*******
"Do you remember a time
When we said'I'll never really leave you'
Do you remember a moment
When we all could clasp hands
It seemed such a perfect ring of four
Do you remember the last look
When we turned our backs to each other
And promised each other
'I'll never forget you'
But didn't we swear we'd never leave
In the first place...
Even as we refused to let our eyes meet
Can you still say...
'I remember'..."
*******
It had taken them all morning to leave the town.
Goodbyes were said, some tears fell and voices all molded together into one great din of separation anxiety and an insecure habit of pre-emptive sorrow. The foursome had always been the village's young, brave protectors from the general fiends...and they had all had their different little niches as well. Gippal had been a volunteer instructor for the young boys who wanted to learn the game of blitzball while Nooj had constantly been vigilant over the town's safety and Baralai had oddly enough, taken up a small assistance in the local temple. And Paine...the children just loved her. It wasn't that she was particularly or overly fond with any one of them, motherly or sisterly, but if the boys thought her sword was the best thing ever and the if the girls admired her deeply, well, no one would have been surprised. Paine allowed a great deal more than one would expect; sometimes the children even used her as a human jungle gym, climbing on her, latching onto her arm or perching on her shoulder.
She never thought to stop them. Kids would be kids, was her thought. And perhaps deeper in her heart she did in fact, harbor an affection for the future of Spira, harvested in these young beings who seemed to find a beautiful fascination in things so-called adults failed to notice...or seemed to have forgotten how.
Children were the closest to perfect in Paine's slightly envious eyes; she didn't want to lose that facet of humanity she saw only in these innocent, yet naively wise beings... and she already could feel it slipping through her gloved fingers...especially when she, Baralai, Gippal, and Nooj left that morning.
All of said children had come up to her that morning---some bearing flowers, a bit flattened from their small and firm grasps---some with rations their mothers provided as wordless thanks to Paine simply for being as she was---and to her shock some of them were sniffling back tears that caught the rising sunlight in sparkles on their cheeks.
"Please don't cry," she'd begged. She didn't think she'd ever beg again. But if she didn't, this was one well spent. And, completely unlike how she'd been all the time before, she had not only allowed the children to cling to her one last time, but also embraced them as best she could back. That she had learned or taught herself not to shed tears---it was a weakness for her---was a good thing, she'd found herself thinking...even if she hadn't been able to train her heart to not wrench in an everlasting, dull ache in her chest as the little ones had parted from her reluctantly, some pulled by their mothers. Others had simply stepped back.
Nooj, the oldest of all of them, had an idea of how Paine felt, and so when she had seemed to forget to stand, and just kept kneeling there blankly, he had approached her softly and merely reached out his hand to her. She didn't need to say anything to him; that's what he had been communicating, and a certain part of her comprehended that as she had taken his hand and stood, gone to stand aside Gippal and Baralai while Nooj had bid a formal farewell for all of them.
Ever the captain of the foursome, Nooj took on the role with great alacrity and know-how, diplomatic to a fault and still with the human heart to make it acceptable. He had accustomed himself days earlier to the idea of leaving; from the look on Paine's face though, Nooj could tell as she had turned to join Baralai and Gippal, she had not prepared at all. He had felt a pang of concern and sadness for her. Well, this would teach her. Nooj had still made certain that if anyone, on this journey he would do all he could for her; help in anyway. It was the least he could do, he supposed as he had looked over his shoulder at her standing there in wait.
"Are you alright?" Baralai had asked, drawn to and a little thrown by the unusual amount of emotion he could detect swirling in her eyes that seemed like those of someone placated too many times.
"I'll be fine," she had assured hm. Gippal had made a movement as if to embrace her and then thought better of it. Somehow he had known that wasn't what would comfort Paine at that moment.
And now, now they trekked a long path that was supposed to lead to Mushroom Rock Road and bring them to the headquarters of the Crimson Squad's reporting area. A slight breeze ruffled everyone's hair but Nooj's----how he got it to stay that way, Paine would never know----and a distilled silence bound the air by invisible strings. It was as though, if someone spoke, they would sever one of those strings and so, throw the entire environment into a flurry of unbidden disorder.
They were all very brave, to be sure. But everyone had doubts and fears and they came reeling unto the crew, many "what-ifs" and "this coulds" running through their heads as they pushed onward. Gippal's eyes subtly took in Paine through peripheral vision; she seems distracted, he noticed. Sure enough, Paine's eyes were looking without looking, feet walking without registering the movement... while she strived to practice the detachment of intrusive emotions she'd convinced herself she'd mastered years before.
She hated it when she was wrong.
"So how long do you figure it'll take us?" Gippal asked Baralai lightly. An attempt to lift the veil of uneasy quiet.
"Not long, knowing us...we'll be there by sundown surely...and if not, tomorrow morning bright and early," Baralai calculated mentally even as he responded.
"Do you think they choose the squads for the testing?" Paine asked, masking her anxiety at the thought of being separated from them this early. Baralai hadn't thought of that. The very idea of their team separating, of him separating from Paine was a stab to say the least; what if? His mind shook it off. He wouldn't let it happen. For a while, he realized, I've been hiding these things from her for all the wrong reasons. His subconscious nodded dryly at the latent realization.
So maybe she did fancy Gippal, but then, maybe she didn't, but she was the only one who would really know. Baralai had just come to understand that he could never assume anything about the red-eyed warrior to his left. Sometimes he'd wanted to reach out, hold her hand, share an embrace for no particular reason. And he'd never acted on any of it. He was afraid after all. Maybe I could tell her eventually though, on this journey of theirs----on which we will most definitely not be separated, he squared with himself and nodded internally. One way or another, together they would be, all four of them.
It was the only way.
"Teams, they're teams until we qualify, then they're squads," corrected Nooj informatively, and then added, "I doubt they'd object to a team like ours; we work best with each other, don't we?" he offered a Nooj-trademark smile that was really more of a grin because it always suggested he knew something extra and wasn't letting you in on the rest of the secret.
"Oh," her reply was less than articulate. Inside though...she was the hurricane she strove to compress to a light wind. So many things can go wrong, I don't even know that I should be doing this anymore...what if that man comes back for Shinra...the village would be in danger...maybe I should go back...alone...? These thoughts accosted her senses and her mind staggered from the onslaught.
"Paine!" Baralai's hand shot out and pulled her gently back by her left arm; her eyes focused again and she seemed to acknowledge him for the first time since they had begun their trek that morning...hours before. They'd been walking for at least 6 hours now, and they'd paused to set up a brief meal, but when they had, Paine---preoccupied as she was---had not noticed and kept on walking, in a dazed state. Now she stood staring wordlessly at the concerned friend in front of her.
"Worry isn't very becoming on you, mother hen," Nooj joked from the fire as he pushed the embers around to start a strong smolder and flames flickered out in tongues of red and orange, writhing around the small dry wood they'd salvaged from the sides of the road.
Gippal said nothing. I don't need to say anything...maybe she doesn't even remember...he thought a little dejectedly...but he knew that was his self-pity at work; he knew she wouldn't forget their interlude...before Shinra was attacked. She had felt every bit of passion he had, he was certain...but if only it had been something more before that...more than friends, less than...than that. Maybe they wouldn't be in this awkward limbo he found himself disliking more and more; it was too unstable. And the more he thought, the more he realized Baralai's feelings for her as well and this did nothing helpful for the brooding Al-Bhed. Maybe he should say something...remind her...reach out to her...she seemed confused herself lately...maybe she just wasn't sure...and he could provide the certainty? I could say something, but so could she, he reasoned back and forth a bit weakly.
Until, instead, he seemed to suddenly find setting out small rations of oatcakes and some crystallized fruit...meticulously, focusing his attentions entirely on the consumptions. Nooj raised an eyebrow at the Al-Bhed's unusual detail with his actions and then put two and two together as Baralai came to the fire, Paine directly behind him. That she had been strangely silent the entire time, Nooj noted this and wondered. Paine never seemed the type to become this overwrought over anything...but he supposed the more one thinks they know someone, the less they truly know.
"Oatcake?" Gippal's one word offer was perhaps, more well-received than anything else he could have said to Paine as she offered a smile---if a little inadvertently---and took it, chewing on it thoughtfully as she turned her gaze upwards; those stars will never fail to lift me up, she admitted to herself softly.
"Some day, I'm going to fly among those stars..." she didn't mean to say it aloud, but she did not regret sharing either.
"How?" Baralai asked, a little confused.
"I don't know," she said. Gippal laughed softly.
"I do," the Al-Bhed smiled widely at her.
"A machina, that's your answer; they'll fly you up into the sky, you can feel the clouds rushing through you and the stars, you can see them pass you by, bursts of light," Gippal explained enthusiastically; he seemed to have a fondness for these machina.
"You serious?" Paine, like Baralai had never heard of such a thing. She and Baralai shared a look of light-hearted puzzlement whilst she shrugged and he shook his head.
"Of course I am!" Gippal nodded vehemently.
"We'll fly together one day," Nooj said, smiling with a generous sincerity that Paine realized was apart of the comfort the found in all of them at one point or another.
"Promise?" Baralai asked, like a child almost and yet with a conviction that denoted his belief and his affection for the other three who couldn't all help but share in the brief upward turn of their lips.
"I promise," Gippal raised his right hand and winked as Gippal tended to do whenever he was sure of something.
"Me too, I promise," Paine affirmed; Nooj and Baralai of course, joined in the vow.
"I didn't realize the dark had come so early; should we press on?" Nooj inquired and they pondered.
"Why not?" Baralai finally deigned as an answer and none objected. After putting out the fire and packing up the leftovers, they set off again, at a more rapid pace---maybe because a new fire had instilled itself inside of them to reach their destination, not being the crimson squad HQ but their future as a team, as friends. They traversed through a big portion of Mushroom Rock's path until they came to a way that was defined by many options, one leading down into a rather dark ravine.
Shouldn't that have warned them away to begin with?
"What do you think?" Paine asked, peering over to the stones below that could serve as platforms and steps.
"It's not that we couldn't handle things; it's just that it's more dangerous to fight anything when you can't see it," Baralai assessed logically and Gippal was inclined to agree.
But Nooj didn't seem to hear. As the other three turned to him for his input, they only saw empty space.
"Nooj!?" Paine's stomach dropped as she glanced around rapidly.
"There!" Gippal pointed at Nooj's fast moving figure, down in the shady ravine, moving away...
"Wait!" Paine called out and jumped down into it without a second thought. Slapping his hand to his forehead, Gippal cursed something awful in Al-Bhed and Baralai sprinted after all of them, using his own swears to define his distaste for their circumstances.
It was definitely dark; night overshadowed the already present blackness and Paine had to be wary of the random rocks that seemed to jut out from the walls at leisure. Huffing a bit from the mixed exertion with the cool night air---which was a bit hard on the breathing as it constricted the lungs----she continued onward, listening every once in a while to regain a proper following of Nooj. And that...why was Nooj doing this?
"Nooj!" she called out as she bolted through an opening in a wall of rock into a clearing where the red-clad man stood, her longtime friend and teacher of the fighting ways...in front of a strangely sealed door. Her breath was a little short and he turned to stare at her. Blood cooling to a temperature below that of what surrounded her, Paine's eyes turned from confused, to worried, to a little frightened. Nooj was not himself...his eyes were blank...his face was locked in an expressionless way, and...Nooj never looked at her like that.
"Paine, don't be afraid," his voice was a sinister, yet sensuous whisper not his own.
Something had to be wrong. She tried to circle him.
"Simply accept me," he insisted, almost a threat. The distance between them was minimizing by the second.
"Nooj..." she tried, "Wake up!" she demanded, searching all the while for what could possibly be controlling him. But the dark obscured almost everything from her. He approached her.
Where are Gippal and Baralai? She wondered desperately...she couldn't hurt Nooj!
Her heart went out to them, hoping they were alright and hoping they'd get there sooner than later. Much sooner. She could smell Nooj at this point, the way he always smelled...good...but...this time with a layer of something else that made her shudder.
Presently she backed up, trying to keep a good distance between herself and 'Nooj' until she backed all the way into the wall of rough and uneven rock behind her.
"Paine, just come with me," he continued to cajole her in that darkly soft, hostile whisper.
Fine, she thought angrily; this was not Nooj...and if it was, this was not him acting as he advanced again.
She drew her sword. Nooj didn't have a weapon it appeared...until he pulled out the firing machina. And she couldn't swing at him...possessed or not...she couldn't...Paine's vision blurred a bit and she wiped the wetness away irately; now was not the time to be even more weak. Even as he raised it to aim at her, point blank range now, barrel at her heart.
"Nooj," she choked out. This wasn't him, this was someone else, and why would they ever want her dead anyway? She was no one important...strong, a warrior, but there were many of those...it couldn't end like this...
"NOOJ!" an angry and stricken voice rang out as Gippal hurdled into the clearing, drawing his gun and taking quick aim. "Stop it Nooj, stop it now," he half-pleaded, half demanded.
"Don't shoot!" she stipulated even as the barrel was pushed harder against her skin...why wasn't Nooj shooting? And then she looked in his eyes...they flashed from purple...not Nooj's eye color most importantly...to his real eye's hue, and back again...back and forth. He was fighting the fiend inside of him, Paine realized and again ordered that Gippal refrain from firing.
"Paine!" Baralai ran, dust kicked up behind him, to join them, all of them there now. His suffering expression told her many things she'd chosen to ignore for so long. "Stop it Nooj! Release her!" Baralai's eyes flashed dangerously as he approached Paine and Nooj.
"It'll be okay," she assured him as Baralai's steps stopped short as he noticed the threat to her life so immediate. His breath caught and he could not find it again. Gippal aimed his own machina at Nooj again and Paine shook her head furiously, trying to explain that this man was not Nooj...but that he had his body and they couldn't destroy that.
All this in a moment even as the following events happened so fast, Paine almost missed them, except for that she was apart of them.
Nooj---or rather whatever demon was inside of Nooj---cocked the gun, index finger resting none too lightly on the trigger.
Paine hated to be cowardly...to not live up to that which she knew she had to be...or had persuaded herself she had to...but some of her last defenses found themselves crumbling as she closed her eyes, not sure what she was supposed to expect anymore.
All in a second a shot was fired and the cold of the barrel left her chest.
"No!"
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-Suspendedonsilverwings