A/N: Whoo! Another scene for the movie! Oh how it gets better and
better..or just crazier.
Disclaimers: The same, we only own ourselves.
[Scene 3: It is 3 in the morning, and Clarice is out on a mission. No, not for the FBI, but for the FBI, "Finding Bras Immediately."]
[Clarice Starling is in her car, driving down a winding rural road. She is dressed all in black, with a black ski mask sitting on the seat next to her. She was dressed to be stealthy. Of course, she still had her pink Hello Kitty wristwatch, but that wasn't a matter of fashion. She had a dentist's appointment at 6, and she didn't want to be late. The last time she had been late the dentist has threatened to spank her.]
Clarice- "Oh god I hope this works why the hell did this have to happen to me now?"
[Clarice pulls her car to a halt outside of a nice house, all alone out in the wilderness. ]
Clarice- "Here, I can commit my horrible womanly crimes without getting caught. Of course its going to be hard being stealthy with these beautiful, plump jugs bouncing freely."
[Clarice looks down at the two full cartons of orange juice that were hanging from her belt loop.]
Clarice- "Of course that's what I meant! What do you think; I'm sick or something? People do get thirsty, you know."
[Clarice gets out of her car, and puts on her ski mask.]
[She tips toes slowly over to the nearest window, and stands there, surveying it.]
Clarice- "Ok this is it I have to get in right here."
[She takes a deep breath.]
Clarice- "Ok Clarice breath. Do it just like they taught you in the academy they trained us on this for years everything will be ok."
[Clarice picks up a huge rock and chucks it at the window.]
['CRASH!!!' The window shatters in a huge spray of glass.]
[Clarice tucks her head in and dives through the broken window.]
Clarice- "HOLY SHIT IT WASN'T ME!"
[She takes a deep breath and looks around.]
Clarice- "For once my training actually worked although, now that I think about it, the door was already open. How odd. Doors do seem to do that around me."
[Clarice skulks around the dark house, searching for the bedroom.
She encounters a hallway full of what seem to be family photos.
Very carefully, she takes out a permanent marker and draws handlebar mustaches on all the people in the photos.
She then continues down the hall into the bedroom.
She opens the door and peers inside.]
Clarice- "Sweet, there's no one here. Finally a little help from upstairs."
[The family that lives in the house is sleeping upstairs.]
Clarice- "Now, to collect my prize."
[Clarice tiptoes over the closet and looks inside.]
Clarice- "SWEET ANGRY JESUS! THEY'VE GOT MORE BRAS THAN A FAT CIRCUS CLOWN WITH A FETISH!"
[Clarice curses the script and the cheesy metaphors.]
[She is about to start pulling bras out of the closet when she hears a noise coming from the bathroom.]
A Woman's Voice- "Damn it, you stupid retarded fish! Sit still! God, the way you act you'd think you've never been tortured before!"
A Strange Fish Like Voice- "please-WHEEZE- don't hurt- WHEEZE- me!"
[Clarice gasps.]
Clarice- 0.0 "Oh no! Somebody is in the house! And they've kidnapped a poor helpless fish! My father used to fish."
[Clarice has some lame flashbacks that no one cares about:]
[Clarice's father sits on boat fishing. He reels in a fish.]
Clarice's dad- "Look honey! I got a big fish!"
[Clarice is busy fondling the local neighborhood manwhore, ironically named Hannibal, and she doesn't notice.]
[Clarice's dad gets all-sad.]
Clarice's dad- "oh, fish, I'm so lonely. Will you be my friend?"
[He hugs the fish, getting all slimy.]
Clarice's dad- "From now I shall call you Mason, and you'll be my only-" Mason fish splurts out of his grip and lands flopping on the deck of the boat. He flops his way over to the side, the jumps overboard.
Clarice's dad- "Ouch. This really hurts."
[Clarice returns from her flashback.]
Clarice- 0.o "Ok, wow. That explained so much."
[Meanwhile, behind her, the bathroom door opens slowly, and a head peeks out.
Clarice hears the creaking of the door and turns around slowly, drawing her gun.
The lady behind the door jumps out and screams,]
Lady- "WOOBLOO! I AM KATE!"
[She jumps around the room for a few minutes, twirling a big spear around and singing the chimneysweeper song from Mary Poppins.
Clarice, thoroughly frightened, takes a sip of orange juice from one of her jugs.]
[Kate stops jumping around.]
Kate- "Damn it Clarice, that wasn't cool. You were supposed to be scared!"
[Clarice screws the cap back on her orange juice.]
Clarice- "Oh give me a break, I've seen worse from Paul Krendler."
[They both hear a huge commotion from the bathroom, and Masonfish (aka Mason) comes barreling out of the bathroom on his wheelchair.]
Mason- "Did. shomeone.. Shay.. Krendler? Where... ish... that shexy ...man ...beasht when .I .need hi-"
[Mason pauses.]
[Clarice pukes.]
[Kate tries to kill herself.]
Mason- "Oh .good. god itsh. You. Clarice.. I. Thought id never shee .you .again!"
Clarice- "Mason! Long time no see! Hey man, you've been working out. Your flippers are all fishy."
[Mason gets all embarrassed.]
Kate- 0.0 "Ok Clarice, what the hell are you doing here? I was right in the middle of torturing Mason, and you just come barging in here, Looking through my closet? I mean, I know your damn sexy and you can do anything you want, but still you never return my phone calls!"
Clarice- "Kate, I have no clue why you know who I am, and I have no clue who you are, and I know you've probably been stalking me. " [Kate nods, and grins.] "But here's the thing. You see I need a bra I can't stand this anymore wherever I go they are bouncing and jiggling and its like Bay-watch only with more blood and guns. So can I borrow a bra?"
Kate glances at the two jugs of orange juice hanging from Clarice's belt.
Kate- 0.o "And I thought Hannibal was sick. "
Clarice- "Oh well he is he's beyond sick god he's SOOO sick.... "
[Clarice trails off and starts drooling.]
Kate- "Your going to have to clean that up. And besides. I'm an Amazon. I don't have bras. Just these nice Metal Chest plates!"
[Kate bangs on her metal chest plate with the butt of her spear, making a big ringing noise.]
Kate (whispering to Clarice)- "The chest plates are nice. It's the only way I can keep Mason's slimy flippers off me for a fish he's amazingly limber"
Clarice- 0.0 "Now that's just wrong but really? No bras?"
[Kate stabs Mason in the arm with her spear.]
Kate- "Nope, no bras."
[Clarice gets all pissed and throws a jug of orange juice at mason.]
['SPLAT.']
[Mason twitches and then starts to cry.]
Mason- "Oh My it burnsh the pain."
[Kate goes behind his wheelchair and pushes him back into the bathroom.]
Kate- "I think its time for you to leave, Clarice. You've upset Fish boy."
[Clarice, now very depressed and frustrated, storms out of the house.
As she leaves, she hears Mason screaming, and the sound of the toilet flushing.]
Kate- "Whatsa matter, Mason?! I thought fish could breathe under water! Muwhahahahah!"
[Clarice blinks, then runs the rest of the way to her car.
She jumps in, and locks the doors.]
Clarice- "Damn her I am, still bra-less and now I don't have any orange juice either this hurts I feel like throwing rocks at an old lady "
[Clarice drives off, making squealing noises so it seems like she was peeling out.]
Clarice- "Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. VROOM!! And off to the old folks home!"
Disclaimers: The same, we only own ourselves.
[Scene 3: It is 3 in the morning, and Clarice is out on a mission. No, not for the FBI, but for the FBI, "Finding Bras Immediately."]
[Clarice Starling is in her car, driving down a winding rural road. She is dressed all in black, with a black ski mask sitting on the seat next to her. She was dressed to be stealthy. Of course, she still had her pink Hello Kitty wristwatch, but that wasn't a matter of fashion. She had a dentist's appointment at 6, and she didn't want to be late. The last time she had been late the dentist has threatened to spank her.]
Clarice- "Oh god I hope this works why the hell did this have to happen to me now?"
[Clarice pulls her car to a halt outside of a nice house, all alone out in the wilderness. ]
Clarice- "Here, I can commit my horrible womanly crimes without getting caught. Of course its going to be hard being stealthy with these beautiful, plump jugs bouncing freely."
[Clarice looks down at the two full cartons of orange juice that were hanging from her belt loop.]
Clarice- "Of course that's what I meant! What do you think; I'm sick or something? People do get thirsty, you know."
[Clarice gets out of her car, and puts on her ski mask.]
[She tips toes slowly over to the nearest window, and stands there, surveying it.]
Clarice- "Ok this is it I have to get in right here."
[She takes a deep breath.]
Clarice- "Ok Clarice breath. Do it just like they taught you in the academy they trained us on this for years everything will be ok."
[Clarice picks up a huge rock and chucks it at the window.]
['CRASH!!!' The window shatters in a huge spray of glass.]
[Clarice tucks her head in and dives through the broken window.]
Clarice- "HOLY SHIT IT WASN'T ME!"
[She takes a deep breath and looks around.]
Clarice- "For once my training actually worked although, now that I think about it, the door was already open. How odd. Doors do seem to do that around me."
[Clarice skulks around the dark house, searching for the bedroom.
She encounters a hallway full of what seem to be family photos.
Very carefully, she takes out a permanent marker and draws handlebar mustaches on all the people in the photos.
She then continues down the hall into the bedroom.
She opens the door and peers inside.]
Clarice- "Sweet, there's no one here. Finally a little help from upstairs."
[The family that lives in the house is sleeping upstairs.]
Clarice- "Now, to collect my prize."
[Clarice tiptoes over the closet and looks inside.]
Clarice- "SWEET ANGRY JESUS! THEY'VE GOT MORE BRAS THAN A FAT CIRCUS CLOWN WITH A FETISH!"
[Clarice curses the script and the cheesy metaphors.]
[She is about to start pulling bras out of the closet when she hears a noise coming from the bathroom.]
A Woman's Voice- "Damn it, you stupid retarded fish! Sit still! God, the way you act you'd think you've never been tortured before!"
A Strange Fish Like Voice- "please-WHEEZE- don't hurt- WHEEZE- me!"
[Clarice gasps.]
Clarice- 0.0 "Oh no! Somebody is in the house! And they've kidnapped a poor helpless fish! My father used to fish."
[Clarice has some lame flashbacks that no one cares about:]
[Clarice's father sits on boat fishing. He reels in a fish.]
Clarice's dad- "Look honey! I got a big fish!"
[Clarice is busy fondling the local neighborhood manwhore, ironically named Hannibal, and she doesn't notice.]
[Clarice's dad gets all-sad.]
Clarice's dad- "oh, fish, I'm so lonely. Will you be my friend?"
[He hugs the fish, getting all slimy.]
Clarice's dad- "From now I shall call you Mason, and you'll be my only-" Mason fish splurts out of his grip and lands flopping on the deck of the boat. He flops his way over to the side, the jumps overboard.
Clarice's dad- "Ouch. This really hurts."
[Clarice returns from her flashback.]
Clarice- 0.o "Ok, wow. That explained so much."
[Meanwhile, behind her, the bathroom door opens slowly, and a head peeks out.
Clarice hears the creaking of the door and turns around slowly, drawing her gun.
The lady behind the door jumps out and screams,]
Lady- "WOOBLOO! I AM KATE!"
[She jumps around the room for a few minutes, twirling a big spear around and singing the chimneysweeper song from Mary Poppins.
Clarice, thoroughly frightened, takes a sip of orange juice from one of her jugs.]
[Kate stops jumping around.]
Kate- "Damn it Clarice, that wasn't cool. You were supposed to be scared!"
[Clarice screws the cap back on her orange juice.]
Clarice- "Oh give me a break, I've seen worse from Paul Krendler."
[They both hear a huge commotion from the bathroom, and Masonfish (aka Mason) comes barreling out of the bathroom on his wheelchair.]
Mason- "Did. shomeone.. Shay.. Krendler? Where... ish... that shexy ...man ...beasht when .I .need hi-"
[Mason pauses.]
[Clarice pukes.]
[Kate tries to kill herself.]
Mason- "Oh .good. god itsh. You. Clarice.. I. Thought id never shee .you .again!"
Clarice- "Mason! Long time no see! Hey man, you've been working out. Your flippers are all fishy."
[Mason gets all embarrassed.]
Kate- 0.0 "Ok Clarice, what the hell are you doing here? I was right in the middle of torturing Mason, and you just come barging in here, Looking through my closet? I mean, I know your damn sexy and you can do anything you want, but still you never return my phone calls!"
Clarice- "Kate, I have no clue why you know who I am, and I have no clue who you are, and I know you've probably been stalking me. " [Kate nods, and grins.] "But here's the thing. You see I need a bra I can't stand this anymore wherever I go they are bouncing and jiggling and its like Bay-watch only with more blood and guns. So can I borrow a bra?"
Kate glances at the two jugs of orange juice hanging from Clarice's belt.
Kate- 0.o "And I thought Hannibal was sick. "
Clarice- "Oh well he is he's beyond sick god he's SOOO sick.... "
[Clarice trails off and starts drooling.]
Kate- "Your going to have to clean that up. And besides. I'm an Amazon. I don't have bras. Just these nice Metal Chest plates!"
[Kate bangs on her metal chest plate with the butt of her spear, making a big ringing noise.]
Kate (whispering to Clarice)- "The chest plates are nice. It's the only way I can keep Mason's slimy flippers off me for a fish he's amazingly limber"
Clarice- 0.0 "Now that's just wrong but really? No bras?"
[Kate stabs Mason in the arm with her spear.]
Kate- "Nope, no bras."
[Clarice gets all pissed and throws a jug of orange juice at mason.]
['SPLAT.']
[Mason twitches and then starts to cry.]
Mason- "Oh My it burnsh the pain."
[Kate goes behind his wheelchair and pushes him back into the bathroom.]
Kate- "I think its time for you to leave, Clarice. You've upset Fish boy."
[Clarice, now very depressed and frustrated, storms out of the house.
As she leaves, she hears Mason screaming, and the sound of the toilet flushing.]
Kate- "Whatsa matter, Mason?! I thought fish could breathe under water! Muwhahahahah!"
[Clarice blinks, then runs the rest of the way to her car.
She jumps in, and locks the doors.]
Clarice- "Damn her I am, still bra-less and now I don't have any orange juice either this hurts I feel like throwing rocks at an old lady "
[Clarice drives off, making squealing noises so it seems like she was peeling out.]
Clarice- "Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. VROOM!! And off to the old folks home!"