Author's notes: The chapters will probably get progressively longer. You're going to be feeling a lot of déjà vu.
September 12, Wednesday
The day started out like any other for Xander, which meant that he was awakened by a horrific shrieking that pretended to be an alarm clock. Moaning his agony, he lifted his head in time to see the bus sail past his window. He muttered a few choice curses and lurched to his feet, stumbling over to his closet.
His father offered to drive him to school, but he declined, remembering how badly that had gone the day before. He took his bike instead, pedaling quickly through the streets and dodging pedestrians.
This lasted for all of three minutes, until an idiotic decision to go left instead of right threw him wheel-first into the hood of a parked car.
Some time and many apologies later, he arrived at the school on foot, just in time to hear the bell for second period. Snorting in frustration, he headed to class.
In the doorway to the English class he paused and nearly cried out in shock, a sudden thought coming to him. Oh god, Willow was dead.
Er, wasn't she? No, she couldn't be, because she was over there in her seat, waving for him to sit down. Relieved, he did as he was told, and was treated to demands to explain his absence during first period.
Second period went by slower than slowly, as he chewed on the end of his pencil, struggling to find the answers for a test he didn't remember being scheduled. Wasn't the test yesterd- no, that had been a dream. Otherwise Willow would be dead, and she certainly wasn't, since she was sitting next to him gleefully jotting down answers. Sighing, he filled in some random bubbles, jotted down a few vague sentences in the essay section, proudly signed his name, and turned the paper in.
By the end of class they were graded and he was consoling himself that 32 wasn't such a bad score, considering he didn't even know the test was scheduled.
At lunch he didn't have much of an appetite, so he skipped getting a tray and just followed Willow. He was glad he did when he saw the stale and/or congealed food they were serving. He spent the lunch time propped up against his elbow, offering witty one-liners to Willow, who was bemoaning her pitiful A-.
"A minus! I mean, I almost never get a minus! Minus means inadequate. It means, 'Oh, you only barely got an A, it almost isn't an A, so we'll put this little dash next to it to remind you that if you had gotten any lower, it would have been a B+.'"
Strange, hadn't she said that already? No, suppose not, otherwise she wouldn't be saying it. Willow didn't repeat herself. He idly wondered if he should complain about his F--- to make her feel better, but luckily at that moment Cordelia walked over to do it for him.
"Congratulations Xander. I saw your test score for English. Wow, 32, that's like a new school record. For worst grade, that is. How do you do it, Harris? A rigorous schedule of Non-studying?"
Now why did that sound so familiar? He almost responded with the first quip that came to him, but stopped himself when he realized how bad it was. So he responded with the second quip that came to him, which must have been pretty bad since Cordelia left laughing. Willow tried not to look guilty and failed miserably. She offered to tutor him, but that just made him feel stupider. More stupid. Stupidest. Whatever.
She didn't mean to, not really. It's just that, her having an IQ of two people and him having the… but he was repeating himself.
Er, wasn't he?
Just then, Willow got up to put her tray away, and a mountain came out of nowhere and bumped into her. A mountain by the name of Varsity Quarterback Pete Conners, who now had the remains of Willow's meal smeared all over his pants. And didn't look too pleased about it.
Xander leaped in front of Willow as she tried to apologize in fast forward. "Hey, why don't you watch where you're going, Pete? You nearly ran Willow over."
If Pete hadn't looked too pleased before, now he looked just a smidgen pissed off. Okay, that was a dumb thing to do. Add one more mark on the Harris Hall of Idiocy.
Xander began to ponder whether begging for forgiveness could be considered manly, but he never got the chance to find out. Before Mr. 7ft could even swing, there was a short little blond girl between them, gripping his arm in a vise of a hand.
"Why don't you stay away from my friend, huh Pete? I doubt you'd be able to play football with a broken leg."
Pete backed away from the annoyed Ms. Summers, muttering something about hiding behind girls as he stalked away. Xander watched him go, wondering if there was a spell that could actually make the earth open up and swallow you when you wanted it to.
Having done her good deed for the day, Buffy escorted them to the library, happily sipping on her soda and letting Willow further Xander's humiliation by telling him how he shouldn't try to pick fights with people twice his size.
"I mean, that was Pete Conners! You don't just talk back to Pete Conners. You remember that time you refused to cover for him when he cheated, and he stuffed you in his locker? It took me four hours to pick the lock. I missed handing in a homework assignment."
Yep, attempt to do something heroic and get marked down as being an idiot. The story of his life.
Giles was there to meet them when they arrived, an expression of "There's a demon running loose and we have to kill it" on his face. He immediately launched into his mandatory British-guy explanation.
"Oh good, you're all here. I need to talk to you about a new demon that's shown up in town. Apparently it's been eating the local wildlife, and a few people have caught sight of it. It appears to be a dark green in color, with its eyes on stalks protruding from its head."
Okay, this couldn't just be coincidence. "So basically it's a green bug-eyed monster?"
"Xander, be serious. This demon is killing people."
Hey, that hadn't been the response Buffy had gotten! Wait a minute. "Um, haven't we done this before?"
Sip sip. "Done what before?"
"I mean, haven't we had this conversation before? Or not? I don't know. Willow, have you been dead recently?"
"Huh?"
"Xander, what are you babbling on about?"
"This. This conversation. The bug-eyed monster. We did this yesterday. Only, it wasn't yesterday. And Willow died. And I got fired." Pause. "I think I had a dream about this."
Giles did the rub-the-bridge-of-his-nose thing, which translated as 'Xander, I can't believe the levels of idiocy you can stoop to'. "Xander, it is true that sometimes Buffy's dreams are prophetic, but that is because she is the Slayer. We can't just go into a panic every time you have a nightmare."
Willow patted him on the shoulder comfortingly. "Hey, he's right. I'm fine, see? No lack of vital signs whatsoever."
Yeah, sure, just ignore anything Xander says before he even has a chance to explain. Typical. No matter what he said, they would just chalk it up to him letting his emotions run away with him. Whoa, wait a sec, he was getting an idea. "Willow, I wanna make a bet with you."
"What?"
"I want to bet that I get fired this afternoon. If I do, you stay out of the battle tonight. If I don't, I'll… I'll study for the next test."
Giles gave him a 'you're pathetic' look. "Xander, we'll need all the help we can get tonight. Willow would be a viable asset to defeating the demon."
Had Giles ever noticed that every sentence he spoke to him started with the word "Xander"? Maybe it was a Brit thing. "But wouldn't she be backup magic, staying behind the lines? After all, Buffy's probably going to just kill the monster using violence." He gave Willow his best puppy eyes to take the sting out of the last two sentences. "Please, Willow? I'd feel a lot better if I knew you weren't there."
Sip "But there's a 30% chance he'll get fired anyway. He always does."
"Hey!"
Willow bit her lower lip, unsure of what to do. "Buffy's got a point. If you get fired it might just be for the normal reasons, not because of a dream. So… if you do, I'll stay out of the battle, but you gotta have a sleepover with me tonight and buy me Cookies and Cream ice cream."
Oh, it was worth ice cream to see Giles do a double take. "But, but Willow, this is important. We'll need your help with this demon."
She did her 'aren't I cute?' eyes at him, guaranteed to break through his defenses. "Wouldn't we all feel really bad in the morning if he turned out to be right? I mean, you'd have to buy flowers for my funeral and everything."
That did it. "Oh, all right. I suppose Buffy and I will do fine on our own."
Success! He did a little happy dance, pumping his fist in the air. Which was a bad idea, because apparently Buffy had set her drink down. He gazed sheepishly down at the soda-soaked blue hardback. "Um, oops."
"Xander! Oh, I can't believe it. How could you be so clumsy? That was a priceless first edition!"
"Um, would it make you feel better if I told you that happened in my dream?"
"Oh, just get out before you ruin something else. Out!"
That afternoon he got fired. He stopped at a convenience store and bought ice cream.
He arrived at Willow's house just as the sun was going down. "Hey, Red Witchy witch girl! I got your ice cream. And one standard Mel Brooks movie, per the requirements of a sleepover."
They watched the movies, chanting along with their favorite lines and adding in new ones. Around the middle of the third movie, they were bored enough to ignore the movie and have a conversation.
"But he's so cute! I especially like his eyes. He has the prettiest blue eyes."
"Wills, I can't believe you've got a crush on Matthew Simmerman! He's the quietest boy in town. I mean, he wears a pocket protector, for crying out loud!"
"So he's a geek. So what? I'm a geek. I wear floral sweaters in pastel colors, don't I?"
"Well, yes, but still, shouldn't you save your crushes for really attractive men?"
"Oh, like who? Who do you think is the most attractive man around?"
"Wil, I'm a guy. I don't think other guys are attractive."
"Oh come on. Hypothetically. Who's the cutest, hottest, most absolutely gorgeous guy you know?"
The first response that came to mind was 'Spike', and that shocked him so much that he forgot to say it out loud. He thought Spike was hot?
Well, hypothetically, of course. Spike had the awesome hair, and the pale flawless skin that chicks dig, and a wicked scar. And he had the whole 'I'm badass and I know it' attitude. Spike was cool enough to do crazy, stupid things, the kind that Xander might do, and have them considered cool just because of who he was. Lucky bastard.
"Come on. Don't try to ignore the question. Who's hot?"
Where was Spike, anyway? Xander hadn't seen him in at least a week. He was probably stalking about Sunnydale by night, killing demons and looking wicked in that black duster of his. He hadn't stopped by Giles' for blood in a while, so he must be getting it from another location.
There was no way he was going to tell Willow that Spike was hot. She would dog him until the end of time. But just as he was about to say "Antonio Banderas", the phone rang.
He grabbed the receiver before Willow could get up. "Night of the Movie Fest Headquarters. One Alexander the Great speaking."
"Xander?"
What was Giles doing calling them? And why did his voice sound so broken? "Giles? What's up? Did you guys get the baddie already?"
"Xander, it's… it's Buffy. She…"
Just like that, Xander suddenly knew what had happened. He had a very clear mental picture of long talons jutting from Buffy's chest, her mouth hanging open in shock and her life dripped away.
"Oh my God."