep the two of us apart
Time has no meaning
Distance has no power It's never too late
No matter how long
We're never that far
We are connected at the heart
Every night I get down on my knees and pray
I know God's listening to me
Sometimes I have to work a little on my faith
But I don't have to see him to believe
Isn't that a little bit like you and me
We're not always eye to eye but I know we Part of each other
One and the same
Blood of my blood
Soul of my soul We are connected at the heart
Oh, we are connected at the heart
Song: Connected At the Heart by Ricochet
okay, everybody, now please, please, please review! Just press that cute little button! Thnx!