That evening, I sat in the bath for over an hour, scrubbing myself, trying
to wash away the unforgivable sin. I thought that maybe if I cleaned
myself, I wouldn't feel so dirty. I scrubbed until my skin bled, but I
still felt like a cheap, used whore. So my skin was clean enough, but
inside I needed something else. I needed something to help me forget.
At around 8pm that evening I walked straight through the common room, making eye contact with no one. It was before curfew, so I could probably slip out of Hogwarts without being noticed. I had a long black cloak with a hood, though the hood wasn't pulled up while I was still in school. I didn't stop walking with my eyes down until I was safely out of the Hogwarts grounds. Hogsmeade was calling me every step of the way, or more specifically, The Three Broomsticks.
I slammed the right change down on the counter and ordered their strongest drink, with my hood up so it wasn't obvious I was under the legal drinking age. The bar tender never thought to question me, and handed me my drink and rushed off to serve his next customer. I poured the drink down my throat, numb to the taste, and in turn, numbing the pain I was feeling. Slamming the glass down on the bar top to get the bar tenders attention with an aggression that I scared myself with, I ordered another drink.
By my sixth drink, I was dependant on the bar counter to keep me standing upright. "Oh, go on, what harm can one more drink do?" I slammed my last bit of money onto the counter.
"No you don't young lady."
Both Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape were standing behind me with a look of anger and disgust. I pulled myself away from the counter and started towards the door, only to find I couldn't walk. I slumped onto the floor. A pair of firm hands lifted me into standing position and I was guided back to Hogwarts.
I woke up late the next morning, at around 10:30, with Madam Pomfrey standing over my, arms crossed. "You're a silly girl, do you know that?" My head was throbbing and I felt sick. Why couldn't I stay numb? Why didn't I drink even more? Drink myself to death, overdose, whatever. All through the morning I had Ron, Ginny, Dumbledore and McGonagall bothering me - why did you do this? Why did you do that? I noticed Snape didn't come and visit me. Charming of him really, what else would I have expected from him? Well, I suppose I should just be thankful that Harry didn't come along with false smiles and sneers.
I spent the whole day in the hospital wing, resting. At 6pm that evening, I went back to my dorm. Dumbledore had told Ginny to keep an eye on me to make sure I didn't sneak off school grounds again. I was thankful for the company though. I knew what Harry had done to her, and she knew what Harry had done to me, though we never spoke out loud about this - we communicated with our eyes only. When the other girls came in at about 11:00, Ginny and me hadn't spoken a word to each other. However, she came over before going to bed and gave me a hug. "I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on."
I fell asleep and dreamed the dream again - although this time the face of my guardian angel was much clearer, much closer, and much more real.
At around 8pm that evening I walked straight through the common room, making eye contact with no one. It was before curfew, so I could probably slip out of Hogwarts without being noticed. I had a long black cloak with a hood, though the hood wasn't pulled up while I was still in school. I didn't stop walking with my eyes down until I was safely out of the Hogwarts grounds. Hogsmeade was calling me every step of the way, or more specifically, The Three Broomsticks.
I slammed the right change down on the counter and ordered their strongest drink, with my hood up so it wasn't obvious I was under the legal drinking age. The bar tender never thought to question me, and handed me my drink and rushed off to serve his next customer. I poured the drink down my throat, numb to the taste, and in turn, numbing the pain I was feeling. Slamming the glass down on the bar top to get the bar tenders attention with an aggression that I scared myself with, I ordered another drink.
By my sixth drink, I was dependant on the bar counter to keep me standing upright. "Oh, go on, what harm can one more drink do?" I slammed my last bit of money onto the counter.
"No you don't young lady."
Both Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape were standing behind me with a look of anger and disgust. I pulled myself away from the counter and started towards the door, only to find I couldn't walk. I slumped onto the floor. A pair of firm hands lifted me into standing position and I was guided back to Hogwarts.
I woke up late the next morning, at around 10:30, with Madam Pomfrey standing over my, arms crossed. "You're a silly girl, do you know that?" My head was throbbing and I felt sick. Why couldn't I stay numb? Why didn't I drink even more? Drink myself to death, overdose, whatever. All through the morning I had Ron, Ginny, Dumbledore and McGonagall bothering me - why did you do this? Why did you do that? I noticed Snape didn't come and visit me. Charming of him really, what else would I have expected from him? Well, I suppose I should just be thankful that Harry didn't come along with false smiles and sneers.
I spent the whole day in the hospital wing, resting. At 6pm that evening, I went back to my dorm. Dumbledore had told Ginny to keep an eye on me to make sure I didn't sneak off school grounds again. I was thankful for the company though. I knew what Harry had done to her, and she knew what Harry had done to me, though we never spoke out loud about this - we communicated with our eyes only. When the other girls came in at about 11:00, Ginny and me hadn't spoken a word to each other. However, she came over before going to bed and gave me a hug. "I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on."
I fell asleep and dreamed the dream again - although this time the face of my guardian angel was much clearer, much closer, and much more real.