Cruel Fates



Chapter 5



By: Kiana Darkk


AAN: Don't expect updates for awhile now. I'm going on vacation in South Dakota, then coming back, then leaving again for the Dells. Sorry.

AN: Wow...Spaced out...Don't mind me...Just...Whoa...




Other Me: Shut up, you dumbass.




Me: No, man. You suck.




Other Me: No, I don't suck. I bite.




Me: You're certainly feeling witty today, aren't you?




Other Me: That's because I used my handy dandy Intelligence Vacuum to remove all your IQ points. I only seem smart today because you're so stupid.




Me: Shut up, Other Me. Go back to your corner, bitch!




Editor: **looks distinctly alarmed**




Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you know the drill. The song in here is "Silence is Golden" by Garbage, taken off of the Beautiful Garbage CD.














Last time: We found out that Jade is a hidden Queen. ::gasp::




This time:




~Terreille, Realm of Light-The Keep~ *Silvara's POV*




"Bored, bored, bored, boooooooooored," Jade sang impatiently from her position half-hanging, half-falling on her head off of the couch. I realized then that she had a really pretty singing voice. Well, it shouldn't be surprising, I amended, she does have a nice speaking voice too. My own singing voice was a little less than gorgeous. Of course, at home we never sang much.




Here we were, waiting at the Keep for Sarai to make her Offering. It was interesting. The last time I'd been to one of these it was full of tension and anticipation. This time was more subdued. More relaxed and peaceful.




Alex had gone out awhile back to get his 'little witches' some food and something to drink, and maybe even, if we were extra special good, a book or two.




"Hey, Jady?" I inquired.




"Yeah? What's up my little ice princess?" Ice princess? That was weird. Damien had once called me almost the exact same thing.




"Sing me a song?" Jade just looked at me. Finally she swung her gaze to stare at a tapestry.




"I don't know any songs."




"Sure ya do. Just make one up, okay?"




She hesitated, but finally gave in. "Okay, I'll try, but don't blame me if it's really bad." She repositioned herself so she was lying completely on the couch, looking away from me, then she took a deep breath, and began.




"If I am silent then I am not real



But if I speak then no one will hear



if I wear a mask there's somewhere to hide."




I wondered if the song was about her, or if it was about someone she knew. Did she really feel the need to hide? Even from us?




"Silence is Golden



I have been broken



Safe in my own skin



So nobody wins."




It reminded me of home. 'Silence is Golden.' That must've been the token rule around our house.




"If I raise my voice will someone get hurt?



And if I can't feel then I won't get touched



If no truths are spoken then no lies can hide.




Silence is Golden



Nobody gets in



Safe in my own skin



So nobody wins."




Was that what the whole 'I'm-an-ice-cold-bitch' facade was about? Just making herself inaccessible? Mother Night, how did I end up with such complicated friends?!




"Did you hear me speak?



Do you understand?


D
id ·¶ you hear my voice?



Will you hold my hand?



Do you understand me?"




She was wording out the way I'd felt back in the Dea al Mon Territory. Like I'd had no vocal chords. Like I was helpless. Tears pricked my eyes and a few dripped onto my cheeks. Wiping them away, I struggled furiously to keep with the present instead of losing myself in haunting memories.




"Won't someone listen?



Nobody gets in



My body's a temple



But nothing is simple



Silence is golden



I have been broken



Something was stolen



Safe in my own skin."



I knew some of that was relating to her rape experience. A tough thing, I know, but she hadn't been broken on his spear. Unless she was referring to being broken in some other way...? Maybe spiritually? After the last line there was a peaceful silence, in which all I could hear were my own sniffles.




I wondered if Jade would ever be over that, and for some reason, I doubted it. She was strong, yes, but there are some things you just can't face alone. Without ever letting anyone completely in, how was she going to overcome her past? I was at a loss. As an afterthought I wondered how Sarai was doing. Was she as confounded as I was?




*Sarai's POV*




Down, down.




Past the White, into the Yellow, flinging through the Tiger-Eye, pausing to admire the beautiful Rose.




I was so mystified. To think, this was the essence of the Blood. I could feel people, beings, on every Jewel level. It was so beautiful. I would've cried had I been in my body. But here I had no true body. Well, there was a metaphysical one, but it was incapable of tears apparently.




Tugging, yanking, urging me forward again.




Summer-sky, Purple Dusk, Opal.




Home again, home again, jiggity jig. Here was *my* power, *my* strength. I knew it wasn't much in Kaeleer, but in Terreille I was already a power to be reckoned with. With the Offering, I would be even more. I hoped it wouldn't scare anyone away though. Especially not Alex.




Poking and prodding came at my backside, and I swung to stare at nothing. Again, the feeling of gentle shoves moved me ahead. From here it became a struggle. Each step was heavy. I had to push aside curtains and doors. Finally I reached the Green.




I knew I had to keep going. There was more yet. I wasn't done. Not now, not yet. Rough hands hauling me my next steps, then leaving me to wander on my own. Walking hurt, but I had to keep going. My limbs felt like they weighed a ton each, and this time the journey was longer, harder.




Crawling through small, claustrophobic spaces. Going up stairs, wandering down roadsides. I was tired. I wanted so bad just to lie down and rest a bit, but I knew if I did that was it. There would be no more second chances, no other turns. The Offering would be over and I would be left with the Green.




The Sapphire greeted me with cool, resting waves. It revitalized me and lent me its strength. It was telling me to move on, that this was not my time to sit and watch the world go by. So I kept moving.




The distance spanned across mountains, under seas, and over stone. Through towns and countryside. All through this my body felt like lead. I was so, so tired. When I got out of this, I was going to sleep for a million years.




The Red shone before me like a sunrise. It was the dawning of a new era for me. My light, my spirit. It emitted a type of low-frequency hum and an answering hum came from me. Here was the place for rest. I sat down and let myself bask in its hot, deadly glow.




Coming out of my trance I found myself face down on the cold, stone floor. Where my Opal Jewel had been clutched tightly in my hand I found a bright Red one. A feeling of pride sprouted and grew. I had done it. I'd made the Offering and come away wearing the maximum Jewel I was capable of. Near my head sat my Birthright Jewel. Sitting up, I grabbed it in my other hand, and walked out triumphantly.




*Jade's POV*




Alex had come back awhile ago with three trays of food (one for me, one for Silvie, and one for Sarai), and one book tucked under his arm. After tucking into her food Silvara had tucked into that book. Some romance novel, I think it was. I thought, 'no, thank you.'




Instead I picked at my own food and flung bits of it at Alex. He accused me of doing it to avoid obtaining some weight. I just laughed and shook my head. I have weight already; I don't need any more. Well, sunrise was here, and Alex was pacing in front of the door tirelessly. Just watching him gave me my exercise for the day. I decided that today I was going to rest.




Finally the door flung open. Immediately Alex engulfed Sarai in this huge hug. On behalf of my brother's antics I was embarrassed. Silvara carefully dog-eared her page and stood, and once Alex gave 'Ri some breathing room, hugged her too. I assumed this was the appropriate thing to do, so I stood up and walked over and put my arms around Sarai with some amount of trepidation. I always hated emotional stuff. She hugged me back of course, and when I pulled away she gave me a pale version of her usual smile. She knew how much it cost me to be that open.




"So how did it go?" Silvara asked once we were done. Sarai gave this stunning smile.




"Great! Look at this!" She held out her Red Jewel to us. "Isn't is cool? I'm so happy!"



"
Well then," Alex began, "I say we go celebrat·¶ e." I knew 'we' was not really we, but more like he and Sarai.




"Yay!" She shouted with child-like joy and jumped up. She wrapped her arms around Alex and he leaned down to kiss her. I turned away at this point and waited until the smooching noises stopped to turn back around.




*I'm okay with their dating, really, but knowing it and seeing it are two different things,* I sent to Silvie.




*Agreed,* She replied. I noticed then that she had casually shielded her eyes from their kissing. *I wish I had some earplugs.*




I sent to her the equivalent of laughter.




Finally the kissing stopped. I turned back around and said really wittily (yeah, right), "Okay, kids, let's go home now!"




~Back at the Circuit~ *Still Jade's POV*




By the time we got back home I was feeling just generally yucky. You know what I mean, right? But I forced myself to do some warm-ups anyway with the rest of the peeps. When the time for actual instruction came up, I let Silvara take over. She actually knew a lot more about self-defense than people gave her credit for. I guessed that's because she's a Dea al Mon. My understanding is that they're a little freakish in teaching their kids that. Something about being proud warriors...?




Anyway, they were learning a few simple blocks by the time I felt it. This pain ripped through my abdomen, almost making me double over. In fact, the only reason I didn't was because there were other people around; pride kept me standing straight. It felt sort of like a cramp, so I thought I was getting my moon's blood. No big deal. I hauled my ass out of there and went straight up to my room. Collapsing on the bed, I waited until it went away. By the time it did, it was supper-time.



When I walked into the dining hall mostly everyone was already seated and eating. I noticed Sarai and a girl named Klarah serving the hot foods. Silvara was already sitting down, eating. Picking up a plate, I started over towards the table with the cold foods on it. I grabbed a large glass of orange juice, and some vegetables with dip. After that I wasn't really hungry, but I made myself eat a roast beef sandwich too. I got stuck sitting next to Klarah and Ahdam. They're paternal twins, but I can't stand Ahdam. He thinks he's such hot stuff. (BUT HE'S NOT!) So dinner went a lot like this.




"Hey, Jade, how are you?" A leering glance from Ahdam.




"Just peachy. Thanks so much for caring and not staring at my breasts while you asked that." I picked at my corn, pushing it around the plate, rearranging it time and time again.




"Aw, no problem, honey." Okay, now I was getting pissed off. This was why I was never decent to people, especially males! "Hey babe, maybe sometime you could help me out with some fighting techniques?"




I almost puked. "Yeah, right. Maybe in the next lifetime." I rolled my eyes. I felt his hand on my thigh and I freaked.




I saw that alleyway from all those years ago. I saw that man, old enough to be my father or even grandfather, putting his hands all over me. I remembered the greedy, lust-filled look in his eyes that combined with a malicious glee. All I could think about was him, all I could see was him. A red haze misted my vision.




I exploded out of my chair, spilling it onto the floor, and dumped the entire leftover contents of my plate on his head. "Don't you ever fucking touch me, you stupid little shit!! Got it!?!" I waited until he nodded an affirmative, then smashed my plate over his head for extra emphasis. I stormed out of there, and only when I was out in the hall did I realize that everyone had seen my little fit. Hell's Fire, Mother Night, and may the Darkness be merciful!




*Silvara's POV*




I could not believe it! I thought I was going to laugh hysterically on the spot! Sarai turned slightly red in the face, but just clucked her tongue and got up to check on Ahdam. After all, it was her job to be the neutral party. Alex looked angry, dare I say even furious? He quietly set down his fork and walked out of the room after his sister. Probably to go check up on her.




I decided I would too, later. I believed she and Alex needed some time to themselves. I knew that Jade would feel embarrassed for making a scene, but I also knew that she couldn't help it. I thought she was seriously mentally scarred from her past experiences with the opposite sex. I knew that they hadn't exactly been pleasant.




In an effort to help while Sarai got two boys to carry the bleeding and unconscious Ahdam, I picked up a small hand broom and a dustpan and proceeded to pick up any shard of plate I found. One large slice was stuck underneath a table bar-thingy, so I had to reach down and pull it out by hand. When I held it up to the light to study it I noticed there was a large smear of blood on it. As I stared at it little rivulets started shifting, moving, rearranging themselves. When it stopped I was staring at one word that made my heart speed up, my breathing go shallow, and my eyes widen. Kaeleer.




I wanted to badly to believe it was just a hallucination. I did. I kept telling myself that. Then it shifted again. This time it spelled out '3 years.' I knew what it meant, it was so obvious. I was supposed to go back home in three years. Only...What if I wasn't ready?




Then I blinked, and the spell was broken. The blood was just blood, sitting there on a piece of broken china. There were no words. Nothing. It was then that I knew it had been a vision. When I was little I had been prone to them, only they were usually visions of travel, flight, running. That sort of thing. Now they were telling me to go back.




*Alex's POV* ((New POV! Yay!))




I stood outside of the door to Jade's room, hand poised to knock, when the door flung open. Jade scowled at me, her eyes as cold as ice. "What do you want?" she snapped at me. I was slightly taken aback by the welcoming, and let it show, knowing what would come next. Her expression softened, and she rotated her hand around by the wrist. That was the signal. "I'm sorry," she said, lowering her eyes. "Come in." She stood aside and let me in the room, then shut the door securely behind her.



I
went and sat on her bed. She stayed leaning against the door, barricading it with her body. She looked at me. Everything was quiet, too quiet, so I asked what I wanted to. "What happened?" Jade looked away, shaking her head slightly, the scowl still i·¶ n place. She was going to get premature wrinkles if she kept on like that. "Ahdam was just...being Ahdam. You know, 'come on baby, show me some moves!' Shit like that. Then...he put his hand on my leg and I...I don't know. I guess I sort of went nuts."




"Nuts is one word for it..." I said and trailed off. Jade looked at me sort of pleadingly.




"It's not just thY1ÿ@ç_at. It's...I...I kept seeing that guy. From before. You know...when I was..well, you know." Her expression looked so fragile in that moment and I was reminded that she was not as hard-as-nails as she pretended to be. Tears welled up in her eyes, and suddenly she looked as young as she was. Seventeen. She was just seventeen. Barely out of childhood!




She was tall, yes, and developed, but years of not eating enough had left her skinny. You could almost see her ribs beneath almost-clear skin. Midnight black hair fell in long ropes around an artfully designed face, making it seem small and even paler than it was. And she was crying. Not just tears running down her face, but the whole enchilada. Heaving shoulders, sniffles, and heart-wracking sobs.




I got up and pulled her into my arms, rocking back and forth slightly as you would with a child. When she was finally cried out I gave her my handkerchief. She wiped her eyes, blew her nose, and then stuffed it into her own pocket. "Thanks," she said in a sniffley voice. I replied with a casual, "You're welcome."




She sat down on her bed with a heaving sigh. I began looking around her room for any interesting objects, anything that spoke more about the Jade none of us knew, but all wanted to. The only thing I could find was a sketch of a woman that looked remarkably like Jade. I assumed it was her mother, and in the corner of the sketch was Jade's signature. I never knew she could draw. I wondered why she didn't anymore.




I knew she saw me staring at the picture. Suddenly Jade broke the uncomfortable silence between us. "You know, sometimes I miss her more than anything. Like I can barely breathe because it hurts so much. To know...that she...she just didn't care enough to keep me with her. I haven't seen her since I was twelve. Since I left. Five years...five years of not knowing where she is, if she misses me."




This was a completely new side of Jade, and I was a little stumped. I never knew she felt that way. "Then why don't you go see her?"




She looked at me like the idea just dawned on her. "Why don't I?" She asked more to herself than me. She shrugged and bounced up, suddenly all smiles and energy. She grabbed my hand and started yanking me towards the door before I had enough sense to ask where we were going. "To see my mother, dumb-dumb!"




We hopped on the Winds and went to Chaillot.




*Chaillot*




"I-I don't understand. She's gone. But...she was here when I left." Jade sounded so utterly lost and forlorn that I wanted to open a vein for suggesting this stupid trip. But how was I to know the woman wouldn't be there!




We stood outside a small cottage near the shore. The garden was untended, showing signs of not having been planted in years. The house was dark and had a Purple Dusk shield surrounding it. Suddenly she marched up to the door and began making motions with her hands. I saw her unlock the shield, and then step inside. Hastily, I followed.




The doorway opened up to a small foyer, and through there was the kitchen and the dining room. I didn't see Jade in either of those, so I walked through a hallway into the living room. She wasn't there either.




Eventually I found her in a small bedroom near the back of the house. A girl's room. It was completely untouched. There was a flowered bedspread, a small dresser, a tiny bookcase, and pictures on the walls. The walls were painted a soft pink color. There was a certain psychic scent that permeated through everything, and even though it was faint, I knew that it was Jade's, despite the face that it lacked a certain muskiness to it.




She was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring blankly at a picture of a kitten playing in an open field. Her eyes looked a little wide with shock, and her skin was almost as white as the sheets on the bed. "She didn't even bother to clean up my things..."




I realized then that the room was filled with things. That was why it was so odd! Even though it looked as though no one had been in there for years, it still looked ready for the owner of the room to come home! Books lined the shelves, easy readers, short stories, poetry, and novels. A sketch pad lay strewn across the bed with charcoal and oil pastels lying nearby. The top of the dresser had perfume, combs, and hair ties spread haphazardly on it. There were also a few bottles of nail polish, lip gloss, and some earrings. I'd bet that the dresser was full of clothing still.




"Maybe she had good reason not to..." I ventured uneasily, "I mean, if she was planning on travelling for awhile."




She turned those eerily vacant eyes to me, and I saw something slide behind them. Suddenly she looked like herself again, and said carefully, "I suppose you're right." Then she jumped up again and took my hand. I assumed we were going home, but when she started walking down the road away from the landing web, I realized we were going to town.




"What exactly are you doing?" I found myself asking.




"Hm...? Oh, well, buying my house back, dumbass," She said warmly, then under her breath, "Males."














AN: Why is Jade buying her old home again? Why is it so imperative that Silvara go back to Kaeleer? ((Because otherwise we wouldn't have a Book III...)) Did you like Alex's POV?




Next time: We check up on our lovely characters in Kaeleer.