DISCLAIMER:

This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books,

Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

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As Snape lay in the warmth on the windowsill quietly attaining a Zen state he had no idea of the danger he was in, danger from a very unusual source. A small green grass snake an adder much like himself was skittishly sneaking up on him. Her heart pounding, her forked tongue tasting his maleness in the air, eyes glowing like emeralds plucked from a dwarf's cave. Little did Snape know the female adder was intent on ravishing him!

No, Snape was allowing himself to been dragged into slumber by the radiator's caressing warmth. Letting the heat infuse his scaly skin, pulling him inexorably down into the all-encompassing blackness of reptilian slumber. He was too drowsy to summon the energy to even open an eye, let alone higher thought processes. If he had deigned to do so he would have seen a green diamond shaped head experimentally nudge his black body, pause then almost grin through nerves and fear and he would have acted, but no...  No, Snape was half insensate in the promised land of dreams. He did not feel the feminine presence that softly slid over his tightly coiled black scaly body. Lost in the land of animal pleasures, hissing grass and small, furry, fast moving prey, he was for the time being blissfully happy.

"Right then!" Hagrid's voice boomed out from the doorway of the infirmary, splitting apart the cluster of teachers, mediwitch and student from their discussion. "It's time for Lavender to have her walk outside." He said as he lumbered in edging past them going to the pigpen, nodding at the Head Master. "Dumbledore."

"Hagrid."

"Come along Lavender. I know where there's some nice mushrooms?"

Lavender dug her snout into the pile of hay in her pen and firmly closed her beady eyes.

Hagrid tutted and extracted a lead from the depths of his greatcoat's pocket. He leant over the pen to hook up her collar. "No excuses mind." He said and tugged on the lead. Reluctantly Lavender got to her shaky legs and squealed in protest as she was moved toward the gate. "You need the exercise." Lavender was making a show of it, shaking her jowls angrily, snorting and grunting loudly. Hagrid ignored her protests and persisted in getting her out of the pen and past the small group of spectators.

"That's a good girl." He rumbled and looked up over the Head Master's head to the window. He frowned. "Here, is that Professor Snape? When did he get a little friend?"

Everyone turned and stared at the windowsill. There they saw two snakes, one black and one green entwined in one unruly slumbering pile.

Perhaps it was the ability to speak snake that meant that Harry could read snake expressions too, but at that moment he did not care. Hermione? He cringed, what was she doing and why didn't she care?

With a rising sense of nausea, Harry noticed that the small green adder (curled up very much like a cat on top of the larger black snake) had a one very smug expression on her face.

"Oh dear."

"A veritable vipers nest I'd say, old chap."


"Hello Professor Snape!" Hagrid boomed over their heads, the vibration alone enough to rouse the reptiles. "Who's your little friend then?" He laughed.

Snape opened one glittering black eye and for a moment peace reigned. But then sensation returned and with it reason and one withering look later all hell broke loose.

"Oh no."

Harry clutched his head and tried to block out the steaming hissing and spitting from his ears.

"Hagrid, my dear old friend," Wheezed Dumbledore. "I believe it is time for you to leave."

"Right you are, Head Master." Hagrid sniffed, "If you say so. Come along Lavender." The little pig snuffled out beside Hagrid her pink snout in the air.

By now Snape was in the corner of the window flattened against the wood and glass, giving the green snake before him sarcastic jibes and taunts, while Hermione swayed before him, trying to tempt him out with coy hisses.

"No! Stop!" Harry his face pale and breathing harsh. "Hermione!" He pleaded in sibilant parsel tongue.

"I say?" Flitwick piped up. "What's she saying Harry?"

The young man looked at the teachers with a mixture of supplication and horror. "Don't ask, please don't ask." He saw Dumbledore's mooed face and relented. "Something about mating and Snape being nasty to her." He whimpered. "And I don't think she means nasty as in unpleasant either."

"Nasty?" Dumbledore's eyebrows elevated up to the rim of his ornate wizard hat. "Good gracious!" He compulsively stroked his beard in frantic thought. "Nasty? Goodness gracious me!"

As suddenly as the clamour and hissing started it stopped. An eerie silence filled the infirmary's white walls. Snape had stopped spitting like a boiling kettle and he had peeled himself out of the corner to hover over Hermione his black head cocked to one side in question.

"Would you be so kind to tell me what's happening?" Flitwick twittered, straining his neck to see what was transpiring on the windowsill.

"Ewww." Harry grimaced, sinking to the floor, "Snape's asking Hermione how nasty he was and -" He gulped,  "She's telling him."

"Parents? Council?" Dumbledore muttered into his beard, "The Ministry? Who first…Oh dear…"

"Nasty? I don't understan-" Flitwick began, but sudden activity on the windowsill stopped him.

Snape had pulled himself up to his impressive full height, seeming to expand at the same time, his hard body glistening and throbbing larger in the sunlight as he hovered over the submissive female. He paused for a moment, luxuriating in the tension that sparked between his potential mate and he. Their taut bodies gleaming like wet metal, flicking tongues, tasting, smelling and hissing at each other softly, harshly with lust and need. He drew back; his black eyes slits opened his jaws to display a row of needle sharp fangs and then - pounced.

"Pomfrey get your gloves!"

Shocked realisation descended in equal measure upon the group. In a flustered rush the Mediwitch had the thick latex gloves on and made a grab at the first snapping tail she could find. She dangled Hermione in the air as she twisted and hissed. While beneath her, Snape skittered across the workbench lunging up at her, clearing very annoyed and frustrated in his ardour.

"Hermione?" Harry gaped. He never knew she knew such language.

"There!" Pomfrey dropped a still agitated Hermione into the Aquarium, moved the heavy lid securely into place and clapped her hands in completion. "Good."

Snape sped toward the cage and reared up to skitter uselessly along the cool glass. He tested the lid with his head only to sink down after ten attempts in exhaustion. Wearily he lifted his head to look inside, his forked tongue flickering in desperation, longing etched in every twitch of his tail. Hermione was sullenly sliding around the tank also testing its limits - and failing. Finally she moved to the glass wall, lifted her head and tapped it drawing his attention. Silently they stared at each other in bittersweet resignation.

 Pomfrey snapped off the gloves and shook her head. "Albus-"

"I am aware Poppy." The old wizard sighed, "We can only try again tomorrow."

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Later that evening…

"Come along Lavender." Hagrid's voice disturbed the twilight peace that had settled on the infirmary.

Snape barely stirred from his posse by the aquarium as the door opened. He blearily watched as the giant; the little pig trotting beside made their way to the animal enclosure. He closed his eyes again and tried to fight down the overwhelming urge to sleep in the cooling sir, shed his skin or mate with the sex goddess in the glass tank beside him.

She's a child, the man firmly told the reptilian part of himself. A young woman, technically an adult - a student! Hermione Granger was an annoying presence in his classroom with whom he could not wait - to - get - nasty - with! Merlin and Circe combined! One word and he was overcome with animal lust! No wonder snake foreplay looked like death match wrestling.

"There you are Lavender." Hagrid closed the pigpen and Snape grimaced at the rush of warm pig stink.

If only they had changed Hermione into a horse! The teeth would be prefect. Perfect as she was now, long sinewy, scales in all the right places – Stop! Owww! If he had to bite his own tail every time he had indecent thoughts about her, he would be the shortest adder in Britain!

"Is that you Professor Snape?" Hagrid's voice reached him before his bulky shadow. "What you doing outside?" He asked, clearly puzzled. "Madam Pomfrey forgot to put you back in the tank did she? It may be summer but the airs got a nip to it. I'll have to remind her that snakes don't like the cold; they hibernate given half a chance. Here." Before Snape could rouse himself enough to stiffen away, the kindly giant had lifted the edge of the aquarium lid with a finger and waited. Some part of Snape screamed in protest, but an overwhelming rush of lust, hot air from the tank and pheromones of female adder quelled it. Snape unwound, peered up at Hagrid for one incredulous minute before blindly sliding up and inside the tank his forked tongue leading the way.

"There that's better," Hagrid replaced the lid and smiled. "All's right with the world." He moved away, not seeing the shadows shift and writhe in the aquarium. "Good night Lavender," He cried, not feeling the rising heat emanating from the glass tank as he trudged toward the door, "Good night Professor." He waved, not hearing the hiss of satisfaction.

"Good Night Hermi-!" He went over to the fishbowl and scratched his beard. "Odd." He commented, when he found the small fish bowl empty. "She must be out singing for her supper." And without another word, he left.

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tbc