*Diclaimer: (Sing to "Mary Had A Little Lamb").
If I did own RuroKen,
RuroKen, RuroKen-!
If I did own RuroKen,
Tomoe would've lived! :)**However, I do own Paul & Narrarator, though I am not satisfied at all with that. 0_o'*
"Holiday Jollies":
Narrarator: Last time, on Hol-oh, goddami-
Author: Haven't you gotten over it by now?!
Narrarator: Of course not! Not only is the title bad, but l-lo-look-
*splutters and points at Disclaimer*
Narrarator: WHAT KIND OF DISCLAIMER GOES TO A NURSERY TUNE?!
Author: (T_T') I thought it was cute...
Narrarator: And...*lip wobbles* you said....that you weren't satisfied...with us!
Author: (-_-') Is that what you're sad about?!
*Narrarator nods poutingly*
Author: Fine, come on, crybaby. I'll give you a yam.
*drags Narrarator away*
Narrarator: YAMS! Yay! Yay! I love yams! Me happy!
Author: (-_-') You're reminding me of someone...anyway, last time on Holiday...(o_0') That is hard to say...ergh...last chapter, Kenshin was dragged away by short balding Paul!
Paul: I AM NOT BALD!
Author: What will Kenshin be forced to do? Read and find out! *Bows and runs away*
~~~~NOW BACK TO THE REAL STORY~~~~
Kenshin: Paul-dono, where are you taking me?
Paul: What the heck did you just call me??
Kenshin: Paul-dono do dono dodo dodono!
........
Kenshin: I did not say that, de gozaru!
*Author cackles*
~~~~~OKAY, NOW, BACK TO THE REALLY REAL STORY~~~~~
Audience: Really?
Author: No. I'm sorry, can't resist...
~~~~~~~NOW, WE ARE GONNA GO BACK TO THE REALLY REALLY REAL STORY~~~~
...
.......
..
...
~*~
Kaoru: Kenshin....
Sanosuke: Don't worry Jou-chan. Kenshin can take whatever that guy throws at him.
Kaoru: But...I don't want Kenshin to be fat!
Sanosuke: *thinking* Now that is a disturbing mental picture...AH! PICTURES! NOW MY SOUL WILL BE SUCKED OUT!!!!!
*Sanosuke starts to scream and run around and promptly crashes into a wall and faints*
Megumi: ....Why do you think Ken-san will become fat?
Kaoru: LOOKIT LOOKIT LOOKIT LOOKIT!!!! *cries and holds up pamphlet* If...*sniff*...that man, Paul...*sniff*...says we are to replace the Holiday characters...just look at Santa Clause!!
*Yahiko and Megumi peer at the picture. What they see is an old, white bearded fat man, with rosy cheeks. They all begin to picture Kenshin with big cheeks, a white beard, and....gosh.*
Megumi: EEEeeeEEEEEiiiiIIII!!!!!!!
Yahiko: AAaaaaaaAArrrRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!
Kaoru: AAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHhhHHH!!!
And their screams rang long and hard....
~*~
THE FIRST HOLIDAY: NEW YEARS:
Kenshin: Paul-dono, where are you taking me?
Paul: .....
Kenshin: Paul-dono?
Paul: ....*twitch*....Will...you...quit that?!
Kenshin: Why, Paul-dono? OROOORO-!!!
*Paul "dono" proceeds to strangle Kenshin*
Paul: DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME "DONO" AGAIN!!!
Kenshin: Okie dokie.
~*~
*They walk onwards, or rather, Paul dragging Kenshin by his wrist. Soon they come to a room that resemles a factory. While they rush through, Kenshin sees a leprachaun, a panda, a giant chocolate heart, and...*
Kenshin: Horsies!!
Paul: Those are reindeer. And look at the sign!
Sign: Look, but do not touch! Reindeers have feelings too!
Paul: You won't be needing those until later. Come on.
*The dragging continues until they come to an enclosed spot where lots of workers are testing out fireworks...*
Paul: There isn't really a person for New Years...but...*shrug* We'll do it anyway.
Paul shoves Kenshin forward to a group of people.
Paul: DYE HIM!
Kenshin: DIE ME??
Paul: No, DYE!
Kenshin: I don't want to die, de gozaru!
Paul: DYE!! Oh forget it, dye him already!
Kenshin: I do not wish to-OROOOROOO!!!!
*The factory workers proceed to paint him...with which colors? Red! White! And Blue! Kenshin is heard yelling in the bustle. When they step back to reveal the Rurouni...*
Kenshin: MY HAIR!! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!!
*The painters really are out of whack. Instead of leaving his hair and gi red, they dyed them white. Torso blue, and fingernails.....*
Kenshin: My fingers! They're bleeding!
*He yelps and runs around wildly*
Paul: No doofus, it's only paint-
Kenshin: AH! AH! Ah!
Paul: Oh well. The paint will dry quicker.
~+~10 MINUTES LATER~+~
Kenshin: AH! Ah! AH!
Paul: I guess it should be dry now...
Kenshin: AH! AH! AH!
*Paul takes a firework and whaps him on the head*
Kenshin: Ororoo...
Paul: Strap him to the Banger!
~+~5 MINUTES LATER~+~
Kenshin: Why am I tied to a firework?
Paul: So you will explode into patriotic colors for us all to see.
Kenshin: Oh...now?
Paul: Yup.
*He lights the fuse*
Kenshin: ....Oro.
BAM!!!!!!!!
And the firework is off....
~+~2 SECONDS LATER~+~
Kenshin: AAAAAAAAAAAaaaAaaAAAAAAAAiiiiiIIIIeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
~+~3 SECONDS LATER~+~
Kenshin: AAAAaaaaaaaAAAIIIIIiiiiiiiIIIEeeEEEEEE!!!!!!!
~+~1 SECOND LATER~+~
BOOOOOOOM!!!!
And the firework bursts in all of it's glory....
Woman: Dear, is that a man I see?
Man: Where?
Woman: The one screaming wildly and falling from the sky.
Man: Tsh. My dear, that is a woman.
Kenshin: I HEARD THATTTTTTttttttttt............. *and he fades into the distance...*
~~~~~~~~~~~
THE SECOND HOLIDAY: GROUNDHOG DAY
Kenshin: I won't do it! I will not-
*is muffled*
Paul: Oh, come on, it's not that bad, is it?
Kenshin: Have you ever been forced to dress up as a groundhog?!
Girls: Ooooh, he's so cute! *giggle giggle*
Paul: (-_-') Okay, it's pretty bad, but that's alright. And also, technically, that's a beaver. Our groundhog costumes ran out.
Kenshin: ....That explains the weird tail, that it does.
Paul: Aye.
~+~
Paul: *coaxingly* Come on, all you have to do is go down the hole, then pop out again to see whether or not there is a shadow!
Kenshin: I do not wish to lower myself to that- OOF!
*Paul kicks Kenshin into the hole*
Paul: And stay there! The reporters will be coming soon!
Kenshin: Reporters?! What-
Paul: HIDE!
*Paul runs away, leaving Kenshin to his furry, dank, holey fate*
Kenshin: ....Paul-dono?
*Kenshin hears reporter vans screech up and the long high heels of...!*
Ashley Kinkerboo: Hello, everyone!! *giggles and flutters eyelashes*
Kenshin: *thinking* Aiieeee!!!
Ashley: Today, we are here to witness the legendary groundhog pop out of his snuggly little hole! *giggles*
Kenshin: *thinking* EEEEEEeeeEEE-!!!
Ashley: *to hole* Come out, widdle smugger bums!
Kenshin: ........
Ashley: Widdle gwondhoggy! Gwondhoggy fufu!
.....You know. There is only so much a man can take. Kenshin has almost experienced it all. Being hit by crazy anime girls, fighting and getting mortally wounded, getting burnt and bitten by a mummy-freak with a face only his mother-and, er, Yumi could love, killing many people and carrying that guilt, being mistaken for a female...but never, NEVER has Kenshin been baby-talked too. And that was the last straw.
.....
~
Kaoru: Who is that talking?
Author: (^_^) Me! Don't I make such a nice narrarator?
*The K-gumi and the Author are watching a small television. On screen is Kenshin, dressed as a groundhog, or uh, a beaver, and his temple is throbbing dangerously. So is Kaoru's once she sees the giggly reporter baby-talking to him.*
Yahiko: Who's videotaping him?
Author: Paul, and a mini camcorder on Kenshin's beaver.
Sanosuke: What?
Author: His tail.
Sanosuke: Oh.
Yahiko: You're all weird.
Author: Ah! Ah-AH- LOOK! He's gonna blow!!
~
Ashley: I hear movement! Is widdle gwondhoggy finally coming out??
*Get away, Ashley. Get away while you still can...but no. Stupid Ashley peers into the hole*
Kenshin: AaaaaaaaaaaAAARRRRGHHHH!!!!!!
Ashley: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!!!!
*And thus, captured by the newscamera men and Paul, Ashley is mauled by a crazy giant groundhog-man-beaver.*
Kenshin: WHERE IS MY SWORD?!! I WANT MY SWORD!!!
Ashley: Oh!! Cutie widdle gwondhoggy can speak Engwish???
Author: Damn, she's too annoying. Kenshin! Catch!
*Sakabatou is tossed, and Kenshin stares*
Kenshin: Must...not...break...non-killing...!!!!
Ashley: Widdle gwondhoggy?
Kenshin/Battousai: DIE!!!
*And, captured by the newscamera men and Paul once again, Ashley is mauled and chopped quite severely by a giant groundhog-man-beaver*
Newscamera Man: Or is that a lady?
Author: Don't even start.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE THIRD HOLIDAY: VALENTINE'S DAY
Author: Oh, what dreary fates! For now that Kenshin has been humiliated dressing as a furry critter and been baby-talked too, now he must be a baby!
Kenshin: Wistful Eyes-dono, if you love me at all, end this right now!!
Author: Oh my, what a difficult choice to make. (;_;)
Kenshin: *desperately* Sessha will take you out to dinner and buy you ice cream if you accept, de gozaru!!
Author: Ice cream! And Kenshin?! Put together?! I'm in!
Kenshin: *sighs in relief*
Author: *whispering* But you know...this is just a break. You will see Kenshin in a Santa suit soon. Just do the magic thing...press the button! Wait! No, not that button with the "x"! The review one! No, hey, don't close this page hey-!!!
~And insanity is rested for now....~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Author's Notes:
Don't worry. Valentines will continue in the next chapter. However...I do feel guilty. Kenshin wearing a toga with little wings and a bow and arrow might just be too much! -_-' Even I think that is a bit far...well...I'll see you next time!