"There will never be a day when I won't think of you."
The Phantom of the Opera
***
Susie sat on the edge of the bed in her motel room, eyes wide like a startled deer frozen in headlights, uncertain which way to jump. Her voice wasn't quite steady, but Horatio hung on every word. He realized how hard this was for her, revisiting her life's low point just when she had started to climb out. There was also the question of her personal safety. Chaz was securely behind bars, but there were others in the drug underworld, and Susie knew far too much for her own good about inside drug operations. She was actually quite observant, and in spite of her tension, she was an excellent witness.
"You asked me if I had ever shot up with Tin Man. I've been thinking about that since, and you know, I never once actually saw him high. Me, yeah. Everyone else around. He would talk about it, all right, but I never saw it. Chaz said he did. He hung around with Chaz a lot. Chaz would sell his mother for a dollar, though, so I never really trusted anything he said."
"How long was R . . Tim Man with Chaz and the gang?"
"About 6 months." Average time for an undercover infiltration operation. Nothing went too quickly.
"Did anyone ever act suspicious of him?"
Susie considered. "Billy, one of Chaz's best friends, never liked him. I think he was jealous, really. Tin Man spent so much time with Chaz. Billy even tried to tell Chaz once that he needed to be careful, that Tin Man might be a cop."
"What did he say to that?" The tone was a little too sharp, and the eyes leaped into hard focus like lasers. Susie checked, physically incapable of answering in the face of such intensity. Horatio forced himself to tone it down a little, back off. "What did he say?" he repeated more gently.
"He said, `I don't have to worry about the cops.'"
"Are you sure? Not `I don't have to worry about Tin Man?'"
"I heard him. He said he didn't have to worry about the cops. And he laughed when he said it. You know, I wondered a lot of times if he didn't have someone working for him on the inside. Things were too easy for Chaz. And the other gangs, sometimes they would get busted at the most convenient times."
"Can you tell me anything else about Tin Man?"
"Only that the whole last week I saw him, right before he disappeared, something was really bugging him. He didn't seem like himself at all. I asked him once what was wrong, and he said something about trying to decide who his friends were. He was always nice to me, never just put me down when I asked him a question like the others would. Also, I found him asleep one night that week. We'd all been up really late, partying, and I found him in the corner asleep. I thought he was just passed out at first - I was almost passed out myself - but he really looked just exhausted, not high. Anyway, I curled up on a blanket a little way down the wall, but he woke me up later talking in his sleep. I couldn't get all of it, but he was mumbling something about `he's betraying his friends.' Over and over. It was really eating him, all night." She paused. "That's it, I think. If I remember anymore, I'll call you. So much of it is hazy. I wish I could be a better witness."
"You are a wonderful witness," said Horatio, "but I really think, for your own sake, that Miami isn't the safest place for you. Go back to Indiana, Susie, and start your life over."
"I will," she promised. "I only came here to talk to you. And to thank you."
"Thank me for what?"
"For treating me like I still had some value, even when I didn't. No one had been nice to me like that since Tin Man. You made me think my life might be worth saving."
"People always have value, Susie."
"It made a difference in rehab. I kept telling myself, on tough days, at least one person in the world believes I can do this." She had been studying her hands through most of the conversation, but now she looked up. "It really does matter to you, doesn't it? I hope you find what you're looking for."
"I'm only looking for the truth," said Horatio. "Whatever it is. I'll face it either way. But I need to know."
Susie smiled suddenly, making her battle-worn face appear much younger. "I saw you on the news last night, by the way." Horatio groaned, and she stood up, eying the long slash down the side of his face. "That bridge collapse was awesome. You look good in scars. Could I hug you, Horatio?" He opened his arms as an answer, and she hugged him, still tentatively, as if unsure of her welcome. "Thank you again," she said. "If you do find the truth, let me know."
"Thank you, Susie. I'll keep you posted. Take care of yourself, now." Horatio exited the motel room. By his watch, it was 10:30, but he did not head home. Instead, he turned the Hummer toward CSI.
***
There ought to be a legal limit to time spent in hospitals, thought Calleigh. She had seen more than enough hospitals the last two months to last the rest of her life, and here she was again in another waiting room. I've served my time, she thought sourly. It's someone else's turn. At least her father was stable, although they were still sorting out all of his alcohol-induced problems. It could be a lot worse, although nothing could be as bad as the night she had spent watching Horatio hover at death's door, absolutely unable to reach him. She shivered at the memory.
"Are you cold, Calleigh?" Alexx's warm friendship wrapped around Calleigh like a blanket, stopping the chills instantly.
"No, just thinking. I've had about enough of these places lately." Alexx smiled sympathetically and patted her arm.
"Ms. Duquesne?" The doctor entered the waiting room, and Calleigh stood up eagerly. "Your father is in stable condition. His blood alcohol level was 0.35, and the level of intoxication was depressing his breathing. He does have several problems that need urgent attention, though. He's been an alcoholic for years, you said?"
"Right, long as I can remember."
"Well, the years are catching up with him. He's developed fluid around his heart, and this was also impeding the breathing. We're putting him on medication for it, but he must stop drinking. His liver is in bad shape, too. He's had several problems building up for a while, and his bout tonight exacerbated them."
"It wasn't just a result of tonight, though?" Calleigh still felt a bit guilty about her father's greeting to her. She knew that quite likely she was part of the cause for his drinking so much that evening.
"No, these are chronic conditions. They will only get worse, too. He must change his lifestyle."
"Good luck," said Calleigh bitterly. "We've tried everything."
"Sometimes, medicine can put a scare into people when family can't," said the doctor. His eyes were sympathetic. "We'll try to do what we can. Ultimately, though, it's his life. It depends on if he wants to save it."
"Could I see him?"
"Certainly, if you like, but he's still unconscious. He won't be in the best of moods when he wakes up, either." He gave Calleigh her father's room number and headed off to see other patients. Calleigh turned to her companion.
"Alexx, could you do me a favor?"
"Of course, honey. Name it."
"Would you check on Horatio for me? You know this was his first day back, and he went chasing off on something after he got a phone call earlier. He still isn't quite 100%, you know. I'm tied up here, but I'd feel better if someone was making sure he was being . . . " She hesitated, searching for the word.
"Reasonable?" offered Alexx, and Calleigh grinned at her conspiratorially. That had been Horatio's doctor's word when he had released him at the end of last week. "You can go back to work, but be reasonable. Don't hit full throttle right away. You aren't as strong as you think you are."
"Exactly, reasonable," said Calleigh. "I'd really appreciate it."
"No problem. I'll track him down," said Alexx. "Are you okay here alone?"
"Fine. Thanks for waiting with me."
"No problem. Still, like you said, we've got to stop meeting like this." Alexx gave Calleigh a warm hug and headed for the exit, and Calleigh went to find her father.
He was on oxygen now, and his breathing was easier. Studying him in the bed, she couldn't help but notice the softness around the body, the face older than its years. "You've got to start taking care of yourself, Daddy," she told him, as if he could hear her. "I won't always be around to do it for you."
***
Horatio sat in his office studying the computer until his eyes burned with the effort. The records of Ray's cases were all at least two years old, and they were coldly impersonal. Even the report on the fatal shootout was written in stilted, official language that suddenly made Horatio mad. He was a person, damn it, not an incident, he fumed at the apathetic screen. Good, bad, or in between, he was a person. What Horatio really needed were the more extensive files in the police archives, not just the computerized summaries. Somewhere in those files was the link, the man who betrayed his friends, the man Ray had wrestled with in his dreams all night. Maybe. And maybe he was just barking up a tree that wasn't even there. He knew that Ray had always felt competitive, tried to top Horatio, on the force like everywhere else. Perhaps the stress had gotten to him. Horatio knew how stressful police work could be. It happened to lots of cops. Especially ones, like Ray, who had been exposed to the enemy on the streets day after day.
Horatio pushed his wheeled chair back slightly from the computer screen and rested both elbows on his desk. He pressed his face into his hands, massaging the temples, tracing the long scar on the right side. It felt like it was on fire tonight. He closed his eyes.
"Are you okay?" The sharp alarm in Alexx's voice brought his head up instantly.
"Fine," he said. "I've just got a bit of a headache. What are you doing here at this hour?"
"I was about to ask you the same question." She marched over to the desk and put her hand under his chin, lifting his head. "Look at me." She studied his eyes carefully, making sure that the pupils matched, which they did. Next, she took his pulse.
"Alexx, stop it. I'm fine. I've had plenty of headaches in the past, and I'm sure I'll have many more on this job."
She dropped his wrist but did not back away. "You need to get home. You can't catch up six weeks in one day." Her eyes drifted to the computer screen, and she hesitated at the unfamiliar format of the list. "Wait a minute, those aren't CSI files. What are you working on?"
Horatio reached across instantly and hit the computer power button. The screen faded with a forlorn beep. "Nothing."
Alexx wasn't above ignoring Horatio's no trespassing signs at times, but she did not push the point now. He was too tired for her to argue with him tonight. "Fine, if you're working on nothing, it won't hurt to leave it. Come on." She tugged at his arm, almost dragging him to his feet. "Don't you have to be in court tomorrow?"
Horatio grinned, suddenly relaxing slightly. "I think I have to be in court for the rest of my life. I've never seen the DA so mad. You should have heard him."
"Believe me, we have. We've had six weeks of it, while he was warming up his speech to you." They exited his office, and as they started down the stairs, she said, "He'll be even madder if you show up half asleep in court tomorrow. High time you were home."
"I'm telling you, I'm not that tired." Even as he said it, Horatio's left ankle suddenly gave out. Only Alexx's frantic grab at his arm and the fact that his left hand had been on the railing anyway saved him from falling the entire length of the stairs.
Alexx knew better than to say anything, but she maintained her tight grip on his arm until they reached the bottom safely. "Thanks," he said finally. "Maybe it has been a long enough day."
"Do you want me to drive you home?"
"No, I'm fine."
"You go home, though. Straight home. Promise me."
"I promise," he said truthfully, and she accepted it. "Thank you, Alexx. I'll see you in the morning."
"Good night." Alexx watched him leave and wondered if she should have told him about Calleigh's father. No, Calleigh herself could do that. And if he knew, Horatio would head for the hospital, and he needed to be in bed. Smiling at her boss's characteristic refusal to admit he'd had enough, Alexx headed for her own car. Sometimes she wondered what any of them would do without her. She often felt like she didn't just have two children but a whole CSI full.
***
Calleigh was sitting by her father's bedside, wondering how in the world to convince him that he really did need help. She did not hear anyone enter the room, but a well-known, strong but gentle grip suddenly locked on both of her shoulders. "Hi, Handsome," she said, turning around to smile at him.
"I found your message when I got home," he said. He looked dead tired, but his eyes were full of warmth and concern. His protectiveness absolutely melted her, as always. "How is he?"
"They think he's stable in the short term, but his lifestyle is catching up with him. How am I going to convince him he needs help, Horatio? I've been trying for years, and it's gotten nowhere." She stood up, wrapping herself up in his arms and in his concern for her. As always, there was rest and peace in his arms. A haven to hide from the world, even in a hospital. She pushed back suddenly and studied him. "Horatio, what did Susie have to say?"
"Several things. Nothing definite, but little hints that could be useful. Ray might not have been the bad cop, after all, although someone was." She saw his eyes go distant, studying all of the puzzle pieces again, and she shook him slightly, drawing his attention back to her.
"Hey, enough for tonight. You need to be in bed."
"I'm not leaving you here alone. You've spent enough time in hospitals lately."
She sighed. "Horatio, please. Don't make me worry about you, too. Go home."
"Not until you do." His tone was dead-set, stubborn. "Your father is stable, they said. There's no reason for you to stay here all night. It will probably be hours before he wakes up."
True enough. She considered, weighing her duty to her father with her concern for Horatio. The scales tipped way over. "Okay, you win. I'll go home tonight and come back tomorrow. Can I have tomorrow off, boss?"
"Of course. I wish I could be here with you, to keep you company, but I've got to be in court."
"Horatio, you are here for me, always. I know that." She hugged him again.
"I just wish I could do more."
"That is why I love you," she mumbled with her face buried in his chest.
"What?" He hadn't caught the words. She straightened up and met his eyes.
"Go home, Horatio. I'm leaving, too. I promise." He held her eyes for a minute, gauging her sincerity, then stepped forward to give her a final squeeze.
"See you tomorrow sometime, but I'll be in court all day. Take care of yourself, Calleigh."
"You, too," she said. "See you tomorrow." He left the room, and she took one final look at her father, then turned for the door, feeling slightly guilty, but also relieved to be leaving. She knew her actions would make a difference with Horatio. She wasn't sure if anything would make a difference with her father.
***
"Alexx, would you do me a favor?"
"Sure." Alexx looked up from the ME reports she was working on and faced Horatio.
"Could you check on Calleigh for me? I'm going to be tied up in court all day, and I didn't want to call her before I left, in case I woke her up. But I don't like the idea of her spending all day at the hospital alone. So if you could check on her for me a little later . . . What's funny?"
Alexx immediately wiped the smile off her face. "Nothing. Sure, I'll check on her for you. Have fun in court, Horatio." He rolled his eyes at her and left. Once he was safely out of the room, Alexx put down her pen and laughed until tears ran from her eyes. What a pair those two made!
***
Calleigh entered her father's room. He was awake now. He was also not in the best of moods, as the doctor had predicted. "Calleigh," he said, squinting against the morning light. "What did you haul me down here for?"
"You were having trouble breathing, Daddy. You needed help."
"Just needed a ride home. You never dragged me to the hospital before."
"Daddy, you really did need help."
"She's right," said the doctor over her shoulder. "You were suffering from congestive heart failure and chronic liver failure. Your lifestyle is catching up to you, Mr. Hayes. You are going to have to make some serious changes if you want to spend many more years with your family."
The medical terminology rocked her father for a minute. "It really was serious?"
"It was. It is." The doctor's pager went off, and he looked at it. "Excuse me," he said, and left the father and daughter alone.
"I'm sorry, Calleigh," he said after a moment.
"I'm sorry I had to do it to you, Daddy," she replied. "But you really were having trouble breathing."
There was silence for a moment. "How was your banquet on Sunday?" he asked suddenly.
"Wonderful," she replied.
"Saw about it on the news," he said. "Your boss saved a lot of people, didn't he?"
"He sure did," she agreed. Suddenly, she wanted to talk to him about Horatio, about something that mattered, like a father and daughter should talk, not just about trying to drag him off the path to self- destruction. "Daddy, Horatio and I have been . . . "
Her father interrupted her, and she realized that he hadn't heard a word of what she said. "Serious changes. Rehab and all. I'm not sure if I could do that, Cal."
"You wouldn't have to do it alone," she promised. "I'd be here for you." He smiled at her.
"You always are. I do love you, Cal. I may not have always shown it, but I do love you."
"I love you too, Daddy," she said. After that, there seemed nothing more to say. How could silence be so awkward between two people and so intimate between two others, she wondered. Gradually, her father drifted off to sleep again, and she picked up yesterday's newspaper from the waiting room and brought it to his room to read by his bedside. Today's paper was there, too, but yesterday's included a story about Horatio. She read it until she memorized it, thinking of him.
***
Horatio entered his office feeling battered from the day but pleased. Court had gone well, even if it ran late, and one more criminal was off the street. He wondered how many future victims had been saved by this conviction. Someday, he would have to ask his mother. He sat down at his desk, then froze as he saw the note in the center of it in Alexx's neat handwriting. "Horatio, Calleigh's father died this afternoon around 3:00. They thought he was stable, but his heart just gave out. Calleigh is holding up pretty well. Her mother is flying in from Louisiana and will be here tomorrow. Could you check on her yourself tonight, though? I have things I have to do with my family." He stood up instantly and headed for the garage, checking his watch. 7:30. She would probably be back at her place, making phone calls, discussing arrangements.
He now had a key to her apartment, as she now had a key to his house, and he let himself in quietly. "Calleigh?" No sign of her, although her purse was on the table, so he knew she was here. He quietly searched through the house, finding her in the study, stretched out on the couch with the phone on the table next to her. She was asleep. Tears had streaked her make up, and she looked utterly worn. Quietly, he slipped her shoes off. She knew his hands, and she did not wake up. He settled himself in the chair across the coffee table, watching her. She looked so small and helpless. Looks are deceiving, he told himself. Only physically small, and not at all helpless, but he still wanted to shelter her. He wished he could have been there for her this afternoon, instead of in court.
Calleigh stirred, muttering small, incoherent, agitated sounds. Horatio crossed over to the couch and knelt beside her, touching her gently. "Shh, Calleigh. It's okay. I'm here." She settled down, but when he tried to straighten up and took his hand off her arm, she grew restless again. It occurred to him suddenly that he owed her a night kneeling on the floor, and he had never paid up. Fine, tonight he would. He settled himself as comfortably as he could, propping his head on the edge of the couch, stroking her arm gently, watching her sleep.
***
Calleigh woke up suddenly. The room was dark, but the streetlight outside her window spilled in, illuminating the furniture, highlighting Horatio on the floor next to the couch. She smiled, realizing that he was the one who had broken the restless dreams about her father. His hand on her arm, like an anchor. The deep ache of the day lessened slightly just by his presence. She studied him, memorizing every line of his face again. How had she ever lived without him? Even through this long and difficult day, she had known he was thinking of her, and his thoughts had held her together through the call to her mother.
Horatio shifted himself, whimpering slightly. His hand on her arm never stirred, but the rest of him tensed up. What was he dreaming about? Ray, most likely. With a stab of guilt, she realized that she still did not have the full story of what was going on with Ray. Horatio was going through something, and she had not been there for him, distracted by her father. She gently placed her other hand on top of Horatio's where it rested on her arm. "Easy, Horatio," she whispered. "I'm here now." He settled down, and she studied his hand, wedged between her two. Their lives were so intertwined, it seemed. Such dependency frightened her, to need someone else that much. Still, it was the most marvelous sense of release she had ever known The last few months had been the best of her life, even with her father's death. Horatio was here for her. She was here for him. This was where they belonged. If the world will just leave us alone, she thought. Then her thoughts drifted hazily into incoherence, and they both slept, both dreaming now, for some reason, of fields full of wildflowers.
The Phantom of the Opera
***
Susie sat on the edge of the bed in her motel room, eyes wide like a startled deer frozen in headlights, uncertain which way to jump. Her voice wasn't quite steady, but Horatio hung on every word. He realized how hard this was for her, revisiting her life's low point just when she had started to climb out. There was also the question of her personal safety. Chaz was securely behind bars, but there were others in the drug underworld, and Susie knew far too much for her own good about inside drug operations. She was actually quite observant, and in spite of her tension, she was an excellent witness.
"You asked me if I had ever shot up with Tin Man. I've been thinking about that since, and you know, I never once actually saw him high. Me, yeah. Everyone else around. He would talk about it, all right, but I never saw it. Chaz said he did. He hung around with Chaz a lot. Chaz would sell his mother for a dollar, though, so I never really trusted anything he said."
"How long was R . . Tim Man with Chaz and the gang?"
"About 6 months." Average time for an undercover infiltration operation. Nothing went too quickly.
"Did anyone ever act suspicious of him?"
Susie considered. "Billy, one of Chaz's best friends, never liked him. I think he was jealous, really. Tin Man spent so much time with Chaz. Billy even tried to tell Chaz once that he needed to be careful, that Tin Man might be a cop."
"What did he say to that?" The tone was a little too sharp, and the eyes leaped into hard focus like lasers. Susie checked, physically incapable of answering in the face of such intensity. Horatio forced himself to tone it down a little, back off. "What did he say?" he repeated more gently.
"He said, `I don't have to worry about the cops.'"
"Are you sure? Not `I don't have to worry about Tin Man?'"
"I heard him. He said he didn't have to worry about the cops. And he laughed when he said it. You know, I wondered a lot of times if he didn't have someone working for him on the inside. Things were too easy for Chaz. And the other gangs, sometimes they would get busted at the most convenient times."
"Can you tell me anything else about Tin Man?"
"Only that the whole last week I saw him, right before he disappeared, something was really bugging him. He didn't seem like himself at all. I asked him once what was wrong, and he said something about trying to decide who his friends were. He was always nice to me, never just put me down when I asked him a question like the others would. Also, I found him asleep one night that week. We'd all been up really late, partying, and I found him in the corner asleep. I thought he was just passed out at first - I was almost passed out myself - but he really looked just exhausted, not high. Anyway, I curled up on a blanket a little way down the wall, but he woke me up later talking in his sleep. I couldn't get all of it, but he was mumbling something about `he's betraying his friends.' Over and over. It was really eating him, all night." She paused. "That's it, I think. If I remember anymore, I'll call you. So much of it is hazy. I wish I could be a better witness."
"You are a wonderful witness," said Horatio, "but I really think, for your own sake, that Miami isn't the safest place for you. Go back to Indiana, Susie, and start your life over."
"I will," she promised. "I only came here to talk to you. And to thank you."
"Thank me for what?"
"For treating me like I still had some value, even when I didn't. No one had been nice to me like that since Tin Man. You made me think my life might be worth saving."
"People always have value, Susie."
"It made a difference in rehab. I kept telling myself, on tough days, at least one person in the world believes I can do this." She had been studying her hands through most of the conversation, but now she looked up. "It really does matter to you, doesn't it? I hope you find what you're looking for."
"I'm only looking for the truth," said Horatio. "Whatever it is. I'll face it either way. But I need to know."
Susie smiled suddenly, making her battle-worn face appear much younger. "I saw you on the news last night, by the way." Horatio groaned, and she stood up, eying the long slash down the side of his face. "That bridge collapse was awesome. You look good in scars. Could I hug you, Horatio?" He opened his arms as an answer, and she hugged him, still tentatively, as if unsure of her welcome. "Thank you again," she said. "If you do find the truth, let me know."
"Thank you, Susie. I'll keep you posted. Take care of yourself, now." Horatio exited the motel room. By his watch, it was 10:30, but he did not head home. Instead, he turned the Hummer toward CSI.
***
There ought to be a legal limit to time spent in hospitals, thought Calleigh. She had seen more than enough hospitals the last two months to last the rest of her life, and here she was again in another waiting room. I've served my time, she thought sourly. It's someone else's turn. At least her father was stable, although they were still sorting out all of his alcohol-induced problems. It could be a lot worse, although nothing could be as bad as the night she had spent watching Horatio hover at death's door, absolutely unable to reach him. She shivered at the memory.
"Are you cold, Calleigh?" Alexx's warm friendship wrapped around Calleigh like a blanket, stopping the chills instantly.
"No, just thinking. I've had about enough of these places lately." Alexx smiled sympathetically and patted her arm.
"Ms. Duquesne?" The doctor entered the waiting room, and Calleigh stood up eagerly. "Your father is in stable condition. His blood alcohol level was 0.35, and the level of intoxication was depressing his breathing. He does have several problems that need urgent attention, though. He's been an alcoholic for years, you said?"
"Right, long as I can remember."
"Well, the years are catching up with him. He's developed fluid around his heart, and this was also impeding the breathing. We're putting him on medication for it, but he must stop drinking. His liver is in bad shape, too. He's had several problems building up for a while, and his bout tonight exacerbated them."
"It wasn't just a result of tonight, though?" Calleigh still felt a bit guilty about her father's greeting to her. She knew that quite likely she was part of the cause for his drinking so much that evening.
"No, these are chronic conditions. They will only get worse, too. He must change his lifestyle."
"Good luck," said Calleigh bitterly. "We've tried everything."
"Sometimes, medicine can put a scare into people when family can't," said the doctor. His eyes were sympathetic. "We'll try to do what we can. Ultimately, though, it's his life. It depends on if he wants to save it."
"Could I see him?"
"Certainly, if you like, but he's still unconscious. He won't be in the best of moods when he wakes up, either." He gave Calleigh her father's room number and headed off to see other patients. Calleigh turned to her companion.
"Alexx, could you do me a favor?"
"Of course, honey. Name it."
"Would you check on Horatio for me? You know this was his first day back, and he went chasing off on something after he got a phone call earlier. He still isn't quite 100%, you know. I'm tied up here, but I'd feel better if someone was making sure he was being . . . " She hesitated, searching for the word.
"Reasonable?" offered Alexx, and Calleigh grinned at her conspiratorially. That had been Horatio's doctor's word when he had released him at the end of last week. "You can go back to work, but be reasonable. Don't hit full throttle right away. You aren't as strong as you think you are."
"Exactly, reasonable," said Calleigh. "I'd really appreciate it."
"No problem. I'll track him down," said Alexx. "Are you okay here alone?"
"Fine. Thanks for waiting with me."
"No problem. Still, like you said, we've got to stop meeting like this." Alexx gave Calleigh a warm hug and headed for the exit, and Calleigh went to find her father.
He was on oxygen now, and his breathing was easier. Studying him in the bed, she couldn't help but notice the softness around the body, the face older than its years. "You've got to start taking care of yourself, Daddy," she told him, as if he could hear her. "I won't always be around to do it for you."
***
Horatio sat in his office studying the computer until his eyes burned with the effort. The records of Ray's cases were all at least two years old, and they were coldly impersonal. Even the report on the fatal shootout was written in stilted, official language that suddenly made Horatio mad. He was a person, damn it, not an incident, he fumed at the apathetic screen. Good, bad, or in between, he was a person. What Horatio really needed were the more extensive files in the police archives, not just the computerized summaries. Somewhere in those files was the link, the man who betrayed his friends, the man Ray had wrestled with in his dreams all night. Maybe. And maybe he was just barking up a tree that wasn't even there. He knew that Ray had always felt competitive, tried to top Horatio, on the force like everywhere else. Perhaps the stress had gotten to him. Horatio knew how stressful police work could be. It happened to lots of cops. Especially ones, like Ray, who had been exposed to the enemy on the streets day after day.
Horatio pushed his wheeled chair back slightly from the computer screen and rested both elbows on his desk. He pressed his face into his hands, massaging the temples, tracing the long scar on the right side. It felt like it was on fire tonight. He closed his eyes.
"Are you okay?" The sharp alarm in Alexx's voice brought his head up instantly.
"Fine," he said. "I've just got a bit of a headache. What are you doing here at this hour?"
"I was about to ask you the same question." She marched over to the desk and put her hand under his chin, lifting his head. "Look at me." She studied his eyes carefully, making sure that the pupils matched, which they did. Next, she took his pulse.
"Alexx, stop it. I'm fine. I've had plenty of headaches in the past, and I'm sure I'll have many more on this job."
She dropped his wrist but did not back away. "You need to get home. You can't catch up six weeks in one day." Her eyes drifted to the computer screen, and she hesitated at the unfamiliar format of the list. "Wait a minute, those aren't CSI files. What are you working on?"
Horatio reached across instantly and hit the computer power button. The screen faded with a forlorn beep. "Nothing."
Alexx wasn't above ignoring Horatio's no trespassing signs at times, but she did not push the point now. He was too tired for her to argue with him tonight. "Fine, if you're working on nothing, it won't hurt to leave it. Come on." She tugged at his arm, almost dragging him to his feet. "Don't you have to be in court tomorrow?"
Horatio grinned, suddenly relaxing slightly. "I think I have to be in court for the rest of my life. I've never seen the DA so mad. You should have heard him."
"Believe me, we have. We've had six weeks of it, while he was warming up his speech to you." They exited his office, and as they started down the stairs, she said, "He'll be even madder if you show up half asleep in court tomorrow. High time you were home."
"I'm telling you, I'm not that tired." Even as he said it, Horatio's left ankle suddenly gave out. Only Alexx's frantic grab at his arm and the fact that his left hand had been on the railing anyway saved him from falling the entire length of the stairs.
Alexx knew better than to say anything, but she maintained her tight grip on his arm until they reached the bottom safely. "Thanks," he said finally. "Maybe it has been a long enough day."
"Do you want me to drive you home?"
"No, I'm fine."
"You go home, though. Straight home. Promise me."
"I promise," he said truthfully, and she accepted it. "Thank you, Alexx. I'll see you in the morning."
"Good night." Alexx watched him leave and wondered if she should have told him about Calleigh's father. No, Calleigh herself could do that. And if he knew, Horatio would head for the hospital, and he needed to be in bed. Smiling at her boss's characteristic refusal to admit he'd had enough, Alexx headed for her own car. Sometimes she wondered what any of them would do without her. She often felt like she didn't just have two children but a whole CSI full.
***
Calleigh was sitting by her father's bedside, wondering how in the world to convince him that he really did need help. She did not hear anyone enter the room, but a well-known, strong but gentle grip suddenly locked on both of her shoulders. "Hi, Handsome," she said, turning around to smile at him.
"I found your message when I got home," he said. He looked dead tired, but his eyes were full of warmth and concern. His protectiveness absolutely melted her, as always. "How is he?"
"They think he's stable in the short term, but his lifestyle is catching up with him. How am I going to convince him he needs help, Horatio? I've been trying for years, and it's gotten nowhere." She stood up, wrapping herself up in his arms and in his concern for her. As always, there was rest and peace in his arms. A haven to hide from the world, even in a hospital. She pushed back suddenly and studied him. "Horatio, what did Susie have to say?"
"Several things. Nothing definite, but little hints that could be useful. Ray might not have been the bad cop, after all, although someone was." She saw his eyes go distant, studying all of the puzzle pieces again, and she shook him slightly, drawing his attention back to her.
"Hey, enough for tonight. You need to be in bed."
"I'm not leaving you here alone. You've spent enough time in hospitals lately."
She sighed. "Horatio, please. Don't make me worry about you, too. Go home."
"Not until you do." His tone was dead-set, stubborn. "Your father is stable, they said. There's no reason for you to stay here all night. It will probably be hours before he wakes up."
True enough. She considered, weighing her duty to her father with her concern for Horatio. The scales tipped way over. "Okay, you win. I'll go home tonight and come back tomorrow. Can I have tomorrow off, boss?"
"Of course. I wish I could be here with you, to keep you company, but I've got to be in court."
"Horatio, you are here for me, always. I know that." She hugged him again.
"I just wish I could do more."
"That is why I love you," she mumbled with her face buried in his chest.
"What?" He hadn't caught the words. She straightened up and met his eyes.
"Go home, Horatio. I'm leaving, too. I promise." He held her eyes for a minute, gauging her sincerity, then stepped forward to give her a final squeeze.
"See you tomorrow sometime, but I'll be in court all day. Take care of yourself, Calleigh."
"You, too," she said. "See you tomorrow." He left the room, and she took one final look at her father, then turned for the door, feeling slightly guilty, but also relieved to be leaving. She knew her actions would make a difference with Horatio. She wasn't sure if anything would make a difference with her father.
***
"Alexx, would you do me a favor?"
"Sure." Alexx looked up from the ME reports she was working on and faced Horatio.
"Could you check on Calleigh for me? I'm going to be tied up in court all day, and I didn't want to call her before I left, in case I woke her up. But I don't like the idea of her spending all day at the hospital alone. So if you could check on her for me a little later . . . What's funny?"
Alexx immediately wiped the smile off her face. "Nothing. Sure, I'll check on her for you. Have fun in court, Horatio." He rolled his eyes at her and left. Once he was safely out of the room, Alexx put down her pen and laughed until tears ran from her eyes. What a pair those two made!
***
Calleigh entered her father's room. He was awake now. He was also not in the best of moods, as the doctor had predicted. "Calleigh," he said, squinting against the morning light. "What did you haul me down here for?"
"You were having trouble breathing, Daddy. You needed help."
"Just needed a ride home. You never dragged me to the hospital before."
"Daddy, you really did need help."
"She's right," said the doctor over her shoulder. "You were suffering from congestive heart failure and chronic liver failure. Your lifestyle is catching up to you, Mr. Hayes. You are going to have to make some serious changes if you want to spend many more years with your family."
The medical terminology rocked her father for a minute. "It really was serious?"
"It was. It is." The doctor's pager went off, and he looked at it. "Excuse me," he said, and left the father and daughter alone.
"I'm sorry, Calleigh," he said after a moment.
"I'm sorry I had to do it to you, Daddy," she replied. "But you really were having trouble breathing."
There was silence for a moment. "How was your banquet on Sunday?" he asked suddenly.
"Wonderful," she replied.
"Saw about it on the news," he said. "Your boss saved a lot of people, didn't he?"
"He sure did," she agreed. Suddenly, she wanted to talk to him about Horatio, about something that mattered, like a father and daughter should talk, not just about trying to drag him off the path to self- destruction. "Daddy, Horatio and I have been . . . "
Her father interrupted her, and she realized that he hadn't heard a word of what she said. "Serious changes. Rehab and all. I'm not sure if I could do that, Cal."
"You wouldn't have to do it alone," she promised. "I'd be here for you." He smiled at her.
"You always are. I do love you, Cal. I may not have always shown it, but I do love you."
"I love you too, Daddy," she said. After that, there seemed nothing more to say. How could silence be so awkward between two people and so intimate between two others, she wondered. Gradually, her father drifted off to sleep again, and she picked up yesterday's newspaper from the waiting room and brought it to his room to read by his bedside. Today's paper was there, too, but yesterday's included a story about Horatio. She read it until she memorized it, thinking of him.
***
Horatio entered his office feeling battered from the day but pleased. Court had gone well, even if it ran late, and one more criminal was off the street. He wondered how many future victims had been saved by this conviction. Someday, he would have to ask his mother. He sat down at his desk, then froze as he saw the note in the center of it in Alexx's neat handwriting. "Horatio, Calleigh's father died this afternoon around 3:00. They thought he was stable, but his heart just gave out. Calleigh is holding up pretty well. Her mother is flying in from Louisiana and will be here tomorrow. Could you check on her yourself tonight, though? I have things I have to do with my family." He stood up instantly and headed for the garage, checking his watch. 7:30. She would probably be back at her place, making phone calls, discussing arrangements.
He now had a key to her apartment, as she now had a key to his house, and he let himself in quietly. "Calleigh?" No sign of her, although her purse was on the table, so he knew she was here. He quietly searched through the house, finding her in the study, stretched out on the couch with the phone on the table next to her. She was asleep. Tears had streaked her make up, and she looked utterly worn. Quietly, he slipped her shoes off. She knew his hands, and she did not wake up. He settled himself in the chair across the coffee table, watching her. She looked so small and helpless. Looks are deceiving, he told himself. Only physically small, and not at all helpless, but he still wanted to shelter her. He wished he could have been there for her this afternoon, instead of in court.
Calleigh stirred, muttering small, incoherent, agitated sounds. Horatio crossed over to the couch and knelt beside her, touching her gently. "Shh, Calleigh. It's okay. I'm here." She settled down, but when he tried to straighten up and took his hand off her arm, she grew restless again. It occurred to him suddenly that he owed her a night kneeling on the floor, and he had never paid up. Fine, tonight he would. He settled himself as comfortably as he could, propping his head on the edge of the couch, stroking her arm gently, watching her sleep.
***
Calleigh woke up suddenly. The room was dark, but the streetlight outside her window spilled in, illuminating the furniture, highlighting Horatio on the floor next to the couch. She smiled, realizing that he was the one who had broken the restless dreams about her father. His hand on her arm, like an anchor. The deep ache of the day lessened slightly just by his presence. She studied him, memorizing every line of his face again. How had she ever lived without him? Even through this long and difficult day, she had known he was thinking of her, and his thoughts had held her together through the call to her mother.
Horatio shifted himself, whimpering slightly. His hand on her arm never stirred, but the rest of him tensed up. What was he dreaming about? Ray, most likely. With a stab of guilt, she realized that she still did not have the full story of what was going on with Ray. Horatio was going through something, and she had not been there for him, distracted by her father. She gently placed her other hand on top of Horatio's where it rested on her arm. "Easy, Horatio," she whispered. "I'm here now." He settled down, and she studied his hand, wedged between her two. Their lives were so intertwined, it seemed. Such dependency frightened her, to need someone else that much. Still, it was the most marvelous sense of release she had ever known The last few months had been the best of her life, even with her father's death. Horatio was here for her. She was here for him. This was where they belonged. If the world will just leave us alone, she thought. Then her thoughts drifted hazily into incoherence, and they both slept, both dreaming now, for some reason, of fields full of wildflowers.