It had been... only a few months... since Sirius had been killed by his own cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange. I slept alone now, and I was sure I wasn't going to insult Sirius' memory by bringing someone else to that bed. Hell, I didn't even want to find someone else to keep me company at night. I did, however, but it did not begin as one might expect.
The hour was probably around one in the morning or so when I was violently woken up from a fitful night's sleep by someone shaking me. When I opened my eyes, slightly flaring pitch colored ones glared into my navy eyes. In the dim light of my room, a candle by my bedside, I could make out the outline of the Potions Master of Hogwarts, who was currently staying for about a week in this large estate called Grimmauld Place. He was slightly glaring down at me now, looking none too pleased at all about something.
"Will you quit that shouting?" he hissed under his breath, snorting just a little. "I swear. The Headmaster is beginning to wonder if there's someone up here cursing you." I didn't voice the thought that went through my head that the one basically above me was perfectly capable of doing that. "You're waking us all up," he then muttered, sounding rather put out, but, honestly, I don't think he'd been sleeping at all. He then muttered something that half shocked me, half stung me. "You're not the only one to lose someone."
Suddenly, I felt an indignant spark ignite in me. How dare he compare his being rejected by that pompus bastard, Lucius Malfoy, to the death of Sirius Black. I wanted so badly to take a swing at him, but I thought better of it. He could kill me in seconds if he wanted to. He had his wand, and mine was across the room on my dresser. So instead I was silent, glaring at him the whole while. Then he got up to leave my room in peace.
"Wait," I found myself muttering quietly, sitting up and running a hand through my tawny hair. "If you really want to be sure I stay quiet, stay with me." It was a pitiful request, a pitiful plea. But it worked. He turned to look at me, cocking an eyebrow. "The full moon," I muttered quietly, "was a couple of nights ago. I'm not dangerous now. My wand's completely out of reach. I won't try anything, you have my word." That must have counted for more than I knew because he gave what seemed a reluctant nod and sat down on my bed.
As I moved over to make room, he looked at me and said, almost reading my mind though it suprised me that he suggested it, "Let me guess, Lupin, you're going to at least wish or even think about curling up to me just because I'm sure you did it with Black." Attempting not to blush, I gave a slow nod. For a moment, I was stunned into silence as he muttered, laying down slowly, "If you tell no one, I'll allow it. Tell anyone, though, and you will find yourself dead."
Carefully, I moved, laying back down and shifting to lay by my peer and, come the start of term, colleague. My head found his chest, and I shifted a bit closer to him. He didn't seem to mind too terribly much because he slipped an arm around me, his hand rsting on my back.
"Funny," he muttered under his breath. "On the -rare- occasions that Lucius would allow me to, well... I suppose you'd say hold him, he took almost that same position." I wasn't insulted to be compared to this one's previous lover because I wasn't his lover and he wasn't mine.
"And Sirius used to hold me almost exactly like this," I muttered quietly under my breath, smiling just a little at the thought. The knowledge that it wasn't identical made it... almost more like Sirius' hold. He was never one to do something the exact same way twice.
Slowly, wrapped up in our own memories, Severus and I fell asleep together. We weren't lovers, we knew that much even then. We were, especially that night, stand-ins for the ones who could not, or would not, be there. We were nothing more than replacements. There would grow to be a physical relationship between us, but we would long hold that there was nothing emotional there. I'm sure Severus had his reasons, though I'm not sure what they are, but I know mine. As long as my heart stayed to Sirius alone, I could convince myself that having someone else wasn't an insult to his memory.
The hour was probably around one in the morning or so when I was violently woken up from a fitful night's sleep by someone shaking me. When I opened my eyes, slightly flaring pitch colored ones glared into my navy eyes. In the dim light of my room, a candle by my bedside, I could make out the outline of the Potions Master of Hogwarts, who was currently staying for about a week in this large estate called Grimmauld Place. He was slightly glaring down at me now, looking none too pleased at all about something.
"Will you quit that shouting?" he hissed under his breath, snorting just a little. "I swear. The Headmaster is beginning to wonder if there's someone up here cursing you." I didn't voice the thought that went through my head that the one basically above me was perfectly capable of doing that. "You're waking us all up," he then muttered, sounding rather put out, but, honestly, I don't think he'd been sleeping at all. He then muttered something that half shocked me, half stung me. "You're not the only one to lose someone."
Suddenly, I felt an indignant spark ignite in me. How dare he compare his being rejected by that pompus bastard, Lucius Malfoy, to the death of Sirius Black. I wanted so badly to take a swing at him, but I thought better of it. He could kill me in seconds if he wanted to. He had his wand, and mine was across the room on my dresser. So instead I was silent, glaring at him the whole while. Then he got up to leave my room in peace.
"Wait," I found myself muttering quietly, sitting up and running a hand through my tawny hair. "If you really want to be sure I stay quiet, stay with me." It was a pitiful request, a pitiful plea. But it worked. He turned to look at me, cocking an eyebrow. "The full moon," I muttered quietly, "was a couple of nights ago. I'm not dangerous now. My wand's completely out of reach. I won't try anything, you have my word." That must have counted for more than I knew because he gave what seemed a reluctant nod and sat down on my bed.
As I moved over to make room, he looked at me and said, almost reading my mind though it suprised me that he suggested it, "Let me guess, Lupin, you're going to at least wish or even think about curling up to me just because I'm sure you did it with Black." Attempting not to blush, I gave a slow nod. For a moment, I was stunned into silence as he muttered, laying down slowly, "If you tell no one, I'll allow it. Tell anyone, though, and you will find yourself dead."
Carefully, I moved, laying back down and shifting to lay by my peer and, come the start of term, colleague. My head found his chest, and I shifted a bit closer to him. He didn't seem to mind too terribly much because he slipped an arm around me, his hand rsting on my back.
"Funny," he muttered under his breath. "On the -rare- occasions that Lucius would allow me to, well... I suppose you'd say hold him, he took almost that same position." I wasn't insulted to be compared to this one's previous lover because I wasn't his lover and he wasn't mine.
"And Sirius used to hold me almost exactly like this," I muttered quietly under my breath, smiling just a little at the thought. The knowledge that it wasn't identical made it... almost more like Sirius' hold. He was never one to do something the exact same way twice.
Slowly, wrapped up in our own memories, Severus and I fell asleep together. We weren't lovers, we knew that much even then. We were, especially that night, stand-ins for the ones who could not, or would not, be there. We were nothing more than replacements. There would grow to be a physical relationship between us, but we would long hold that there was nothing emotional there. I'm sure Severus had his reasons, though I'm not sure what they are, but I know mine. As long as my heart stayed to Sirius alone, I could convince myself that having someone else wasn't an insult to his memory.