My Heart in Your Hands
by Princess of Monkeys
Chapter 13
A couple of things to ponder for the next few chapters: 1) If you can't deal with Kitty having a brain, don't read this chapter. Being ditzy does not equal being stupid. I certainly don't think she's stupid, and I refuse to write her that way. 2) Remember, "Self Possessed" hasn't happened yet, so Kurt and Rogue don't know that they're brother and sister. So they wouldn't have that sibling mindset.
_Well, that certainly went well,_ Remy thought dismally. _It'll be a miracle if she'll ever come near me again._ He just kept replaying her words over and over in his head, until they became the beat and rhythm of his footsteps. The accusation wouldn't go away, though. "Ah'm jus' some challenge ta ya, somethin' fun ta use an' throw away," she'd spoken, venom in her voice and fury in her eyes, and he'd felt like he'd been punched in the stomach when she'd said it. Yes, he wasn't exactly innocent; he'd done it before, and he wasn't proud of that, not anymore. But this was different- she was different. She'd been so angry- did she really believe all the things she'd said, or was she just scared?
_And then I went and kissed her!_ But he couldn't quite manage to regret it. It had just felt like the right thing to do at the time, the only way to prove her accusations false. Even if he couldn't put an absolute label on his emotions, he knew they were real. He'd remembered from her file that she absorbed memories along with powers and life energy, and had taken a split second gamble when he kissed her, hoping that his thoughts and memories would come through. _And at least I did get to kiss her; even if she never wants to see me again, at least I'll have that,_ he thought. But he just couldn't believe that she would refuse to see him again.
Though he possessed a definite cynical streak, Remy was by nature an optimist. In this case, despite all the difficulties and dangers, he firmly believed that somehow, things would work out all right. Even though things weren't going very well right now, even though they were on opposing teams and this whole thing had a definite Romeo and Juliet angle, everything would be okay. He would fix it, make it right, make it so they could be together.
In his mind, there had to be something good about him coming to Bayville, something positive to make up for the whole host of negatives about his current situation. He couldn't go home, he was working for a man he wasn't sure he believed in and definitely didn't trust, and once again, he was in the middle of a quickly brewing war. But she was the one good thing- if he'd never come to Bayville, he wouldn't have ever met her.
Growing up steeped in the magic and mysticism of New Orleans, he had a healthy respect for concepts like fate and destiny. There was a reason for everything, and there had to be a reason for him and Rogue, too.
His optimism gave way to seriousness, however, as the conclusion that had been stewing in the back of his mind all night made itself heard. There was no going back, not at this point. Earlier, as he'd been leaving the base, he'd still been unsure. But once he saw her standing there in the moonlight, he'd known he couldn't sit on the fence anymore. He didn't believe in what Magneto was fighting for, and he didn't know how he would live with himself the next time they were all forced into battle together, and he had to watch one of his teammates hurt her- or even worse, break his promise and hurt her himself. He had to leave Magneto's team; the only question was, when? The longer he put it off, the harder it would be to get out. But if he left too soon, he wouldn't know enough to be useful. _And I doubt Xavier will just let me join his outfit out of the goodness of his heart._ Magneto didn't let anyone in on his plans, but if Remy could just find out something, anything, then perhaps that information would be the right price for a place among the X-Men.
Feeling better now that he'd finally come to some kind of decision, he looked up at the night sky and smiled. If letting her absorb his memories hadn't proved anything to her, then he'd find another way. Whatever it took, he'd prove himself to her.
When Kitty's alarm went off at two, she gave Jean her already prepared story, and said she was going to the bathroom, since she was awake now anyways. She left the red head mumbling vague death threats against the boys into her pillow, and had to restrain herself from running down the hall to the rec room. The whole thing was just so exciting- Rogue was finally going to get a boyfriend! She almost started giggling, but remembered just in time that she would wake everyone else up. _Definitely don't want to wake up anyone else tonight!_ she thought, smiling. She'd never been so happy for Rogue about anything!
But as soon as she stepped into the rec room, she knew something was wrong. Narrowly avoiding stepping on Rogue's journal, she carefully picked up the black book and walked cautiously into the room. "Rogue? Are you, like, okay?"
A sniffly voice came from the direction of the sofa. "Yah, Ah'm jus' fahn an' dandy. Go away."
Kitty sighed. Coming around the sofa, she saw Rogue curled up into a little ball, crying. Three playing cards were scattered around on the floor, and Kitty carefully picked those up, laying them and the journal on a nearby table. Perching herself on an arm of the couch, she stared down at the other girl's white streaked hair.
Rogue snapped at her again. "Ah said, go away!" The southern girl sat up, drawing her legs under herself, and glared balefully at Kitty. Mascara streaked her cheeks, and she bore a striking resemblance to death warmed over.
Handing Rogue a tissue, Kitty said sarcastically, "oh yeah, 'cause that ever works on me." Winning a weak grimace of a smile from Rogue, she asked "So, like, what did he do to you?"
"Kitty, he kissed me!" Rogue wailed in despair.
Confused, Kitty said "And that's bad how? Unless he was just trying to, like, use you for information or something..."
Rogue buried her face in her hands. "No, it's worse. He really lahkes me! Ah got his memories- it's lahke he loves me or somethin'!" She described what she'd seen in Remy's memories, and Kitty's eyes widened.
"Like, oh my god! That's totally great, what are you talking about? It's so romantic- kinda stalkerish, but cute. And he loves you- what could be bad about that? Oh my god, you can, like, finally have a boyfriend! No more going to dances and moping around with Risty-"
"No Ah can't! It ain' great, it's hell! Ah can't have a boyfriend, Ah can't even touch 'im! An Ah don' know he loves me, it's jus' what Ah thought, an he ain' even figgered it out yet! Ah gotta figger out a way ta get him ta quit lahkin me!" And as an after thought, "An Ah don't mope, either! We're usually jus' makin' fun of how stupid y'all look out there." She fixed Kitty with another withering glare.
"Whatever you want to call it," the pony tailed girl said breezily. "But, seriously, you can too have a boyfriend! Touching someone is not the only important thing in life, you know. And I know you totally like him, so what's the big deal?" _It's not like she has to marry the guy or anything- you think she'd be happy that someone likes her! At this point we're practically the only single ones left, with the way the new kids are pairing off lately._
"Kitty, are ya totally stupid? Have ya lost yer mind? Did ya jus' lose all memory of the last six months? Ah can't touch anyone! Ever! Ah still can't control it, prob'ly never can- what kind of a boyfriend would want that? He might like me now, but he'd nevah stick around!" She exclaimed bitterly.
"Hello, he like, kissed you Rogue! He knew exactly what was going to happen- as if Magneto wouldn't have warned all of them about your powers before they ever met you, you're the most dangerous one of us all 'cause you can, like, be any of us! And anyways, he didn't fall over and die or anything- he just walked away! Which is totally more than any of the rest of us can ever do when you've touched us in the Danger Room! He did it on purpose, he knew what would happen, and he still wants you anyways! Doesn't that, like, mean anything to you?"
"Yah, it jus' means he's stupid! It's dangerous- what if Ah hurt him, or took too much of him an killed him? That's why Ah don' get close ta anyone in the first place! An besides, ya already tried the West Side Story thing- din' work out too well, now did it sugah?" Rogue drawled.
Kitty was seething. "You just leave me and Lance out of this! At least we, like, tried!" Suddenly, a light bulb went on in her mind, and she suddenly figured the whole thing out. _Rogue is going to totally hate me for this, but maybe it'll help her in the long run.... I'm sure she'll forgive me someday!_ "Oh my god, I just totally figured you out!"
Rogue groaned. "Oh no, not more of yoah stupid psychoanalysis BS. It's worse than the fashion advice!" _I do not want to hear this, I do not want to hear this, I do not want to hear this..._ a voice babbled in her head.
But relentlessly, Kitty continued. "All this time, I wondered why you're not even trying to learn to control your powers. It's just, like, all in your head!"
Rogue was incensed. "Y' jus' shut up! Ya don' know anything about it! Ah can't control it, Ah've tried!"
"Oh, really? Then how come you can, like, manage to control all our powers when they're in your head? You can, like, control Scott's eye beams, and he can't even do it! So don't tell me you can't do the same thing with your own powers! You just don't want to! 'Oh, poor Rogue, she can't control her powers,' and then everyone, like, avoids you, and you get to do the whole angsty thing to match your clothes! You're just scared to, like, get close to anyone, 'cause you don't want to get hurt, so you don't even try! You just, like, hide behind your powers so you never have to take any chances!"
Rogue attacked her. "Oh, so little miss normal thinks she's got me all figgered out? Ha! Ya don't know the half of it, ya don' know what it's lahke at all! Ah thought ya got it, Ah thought ya could be sympathetic, but yer jus' lahke everyone else that's evah stabbed me in the back! So fahn, go on, ya wanna twist the knife too?"
Kitty could have slapped her. She'd known Rogue would be like this- who ever likes having their own flaws revealed- but still! She'd just been acting at first, but now she was really mad at the southern girl. _She's just so stubborn!_ "Fine! If telling you the truth is, like, betraying you, then I'll do it! You wanted him to give you truth, and I'm not going to do any less! you're just a great big coward! You're like, scared of people and friendship and being loved... You're scared of living your own life, so you make up excuses why you can't control your powers so you never have to break down your walls! I, like, totally respected you, but I can't respect a coward!" Getting up off the couch, she walked towards the door. Hating herself for it, but knowing it had to be done, she delivered her parting shot. "I don't hate cowards; I just, like, pity them." With a swish of her ponytail, Kitty was gone.
Rogue had never hated her more. _Vapid airhead! Just 'cause she got into Dr. McCoy's psychology books again, now she thinks she knows everything! Me scared! I'm not scared of anything or anyone! I'm the Rogue! I'm not hiding behind anything, certainly not my powers! They are uncontrollable, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to get hurt! I'm just not stupid like her, that's all. Ugh! How could I have ever thought we were friends? She's just like all the other dumb girls I've ever met in Bayville._ More than ever, she missed Risty. Risty wouldn't attack her, or spout psychobabble at her; Risty would understand, and Risty wouldn't ever betray her! But where was Risty?
Pondering that unanswerable question, and trying to ignore the insidious little voice in the back of her mind that told her "Kitty is right," exhaustion finally overtook her, and she fell asleep, dreaming about a beautiful blonde woman trying to kill Remy.
by Princess of Monkeys
Chapter 13
A couple of things to ponder for the next few chapters: 1) If you can't deal with Kitty having a brain, don't read this chapter. Being ditzy does not equal being stupid. I certainly don't think she's stupid, and I refuse to write her that way. 2) Remember, "Self Possessed" hasn't happened yet, so Kurt and Rogue don't know that they're brother and sister. So they wouldn't have that sibling mindset.
_Well, that certainly went well,_ Remy thought dismally. _It'll be a miracle if she'll ever come near me again._ He just kept replaying her words over and over in his head, until they became the beat and rhythm of his footsteps. The accusation wouldn't go away, though. "Ah'm jus' some challenge ta ya, somethin' fun ta use an' throw away," she'd spoken, venom in her voice and fury in her eyes, and he'd felt like he'd been punched in the stomach when she'd said it. Yes, he wasn't exactly innocent; he'd done it before, and he wasn't proud of that, not anymore. But this was different- she was different. She'd been so angry- did she really believe all the things she'd said, or was she just scared?
_And then I went and kissed her!_ But he couldn't quite manage to regret it. It had just felt like the right thing to do at the time, the only way to prove her accusations false. Even if he couldn't put an absolute label on his emotions, he knew they were real. He'd remembered from her file that she absorbed memories along with powers and life energy, and had taken a split second gamble when he kissed her, hoping that his thoughts and memories would come through. _And at least I did get to kiss her; even if she never wants to see me again, at least I'll have that,_ he thought. But he just couldn't believe that she would refuse to see him again.
Though he possessed a definite cynical streak, Remy was by nature an optimist. In this case, despite all the difficulties and dangers, he firmly believed that somehow, things would work out all right. Even though things weren't going very well right now, even though they were on opposing teams and this whole thing had a definite Romeo and Juliet angle, everything would be okay. He would fix it, make it right, make it so they could be together.
In his mind, there had to be something good about him coming to Bayville, something positive to make up for the whole host of negatives about his current situation. He couldn't go home, he was working for a man he wasn't sure he believed in and definitely didn't trust, and once again, he was in the middle of a quickly brewing war. But she was the one good thing- if he'd never come to Bayville, he wouldn't have ever met her.
Growing up steeped in the magic and mysticism of New Orleans, he had a healthy respect for concepts like fate and destiny. There was a reason for everything, and there had to be a reason for him and Rogue, too.
His optimism gave way to seriousness, however, as the conclusion that had been stewing in the back of his mind all night made itself heard. There was no going back, not at this point. Earlier, as he'd been leaving the base, he'd still been unsure. But once he saw her standing there in the moonlight, he'd known he couldn't sit on the fence anymore. He didn't believe in what Magneto was fighting for, and he didn't know how he would live with himself the next time they were all forced into battle together, and he had to watch one of his teammates hurt her- or even worse, break his promise and hurt her himself. He had to leave Magneto's team; the only question was, when? The longer he put it off, the harder it would be to get out. But if he left too soon, he wouldn't know enough to be useful. _And I doubt Xavier will just let me join his outfit out of the goodness of his heart._ Magneto didn't let anyone in on his plans, but if Remy could just find out something, anything, then perhaps that information would be the right price for a place among the X-Men.
Feeling better now that he'd finally come to some kind of decision, he looked up at the night sky and smiled. If letting her absorb his memories hadn't proved anything to her, then he'd find another way. Whatever it took, he'd prove himself to her.
When Kitty's alarm went off at two, she gave Jean her already prepared story, and said she was going to the bathroom, since she was awake now anyways. She left the red head mumbling vague death threats against the boys into her pillow, and had to restrain herself from running down the hall to the rec room. The whole thing was just so exciting- Rogue was finally going to get a boyfriend! She almost started giggling, but remembered just in time that she would wake everyone else up. _Definitely don't want to wake up anyone else tonight!_ she thought, smiling. She'd never been so happy for Rogue about anything!
But as soon as she stepped into the rec room, she knew something was wrong. Narrowly avoiding stepping on Rogue's journal, she carefully picked up the black book and walked cautiously into the room. "Rogue? Are you, like, okay?"
A sniffly voice came from the direction of the sofa. "Yah, Ah'm jus' fahn an' dandy. Go away."
Kitty sighed. Coming around the sofa, she saw Rogue curled up into a little ball, crying. Three playing cards were scattered around on the floor, and Kitty carefully picked those up, laying them and the journal on a nearby table. Perching herself on an arm of the couch, she stared down at the other girl's white streaked hair.
Rogue snapped at her again. "Ah said, go away!" The southern girl sat up, drawing her legs under herself, and glared balefully at Kitty. Mascara streaked her cheeks, and she bore a striking resemblance to death warmed over.
Handing Rogue a tissue, Kitty said sarcastically, "oh yeah, 'cause that ever works on me." Winning a weak grimace of a smile from Rogue, she asked "So, like, what did he do to you?"
"Kitty, he kissed me!" Rogue wailed in despair.
Confused, Kitty said "And that's bad how? Unless he was just trying to, like, use you for information or something..."
Rogue buried her face in her hands. "No, it's worse. He really lahkes me! Ah got his memories- it's lahke he loves me or somethin'!" She described what she'd seen in Remy's memories, and Kitty's eyes widened.
"Like, oh my god! That's totally great, what are you talking about? It's so romantic- kinda stalkerish, but cute. And he loves you- what could be bad about that? Oh my god, you can, like, finally have a boyfriend! No more going to dances and moping around with Risty-"
"No Ah can't! It ain' great, it's hell! Ah can't have a boyfriend, Ah can't even touch 'im! An Ah don' know he loves me, it's jus' what Ah thought, an he ain' even figgered it out yet! Ah gotta figger out a way ta get him ta quit lahkin me!" And as an after thought, "An Ah don't mope, either! We're usually jus' makin' fun of how stupid y'all look out there." She fixed Kitty with another withering glare.
"Whatever you want to call it," the pony tailed girl said breezily. "But, seriously, you can too have a boyfriend! Touching someone is not the only important thing in life, you know. And I know you totally like him, so what's the big deal?" _It's not like she has to marry the guy or anything- you think she'd be happy that someone likes her! At this point we're practically the only single ones left, with the way the new kids are pairing off lately._
"Kitty, are ya totally stupid? Have ya lost yer mind? Did ya jus' lose all memory of the last six months? Ah can't touch anyone! Ever! Ah still can't control it, prob'ly never can- what kind of a boyfriend would want that? He might like me now, but he'd nevah stick around!" She exclaimed bitterly.
"Hello, he like, kissed you Rogue! He knew exactly what was going to happen- as if Magneto wouldn't have warned all of them about your powers before they ever met you, you're the most dangerous one of us all 'cause you can, like, be any of us! And anyways, he didn't fall over and die or anything- he just walked away! Which is totally more than any of the rest of us can ever do when you've touched us in the Danger Room! He did it on purpose, he knew what would happen, and he still wants you anyways! Doesn't that, like, mean anything to you?"
"Yah, it jus' means he's stupid! It's dangerous- what if Ah hurt him, or took too much of him an killed him? That's why Ah don' get close ta anyone in the first place! An besides, ya already tried the West Side Story thing- din' work out too well, now did it sugah?" Rogue drawled.
Kitty was seething. "You just leave me and Lance out of this! At least we, like, tried!" Suddenly, a light bulb went on in her mind, and she suddenly figured the whole thing out. _Rogue is going to totally hate me for this, but maybe it'll help her in the long run.... I'm sure she'll forgive me someday!_ "Oh my god, I just totally figured you out!"
Rogue groaned. "Oh no, not more of yoah stupid psychoanalysis BS. It's worse than the fashion advice!" _I do not want to hear this, I do not want to hear this, I do not want to hear this..._ a voice babbled in her head.
But relentlessly, Kitty continued. "All this time, I wondered why you're not even trying to learn to control your powers. It's just, like, all in your head!"
Rogue was incensed. "Y' jus' shut up! Ya don' know anything about it! Ah can't control it, Ah've tried!"
"Oh, really? Then how come you can, like, manage to control all our powers when they're in your head? You can, like, control Scott's eye beams, and he can't even do it! So don't tell me you can't do the same thing with your own powers! You just don't want to! 'Oh, poor Rogue, she can't control her powers,' and then everyone, like, avoids you, and you get to do the whole angsty thing to match your clothes! You're just scared to, like, get close to anyone, 'cause you don't want to get hurt, so you don't even try! You just, like, hide behind your powers so you never have to take any chances!"
Rogue attacked her. "Oh, so little miss normal thinks she's got me all figgered out? Ha! Ya don't know the half of it, ya don' know what it's lahke at all! Ah thought ya got it, Ah thought ya could be sympathetic, but yer jus' lahke everyone else that's evah stabbed me in the back! So fahn, go on, ya wanna twist the knife too?"
Kitty could have slapped her. She'd known Rogue would be like this- who ever likes having their own flaws revealed- but still! She'd just been acting at first, but now she was really mad at the southern girl. _She's just so stubborn!_ "Fine! If telling you the truth is, like, betraying you, then I'll do it! You wanted him to give you truth, and I'm not going to do any less! you're just a great big coward! You're like, scared of people and friendship and being loved... You're scared of living your own life, so you make up excuses why you can't control your powers so you never have to break down your walls! I, like, totally respected you, but I can't respect a coward!" Getting up off the couch, she walked towards the door. Hating herself for it, but knowing it had to be done, she delivered her parting shot. "I don't hate cowards; I just, like, pity them." With a swish of her ponytail, Kitty was gone.
Rogue had never hated her more. _Vapid airhead! Just 'cause she got into Dr. McCoy's psychology books again, now she thinks she knows everything! Me scared! I'm not scared of anything or anyone! I'm the Rogue! I'm not hiding behind anything, certainly not my powers! They are uncontrollable, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to get hurt! I'm just not stupid like her, that's all. Ugh! How could I have ever thought we were friends? She's just like all the other dumb girls I've ever met in Bayville._ More than ever, she missed Risty. Risty wouldn't attack her, or spout psychobabble at her; Risty would understand, and Risty wouldn't ever betray her! But where was Risty?
Pondering that unanswerable question, and trying to ignore the insidious little voice in the back of her mind that told her "Kitty is right," exhaustion finally overtook her, and she fell asleep, dreaming about a beautiful blonde woman trying to kill Remy.