My Heart in Your Hands
by Princess of Monkeys
Chapter 14
Duncan's busy beating up the disclaimer, because he thought it was a mutant. Oh, wait, it is a mutant disclaimer... I guess I better go save it.
The song lyric quoted in this chapter comes from the song "Daphne Descends", from Adore, by the Smashing Pumpkins.
Rogue and Kitty completely ignored each other for the rest of the week. Kitty was angry at Rogue for her refusal to see the truth, and rogue was furious at Kitty for daring to judge her. Rogue refused to even sleep in the same room at night-she'd all but moved into the rec room, only going into the bedroom to change her clothes once the younger girl was gone.
Everyone had noticed the situation, but nobody knew what to do about it. Virtually overnight, completely inexplicably, they'd gone from being close friends to complete enemies! All attempts to discuss the situation were met with polite refusal by Kitty, or a silent death glare from Rogue. Most of the Institute residents just left it alone, figuring it would resolve itself in time; even the Professor couldn't figure out the problem, not without breaking his own rules about privacy of the mind. The only person who couldn't just accept the situation was Kurt, who did everything in his power to get his two friends to start talking to each other again. But even Kurt's persistence had no effect.
On Friday, after an interminably long and silent car ride, Rogue went to her locker before first period, and found a rose in it. Heart hammering painfully in her ribs, she reached out and carefully picked it up from atop her geometry book, and brought the blossom to her face, inhaling the sweet fragrance. She wondered where he was, if he was watching her at that very moment. The idea no longer bothered her so much, especially when she remembered how he'd come to her rescue that day with the girls from p.e. As she'd experienced his memories of watching her, she'd realized desperation he felt, always able to merely watch her, but never be near her. She understood all too well- she knew more than anyone what it was to look but never be allowed to touch.
It had made her feel somewhat closer to him, and more willing to give him a chance. And she had so many questions, about his memories and the dreams she'd had since he kissed her... _It just figures, all this time he's been right there and I wouldn't have wanted him around if I'd known, but now when I want him he's nowhere to be found!_ Things always seemed to work out that way.
She closed her locker and looked around, hoping to see his distinctive trench coat clad figure leaning against a row of lockers nearby, but knowing it was a little too much to hope for. Here, amongst all the students running through the halls, he'd be far too conspicuous.
Carefully tucking the rose into her bag, she walked off towards her first period class. Unbeknownst to her, Kitty had seen the whole thing, and smiled. _Good- she didn't just throw it out. Maybe she did listen to something I said that night after all._ Kitty wasn't really mad anymore- it was hard for her to hold a grudge, and she really did want Rogue to be happy, even if they weren't speaking to each other right now. Even though she'd never spoken to the mysterious Cajun, she wanted things to work out between them. _Because Rogue sure needs to let someone in, and if it's not going to be one of us, then it should at least be someone who loves her._
Even though Kitty found it hard to admit, as different as they were, Rogue was her very best friend. Sure, she was very close to Kurt, and she and Amanda had recently gotten to know each other better, but nobody could replace Rogue's friendship. It had hurt her so much to have to do that to the gothic girl, and deep down, she was scared Rogue would never forgive her. _I never thought I'd say this, but I miss her._ They hadn't started out on the best of terms, but that had changed. She could only hope that the same miracle would happen twice. Sighing, she headed off to her own first period class, wondering why helping her friend had to hurt so much.
Rogue spent all of first period staring out the window, thinking about what she'd say when she saw him again. Since she hadn't been speaking to Kitty, or anyone else, really, she'd had plenty of time to think lately. Although she was no coward- _how dare the girl even think it!_- there had been a grain of truth in some of Kitty's other statements, though she'd rather die than admit it.
She did push people away, claiming that it was for their own good, but it was really to protect herself, her own sanity. She could never forget the way she'd discovered her powers- she would have thought, having someone who could see the future for a guardian, that she would have had some warning, but Irene had told her nothing. She would never forget the stunned and horrified look on Cody's face as he'd crumpled into unconsciousness at her feet. Ever since, she'd secretly harbored a fear of kissing anyone- what if it was more potent, what if she took more with a kiss than with just a simple hand to hand touch? All the emotions involved in a kiss scared her- what if she actually killed someone by kissing them, if she took more of their energy? Even though she knew it hadn't been her fault- she hadn't even known she was a mutant when it had happened- she still blamed herself for Cody's coma. She always would. And she was terrified she'd do it again, to someone she loved. So, far safer to never love anyone, to never be in a situation where she could possibly give in to temptation.
Unfortunately, though, she hadn't had control of the situation when Remy had kissed her, and she had completely freaked out. Hence, her run across Bayville like a madwoman. The next day, she'd realized how much she'd overreacted- he had been fine, mysteriously- she'd harbored the thought that maybe she had been learning some control after all. Even though she had no intention of testing out her control theory, it was still a partially comforting thought. It proved that Kitty was wrong about some things- she really was trying to master her powers!
She'd finally come to the conclusion that maybe it could be all right to let someone else in. Hell, since she wasn't friends with Kitty anymore, and Risty had vanished without a trace, there was certainly enough room for another friend in her life. It didn't have to be dangerous- aside from in the Danger Room, when they had to touch her, no one had ever touched her on purpose and gotten hurt by her at the Institute; and even though Risty hadn't known about her mutation, she'd always respected Rogue's avoidance of touch and insistence on full-coverage clothing. As long as Rogue could get him to understand that he could never try to touch her again, she would try to make friends with Remy. He'd get over loving her someday; besides, her interpretation of his feelings was probably wrong, anyways. She could never let herself love him, but maybe they could at least be friends.
The morning passed in a blur, and when the bell rang for lunch, she made her way to her usual spot. It had only taken one lunch period of her staring daggers at Kitty to make Kurt decide that it would be best for her to resume her anti-social habits. As she neared the bleachers, she turned aside suddenly, eyes alighting on the tree Remy had always watched her from. Its broad, leafy boughs spread a circle of shade around the trunk, and on a whim, Rogue sat down, leaning her back against the smooth bark. It was quiet and cool beneath the shade of the tree, and her mind drifted back in time, remembering picnics under other trees, and leaves hanging heavy in summer's heat. She missed home, the sound of other voices like hers, missed grits with every meal and the taste of Irene's cooking. It was so ironic- she'd met so many new people, been to plenty of crazy places and tried to fight the good fight; she was living the adventurous, exciting life she'd always dreamed of as a child- and she'd give it all up in a heartbeat, just for the chance to go home and be normal again. An insidious little voice asked her _everything? Even Remy?_ and she honestly didn't know. She didn't really know him at all, other than a handful of memories that were more confusing than enlightening; and she almost felt that his feelings for her were more a burden than a blessing. She couldn't define her own feelings on the situation very well, either- did she want to push him away so much because she was scared she'd be unable to live up to her resolve not to fall for him? And if she did fall for him, was it merely some kind of infatuation with his looks? Did he merely represent her only chance for something as normal as a relationship? Or was it possible that she could want him for himself, because he was Remy and she was Rogue, and it was possible that they could have something wonderful like what Scott and Jean had? It was too confusing, trying to analyze her emotions this way.
Sighing, she settled her headphones over her ears and switched on her Discman, letting the Smashing Pumpkins flow over her mind. Suddenly, lyrics caught at her ears, and her heart lurched. It's the perfect hassle, for the perfumed kiss, he makes you miss him more than home....." She knew the next lines, knew what was coming, and didn't want to hear it. _I don' love him, I don't love anybody,_ she thought as she violently punched the button to skip to the next song.
A shadow fell over her, and she looked up, blinking, confused. She'd been looking so hard for him all morning that it took her a moment to realize he was really there. "Remy?"
He smiled down at her, red-on-black eyes locking with her own, and said "none otha'. Dis tree taken, chere?" Before she could reply, he'd settled next to her, back leaning against the trunk, long legs stretched out before him.
Rogue took off her headphones, placing them next to her on the grass. "So what're ya doin' heah?" She asked stupidly. _Brilliant. All the things I've been thinking of all day, all the questions I want to ask him, and that's the best I can come up with?_
Giving her an "isn't it obvious?" look, he said, "Chere, Remy wan' ta apologize fer kissin' y' de other night. Ah din' mean t' scare ya."
Again, he'd surprised her. Not knowing what to say, she stammered "Uh, okay," looking away from him self consciously. They sat in awkward silence for a moment, and then Remy started to say something.
"Chere-"
Rogue broke in. "Why do ya always call me that?"
Taken aback, Remy blinked. "Is jus' what Remy call ya. If y' prefer, Remy can call y' somethin' else. Ah don' know y' real name t' call ya by it." He shrugged. He really didn't have a reason for it- the word just slipped in when he spoke to her. It just felt right somehow to call her that.
"Mah real name is Rogue. It's the only one Ah got." She said defiantly. He said nothing, merely watching her to see if she was going to continue. After a moment, she did, her voice much softer. "Ah gave it to mah self." She wasn't sure why she wanted to tell him this particular story- she hadn't even told the story of her name to her closest friends! Maybe it was just a way to even out the scales by giving him something of her own life to balance out his memories in her head.
Taking a deep breath, she began the tale. "Ah can't remember mah real parents at all. Somethin' bad must a happened to 'em- when Ah was four, a social worker found me hidin' out in some alley in Caldecott County, an took me t' the local orphanage. One of the women workin' there called me 'a little rogue,' an even though Ah din' know what it meant, Ah lahked how it sounded. Since Ah din' remember mah real name, Ah tole 'em mah name was Rogue. It's all Ah been called since."
She paused for breath, and said in a soft quiet voice, eyes downcast, "They nevah found mah parents, nevah figured out anythin' about who Ah really was. Ah used ta wonder sometimes, if they were still alive somewhere, an they jus' lost me or somethin'... Would they wan' me back now, if they knew what Ah was?" She practically whispered the last thought, and Remy had to lean in close to hear it. She suddenly looked up, and seeing him so close to her, she jumped back in surprise. She wanted to tell him not to get so close to her, not to lean into her like that, but the words just wouldn't come. It struck her that she didn't want to tell him to move away from her, and she scooted a few inches away from him. _See how well the resolution to not like him is working,_ she thought sarcastically at herself.
Remy was bothered by her reaction, but he said nothing about it. Instead, he reached forward, and brushed her snowy white bangs out of her eyes, forcing her to look up at him. She flinched away from his touch, and he inwardly sighed. "Remy be sure dey would wan' y'. Ya ain' done nothin' but t' make 'em proud. Yer one a' de good guys, non?"
"Yah, Ah guess so..." she said thoughtfully, looking a little bit less downcast. "What 'bout you, Remy?" She asked, eager to change the subject away from herself.
"Remy be an orphan, too. Ah was livin' on de streets, pickin' pockets so's Ah could eat, an Ah got caught tryin' t' pick de pocket of de Guild Father himself. 'Course, Remy din' know who he was at de time; but de man took me in, gave me his name an a good livin' too."
Rogue had heard stories about New Orleans life from Irene, who had spent part of her life there, but never one as far fetched as this one. "The Thieves Guild? But that's jus' some myth, some story somebody made up ta keep the tourists from pokin' round too much! None 'a that's real! Lemme guess, Ah suppose yer gonna tell me the pretty blonde lady who was tryin' ta kill ya is part of the Assassins, too. Tellin' me fairy tales," she muttered scoldingly.
Remy was surprised. He'd tried to think only of Rogue when he'd kissed her, but she'd somehow ended up with a memory of Belladonna! Suddenly, the school bell rang loudly, signaling the end of Rogue's lunch period, and he felt guiltily relieved- now he'd have a chance to figure out how to explain the whole thing to her.
He stood to go, and Rogue thought he was going to ignore her comment, but he said mildly "Dat be de truth- she is one 'a dem Assasins." He smiled at her and continued with "Meet Remy again at the fountain tonight- mebbe y' get de rest of de story." He turned away, but Rogue's voice stopped him.
"Remy," she called, and he turned to face her, "Ya can say it, ya know." And then, wonder of all wonders, she actually smiled at him. He felt like he'd just pulled off the most incredible heist in history. Laughing, he smiled back at her and said "A'right, chere," before turning and quickly vanishing around the far corner of the gym building.
Rogue stared after his retreating form, still smiling absently. Maybe things were going to turn out all right after all. But her momentary happiness was stilled when an accusatory voice from behind her demanded "Rogue, vhat vere you doing vith him? He is the enemy!"
_Oh no, busted!_ Was all Rogue could think as she turned to face her angry friend.
by Princess of Monkeys
Chapter 14
Duncan's busy beating up the disclaimer, because he thought it was a mutant. Oh, wait, it is a mutant disclaimer... I guess I better go save it.
The song lyric quoted in this chapter comes from the song "Daphne Descends", from Adore, by the Smashing Pumpkins.
Rogue and Kitty completely ignored each other for the rest of the week. Kitty was angry at Rogue for her refusal to see the truth, and rogue was furious at Kitty for daring to judge her. Rogue refused to even sleep in the same room at night-she'd all but moved into the rec room, only going into the bedroom to change her clothes once the younger girl was gone.
Everyone had noticed the situation, but nobody knew what to do about it. Virtually overnight, completely inexplicably, they'd gone from being close friends to complete enemies! All attempts to discuss the situation were met with polite refusal by Kitty, or a silent death glare from Rogue. Most of the Institute residents just left it alone, figuring it would resolve itself in time; even the Professor couldn't figure out the problem, not without breaking his own rules about privacy of the mind. The only person who couldn't just accept the situation was Kurt, who did everything in his power to get his two friends to start talking to each other again. But even Kurt's persistence had no effect.
On Friday, after an interminably long and silent car ride, Rogue went to her locker before first period, and found a rose in it. Heart hammering painfully in her ribs, she reached out and carefully picked it up from atop her geometry book, and brought the blossom to her face, inhaling the sweet fragrance. She wondered where he was, if he was watching her at that very moment. The idea no longer bothered her so much, especially when she remembered how he'd come to her rescue that day with the girls from p.e. As she'd experienced his memories of watching her, she'd realized desperation he felt, always able to merely watch her, but never be near her. She understood all too well- she knew more than anyone what it was to look but never be allowed to touch.
It had made her feel somewhat closer to him, and more willing to give him a chance. And she had so many questions, about his memories and the dreams she'd had since he kissed her... _It just figures, all this time he's been right there and I wouldn't have wanted him around if I'd known, but now when I want him he's nowhere to be found!_ Things always seemed to work out that way.
She closed her locker and looked around, hoping to see his distinctive trench coat clad figure leaning against a row of lockers nearby, but knowing it was a little too much to hope for. Here, amongst all the students running through the halls, he'd be far too conspicuous.
Carefully tucking the rose into her bag, she walked off towards her first period class. Unbeknownst to her, Kitty had seen the whole thing, and smiled. _Good- she didn't just throw it out. Maybe she did listen to something I said that night after all._ Kitty wasn't really mad anymore- it was hard for her to hold a grudge, and she really did want Rogue to be happy, even if they weren't speaking to each other right now. Even though she'd never spoken to the mysterious Cajun, she wanted things to work out between them. _Because Rogue sure needs to let someone in, and if it's not going to be one of us, then it should at least be someone who loves her._
Even though Kitty found it hard to admit, as different as they were, Rogue was her very best friend. Sure, she was very close to Kurt, and she and Amanda had recently gotten to know each other better, but nobody could replace Rogue's friendship. It had hurt her so much to have to do that to the gothic girl, and deep down, she was scared Rogue would never forgive her. _I never thought I'd say this, but I miss her._ They hadn't started out on the best of terms, but that had changed. She could only hope that the same miracle would happen twice. Sighing, she headed off to her own first period class, wondering why helping her friend had to hurt so much.
Rogue spent all of first period staring out the window, thinking about what she'd say when she saw him again. Since she hadn't been speaking to Kitty, or anyone else, really, she'd had plenty of time to think lately. Although she was no coward- _how dare the girl even think it!_- there had been a grain of truth in some of Kitty's other statements, though she'd rather die than admit it.
She did push people away, claiming that it was for their own good, but it was really to protect herself, her own sanity. She could never forget the way she'd discovered her powers- she would have thought, having someone who could see the future for a guardian, that she would have had some warning, but Irene had told her nothing. She would never forget the stunned and horrified look on Cody's face as he'd crumpled into unconsciousness at her feet. Ever since, she'd secretly harbored a fear of kissing anyone- what if it was more potent, what if she took more with a kiss than with just a simple hand to hand touch? All the emotions involved in a kiss scared her- what if she actually killed someone by kissing them, if she took more of their energy? Even though she knew it hadn't been her fault- she hadn't even known she was a mutant when it had happened- she still blamed herself for Cody's coma. She always would. And she was terrified she'd do it again, to someone she loved. So, far safer to never love anyone, to never be in a situation where she could possibly give in to temptation.
Unfortunately, though, she hadn't had control of the situation when Remy had kissed her, and she had completely freaked out. Hence, her run across Bayville like a madwoman. The next day, she'd realized how much she'd overreacted- he had been fine, mysteriously- she'd harbored the thought that maybe she had been learning some control after all. Even though she had no intention of testing out her control theory, it was still a partially comforting thought. It proved that Kitty was wrong about some things- she really was trying to master her powers!
She'd finally come to the conclusion that maybe it could be all right to let someone else in. Hell, since she wasn't friends with Kitty anymore, and Risty had vanished without a trace, there was certainly enough room for another friend in her life. It didn't have to be dangerous- aside from in the Danger Room, when they had to touch her, no one had ever touched her on purpose and gotten hurt by her at the Institute; and even though Risty hadn't known about her mutation, she'd always respected Rogue's avoidance of touch and insistence on full-coverage clothing. As long as Rogue could get him to understand that he could never try to touch her again, she would try to make friends with Remy. He'd get over loving her someday; besides, her interpretation of his feelings was probably wrong, anyways. She could never let herself love him, but maybe they could at least be friends.
The morning passed in a blur, and when the bell rang for lunch, she made her way to her usual spot. It had only taken one lunch period of her staring daggers at Kitty to make Kurt decide that it would be best for her to resume her anti-social habits. As she neared the bleachers, she turned aside suddenly, eyes alighting on the tree Remy had always watched her from. Its broad, leafy boughs spread a circle of shade around the trunk, and on a whim, Rogue sat down, leaning her back against the smooth bark. It was quiet and cool beneath the shade of the tree, and her mind drifted back in time, remembering picnics under other trees, and leaves hanging heavy in summer's heat. She missed home, the sound of other voices like hers, missed grits with every meal and the taste of Irene's cooking. It was so ironic- she'd met so many new people, been to plenty of crazy places and tried to fight the good fight; she was living the adventurous, exciting life she'd always dreamed of as a child- and she'd give it all up in a heartbeat, just for the chance to go home and be normal again. An insidious little voice asked her _everything? Even Remy?_ and she honestly didn't know. She didn't really know him at all, other than a handful of memories that were more confusing than enlightening; and she almost felt that his feelings for her were more a burden than a blessing. She couldn't define her own feelings on the situation very well, either- did she want to push him away so much because she was scared she'd be unable to live up to her resolve not to fall for him? And if she did fall for him, was it merely some kind of infatuation with his looks? Did he merely represent her only chance for something as normal as a relationship? Or was it possible that she could want him for himself, because he was Remy and she was Rogue, and it was possible that they could have something wonderful like what Scott and Jean had? It was too confusing, trying to analyze her emotions this way.
Sighing, she settled her headphones over her ears and switched on her Discman, letting the Smashing Pumpkins flow over her mind. Suddenly, lyrics caught at her ears, and her heart lurched. It's the perfect hassle, for the perfumed kiss, he makes you miss him more than home....." She knew the next lines, knew what was coming, and didn't want to hear it. _I don' love him, I don't love anybody,_ she thought as she violently punched the button to skip to the next song.
A shadow fell over her, and she looked up, blinking, confused. She'd been looking so hard for him all morning that it took her a moment to realize he was really there. "Remy?"
He smiled down at her, red-on-black eyes locking with her own, and said "none otha'. Dis tree taken, chere?" Before she could reply, he'd settled next to her, back leaning against the trunk, long legs stretched out before him.
Rogue took off her headphones, placing them next to her on the grass. "So what're ya doin' heah?" She asked stupidly. _Brilliant. All the things I've been thinking of all day, all the questions I want to ask him, and that's the best I can come up with?_
Giving her an "isn't it obvious?" look, he said, "Chere, Remy wan' ta apologize fer kissin' y' de other night. Ah din' mean t' scare ya."
Again, he'd surprised her. Not knowing what to say, she stammered "Uh, okay," looking away from him self consciously. They sat in awkward silence for a moment, and then Remy started to say something.
"Chere-"
Rogue broke in. "Why do ya always call me that?"
Taken aback, Remy blinked. "Is jus' what Remy call ya. If y' prefer, Remy can call y' somethin' else. Ah don' know y' real name t' call ya by it." He shrugged. He really didn't have a reason for it- the word just slipped in when he spoke to her. It just felt right somehow to call her that.
"Mah real name is Rogue. It's the only one Ah got." She said defiantly. He said nothing, merely watching her to see if she was going to continue. After a moment, she did, her voice much softer. "Ah gave it to mah self." She wasn't sure why she wanted to tell him this particular story- she hadn't even told the story of her name to her closest friends! Maybe it was just a way to even out the scales by giving him something of her own life to balance out his memories in her head.
Taking a deep breath, she began the tale. "Ah can't remember mah real parents at all. Somethin' bad must a happened to 'em- when Ah was four, a social worker found me hidin' out in some alley in Caldecott County, an took me t' the local orphanage. One of the women workin' there called me 'a little rogue,' an even though Ah din' know what it meant, Ah lahked how it sounded. Since Ah din' remember mah real name, Ah tole 'em mah name was Rogue. It's all Ah been called since."
She paused for breath, and said in a soft quiet voice, eyes downcast, "They nevah found mah parents, nevah figured out anythin' about who Ah really was. Ah used ta wonder sometimes, if they were still alive somewhere, an they jus' lost me or somethin'... Would they wan' me back now, if they knew what Ah was?" She practically whispered the last thought, and Remy had to lean in close to hear it. She suddenly looked up, and seeing him so close to her, she jumped back in surprise. She wanted to tell him not to get so close to her, not to lean into her like that, but the words just wouldn't come. It struck her that she didn't want to tell him to move away from her, and she scooted a few inches away from him. _See how well the resolution to not like him is working,_ she thought sarcastically at herself.
Remy was bothered by her reaction, but he said nothing about it. Instead, he reached forward, and brushed her snowy white bangs out of her eyes, forcing her to look up at him. She flinched away from his touch, and he inwardly sighed. "Remy be sure dey would wan' y'. Ya ain' done nothin' but t' make 'em proud. Yer one a' de good guys, non?"
"Yah, Ah guess so..." she said thoughtfully, looking a little bit less downcast. "What 'bout you, Remy?" She asked, eager to change the subject away from herself.
"Remy be an orphan, too. Ah was livin' on de streets, pickin' pockets so's Ah could eat, an Ah got caught tryin' t' pick de pocket of de Guild Father himself. 'Course, Remy din' know who he was at de time; but de man took me in, gave me his name an a good livin' too."
Rogue had heard stories about New Orleans life from Irene, who had spent part of her life there, but never one as far fetched as this one. "The Thieves Guild? But that's jus' some myth, some story somebody made up ta keep the tourists from pokin' round too much! None 'a that's real! Lemme guess, Ah suppose yer gonna tell me the pretty blonde lady who was tryin' ta kill ya is part of the Assassins, too. Tellin' me fairy tales," she muttered scoldingly.
Remy was surprised. He'd tried to think only of Rogue when he'd kissed her, but she'd somehow ended up with a memory of Belladonna! Suddenly, the school bell rang loudly, signaling the end of Rogue's lunch period, and he felt guiltily relieved- now he'd have a chance to figure out how to explain the whole thing to her.
He stood to go, and Rogue thought he was going to ignore her comment, but he said mildly "Dat be de truth- she is one 'a dem Assasins." He smiled at her and continued with "Meet Remy again at the fountain tonight- mebbe y' get de rest of de story." He turned away, but Rogue's voice stopped him.
"Remy," she called, and he turned to face her, "Ya can say it, ya know." And then, wonder of all wonders, she actually smiled at him. He felt like he'd just pulled off the most incredible heist in history. Laughing, he smiled back at her and said "A'right, chere," before turning and quickly vanishing around the far corner of the gym building.
Rogue stared after his retreating form, still smiling absently. Maybe things were going to turn out all right after all. But her momentary happiness was stilled when an accusatory voice from behind her demanded "Rogue, vhat vere you doing vith him? He is the enemy!"
_Oh no, busted!_ Was all Rogue could think as she turned to face her angry friend.