II

Just Another Day at the Office

"Well, its about time you boys showed up," Zed said as soon as Kay and Jay returned from the morning's escapades. Kay couldn't help but notice that the office seemed considerably more frantic than when he had left.

"Things finally picking up, I see?"

"No rest for the weary. Kay, I need to speak to you," Zed said, already leading Kay up to his office. Jay followed closely, but Zed waved him away. "Sorry Jay, this is for Kay's ears only. I think there's some paperwork that still needs to be done." Kay tried to ignore the blue remarks coming from under Jay's breath as he climbed the stairs to Zed's office. A curious looking aircraft pictured on the television screen was frozen in motion. Zed pointed to it. "Ever seen one of those?"

Kay scrutinized it for a moment. "Looks like a Class-C Salta craft. With variations."

"Right you are. And you know what clever tricksters the Dlrow are." Zed hit a few buttons and the picture of the Salta craft disappeared. It was replaced by a four line stanza reading,

Try as you might, try with your best We know the way to get under your vest.

Who will it be? Who will you fight?

How will you hide her, facing your fright?

"A threatening riddle. A poor one at that. Its not even in haiku form."

"Kay, try to be serious here. You know the Dlrow aren't the smartest carbon-based life forms in the universe, and their English is atrocious. But you do know how dangerous they are."

Kay nodded silently, his mind drifting back to a night about ten years ago, the last time the Dlrow showed up on earth. It was a blood bath to say the least. The Dlrow were the worst kind of alien – those who killed for the fun of it, without remorse, without even thinking. Often times he had wondered how such a violent society of aliens could have even survived long enough to rein down with violence on other planets; but they reproduced quickly and often, thereby replenishing their need of warriors and murderers continuously. They had taken out twelve MiB agents without so much as flinching as they paraded through Central Park that night. Kay had managed an ambush that resulted in the loss of the Dlrow leader, thereby ending the siege. However, even then he wasn't naïve enough to believe he had seen the last of the Dlrow.

"There is some good news," Zed said, handing him a report. "Seems the Dlrow are a dying breed. Thousands of generations of continuous warfare seems to be taking its toll on them. Not only that, but their home planet of Noisicerp was destroyed last winter in that unfortunate hyper-laser beam incident."

"I told Marty to keep away from those controls, but he didn't listen to me." Kay flipped through the report half-heartedly. "So if they're a dying race, why are they coming here?"

"On the market for a new planet, of course," Zed said carefully, leaning back in his seat. "They've had plenty of run-ins with us, and know that if they bring the MiB down they stand a better chance of taking over the world for their breeding needs." Zed looked away thoughtfully. "We've fought for a lot of things, Kay, but I think fighting to save the earth from a gigantic alien orgy is a new one, even for me."

"So what's this got to do with me?" Kay asked, dropping the report back down on Zed's desk. "What's so important about this message that my own partner can't see it?"

"Isn't it obvious, Kay?" Zed asked, amazed. "That alien poetry is for you!"

"Me?"

"'Try as you might, try with your best.'  Our best. That's you. Our best agent."

"I'm flattered."

"'We know the way to get under your vest.'  They know something, or someone, and are planning on using it against you. They know the way to get under your skin about something, to strike you where you least expect it."

"I see."

"'Who will it be? Who will you fight? How will you hide her, facing your fright?'" Zed sighed. "I can't help you with this part, Kay. It's a meaning you have to work out for yourself."

Kay scratched his chin and paced the office. "The way to get under my skin…it's a person…it's a her…and a fear…what is it? What are they talking about?"

"I don't know," said Zed as he stood up from his chair to leave. "But you'd better figure it out quick, because chances are there's an innocent person out there who's going to get a real shock when blue-tentacled, over-grown amoebas show up at their door." Zed paused in the doorway and said quietly, "I wish I could help you with this one Kay, but it's a mission of a personal order. Only you can crack the code, and only you hold the key to the earth's survival." He patted Kay on the shoulder, an unusual gesture of affection between the two men. "Good luck," he whispered. "I believe in you."

Kay watched Zed descend the steps, his mind already turning back to the riddle at hand. He slid his hand unconsciously into his right pocket and began to rub a small metal key chain as he always did when he was troubled. Sighing, Kay pulled the metal ring out of his pocket and looked at it. Usually, he didn't even allow himself to look at the battered, worn steel disk with a faded cartoon dog on it; it brought back too many painful memories. This had been the key ring his wife had given him after she won it at the fair in Brumsbruck, and the last keys it had held were the keys to he and his wife's house in Massachusetts. It had only been three years since his abrupt departure from the simple life of a New England postal worker, but he missed it continuously, until it was just a dull ache in the bottom of his heart. He smiled as his eyes roamed over the small item, his only remnant from that time in his life. God, he missed her sometimes. He missed her the most when he'd wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, the times when he used to comfort himself by wrapping his arms around her and breathing in the smell of her lotion. She could always make him feel safe, something that he hadn't truly felt in the pit of his stomach for years. He sighed and shoved the key chain back in his pocket; there was no time for sentimental memories now, he had a riddle to solve and a planet to save.

Eyes straining, he tried his best to turn his attention back to the puzzle on the television screen. "'We know the way to get under your vest…who will it be…who will it be…try your best…how will you hide her, facing your – oh no." His blood ran cold.

"Elizabeth."