SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1
Emotional ruin
I sat there for a little while, my mind reeling with unending derogatory thoughts. I tried to imagine each possibility in my mind, it didn't work, my mind felt like it was on fire and there was nothing left for it to burn. I need to clear these thoughts away, like the ominous clouds overhead threatening to spill over with salted water of the dead. I need something that I can hang on to.
end of my rope
I am sick of thinking. I flick my half dead cigarette into a nearby mud puddle and trudge back inside to say hello to a friend of mine. I don't have much choice, I might as well see her if I wasted all of that gas to come out here. I tried to back up my reasoning with that, but I knew I was lying to myself. I knew that I really did want to see her, I don't know why. Maybe I want answers, maybe I want to apologize, or maybe I just want something to return to normal.
I walk across the hall, the immaculate walls lit with intense lighting that almost make you squint compared to the outside dimness. I put my hands in my pockets as I walk into her room, again surprised at what I saw. She was propped up at a small angle on her bed. Her skin had only regained some of its tone and her emerald spheres, seemed tired and distant.
She seemed so weary…
I don't know what I was expecting, a miraculous transformation? Did I really expect for her to jump out of the bed and start arguing with me, her emerald eyes ablaze with frustration and irritation. No. She just looked up at me, and smirked a little, she seemed like a pencil sketch that had been partally erased, half of her was there. Only half of my Faye was even alive. My Faye, wha? Where did that come from? Jet was looking at me with a slight stare of surprise washed over his rough face, I guess he thought I would be a no-show. I just realized that I had been standing there looking at her for at least ten seconds now, god do I feel like a dumbass.
"You look great." I said with a sarcastic shadow
"yeah…" She replied, no snide remark, no witty comeback, it is almost if she wanted me to say something else.
Silence, the eerieness sent me into an emotional whirlpool
"Faye-Faye, Ed is so glad you are up it has been very quiet without you or Spike person!" Ed oh so helpfully chimed in
"Spike, where did you go?" Faye asked tilting her head toward me with curious gaze
"…uh…nowhere." Like I could tell her the truth she would be of as great of a help as Jet was.
"Yeah, I guess it was somewhere important." She said with no hint of sarcasm, but rather a hint of sadness, what had happened to her? Faye had changed, what is going on here? I knew what I had to do to make her feel better, I really didn't want it to come down to this, but it looks as if I have no choice, looks like I have to pull my trump card. Damn that wench.
"Faye…that bullet you took for me why did you take it?" I looked into her eyes to make sure she got my point that I was being honest. It is so easy to get yourself lost in her emerald spheres; they just entrance you and make you feel like you have traveled some where far away.
A far away fantasy…
"You're my comrade Spike I-" She broke off for a moment as if she rethought what she was going to say. "You were in trouble so I helped you."
"So Jet, let's have a vote who thinks your cooking is better than hospital food." I smirked as I changed the subject. He looked at me as if he was about ready to strangle a guy
"My cooking isn't that bad, jackass!" He boomed across the room as Ed started to sing the word jackass over and over.
"C'mon Jet you know the saying if you can't beat them, get their recipe." Faye grinned, the first time that we were arguing on the same side in a while, I could tell; however, she was far from normal. It is just an act, I could tell by her hollow shells stuck on her face that were once eyes. Jet was about ready to explode
"I wouldn't be even talking Faye! You count your wench ass lucky-" I noticed the doctor had came in the room when he first started talking, but Jet didn't "-Your hospital bill is coming out of your bitch-" I poked his shoulder as he turned to see the doctor.
"Excuse me, gentlemen, I'll need to see you outside for a moment." He glared at Jet suspiciously, as Faye stuck her tongue out at both Jet and I as we left. Ed was sitting in Jet's chair rambling on about something or another.
"Yeah what's up?" I asked, appearing as nonchalant as possible
"Ms. Valentine, she lives with you two is that correct?" He asked Jet and I both looked at each other sighed heavily and nodded almost synchronized.
"Does she have a profession?" He asked looking at Jet
"Yeah, she's a bounty hunter along with Spike and I, get to the point." Jet said irritatingly
"A bounty hunter." The old doctors eyes widened "Well, she has had a close call, the bullet grazed her heart and she wont be able to engage in any activities, especially bounty hunting that might interfere with her recovery." He summarized quickly, spelling everything out as if we were two morons. A small wave of relief that I tried to hade washed over me.
"How long?" I asked shoving my hand in my pockets, Faye isn't going to like this at all.
"about three weeks to a month." She really isn't going to like this
I heard Jet chuckle to himself, he must have been thinking the same thing.
"We are going to leave her here in the hospital for a few more days, just to make sure that everything is running smoothly." The doctor summed up as he checked over his clipboard and nodded to me and Jet. He then entered Faye's hospital room and Jet and I followed.
"Ms. Valentine, you seem to be healing better, but you still need to remain in the hospital for a few more days." Faye sighed as Ed frowned and jumped on the doctor
"Ed wants Faye Faye backies NOW!!!!! ed shrieked and clawed at the horrified doctors clipboard as she tore the pages on it to shreds. I just leaned back against the door frame and Jet pried Ed off of the doctor.
"Ed I am sure that you can live three days without Faye." Jet growled as he stared at Faye
"What are you looking at me for? I didn't do a thing!" Faye yelled back, then coughed a little
"See that is exactly why she can't return right now, she is still weak." the doctor resumed a standing position as Jet had an almost guilty look washed across his face
"Yeah Jet, you don't want to overexcite her now do you?" I chuckled as both Faye and Jet glared at me with icy tones, I liked it when she glared at me, if made me laugh on the inside, a funny half, fun half malicious laugh.
"Now that you have that settled, Get out of the room now visiting hours are closed!!!" the doctor shouted as angrily as a doctor could be. The doctor left in a storm of fury. I got the message as Jet carried Ed by her shirt collar out the door. I was about to follow them when Faye called my name.
"Spike...what happened to you?" Faye asked cautiously.
"What makes you think something happened to me?" I asked back irritated, how in the hell could she tell?
"You seem...well...not yourself." Faye bit her lip as my eyes narrowed
"Faye mind your own fucking business, goodbye." I saw her emerald eyes get confused and soft, I felt guilty, but I was too angry to go apologize though. I am too angry, Julia is dead, and she tried to kill me. Why is this happening? Why did Julia do that, I don't get it, and Vicious why did he just not kill me then too? I am sick and tired of this, Julia what happened to you? My angel, my goddess, did hate me?
*~*^*~*
'Julia, what do you have planned for us?' I lay in bed next to her as I caressed her soft skin.
'Planned? Spike what do you mean?' She looked up at me slightly confused, the sheets wrapped about our bodies like an endless sea of lust.
'I want to get out of here Julia, out of the Syndicate, out of this dream, I want to live with you forever.' I smile as I look down at her and hiss her nimbly all over her neck and shoulders as I cradle her gently.
'Spike, do you really think it is possible to end this dream?' she asked as I continued to kiss her, she was like an addictive drug that you just couldn't stop.
'Of course Julia, I love you so much.' she only nodded slightly as I flipped over on top of her softly
*~*^*~*
Before I knew it I was outside the hospital in the rain, surrounded by the rain. The clouds still foreboding above me like a looming tiger...or dragon. I feel so torn, I loved Julia, but...she tried to kill me. It's as if my heart shattered into a billion pieces that can never be found again, my heart is gone forever, and I don't know whose fault it is. The stinging words of Vicious stain my memory forever, 'how could I be true love if didn't love you?' Who's fault is it someone please tell me!!!
I didn't realize it but my knees caved out from under me and I collapsed to the sidewalk in a possessed state. I sat on my crumpled legs, like the wings of a falcon that were broken from a long past fight. I can't get up if I tried. I am just sitting here, too anguished to light a cigarette, too enraged with the winds of a thousand storms, to stand. My heart leaks like seeping blood onto the concrete... as one solitary tear rolls down my chiseled cheek. Although no one will ever know, because the tears of the angels mask my tear with a million others, just the same. I silently wonder to myself
Who is to blame for my anguish?
I see gray shadow people walk by me, ignoring me as they go about their 'busy' lives. I guess they cant see the shattered man before them crying out like a falcon trying to find its falconer. I am lost, I am alone, and no one cares any more. I am broken, I cannot fly, what use am I now? I am a shell, of my former self, a self that I am not proud of, but at least I was myself. Will someone please help me, I am lost, I am alone, I am broken, and I need someone to pick up my pieces. I look up at the sky for answers, I soon found none so I almost willingly passed out on the sidewalk, out of pain. Out of guilt I barely whisper "I'm Sorry Faye."
cries of a broken soul...
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Hey guys I hope you liked it pleaz R&R!!!!!!!!!! *^^*