Originally, this was just a one-shot fic. I changed my mind and continued it.
Ben and his merry company were traveling back to Sterling Silver rather happily. Ben was playing with his pop gun that shot bubblegum that he received from Questor Thews. The kobolds didn't seem to like this stuff, as it stuck their teeth together. Ben giggled and shot some more.
"At least he isn't playing with the thing Nightshade gave him," whispered Questor to the kobolds. "Goodness knows what a 'nookleer warhed' does."
"Ben Holiday!" came a shout.
"High lord! Goodness me! It is the evil Control Alt Delete!" cried Questor Thews.
"What, another bad guy that you've never told me about? How many are there?"
"Oh, a few," Questor dismissed his question with a wave of his hand.
"Holiday!" came the shout again. The company looked to see a woman with blonde hair dressed all in black standing with her hands on her hips.
"Answer me these questions three, and then maybe your home you'll see!" she said. "WHAT, is your quest?"
"I have no quest at the moment."
"WHAT, is your favorite color?"
"I don't see how this..."
"WHAT, is the wing velocity of a sparrow flying due south with windchill factor of -40..."
"What do you want?" bellowed Ben.
She grinned. "You've answered all my questions wrongly. You are now scentenced to be a barmaid at the Ohmsford's Inn! Bwahahaha!"
She pulled out a keyboard and typed a bit, and with a rush of green Ben disappeared. Willow let out an angry shout and stalked the place where Ben had been.
Control Alt Delete laughed and disappeared.
...
Ben Holiday flew through time and space, until when he opened his eyes he found himself in a smoky room poorly lit by the fire and dusty lamps. He grasped for his medallion and found it gone.
"More cider!" came a shout. A rather fat man huffed at Ben. "Get going!"
"I don't know what you are talking about! Get going where?"
"Goodness me! What the heck..." The man surveyed Ben and scratched his head. "Now I've seen everything." And with that, he kicked Ben out. He lay in the street for a moment, trying to get his bearings. A man came up to him and looked down.
"Hey, stranger! You look like you could use a..." then his voice trailed off. "Psychiatrist," he finished hurrying into the bar. Ben wondered what the big deal was, when he looked at himself and found that he was wearing a dress.
Another man came by.
"Hey, stranger! Whence come you...uh, I have to go." He would have rushed off, but Ben grabbed him.
"What's going on?!" he shouted.
"I'll tell you what's the matter! You're obviously having a nervous breakdown, that's it!" quavered the man.
"Where's Control Alt Delete?" The man paled at the mention of the name.
"She came this morning and dispatched the tall stranger, and left behind a short stranger. Scary, she was." The man shook free of Ben's grip and ran into the bar. Ben followed, and immediately crashed into the fat man with a tray of mugs.
"Hey!" he shouted. Ben scurried under a nearby table.
"Well, you certainly have put your foot in it now, or should I say your finger?" came a voice.
"What?" said Ben. A hand tugged on his arm and Ben clambered up to the seat. He looked down at the cloaked stranger.
"I've always wanted to say that," the stranger said brightly.
"Who're you?" enquired Ben.
"I am Peregrin, son of Paladin. But most just call me Pippin, or even Pip. Or Pipster, Pipperoo, or Pippie, or..."
But Ben only heard the part about the Paladin.
"You're the son of the Paladin?"
"Well, yes."
"Do you know where he is?"
"Eating second breakfast, I would think. Anyway, there's P, Pipsqueak..."
But Ben's head was whirling. Perhaps he didn't have to become the Paladin all the darn time after all.
All of a sudden, there was a commotion at the door. A man with a book and a wild looking girl with red hair burst in.
"I'm looking for Nest Freemark!" shouted the man.
"Here he is!" squeaked Pippin pointing at Ben.
"He?" said the man.