A/N: Woo, look there is more! The madness is not over yet! Moohahahah
::shuts up:: Okay, sorry.
Disclaimers: Yep, we only own ourselves...
(Scene 6: Clarice starling is inside of the local shopping mall, in a store across from Victoria's secret.)
{Clarice is crouched behind a swimwear mannequin, every now and then peeking across at Victoria's Secret.]
Clarice- "I have to get some bras and fast! But damn I have no money. I mean seriously, I work for he FBI. Most of the time we don't even use real guns. All those shootouts between us and drug dealers? We were using Nerf guns. We just got super lucky that cocaine explodes when it comes in contact with foam."
[Clarice does a secret agent roll out from behind her mannequin, and ends up behind another mannequin.]
Clarice- "Ok so all I have to is get inside, steal some bras, and get out, without anyone seeing me."
[Someone taps Clarice on the shoulder.
She turns around slowly, and gasps.]
Clarice- "GRASS! I mean cough line?" [Someone hands her a script and she reads it over.]
Clarice- "GASP! Jack Crawford? What are you doing here inside Old Navy?"
[Crawford scowls.]
Crawford- "I was mislead by the name. I thought it was a Navy store. But alas, not a juicy, hairy chested sailor in sight."
Clarice- 0.0 "Crawford you...you...you are sick."
[Crawford puts his hand over his mouth and giggles.]
Crawford- "Oh yes I know, heehee!"
[Clarice pauses, and realizes that there is no God.]
[Suddenly, a Buddhist monk comes running up with a giant flame-thrower, and torches Crawford.
Crawford falls to the ground on fire, screaming in agony.
Another monk drops down from the roof and lands on Crawford. He pulls out a tommy gun, and shoots him multiple times in the back.]
[Clarice watches all of this with a sick fascination.]
Monk- "Now, Agent starling, would a priest have done that for you? I think not."
[The monk runs off into the Khaki pants section and disappears.]
Clarice- "I will never understand religion. Ever."
[Clarice hides back behind the mannequin.
She watches as a herd of cheerleaders walks by her window.]
Cheerleader #1- "Oh my gawd, we should all go to Hot Topic!"
[The rest of them squeal and shake their hands, forgetting that they don't have any pom poms.]
[Clarice steps out from behind the mannequin and unloads six entire clips into the group of cheerleaders. By the time she's done, the cheerleaders are all laying on the ground stunned, covered in little suction cup Nerf bullets.]
[The cheerleaders stand up, confused.]
Cheerleader #2- (pulling off the Nerf Suction cups) "you- [pop]-know, maybe ill just go sit in the bathroom and cry."
[The cheerleaders all run off squealing in fear, or pain, or laughter. Its really hard to tell, because all of their squeals sound the same; like a large Ostrich getting run over by a semi full of glass plates.]
[Clarice jumps back behind the mannequin.]
Clarice- "Oh, I hope no one saw me."
[She waits there until everything calms down.
She leans her head against the mannequin, trying to get conformable. Soon she falls asleep, and has a strange dream:]
~~Clarice is standing alone in front of a hot dog stand. There is no one working the hot dog stand. Clarice is really hungry.
Clarice- "I am soooo hungry. I wish I had a HOT DOG!"
[Hannibal comes skipping around the corner in slow motion, hair blowing in the wind. Which means there's not a whole lot happening, cause lets face it, Hannibal aint as young as he used to be. Hell, in the old days, he had to use a hair net whenever he cut open people.]
[Hannibal stops, and pats his head.]
Hannibal- "Gee I'm going to have to start using Rogaine. "
Clarice- "Hannibal! It's you! Oh my! I thought id never see you again!"
[Clarice runs to Hannibal in slow motion, flowers flying everywhere and little cupids with poisoned arrows sniping off little children from atop trees.]
Hannibal- "Clarice! My special Starling!"
[They both run towards each other.]
Clarice- "HANNIBAL, I love y-" ![SMACK!]
[Clarice runs into a solid pane of glass, and falls over.]
[Hannibal, who had been inside of the building, not outside, also smacks into the glass and falls over. They both roll around on the ground cursing clear objects.]
[High up in the sky, Mason is sitting on his blimp (yes Krendler has gained a lot of weight) and laughing quite evily. ~~ ]
[Clarice wakes up, her face smashed against the front window of the Old Navy Store.]
Clarice- "Pfffucpk!"
[She peels her face off the glass, leaving a huge smudge where her lips were.
Outside a small crowd had gathered to watch.]
[Several obnoxious tourists are taking pictures.]
Clarice- (shaking her fist at the crowd) "GO AWAY! There is nothing to see here!"
[Clarice's pants fall down.]
Clarice- "Umm..well, fuck."
[She dashes back into the old navy store, heading towards the dressing rooms.]
Clarice- "Shit! Gotta hide! Gotta hide!"
[Clarice barrels into the dressing room, rolling under one of the doors, into safety.
She stands up, and feels something pressing against her back.]
[She turns around slowly.]
Hannibal- "Why Buffalo, Clarice."
Clarice- "GASP! Hannibal its y- wait a minute what did you say?"
[A hand reaches in, and hands Hannibal a script.]
[Hannibal pauses and reads it.]
Hannibal- "OH! Crap, my bad, guys!
[He takes a deep breath.]
Hannibal- "Why hello, Clarice."
[Clarice GASPS again.]
Clarice- "OMG! HANNIBAL! OMG! And you're in a dressing room not wearing pants! AND OMG! My pants fell off too! Isn't fate a funny thing?"
[Hannibal pauses.]
Hannibal- "Clarice, you are so mischievous. Losing your pants just so you could show me your panties."
[Clarice looks down at her panties, which have a picture of Hannibal on the front.]
[Clarice coughs and reaches under the dressing room wall, grabbing a pair of boxers that were in the dressing room next door. She puts them on.]
Clarice- (poking Hannibal in the eye with her finger) "YOU SAW NOTHING!"
[Hannibal laughs, and grabs Clarice's hands.]
Hannibal- "Who ever would have thought we would meet next in the dressing room of an Old Navy?"
A voice from the dressing room next door- "I did! I planned it all along!"
[Hannibal and Clarice look at each other- o.0]
Clarice- "Are you spying on us? Cause that's just weird."
[The person next door gets down on the floor, and crawls under the dressing room wall, standing up inside of the same dressing room as Hannibal and Clarice.]
Kate- "HI CLARICE!" [Kate waves.]
Clarice- "Sweet angry packets of condensed artificial sugar! Its Kate!"
[Clarice throws herself at the door, trying to bust it open and escape.]
[Too bad for her the Old Navy store actually IS a U.S. Navy surplus store, and the dressing room doors are prototype hatches for the Navy's newest fleet of submarines, Code-named 'The yellow submarine, this time without all the acid trips'.]
[Clarice curses.]
Kate- "No Clarice, don't go! You and Hannibal just go ahead and do what you were going to do, and, don't get embarassed if I start to video tape it. Its only for uhh security purposes. Yeah that's it. Security purposes. "
[Kate looks around with shifty eyes and snickers.]
Hannibal- "You know, Twix are much better."
[Both Clarice and Kate look at Hannibal- 0.0]
[They pause.]
[They both slap him extremely hard.]
Clarice- "One more corny joke out of you and ill have to start using the WHIP!"
[Hannibal drools.
Kate videotapes it.]
[Clarice gets out a bib and puts it on Hannibal , then turns to face Kate.]
Clarice- "Now, listen Kate, I know I'm quite possibly the coolest person in the entire world, and YES, Hannibal is the sexiest man that ever lived, but still. You cant video tape us having sex!"
[Kate looks at Clarice- 0.o]
Kate- "Sex? You are going to have sex? I just thought you were going to draw funny pictures on the walls of the dressing room, and write the word 'penis' on it so that anyone who comes in here after you reads it and feels uncomfortable."
Clarice- 0.0 "Kate, we would never do that! Graffiti is WRONG!"
[Hannibal looks around with shifty eyes, and tries to erase where he wrote 'BOOB' on the wall in pen.]
Hannibal- "Yeah! [Scrub scrub] Its wrong!"
[Suddenly they hear a banging on the door of the dressing room.]
A voice from the other side (no its not god, he wouldn't be caught dead at Old Navy)- "Excuse me, but there is only one person allowed in the dressing room at a time! I see three sets of feet in there, so unless you're a glowing nuclear monkey insect who's going to come out and eat me, two of you have to get out!"
[Hannibal pauses.]
Hannibal- "Do you think I could pass for a six legged nuclear monkey?"
Clarice- "ONLY IN BED! AHAHAH!!"
[Hannibal and Kate slap Clarice.]
Hannibal- "That was even worse than mine, Clarice. Bad joke, bad joke."
[Clarice lowers her eyes to the ground in shame.]
Clarice- "I'm so sorry. It's just that I never get any of the funny lines and after a while it starts to hurt inside. I'm tired of being the bra-less bitch! For once I want to be the clown!"
[Hannibal takes off his red ball nose.]
Hannibal- "Clarice, being a clown isn't all it's cracked up to be. There's other drugs involved too!"
[Kate swings her video camera around and slams Hannibal in the head with it. He falls over.]
Kate- "No more corny jokes!"
[Hannibal reaches up and hands her a piece of lettuce.]
Hannibal- "There you go, then."
[By now the Old Navy employee has had enough, and he unlocks the dressing room door.
He looks up and sees Kate standing there, holding a video camera in one hand, a piece of lettuce in the other, standing above Hannibal, who is on his knees, not wearing pants, with the shape of a camera lens imprinted on his face. Clarice is standing behind them both, wearing boxers, and holding her Nerf gun pointed at the employee.]
Employee- "Umm. Well gosh, what do I say this? Ummm."
[He runs away, and is never seen again.]
[When Clarice looks back around to find Hannibal, he is gone too.]
Kate is also running off, holding Clarice's and Hannibal's pants in her arms and laughing insanely.
Kate- "PANTS! Glorious pants! I will hang you on my wall, and name you Clarice Pant and Hannibal Pant, and we shall be friends forever!"
[From out of nowhere, Holly flies in and tackles Kate, and they get in a big fight over the pants. It goes down in history as the bloodiest, most pantful war ever. Of course, that's not including the time Napoleon stole the pants off the Prince of England, but technically those weren't pants anyway. Those are called "knickers". And you have to smile when you say it.]
[Clarice is left standing alone in the open dressing room, wearing a pair of boxers with a picture of Spongebob Squarepants on them.]
[Clarice begins to whimper.].
Disclaimers: Yep, we only own ourselves...
(Scene 6: Clarice starling is inside of the local shopping mall, in a store across from Victoria's secret.)
{Clarice is crouched behind a swimwear mannequin, every now and then peeking across at Victoria's Secret.]
Clarice- "I have to get some bras and fast! But damn I have no money. I mean seriously, I work for he FBI. Most of the time we don't even use real guns. All those shootouts between us and drug dealers? We were using Nerf guns. We just got super lucky that cocaine explodes when it comes in contact with foam."
[Clarice does a secret agent roll out from behind her mannequin, and ends up behind another mannequin.]
Clarice- "Ok so all I have to is get inside, steal some bras, and get out, without anyone seeing me."
[Someone taps Clarice on the shoulder.
She turns around slowly, and gasps.]
Clarice- "GRASS! I mean cough line?" [Someone hands her a script and she reads it over.]
Clarice- "GASP! Jack Crawford? What are you doing here inside Old Navy?"
[Crawford scowls.]
Crawford- "I was mislead by the name. I thought it was a Navy store. But alas, not a juicy, hairy chested sailor in sight."
Clarice- 0.0 "Crawford you...you...you are sick."
[Crawford puts his hand over his mouth and giggles.]
Crawford- "Oh yes I know, heehee!"
[Clarice pauses, and realizes that there is no God.]
[Suddenly, a Buddhist monk comes running up with a giant flame-thrower, and torches Crawford.
Crawford falls to the ground on fire, screaming in agony.
Another monk drops down from the roof and lands on Crawford. He pulls out a tommy gun, and shoots him multiple times in the back.]
[Clarice watches all of this with a sick fascination.]
Monk- "Now, Agent starling, would a priest have done that for you? I think not."
[The monk runs off into the Khaki pants section and disappears.]
Clarice- "I will never understand religion. Ever."
[Clarice hides back behind the mannequin.
She watches as a herd of cheerleaders walks by her window.]
Cheerleader #1- "Oh my gawd, we should all go to Hot Topic!"
[The rest of them squeal and shake their hands, forgetting that they don't have any pom poms.]
[Clarice steps out from behind the mannequin and unloads six entire clips into the group of cheerleaders. By the time she's done, the cheerleaders are all laying on the ground stunned, covered in little suction cup Nerf bullets.]
[The cheerleaders stand up, confused.]
Cheerleader #2- (pulling off the Nerf Suction cups) "you- [pop]-know, maybe ill just go sit in the bathroom and cry."
[The cheerleaders all run off squealing in fear, or pain, or laughter. Its really hard to tell, because all of their squeals sound the same; like a large Ostrich getting run over by a semi full of glass plates.]
[Clarice jumps back behind the mannequin.]
Clarice- "Oh, I hope no one saw me."
[She waits there until everything calms down.
She leans her head against the mannequin, trying to get conformable. Soon she falls asleep, and has a strange dream:]
~~Clarice is standing alone in front of a hot dog stand. There is no one working the hot dog stand. Clarice is really hungry.
Clarice- "I am soooo hungry. I wish I had a HOT DOG!"
[Hannibal comes skipping around the corner in slow motion, hair blowing in the wind. Which means there's not a whole lot happening, cause lets face it, Hannibal aint as young as he used to be. Hell, in the old days, he had to use a hair net whenever he cut open people.]
[Hannibal stops, and pats his head.]
Hannibal- "Gee I'm going to have to start using Rogaine. "
Clarice- "Hannibal! It's you! Oh my! I thought id never see you again!"
[Clarice runs to Hannibal in slow motion, flowers flying everywhere and little cupids with poisoned arrows sniping off little children from atop trees.]
Hannibal- "Clarice! My special Starling!"
[They both run towards each other.]
Clarice- "HANNIBAL, I love y-" ![SMACK!]
[Clarice runs into a solid pane of glass, and falls over.]
[Hannibal, who had been inside of the building, not outside, also smacks into the glass and falls over. They both roll around on the ground cursing clear objects.]
[High up in the sky, Mason is sitting on his blimp (yes Krendler has gained a lot of weight) and laughing quite evily. ~~ ]
[Clarice wakes up, her face smashed against the front window of the Old Navy Store.]
Clarice- "Pfffucpk!"
[She peels her face off the glass, leaving a huge smudge where her lips were.
Outside a small crowd had gathered to watch.]
[Several obnoxious tourists are taking pictures.]
Clarice- (shaking her fist at the crowd) "GO AWAY! There is nothing to see here!"
[Clarice's pants fall down.]
Clarice- "Umm..well, fuck."
[She dashes back into the old navy store, heading towards the dressing rooms.]
Clarice- "Shit! Gotta hide! Gotta hide!"
[Clarice barrels into the dressing room, rolling under one of the doors, into safety.
She stands up, and feels something pressing against her back.]
[She turns around slowly.]
Hannibal- "Why Buffalo, Clarice."
Clarice- "GASP! Hannibal its y- wait a minute what did you say?"
[A hand reaches in, and hands Hannibal a script.]
[Hannibal pauses and reads it.]
Hannibal- "OH! Crap, my bad, guys!
[He takes a deep breath.]
Hannibal- "Why hello, Clarice."
[Clarice GASPS again.]
Clarice- "OMG! HANNIBAL! OMG! And you're in a dressing room not wearing pants! AND OMG! My pants fell off too! Isn't fate a funny thing?"
[Hannibal pauses.]
Hannibal- "Clarice, you are so mischievous. Losing your pants just so you could show me your panties."
[Clarice looks down at her panties, which have a picture of Hannibal on the front.]
[Clarice coughs and reaches under the dressing room wall, grabbing a pair of boxers that were in the dressing room next door. She puts them on.]
Clarice- (poking Hannibal in the eye with her finger) "YOU SAW NOTHING!"
[Hannibal laughs, and grabs Clarice's hands.]
Hannibal- "Who ever would have thought we would meet next in the dressing room of an Old Navy?"
A voice from the dressing room next door- "I did! I planned it all along!"
[Hannibal and Clarice look at each other- o.0]
Clarice- "Are you spying on us? Cause that's just weird."
[The person next door gets down on the floor, and crawls under the dressing room wall, standing up inside of the same dressing room as Hannibal and Clarice.]
Kate- "HI CLARICE!" [Kate waves.]
Clarice- "Sweet angry packets of condensed artificial sugar! Its Kate!"
[Clarice throws herself at the door, trying to bust it open and escape.]
[Too bad for her the Old Navy store actually IS a U.S. Navy surplus store, and the dressing room doors are prototype hatches for the Navy's newest fleet of submarines, Code-named 'The yellow submarine, this time without all the acid trips'.]
[Clarice curses.]
Kate- "No Clarice, don't go! You and Hannibal just go ahead and do what you were going to do, and, don't get embarassed if I start to video tape it. Its only for uhh security purposes. Yeah that's it. Security purposes. "
[Kate looks around with shifty eyes and snickers.]
Hannibal- "You know, Twix are much better."
[Both Clarice and Kate look at Hannibal- 0.0]
[They pause.]
[They both slap him extremely hard.]
Clarice- "One more corny joke out of you and ill have to start using the WHIP!"
[Hannibal drools.
Kate videotapes it.]
[Clarice gets out a bib and puts it on Hannibal , then turns to face Kate.]
Clarice- "Now, listen Kate, I know I'm quite possibly the coolest person in the entire world, and YES, Hannibal is the sexiest man that ever lived, but still. You cant video tape us having sex!"
[Kate looks at Clarice- 0.o]
Kate- "Sex? You are going to have sex? I just thought you were going to draw funny pictures on the walls of the dressing room, and write the word 'penis' on it so that anyone who comes in here after you reads it and feels uncomfortable."
Clarice- 0.0 "Kate, we would never do that! Graffiti is WRONG!"
[Hannibal looks around with shifty eyes, and tries to erase where he wrote 'BOOB' on the wall in pen.]
Hannibal- "Yeah! [Scrub scrub] Its wrong!"
[Suddenly they hear a banging on the door of the dressing room.]
A voice from the other side (no its not god, he wouldn't be caught dead at Old Navy)- "Excuse me, but there is only one person allowed in the dressing room at a time! I see three sets of feet in there, so unless you're a glowing nuclear monkey insect who's going to come out and eat me, two of you have to get out!"
[Hannibal pauses.]
Hannibal- "Do you think I could pass for a six legged nuclear monkey?"
Clarice- "ONLY IN BED! AHAHAH!!"
[Hannibal and Kate slap Clarice.]
Hannibal- "That was even worse than mine, Clarice. Bad joke, bad joke."
[Clarice lowers her eyes to the ground in shame.]
Clarice- "I'm so sorry. It's just that I never get any of the funny lines and after a while it starts to hurt inside. I'm tired of being the bra-less bitch! For once I want to be the clown!"
[Hannibal takes off his red ball nose.]
Hannibal- "Clarice, being a clown isn't all it's cracked up to be. There's other drugs involved too!"
[Kate swings her video camera around and slams Hannibal in the head with it. He falls over.]
Kate- "No more corny jokes!"
[Hannibal reaches up and hands her a piece of lettuce.]
Hannibal- "There you go, then."
[By now the Old Navy employee has had enough, and he unlocks the dressing room door.
He looks up and sees Kate standing there, holding a video camera in one hand, a piece of lettuce in the other, standing above Hannibal, who is on his knees, not wearing pants, with the shape of a camera lens imprinted on his face. Clarice is standing behind them both, wearing boxers, and holding her Nerf gun pointed at the employee.]
Employee- "Umm. Well gosh, what do I say this? Ummm."
[He runs away, and is never seen again.]
[When Clarice looks back around to find Hannibal, he is gone too.]
Kate is also running off, holding Clarice's and Hannibal's pants in her arms and laughing insanely.
Kate- "PANTS! Glorious pants! I will hang you on my wall, and name you Clarice Pant and Hannibal Pant, and we shall be friends forever!"
[From out of nowhere, Holly flies in and tackles Kate, and they get in a big fight over the pants. It goes down in history as the bloodiest, most pantful war ever. Of course, that's not including the time Napoleon stole the pants off the Prince of England, but technically those weren't pants anyway. Those are called "knickers". And you have to smile when you say it.]
[Clarice is left standing alone in the open dressing room, wearing a pair of boxers with a picture of Spongebob Squarepants on them.]
[Clarice begins to whimper.].