A/N: Whee! Here we have lots of character! Such as Xenia Onatopp, the
Russian chick from Golden eye 007..that James Bond movie. Yeah, Kate and I
have this inside thing with her and Clarice. This chapter is VERY
kinky...so please don't get offended!
Disclaimers: Nope, we don't own any of the characters in this scene! We just like using them in un-imaginable ways! We are bad people..meaning Jesse as in we. Heh heh.
(Scene 7: Clarice is eating all alone at a fast food restaurant. She's in a very depressed and angry mood, and the screams and laughter of the little kids in the play area doesn't help at all.)
[Clarice takes a bite out of her big Juicy McHannibal burger. Its actually a cheeseburger, but hey, Hannibal can be cheesy when he wants to be, and if you ask Clarice, he's got better buns than any burger I've ever met. As for sliced pickles, well, that's a little dirtier than even Clarice wants to get. Or is it...]
Clarice- "Oh, my life is soo horrible. I wish I would just choke on this burger and die."
[Ronald McDonald appears at the table across from Clarice.]
Ronald- (grinning very maliciously) "That can be arranged. MWAHAHAHAH!!"
[Clarice picks up her tray and moves to a table a few yards away.]
Ronald- (sob) "Why do they always leave me?"
[He runs off into the women's bathroom, crying.]
[Clarice continues to chow on her burger, and be depressed.]
[Some one sits down at the table next to her.]
Clarice- "Oh fork, if that is some annoying family with a loud toddler I think I'm going to go insane that is if not already insane."
[She turns around in her seat and looks at the Pink Panther.]
Clarice- "I'm not insane, right?"
Pink Panther- "No, no, of course not! You are a normal little girl. Your so normal who's normal?"
[Clarice smiles sheepishly.]
Clarice- "I am."
[The Pink Panther nods.]
Pink Panther- "That's right! You are! (Panther pauses) well I must be off. I do believe I have soiled myself."
[Clarice goes back to eating her burger.]
[Suddenly, the person next to her Gasps.]
[Clarice turns to see what all the excitement is about, and comes face to face with Xenia Onatopp.]
Xenia- "OMG! Clarice! It is you, my sexy little American fox!"
Clarice- 0.0 "MEOW!"
[Xenia pauses.]
[Clarice blinks.]
Xenia- "Clarice, so does that mean you're not glad to see me?"
[Clarice reaches over and grabs Xenia's chest.]
Clarice- "No, Xenia! This is wonderful! And you're still as perky as I remember!"
[Xenia and Clarice run off towards the McDonalds Play Area.]
[They both dive into the ball pit together.]
Xenia- "Clarice I have missed you so much! Life is so boring without you around to uhh blow things up and shoot people and get down with me Russian style!"
Clarice- "Well Xenia, I'm here for you!"
[Xenia starts to take off her shirt.]
[Clarice does so too, then pauses.]
Clarice- "Xenia, does this make us lesbians?"
[Xenia pauses.]
Xenia- "Well, Clarice, you see, the thing about that is it's a complicated thing. You uhh.. There's no explanation. Its one of those, uhh..."
[Clarice picks up a plastic ball and shoves it into Xenia's mouth.]
Clarice- (putting her finger on Xenia's lips) "Quiet, you're ruining the mood."
[Xenia spits out the ball.]
[Xenia- 'PLOOP']
[It hits Clarice in the eye. Drool splatters all over Clarice's face.]
Clarice- "You have no idea how completely erotic that was."
Xenia- (grinning) "Oh yes I do!" [She pauses] "No wait I don't. Tell m-" [Clarice tackles Xenia down. Balls fly everywhere.]
Clarice- "Shut up and kiss me!"
[Xenia puts her hand out, and holds Clarice away.]
Xenia- "Couldn't you come up with a better line? That's so old and cliché. How about "BE SILENT AND SALIVATE ALL OVER ME!" or even "STOP USING YOUR TONGUE FOR VERBAL COMMUNICATION PURPOSES AND INSTEAD USE IT TO WHIP ME INTO SUBMISSION!"
[Clarice pauses.]
Clarice- "Hey, you know what? No offense but" [Clarice picks up another ball and stuffs it into Xenias mouth.] "I think we were making better progress this way."
[Xenia nods.]
[Clarice rips off Xenia's Shirt.]
[Xenia rips off Clarice's pants.]
[Clarice rips off Xenia's Pants.]
[Xenia rips off Clarice's Shirt.]
Clarice- (gasping for air) "Wow, Xenia, this is hard work. We should have worn less clothes."
Xenia- "Imfots afow ibn gee fwoorbay!"
Clarice- "Even when you sound like a retard with swollen tongue, you're still a sexy beast!"
[Clarice collapses on Xenia with sexual fury (a tiger during mating season, lets say), and they proceed to knock most of the balls out of the ball pit with their wild, unrestrained, kinky, McDonalds style Lovemaking.]
[After a few minutes, Clarice sticks her head up.]
[The ball is now in her mouth.]
[She spits it out, and it lands on the ground all crushed and broken.]
Clarice- (looking at the ball- 0.0) "Damn, Xenia! Do work out with your tongue?"
Xenia- "Oh not really, just a few minutes on the treadmill here, a few tongue push-ups there. Nothing serious."
[Clarice sticks out her tongue and massages it with her hand.]
Clarice- "Well.. wow. That felt more like an arm-wrestle than a make out... and I LOVED IT! Xenia, you complete me!"
[Xenia pauses.]
Xenia- "Whoa, there, Clarice. Back away from the Lesbian wedding cake. This is strictly a sexual relationship. I mean, romance is all well and good, but seriously Clarice, I don't have time for foreplay. I mean we are at a FAST food restaurant, right? I expect fast, reliable service. Ill take my Clarice-style Big Mac to go, please. And extra lettuce, cause I like things fruity!"
Clarice- "Lettuce is a vegetable"
Xenia- (slaps Clarice across the cheek) "OH CLARICE! KEEP TALKIN DIRTY TO ME! I LOVE IT!"
Clarice- "No really, lettuce IS a vegetable. A fruit would be like and apple or something."
Xenia- (Gasping) "OH GOD CLARICE! DON'T STOP NOW!!
Clarice- "Because seriously, I mean don't tell me you've never looked at the food pyramid before."
Xenia- (Digging her fingernails into Clarice's back) "CLARICE STARLING! YOU NAUGHTY GIRL! OH GOD! MORE!! MORE!!"
Clarice- "You know, the one where sugars and fats are on top, then comes your meats and dairy products, and then your fruits and vegetables, and finally, your grains and wheat's and things like that are on the bottom."
Xenia- (gasping and crying out loud) "OH! CLARICE! YOU ARE THE SUGAR ON TOP OF MY PYRAMID!"
[Clarice pauses.]
[She giggles.]
[Then, her watch beeps.]
Clarice- "Oh no! It's 6 AM! We were here all night! Crap! I gotta get to work!"
[Xenia, having completely devoured her entire Clarice-Style Big Mac, begins to put on her clothes.]
[Clarice stands up in a huge hurry.]
Clarice- "No Xenia! No time for clothes! I'm already late!"
[Clarice picks up Xenia and wraps Xenia's naked body around her torso, bending her arms around to cover her chest.]
Clarice- "Xenia, let me tell you, you make a damn comfortable loincloth."
Xenia- (grinning) "That's why I'm here, baby!"
[Clarice runs and jumps in her car, wearing nothing but her Xenia-Thong.
She Turns it on and speeds off to work.]
Disclaimers: Nope, we don't own any of the characters in this scene! We just like using them in un-imaginable ways! We are bad people..meaning Jesse as in we. Heh heh.
(Scene 7: Clarice is eating all alone at a fast food restaurant. She's in a very depressed and angry mood, and the screams and laughter of the little kids in the play area doesn't help at all.)
[Clarice takes a bite out of her big Juicy McHannibal burger. Its actually a cheeseburger, but hey, Hannibal can be cheesy when he wants to be, and if you ask Clarice, he's got better buns than any burger I've ever met. As for sliced pickles, well, that's a little dirtier than even Clarice wants to get. Or is it...]
Clarice- "Oh, my life is soo horrible. I wish I would just choke on this burger and die."
[Ronald McDonald appears at the table across from Clarice.]
Ronald- (grinning very maliciously) "That can be arranged. MWAHAHAHAH!!"
[Clarice picks up her tray and moves to a table a few yards away.]
Ronald- (sob) "Why do they always leave me?"
[He runs off into the women's bathroom, crying.]
[Clarice continues to chow on her burger, and be depressed.]
[Some one sits down at the table next to her.]
Clarice- "Oh fork, if that is some annoying family with a loud toddler I think I'm going to go insane that is if not already insane."
[She turns around in her seat and looks at the Pink Panther.]
Clarice- "I'm not insane, right?"
Pink Panther- "No, no, of course not! You are a normal little girl. Your so normal who's normal?"
[Clarice smiles sheepishly.]
Clarice- "I am."
[The Pink Panther nods.]
Pink Panther- "That's right! You are! (Panther pauses) well I must be off. I do believe I have soiled myself."
[Clarice goes back to eating her burger.]
[Suddenly, the person next to her Gasps.]
[Clarice turns to see what all the excitement is about, and comes face to face with Xenia Onatopp.]
Xenia- "OMG! Clarice! It is you, my sexy little American fox!"
Clarice- 0.0 "MEOW!"
[Xenia pauses.]
[Clarice blinks.]
Xenia- "Clarice, so does that mean you're not glad to see me?"
[Clarice reaches over and grabs Xenia's chest.]
Clarice- "No, Xenia! This is wonderful! And you're still as perky as I remember!"
[Xenia and Clarice run off towards the McDonalds Play Area.]
[They both dive into the ball pit together.]
Xenia- "Clarice I have missed you so much! Life is so boring without you around to uhh blow things up and shoot people and get down with me Russian style!"
Clarice- "Well Xenia, I'm here for you!"
[Xenia starts to take off her shirt.]
[Clarice does so too, then pauses.]
Clarice- "Xenia, does this make us lesbians?"
[Xenia pauses.]
Xenia- "Well, Clarice, you see, the thing about that is it's a complicated thing. You uhh.. There's no explanation. Its one of those, uhh..."
[Clarice picks up a plastic ball and shoves it into Xenia's mouth.]
Clarice- (putting her finger on Xenia's lips) "Quiet, you're ruining the mood."
[Xenia spits out the ball.]
[Xenia- 'PLOOP']
[It hits Clarice in the eye. Drool splatters all over Clarice's face.]
Clarice- "You have no idea how completely erotic that was."
Xenia- (grinning) "Oh yes I do!" [She pauses] "No wait I don't. Tell m-" [Clarice tackles Xenia down. Balls fly everywhere.]
Clarice- "Shut up and kiss me!"
[Xenia puts her hand out, and holds Clarice away.]
Xenia- "Couldn't you come up with a better line? That's so old and cliché. How about "BE SILENT AND SALIVATE ALL OVER ME!" or even "STOP USING YOUR TONGUE FOR VERBAL COMMUNICATION PURPOSES AND INSTEAD USE IT TO WHIP ME INTO SUBMISSION!"
[Clarice pauses.]
Clarice- "Hey, you know what? No offense but" [Clarice picks up another ball and stuffs it into Xenias mouth.] "I think we were making better progress this way."
[Xenia nods.]
[Clarice rips off Xenia's Shirt.]
[Xenia rips off Clarice's pants.]
[Clarice rips off Xenia's Pants.]
[Xenia rips off Clarice's Shirt.]
Clarice- (gasping for air) "Wow, Xenia, this is hard work. We should have worn less clothes."
Xenia- "Imfots afow ibn gee fwoorbay!"
Clarice- "Even when you sound like a retard with swollen tongue, you're still a sexy beast!"
[Clarice collapses on Xenia with sexual fury (a tiger during mating season, lets say), and they proceed to knock most of the balls out of the ball pit with their wild, unrestrained, kinky, McDonalds style Lovemaking.]
[After a few minutes, Clarice sticks her head up.]
[The ball is now in her mouth.]
[She spits it out, and it lands on the ground all crushed and broken.]
Clarice- (looking at the ball- 0.0) "Damn, Xenia! Do work out with your tongue?"
Xenia- "Oh not really, just a few minutes on the treadmill here, a few tongue push-ups there. Nothing serious."
[Clarice sticks out her tongue and massages it with her hand.]
Clarice- "Well.. wow. That felt more like an arm-wrestle than a make out... and I LOVED IT! Xenia, you complete me!"
[Xenia pauses.]
Xenia- "Whoa, there, Clarice. Back away from the Lesbian wedding cake. This is strictly a sexual relationship. I mean, romance is all well and good, but seriously Clarice, I don't have time for foreplay. I mean we are at a FAST food restaurant, right? I expect fast, reliable service. Ill take my Clarice-style Big Mac to go, please. And extra lettuce, cause I like things fruity!"
Clarice- "Lettuce is a vegetable"
Xenia- (slaps Clarice across the cheek) "OH CLARICE! KEEP TALKIN DIRTY TO ME! I LOVE IT!"
Clarice- "No really, lettuce IS a vegetable. A fruit would be like and apple or something."
Xenia- (Gasping) "OH GOD CLARICE! DON'T STOP NOW!!
Clarice- "Because seriously, I mean don't tell me you've never looked at the food pyramid before."
Xenia- (Digging her fingernails into Clarice's back) "CLARICE STARLING! YOU NAUGHTY GIRL! OH GOD! MORE!! MORE!!"
Clarice- "You know, the one where sugars and fats are on top, then comes your meats and dairy products, and then your fruits and vegetables, and finally, your grains and wheat's and things like that are on the bottom."
Xenia- (gasping and crying out loud) "OH! CLARICE! YOU ARE THE SUGAR ON TOP OF MY PYRAMID!"
[Clarice pauses.]
[She giggles.]
[Then, her watch beeps.]
Clarice- "Oh no! It's 6 AM! We were here all night! Crap! I gotta get to work!"
[Xenia, having completely devoured her entire Clarice-Style Big Mac, begins to put on her clothes.]
[Clarice stands up in a huge hurry.]
Clarice- "No Xenia! No time for clothes! I'm already late!"
[Clarice picks up Xenia and wraps Xenia's naked body around her torso, bending her arms around to cover her chest.]
Clarice- "Xenia, let me tell you, you make a damn comfortable loincloth."
Xenia- (grinning) "That's why I'm here, baby!"
[Clarice runs and jumps in her car, wearing nothing but her Xenia-Thong.
She Turns it on and speeds off to work.]