I stayed at the hospital until Sunday morning. A dismissive doctor told me
he'd call with the results of my tests later on that afternoon. As I left
the hospital, I stopped by Gerry's room again. His spirits were slightly
better, as the majority of the guys had been stopping by his room
throughout the day. When I poked my head in his room, I saw that Ronnie was
sitting there with him. They looked up as they saw me and immediately
ceased their conversation.
"Hey Ash, how are you feeling?" Gerry said as I walked over to his bed.
"Fine. I've always been fine physically, just a little emotionally overwhelmed. You're the one I'm worried about Bertier, how you holding up?"
He shrugged. "Alright I guess. Got some pretty powerful painkillers in me so that numbs the feeling of having Sunshine here." A small smile crossed his lips.
"I owe Sunshine a lot you know.if it wasn't for him I could never have gotten to see you the other night.or even gotten to the hospital at all seeing that my primary source of transportation was piss drunk at that stupid party." I bit my lip. Way to go Ash! Bring Ray up! Nice going! I saw Gerry and Ronnie exchange glances, Gerry's irritated and Ronnie's.well I couldn't quite figure out what he was thinking.
"It was my pleasure. Its not everyday that a second string quarterback gets to pick up a damsel in distress on the side of the road." He forced a smile. I weakly smiled in return. "Well, I should call my dad and get him to come and get me. Honestly I don't even think he knows I'm here."
"Don't bother. I can drive you home." Ronnie said as he reached for his keys. "No.its ok you should stay with Gerry and I don't wanna make you go out of your way-"
"If I didn't want to I wouldn't have offered. I've been here for a while anyway, I'm sure ol' Bertier's sick of my ugly face." Ronnie said as Gerry nodded in agreement.
"Well if you don't mind I definitely would be thankful not to have to explain to my dad that I was in the hospital."
And with that we headed out. When we exited the hospital, there was a slight tension in the air, as if neither of us knew what to say. I certainly knew I didn't.and I hated that feeling. Ronnie was supposed to be one of my best friends and I was never at a loss for words with him.well that is until other feelings got in the way. Why oh why did that boy start to like me.why did I get with Ray.why can't I stop looking at him? NO. Ashley Cole you made your bed now you lie in it. You CANT start liking Ronnie.that would be too cliché-and besides you probably just like him because you know he likes you too, and because he would never hurt you, pressure you, make you cry, make you mad.OK fine, I get it. There is no good reason why I should not like Ronnie.
"Earth to Ashley? Have you heard a single word I said?"
"What? Oh sorry I was spacing out. What?" I looked over at him, trying to shake any less than platonic thoughts about him from my mind.
He smiled and shrugged. "Its ok. I was just talking about Gerry."
"Oh." I replied, remembering that my best friend would never be the same again. "Its not fair Ronnie.he shouldn't have had it happen to him."
He nodded. "Yeah, you're right. But we can't go back in time and change it Ash. We all have to move on, make the best of what's to come. I shrugged and remained silent.
Ronnie continued. "You have no idea how many times I wish I could go back in time these past couple weeks." The look on my face portrayed confusion, but I had a pretty good idea of where he was going with this. "Ash, I should have just said it outright.and I know you know and you haven't said anything but." He trailed off.
"But what?" I asked, grabbing his arm and stopping him in his tracks. He looked away from me. I rolled my eyes. "Goddammit Ronnie if you have something to say then spit it out! I've had a rough couple days and my patience is running thin!" Immediately I regretted yelling at him, but he took a deep breath and continued.
"Ok then, here goes. From the second I saw you I knew you were something special and I wanted to get to know you. Then after talking to you for 5 minutes I knew that I would end up falling for you. And when I saw what good friends we were becoming, I tried to stop.honestly I did. I didn't want to ruin having a friendship with you because I might have feelings for you. I mean come on I wasn't even sure what I was feeling and I didn't want to blow having you as a friend or as more. Then that stupid night you came over and we played football-I couldn't keep it in anymore. Having you there, so close to me.all I wanted was to tell you that I wanted to be more than friends, to tell you that you meant more to me than that. But things just didn't work out and all this bullshit with Ray-you have NO IDEA how hard its been for me to watch that, knowing that he treats you like dirt. And with Gerry, I mean its really made me put things in perspective and I'm coming out and saying it right now-Ashley Cole, I think that I'm in love with you."
We stood in the parking lot next to his car silently for a few moments. Ronnie was in love with me. I was a mess who didn't deserve someone like him. I didn't know what to say.how do you follow up something like that? I closed my eyes and bit my lip, unsure of what to do next.
I felt Ronnie's hand on my arm. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel him lean in towards me and whisper in my ear. "Say something. Even if its not what I want you to say. I need you to say something."
I slowly opened my eyes and took a deep breath. I knew that I had feelings for Ronnie, but I also knew that I didn't deserve him. I knew that everything that had happened with Ray and Gerry and the accident would put a permanent damper on any attempts at a relationship.
I looked up at him, his intense blue eyes staring down at me and his hand still resting on my arm. I was still clueless as to what to do at this moment. Nothing I could say could encompass my feelings of 'more that like but not quite love' and unworthiness. But one desire in the back of my mind held strong, and since every bone in my body was wavering, I decided to go for it.
"I should have done this a long time ago." I stood on my tiptoes, put my arm around his neck and kissed him. Butterflies that I had never felt with Ray flew all around my stomach and for the first time in weeks I felt safe and happy. Finally admitting to myself that I did like Ronnie was almost as incredible as feeling his lips kiss me back, returning the love.
When we broke the kiss, I looked back into his eyes. "I'm sorry I put you through hell. You don't deserve that. I don't deserve you. I have never ever met anyone who regardless of all the crap I've done still cares about me."
He put his two strong hands on my face. "Ash, we all make mistakes. Put Ray in the past and think about all the good things to come." Then he kissed me again, making everything alright.
On the drive home, Ronnie and I made up for lost time. He told me about Michelle and how she was his parents' friend and that's how he met her and how she never really meant anything to him. I told him about my father and how insane he'd been acting. We both discussed football and the amazing run of the Titans. We seemed to appear at my driveway all too quickly.
"Well, this is where I get off. Thanks for the ride." I smiled at him.
"Thanks for the company-and the honesty followed by good news for me." He grinned and quickly kissed me before I hopped out of the car.
I walked into my house and my father's absence was a welcomed surprise. I collapsed on the couch, smiling over how I had finally admitted my feelings for Ronnie. Smiling about how tomorrow would be wonderful because I had the love of someone who was absolutely incredible. Smiling because-wait. The ringing phone interrupted my reliving of Ronnie's speech and kiss. I ran over and answered it. "Yes hello, is Ashley Cole available please?"
"This is Ashley."
"Yes, hello, this is Alexandria Memorial Hospital and we have the results of your tests as to why you fainted the other night.''
"And?" I asked, expecting a whole spiel about how I should eat breakfast and blah blah blah or else my body will be weak and I'll faint and fun stuff like that.
"Well, Miss Cole it appears as though you are pregnant."
I almost dropped the phone. "I'm what?"
"Pregnant, dear. About a month or so, does that make sense? You are sexually active aren't you?"
The nurse's voice seemed to drown out. I was what? No. I couldn't be. Ray COULDN'T have done that. He COULDN'T have.I couldn't have let him. I dropped the phone on the floor. I put a hand to my stomach, disbelieving that I could go from the highest high with Ronnie down to the depths of despair with this baby and Ray. I could still hear the nurse chattering on the phone, not knowing that it was lying far from my ears. I reached for it and hung up, then I did the mature thing-I ran to the bathroom and cried my eyes out, wondering how I was going to have a baby-and more importantly-how I was going to tell Ray and Ronnie.
"Hey Ash, how are you feeling?" Gerry said as I walked over to his bed.
"Fine. I've always been fine physically, just a little emotionally overwhelmed. You're the one I'm worried about Bertier, how you holding up?"
He shrugged. "Alright I guess. Got some pretty powerful painkillers in me so that numbs the feeling of having Sunshine here." A small smile crossed his lips.
"I owe Sunshine a lot you know.if it wasn't for him I could never have gotten to see you the other night.or even gotten to the hospital at all seeing that my primary source of transportation was piss drunk at that stupid party." I bit my lip. Way to go Ash! Bring Ray up! Nice going! I saw Gerry and Ronnie exchange glances, Gerry's irritated and Ronnie's.well I couldn't quite figure out what he was thinking.
"It was my pleasure. Its not everyday that a second string quarterback gets to pick up a damsel in distress on the side of the road." He forced a smile. I weakly smiled in return. "Well, I should call my dad and get him to come and get me. Honestly I don't even think he knows I'm here."
"Don't bother. I can drive you home." Ronnie said as he reached for his keys. "No.its ok you should stay with Gerry and I don't wanna make you go out of your way-"
"If I didn't want to I wouldn't have offered. I've been here for a while anyway, I'm sure ol' Bertier's sick of my ugly face." Ronnie said as Gerry nodded in agreement.
"Well if you don't mind I definitely would be thankful not to have to explain to my dad that I was in the hospital."
And with that we headed out. When we exited the hospital, there was a slight tension in the air, as if neither of us knew what to say. I certainly knew I didn't.and I hated that feeling. Ronnie was supposed to be one of my best friends and I was never at a loss for words with him.well that is until other feelings got in the way. Why oh why did that boy start to like me.why did I get with Ray.why can't I stop looking at him? NO. Ashley Cole you made your bed now you lie in it. You CANT start liking Ronnie.that would be too cliché-and besides you probably just like him because you know he likes you too, and because he would never hurt you, pressure you, make you cry, make you mad.OK fine, I get it. There is no good reason why I should not like Ronnie.
"Earth to Ashley? Have you heard a single word I said?"
"What? Oh sorry I was spacing out. What?" I looked over at him, trying to shake any less than platonic thoughts about him from my mind.
He smiled and shrugged. "Its ok. I was just talking about Gerry."
"Oh." I replied, remembering that my best friend would never be the same again. "Its not fair Ronnie.he shouldn't have had it happen to him."
He nodded. "Yeah, you're right. But we can't go back in time and change it Ash. We all have to move on, make the best of what's to come. I shrugged and remained silent.
Ronnie continued. "You have no idea how many times I wish I could go back in time these past couple weeks." The look on my face portrayed confusion, but I had a pretty good idea of where he was going with this. "Ash, I should have just said it outright.and I know you know and you haven't said anything but." He trailed off.
"But what?" I asked, grabbing his arm and stopping him in his tracks. He looked away from me. I rolled my eyes. "Goddammit Ronnie if you have something to say then spit it out! I've had a rough couple days and my patience is running thin!" Immediately I regretted yelling at him, but he took a deep breath and continued.
"Ok then, here goes. From the second I saw you I knew you were something special and I wanted to get to know you. Then after talking to you for 5 minutes I knew that I would end up falling for you. And when I saw what good friends we were becoming, I tried to stop.honestly I did. I didn't want to ruin having a friendship with you because I might have feelings for you. I mean come on I wasn't even sure what I was feeling and I didn't want to blow having you as a friend or as more. Then that stupid night you came over and we played football-I couldn't keep it in anymore. Having you there, so close to me.all I wanted was to tell you that I wanted to be more than friends, to tell you that you meant more to me than that. But things just didn't work out and all this bullshit with Ray-you have NO IDEA how hard its been for me to watch that, knowing that he treats you like dirt. And with Gerry, I mean its really made me put things in perspective and I'm coming out and saying it right now-Ashley Cole, I think that I'm in love with you."
We stood in the parking lot next to his car silently for a few moments. Ronnie was in love with me. I was a mess who didn't deserve someone like him. I didn't know what to say.how do you follow up something like that? I closed my eyes and bit my lip, unsure of what to do next.
I felt Ronnie's hand on my arm. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel him lean in towards me and whisper in my ear. "Say something. Even if its not what I want you to say. I need you to say something."
I slowly opened my eyes and took a deep breath. I knew that I had feelings for Ronnie, but I also knew that I didn't deserve him. I knew that everything that had happened with Ray and Gerry and the accident would put a permanent damper on any attempts at a relationship.
I looked up at him, his intense blue eyes staring down at me and his hand still resting on my arm. I was still clueless as to what to do at this moment. Nothing I could say could encompass my feelings of 'more that like but not quite love' and unworthiness. But one desire in the back of my mind held strong, and since every bone in my body was wavering, I decided to go for it.
"I should have done this a long time ago." I stood on my tiptoes, put my arm around his neck and kissed him. Butterflies that I had never felt with Ray flew all around my stomach and for the first time in weeks I felt safe and happy. Finally admitting to myself that I did like Ronnie was almost as incredible as feeling his lips kiss me back, returning the love.
When we broke the kiss, I looked back into his eyes. "I'm sorry I put you through hell. You don't deserve that. I don't deserve you. I have never ever met anyone who regardless of all the crap I've done still cares about me."
He put his two strong hands on my face. "Ash, we all make mistakes. Put Ray in the past and think about all the good things to come." Then he kissed me again, making everything alright.
On the drive home, Ronnie and I made up for lost time. He told me about Michelle and how she was his parents' friend and that's how he met her and how she never really meant anything to him. I told him about my father and how insane he'd been acting. We both discussed football and the amazing run of the Titans. We seemed to appear at my driveway all too quickly.
"Well, this is where I get off. Thanks for the ride." I smiled at him.
"Thanks for the company-and the honesty followed by good news for me." He grinned and quickly kissed me before I hopped out of the car.
I walked into my house and my father's absence was a welcomed surprise. I collapsed on the couch, smiling over how I had finally admitted my feelings for Ronnie. Smiling about how tomorrow would be wonderful because I had the love of someone who was absolutely incredible. Smiling because-wait. The ringing phone interrupted my reliving of Ronnie's speech and kiss. I ran over and answered it. "Yes hello, is Ashley Cole available please?"
"This is Ashley."
"Yes, hello, this is Alexandria Memorial Hospital and we have the results of your tests as to why you fainted the other night.''
"And?" I asked, expecting a whole spiel about how I should eat breakfast and blah blah blah or else my body will be weak and I'll faint and fun stuff like that.
"Well, Miss Cole it appears as though you are pregnant."
I almost dropped the phone. "I'm what?"
"Pregnant, dear. About a month or so, does that make sense? You are sexually active aren't you?"
The nurse's voice seemed to drown out. I was what? No. I couldn't be. Ray COULDN'T have done that. He COULDN'T have.I couldn't have let him. I dropped the phone on the floor. I put a hand to my stomach, disbelieving that I could go from the highest high with Ronnie down to the depths of despair with this baby and Ray. I could still hear the nurse chattering on the phone, not knowing that it was lying far from my ears. I reached for it and hung up, then I did the mature thing-I ran to the bathroom and cried my eyes out, wondering how I was going to have a baby-and more importantly-how I was going to tell Ray and Ronnie.