The Cure
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "It's my duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard"
***
I WARNED you all i would do this eventually. Oh yes, time to torture my poor pair with irrational farm animal fears. Incidentally, if you haven't read a few of my fics, you need know only this, Wanda has an irrational fear of turkeys, and Forge has an irrational fear of rabbits (both stemming from unfortunate childhood experiences). Oh yes, i am in an evil mood today!
****
"So.....where are we going?".
Wanda glanced between Todd and Pietro, who simply smiled at her and carried on walking. She was starting to get a little suspicious. He brother had woken her early that morning, telling her they were going 'somewhere special'. One bus trip later, and she found herself following these two idiots down a contry road. They turned into a small yard, with a single building occupying it, where the X-Men were gathered. Wanda stopped dead....she smelt a rat, a big one. A big nasty rat which would bite her and make her realise how duped she had been.
"Okay, go go go!!!!!", shouted Pietro, leaping onto Wanda's back and holding her hands tightly.
"Pietro, get off me!!!!", she screamed, trying to free her hands to zap him, "oh, you are so dead!!!!".
"Get the ropes on her!", shouted Scott.
"Ropes?!!!!", shouted Wanda, "what ropes?!!!"
*BAMF*
Kurt appeared next to her, ropes in his hands. Before Wanda knew what had happened, her hands had been tied together, effectively stopping her powers.
"Someone wants to die today", she growled, "what's going on?!!!!".
"Calm down, Cuddlebumps", said Todd, "this is for your own good".
"...What is?", said Wanda, eyeing the group suspicously.
"We decided to join together for one day for the greater good", said Kitty, "we're going to do something for free which a therapist would charge hundreds for".
Wanda blinked, watching as Rogue hopped out of the back of the X-Van, absent-minedly humming a 70's tune as she pulled an unconcious Forge out of the back of the van.
"This better be worth it", she said, "a'h can't wait for this to be over so we can book outta here"
She paused.
"Oh ma'h God...ah'm speaking 70's slang!!!!!", she cried.
"Well, the only way we could catch him was for you to knock him out, Rogue", said Jean, "all in the interest of being good friends, right?"
"Stella", sneered Rogue, dumping Forge on the floor and giving him a kick.
"Huh?", said Forge groggily, coming around, "w..where am i?"
He blinked up at the group.
"....Awww Hell"
"Okay, now we're all here, lets begin, shall we?", said Scott cheerfully, dragging Forge to his feet and steering him towards a building.
"Start what?", squeaked Forge, digging his heels into the ground, "i really don't want to 'start' anything...i'm happy not starting, not starting is safe!!!".
"Oh, pussh!", said Kitty, "we're going to cure you both of your irrational farm animal fears"
....So THAT was the name of the game!!
"We don't wanna be cured!!!", said Forge and Wanda in unison.
"Of COURSE you do", said Pietro, "it's just neither of you know it yet".
"Yeah, you don't want to be scared of helpless little creatures for the rest of your lives, do you?"
"Well, considering i'm never planning to go near a farm, i think i can live with it", said Wanda.
"Too bad", said Rogue, ""We got a special enclosure set up JUST for you guys!"
The poor duo were half pushed-half dragged to a small shed. Inside, were only two species of animal, turkeys and rabbits....lots and LOTS of turkeys and rabbits. The little creatures went about their buissness clamly, the rabbits chewing on some hay while the turkeys scratched at the ground. They looked like...well, turkeys and rabbits, but the way Forge and Wanda's faces looked, you could have sworn they had been taken to the gates of hell, and had their faces poked in for a peek inside.
"Isn't this GREAT?...guys?..Wanda?...Forge?"
Kitty turned to see both mutants attempting to make a break for it, Jean grabbed them with her TK and threw them unceremoniously in the room, slamming the door behind them.
"And that is that", she said dusting her hands, ignoring the screams of pure terror coming from the room
"Are you SURE this'll work?", asked Kurt, raising a brow as something heavy was thrown at the door.
"Sure it will....or it'll mess 'em up real good", said Scott with a firm nod, sitting down.
"KILL IT, KILL IT!!!!", came Wanda's screams from inside, accompanied by Forge yelling something in Cheyenne, obviously pure, mind-numbing terror made him forget to speak English.
After about five minutes, the shouting and banging stopped.
"See?", said Scott with a grin, "they've clamed down"
"I bet they finally gave up", said Pietro smugly, "oooh maybe they'll want to take one of them home as a pet"
"Err....i don't think they'll get that far JUST yet", said Jean, then paused, "lets give them another half hour"
Half an hour passed, Kurt glanced at his watch.
"They've been real quiet for a long time", he said.
"We should get them out", said Kitty, "gee, i hope with haven't damaged them psyscologically for life"
"Considering who we're talking about, i think that they are about as damaged as they can be already", said Rogue, "we can't DO any more damage".
They opened the door to find the room only occupied Turkeys and Rabbits....Wanda and Forge were nowhere to be seen. Scott peered around cautiously.
"Guys?...guy's are you in here?"
The group bustled into the room, glancing around at the solid walls and conreate floors, only the turkeys, rabbits and a log in the middle of the floor.....there was no way the pair could have escaped. Pietro glanced at the Turkeys and the Rabbits.
"If either of you have developed the power of invisibility, please speak now", he said.
...No answer. Todd gave a small whimper.
"What if they weren't paranoid.....what if these things really are evil and....and ate them?"
"Oh, don't be stupid, Toad", snapped Scott, "these are herbivorous farmyard animals...i don't think they could have eaten them".
"Well, where ARE they then, Scott?", said Kitty, wide eyed, "WHERE ARE THEY?!!!"
"Oh man", said Rogue, "two of the more powerfull mutants on the planet and WE FED THEM TO FARM ANIMALS!!!"
"Cuddlebumps!!!", shouted Todd, pulling open one of the Turkey's beaks, "are you in there Sweetpee?"
"Gobble, gobble, gobble!!!!", gobbled the Turkey, pulling away from Todd, flapping it's wings.
Kurt blinked and picked up a rabbit, eyeing it carefully.
"They can't have eaten Forge", he deduced, "as they vould not be able to eat his bionic arm..thus..there should be a bionic arm around here that vas spit out..."
"My Gods, the Elf's a genius!", said Pietro, "everyone look for a bionic arm"
With that, everyone started shifting through the straw.
"What does it look like", asked Todd.
Rogue watched him for a very long time before replying slowly, as if she were speaking to an idiot.
".....An arm made of metal"
"Oh", said Todd, blinking, "okay then"
And thus they carried on with their search of the small room, every now and again side-stepping a turkey or a rabbit.
****
Meanwhile, on a grassy hill overlooking the building, Forge and Wanda were sitting, keeping a vigilant eye on the building.They had been there for quite some time, unbenkownst to the group at the bottom of the hill.
"How long do you think it'll be before they find that hole I made under the log?", asked Wanda, from where she was boredly making a celtic necklace out of blades of grass.
"Not a clue", said Forge, "oooh maybe they'll be there all night"
"I think that can be VERY probably", said Wanda, narrowing her eyes at the building, "side door in the corner pocket"
"Shoot", said Forge with a grin.
She flicked out her hand at the building with an evil chuckle.
****
Inside the building, the door slammed shut, locking the group inside.
"What was that?", said Jean turning quickly.
"ARRRHHHHH!!!", screamed Kurt, "it's the ghosts of Vanda and Forge, coming for vengence!!!!"
"Kurt....we don't even know if they're dead...", said Scott.
"Well, i don't see any bodies!", snapped Pietro, "Wanda, don't hurt me, i'm your brother!"
"YOU put her in here!", said Todd, "i still love you Poopsiekins, i didn't want to do this to you, honest!!!".
"You're all overreacting", said Rogue, walking over to the door and pulling it, it wouldn't budge, "oh...darn".
"They locked it!!!", said Todd, "we're all going to die!!!"
"Oh, let me!", snapped Kitty, walking through the door and pulling on the other side, "Kurt, come and help me with this!"
Kurt glanced around worriedly for a second, not wanting to anger the 'spirits' anymore than they already were.
*BAMF*
He appeared next to Kitty and pulled the door with her, then stopped as he saw two figures climbing into the X-Van.
"Oh look", he said simply, "the ghosts of Vanda and Forge are stealing our ride home".
Kitty turned to Kurt's line of vision, her jaw dropping.
"HEY!", she shouted, "you guys can't just leave us here!!! We can't get home!"
"BYE BYE!!!", came the voices of Wanda and Forge as the X-Van started up and drove away from the yard.
".....What was that sound?", came Scott's voice from inside the building.
"Errr...nothing", lied Kurt.
"It sounded like the X-Van being driven away", said Scott, "the van's still here...right?"
Kitty's head poked into the building.
"Depends on your view of 'here'", she said, "if you mean here as in here on the planet..then yes, yes it is here....but if you mean 'here' as in,'in the immediate vicinity'...err..it's not".
"WHAT?!!!", screamed Scott, "how are we supposed to get home?!!!"
Kitty winced and she and Kurt pulled the door open.
"Well...i'm going home now", said Pietro, ".....see ya"
With that, he dashed off, leaving everyone to their fates.
"Well, i think we'd better start hitchiking", said Jean, sticking her thumb out at the empty, deserted contry road, everyone else just stood there blankly.
Jean turned ehr head at the others, anoyed.
"Well...they won't see us if we don't stick our thumbs out!", she snapped.
The group looked once more at the deserted contry road.
"Well", said Kurt with a nervous chuckle, "i guess that our plan to take Sam to the optometrist is out of the question...huh?"
"......Shut up, Kurt", replied Scott, sighing and sticking out his thumb to an empty road.
***
Whoahahahahaha!! That was quite fun, yes, yes it was. And i don't think i scarred my Wanda and Forge minds that badly *looks at twitching minds*...Oh...never mind.
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "It's my duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard"
***
I WARNED you all i would do this eventually. Oh yes, time to torture my poor pair with irrational farm animal fears. Incidentally, if you haven't read a few of my fics, you need know only this, Wanda has an irrational fear of turkeys, and Forge has an irrational fear of rabbits (both stemming from unfortunate childhood experiences). Oh yes, i am in an evil mood today!
****
"So.....where are we going?".
Wanda glanced between Todd and Pietro, who simply smiled at her and carried on walking. She was starting to get a little suspicious. He brother had woken her early that morning, telling her they were going 'somewhere special'. One bus trip later, and she found herself following these two idiots down a contry road. They turned into a small yard, with a single building occupying it, where the X-Men were gathered. Wanda stopped dead....she smelt a rat, a big one. A big nasty rat which would bite her and make her realise how duped she had been.
"Okay, go go go!!!!!", shouted Pietro, leaping onto Wanda's back and holding her hands tightly.
"Pietro, get off me!!!!", she screamed, trying to free her hands to zap him, "oh, you are so dead!!!!".
"Get the ropes on her!", shouted Scott.
"Ropes?!!!!", shouted Wanda, "what ropes?!!!"
*BAMF*
Kurt appeared next to her, ropes in his hands. Before Wanda knew what had happened, her hands had been tied together, effectively stopping her powers.
"Someone wants to die today", she growled, "what's going on?!!!!".
"Calm down, Cuddlebumps", said Todd, "this is for your own good".
"...What is?", said Wanda, eyeing the group suspicously.
"We decided to join together for one day for the greater good", said Kitty, "we're going to do something for free which a therapist would charge hundreds for".
Wanda blinked, watching as Rogue hopped out of the back of the X-Van, absent-minedly humming a 70's tune as she pulled an unconcious Forge out of the back of the van.
"This better be worth it", she said, "a'h can't wait for this to be over so we can book outta here"
She paused.
"Oh ma'h God...ah'm speaking 70's slang!!!!!", she cried.
"Well, the only way we could catch him was for you to knock him out, Rogue", said Jean, "all in the interest of being good friends, right?"
"Stella", sneered Rogue, dumping Forge on the floor and giving him a kick.
"Huh?", said Forge groggily, coming around, "w..where am i?"
He blinked up at the group.
"....Awww Hell"
"Okay, now we're all here, lets begin, shall we?", said Scott cheerfully, dragging Forge to his feet and steering him towards a building.
"Start what?", squeaked Forge, digging his heels into the ground, "i really don't want to 'start' anything...i'm happy not starting, not starting is safe!!!".
"Oh, pussh!", said Kitty, "we're going to cure you both of your irrational farm animal fears"
....So THAT was the name of the game!!
"We don't wanna be cured!!!", said Forge and Wanda in unison.
"Of COURSE you do", said Pietro, "it's just neither of you know it yet".
"Yeah, you don't want to be scared of helpless little creatures for the rest of your lives, do you?"
"Well, considering i'm never planning to go near a farm, i think i can live with it", said Wanda.
"Too bad", said Rogue, ""We got a special enclosure set up JUST for you guys!"
The poor duo were half pushed-half dragged to a small shed. Inside, were only two species of animal, turkeys and rabbits....lots and LOTS of turkeys and rabbits. The little creatures went about their buissness clamly, the rabbits chewing on some hay while the turkeys scratched at the ground. They looked like...well, turkeys and rabbits, but the way Forge and Wanda's faces looked, you could have sworn they had been taken to the gates of hell, and had their faces poked in for a peek inside.
"Isn't this GREAT?...guys?..Wanda?...Forge?"
Kitty turned to see both mutants attempting to make a break for it, Jean grabbed them with her TK and threw them unceremoniously in the room, slamming the door behind them.
"And that is that", she said dusting her hands, ignoring the screams of pure terror coming from the room
"Are you SURE this'll work?", asked Kurt, raising a brow as something heavy was thrown at the door.
"Sure it will....or it'll mess 'em up real good", said Scott with a firm nod, sitting down.
"KILL IT, KILL IT!!!!", came Wanda's screams from inside, accompanied by Forge yelling something in Cheyenne, obviously pure, mind-numbing terror made him forget to speak English.
After about five minutes, the shouting and banging stopped.
"See?", said Scott with a grin, "they've clamed down"
"I bet they finally gave up", said Pietro smugly, "oooh maybe they'll want to take one of them home as a pet"
"Err....i don't think they'll get that far JUST yet", said Jean, then paused, "lets give them another half hour"
Half an hour passed, Kurt glanced at his watch.
"They've been real quiet for a long time", he said.
"We should get them out", said Kitty, "gee, i hope with haven't damaged them psyscologically for life"
"Considering who we're talking about, i think that they are about as damaged as they can be already", said Rogue, "we can't DO any more damage".
They opened the door to find the room only occupied Turkeys and Rabbits....Wanda and Forge were nowhere to be seen. Scott peered around cautiously.
"Guys?...guy's are you in here?"
The group bustled into the room, glancing around at the solid walls and conreate floors, only the turkeys, rabbits and a log in the middle of the floor.....there was no way the pair could have escaped. Pietro glanced at the Turkeys and the Rabbits.
"If either of you have developed the power of invisibility, please speak now", he said.
...No answer. Todd gave a small whimper.
"What if they weren't paranoid.....what if these things really are evil and....and ate them?"
"Oh, don't be stupid, Toad", snapped Scott, "these are herbivorous farmyard animals...i don't think they could have eaten them".
"Well, where ARE they then, Scott?", said Kitty, wide eyed, "WHERE ARE THEY?!!!"
"Oh man", said Rogue, "two of the more powerfull mutants on the planet and WE FED THEM TO FARM ANIMALS!!!"
"Cuddlebumps!!!", shouted Todd, pulling open one of the Turkey's beaks, "are you in there Sweetpee?"
"Gobble, gobble, gobble!!!!", gobbled the Turkey, pulling away from Todd, flapping it's wings.
Kurt blinked and picked up a rabbit, eyeing it carefully.
"They can't have eaten Forge", he deduced, "as they vould not be able to eat his bionic arm..thus..there should be a bionic arm around here that vas spit out..."
"My Gods, the Elf's a genius!", said Pietro, "everyone look for a bionic arm"
With that, everyone started shifting through the straw.
"What does it look like", asked Todd.
Rogue watched him for a very long time before replying slowly, as if she were speaking to an idiot.
".....An arm made of metal"
"Oh", said Todd, blinking, "okay then"
And thus they carried on with their search of the small room, every now and again side-stepping a turkey or a rabbit.
****
Meanwhile, on a grassy hill overlooking the building, Forge and Wanda were sitting, keeping a vigilant eye on the building.They had been there for quite some time, unbenkownst to the group at the bottom of the hill.
"How long do you think it'll be before they find that hole I made under the log?", asked Wanda, from where she was boredly making a celtic necklace out of blades of grass.
"Not a clue", said Forge, "oooh maybe they'll be there all night"
"I think that can be VERY probably", said Wanda, narrowing her eyes at the building, "side door in the corner pocket"
"Shoot", said Forge with a grin.
She flicked out her hand at the building with an evil chuckle.
****
Inside the building, the door slammed shut, locking the group inside.
"What was that?", said Jean turning quickly.
"ARRRHHHHH!!!", screamed Kurt, "it's the ghosts of Vanda and Forge, coming for vengence!!!!"
"Kurt....we don't even know if they're dead...", said Scott.
"Well, i don't see any bodies!", snapped Pietro, "Wanda, don't hurt me, i'm your brother!"
"YOU put her in here!", said Todd, "i still love you Poopsiekins, i didn't want to do this to you, honest!!!".
"You're all overreacting", said Rogue, walking over to the door and pulling it, it wouldn't budge, "oh...darn".
"They locked it!!!", said Todd, "we're all going to die!!!"
"Oh, let me!", snapped Kitty, walking through the door and pulling on the other side, "Kurt, come and help me with this!"
Kurt glanced around worriedly for a second, not wanting to anger the 'spirits' anymore than they already were.
*BAMF*
He appeared next to Kitty and pulled the door with her, then stopped as he saw two figures climbing into the X-Van.
"Oh look", he said simply, "the ghosts of Vanda and Forge are stealing our ride home".
Kitty turned to Kurt's line of vision, her jaw dropping.
"HEY!", she shouted, "you guys can't just leave us here!!! We can't get home!"
"BYE BYE!!!", came the voices of Wanda and Forge as the X-Van started up and drove away from the yard.
".....What was that sound?", came Scott's voice from inside the building.
"Errr...nothing", lied Kurt.
"It sounded like the X-Van being driven away", said Scott, "the van's still here...right?"
Kitty's head poked into the building.
"Depends on your view of 'here'", she said, "if you mean here as in here on the planet..then yes, yes it is here....but if you mean 'here' as in,'in the immediate vicinity'...err..it's not".
"WHAT?!!!", screamed Scott, "how are we supposed to get home?!!!"
Kitty winced and she and Kurt pulled the door open.
"Well...i'm going home now", said Pietro, ".....see ya"
With that, he dashed off, leaving everyone to their fates.
"Well, i think we'd better start hitchiking", said Jean, sticking her thumb out at the empty, deserted contry road, everyone else just stood there blankly.
Jean turned ehr head at the others, anoyed.
"Well...they won't see us if we don't stick our thumbs out!", she snapped.
The group looked once more at the deserted contry road.
"Well", said Kurt with a nervous chuckle, "i guess that our plan to take Sam to the optometrist is out of the question...huh?"
"......Shut up, Kurt", replied Scott, sighing and sticking out his thumb to an empty road.
***
Whoahahahahaha!! That was quite fun, yes, yes it was. And i don't think i scarred my Wanda and Forge minds that badly *looks at twitching minds*...Oh...never mind.