DISCLAIMER:

This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books,
Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.





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Time travel was an intriguing paradox - to the experts, but in the hands of amateurs it was a disaster.

Muggle, Wizard, gnome and goblin all lived under the rule of time, but few understood it. They watched 'it tick away', 'watched the clock' and the 'days pass by'. A few dreamt of altering time, of winding back the clock, making it up, putting it back, but few ever did so… They were amateurs and they knew it. What did they understand of the fabric of the universe? Were they Einstein or Merlin? No, they were too busy living their ordinary lives to worry about chaos theory. Why send out a ripple on a still pond? Why even throw the stone? Why indeed, unless your world was in peril.

That was what Sam had believed and why he had risked it all, but what did that get him? Not a fancy statue in the middle of Piccadilly Circus. Not a face on a five-pound note, not a mention on the six o'clock news. No, nothing but a quick exit into limbo with all of the other hapless amateur time travellers, into nothingness, into a blink of existence that terminated with not so much as a sigh.

The fundamental problem was simple. Time was a constant. People were not. They were as inconstant as leaves on deciduous trees. Sam had existed in the future, but he had altered the course of his future and now he did not exist, not even as a memory… Five seconds after Sam had blinked out of the past not even the illustrious Albus Dumbledore could recall his name. Sam's universe had funnelled inward collapsing in on itself, destroying whole lives, histories and thwarting destinies all by a twist of hand and a few persuasive words to one person.

And that one person was not impressed. No, not in the slightest, in fact he was so unimpressed he was fuming.



Severus Snape stood with a sore head and a disconcerting feeling of not knowing what purpose his arms and legs served, listening to the drivel spouting from Potter, Malfoy and Pomfrey's mouths.

He had been a what! A black adder, a small black snake by Malfoy's hand? He shook his aching head, felt in his pocket for his watch and summoned the time and date. Who knew Malfoy was so proficient at curses? His watch sprang open and spouted forth a mournful funeral dirge while forming a glowing antique clock face and calendar in the air before him. The clock face bled globs of green light that dripped into the nothingness and the calendar moved with bats and snakes. Two weeks! He had lost two weeks? The NEWTS were as good as over and he had missed the opportunity to gloat over his students suffering? This was beyond reason!

"If…" Snape's throat felt strange as he formed the words. "If I am to believe you my classes are over and the NEWTs completed?"

"Yes." Pomfrey nodded. "That's right. Dumbledore took over your classes and the exams went without a hitch."

"Dear Merlin." He sank down onto a nearby stool muttering. "Do I have a classroom left?"

"Is it true?" Hermione's frantic voice came from the door. Everyone turned and looked at the Head Girl as she stalked into the infirmary followed by a very timid, red-faced Ron.

"Tell me he did not blunder into my storeroom?" Snape asked.

Poppy ignored the look of disgust on the Potion's Master ascetic face. Potions, was that all the man thought about? She had more mundane things to see to.... like finding a diplomatic answer to Hermione Granger's question.

She studied the girl and clung to the hope that Ronald Weasley had been too squeamish to mention that infamous indiscretion between two erstwhile snakes, but that hope was fading. She gulped and the world spun as she saw herself having a very sordid and heated discussion with a very grumpy Snape, distraught Hermione and a gawping audience of testosterone laden teenage boys.

Hermione sucked in a brave lungful of air and spoke the words Pomfrey was dreading to hear...

"Have I missed my exams?" She pleaded.

The Mediwitch almost choked before she heaved a sigh of relief. Seeing stars she realized she had been dangerously close to passing out from holding her breath.

"All except for the Latin final that's tomorrow." Draco smugly stated. "It's in the afternoon."

"That's good for Lavender." Hermione snapped, "But not for me. I don't take Latin!"

"If I find one Lemon Drop amongst my bottles…" poppy could hear Snape still grumbling, his eyebrows scrunched together in a frown. "Where is my storeroom key?" He slapped his breast pocket and extracted a length of silver chain with small silver key and instantly looked relieved. "Thank Merlin, I'd like to see him get past my wards." He gave a quietly evil grin. "I wonder what the Antipodean weather is like this time of year?"

Meanwhile... "Oh no!" Draco flapped melodramatically. "The great Hermione Granger is going to fail! Oh the horror! Oh the humanity! Feel that? It's the world spinning off its axis!"

Harry came up and shoved Draco in the shoulder. "Shut up Malfoy"

"Watch it, Potter." Draco swung about and pointed his wand at Harry's nose. "I at least have a fighting chance of passing my finals unlike some in your precious house." He gave Ron a meaningful nod.

"What good are exams going to be if you're expelled?" Harry asked. "Don't think Dumbledore will forget who cursed Hermione in the first place."

"Those are a lot of words for someone who doesn't know many, Potter." He tapped his wand on Harry's glasses. "My father would never let that happen. It's like I said: Watch it."

"I'd watch it if I were you." Ron stepped up and indicated where Harry had his wand poised over a delicate area of Draco's anatomy. "Wouldn't want that to be anymore slug-like than it is already now would we Malfoy?"

"That's enough!" Pomfrey exclaimed. "Behave! I have had enough of these antics to last me a lifetime."

The boys looked at the Mediwitch. Behind her back Snape was on his feet with his arms folded into his robe glaring at them in a very bat like fashion. The evil intent in Snape's eyes was enough of a deterrent and the boys quickly moved away from one another and the room fell into an uneasy silence.

Persistent as ever Hermione stuck out her chin and asked, "Is everything Ron told me true?" Her question hung and twisted in the tense air.

Please Albus appear now and stop this torture! Poppy prayed, looking at the girl in sympathy then at Snape in fear and trepidation. She felt she had to say something, to at least find where the land lay before the Head Master stumbled into dangerous territory.

"Yes dear, for the good part of three weeks your were a frog, then a snake and now you're yourself again… Yes. That's right…" and she wiped down the front of her nurses pinny with a deft hand and began to nervously hum.

"Well?" Snape snapped making the walls ring with his demand, "There's something more to this Poppy Pomfrey, what is it?"

"Perhaps after the Head Master has returned from the Gryffindor tower?" Poppy hedged avoiding eye contact with the hateful man– knowing that it would be fatal if she so much as glanced at him. "Really Severus!" She forced a happy smile and went to her first aid kit. "I should see to that bump on your head."

Snape let the matter drop - for the moment – his face tense as the Mediwitch went through her potions, and unguents. His head hurt, it was late and he felt drained and exhausted. He only lifted his gaze when he felt someone staring at him.

Hermione Granger stood before him, biting her bottom lip still clearly upset about missing her finals. The teacher in Snape felt a pang on sympathy for the girl, this was quickly squashed by the meddlesome chit's identity and the prospect that she may have to repeat a year - another year in his Potions class no less. Dear Circe, another year of hands up, answer ready, perfect potions and endless difficult questions. Merlin's balls! What had he done to deserve this? Hadn't he repented? Wasn't he on the good side? Oww! His head hurt and looking up at Granger he had this undeniable, almost compulsive need to devour something small, furry and mousy whole.

"What is it?" He spat making the girl jump. "No answers this time Granger?"

"Was there someone else here?" She inexplicably asked, Snape's eyes narrowed and she nervously looked away, her hands loosely clasped over her stomach. "Harry? Was there someone else here besides you?" She waved a hand about to indicate the ward.

Harry scratched his head. He had the sense he should remember, it was on the tip of his tongue but when he chased the thought it slithered away. He shook his head. "Only Dumbledore and Lavender earlier."

His answer did not satisfy Hermione and she scowled slightly as she gently ran a hand over her tummy. "You sense it too, don't you Professor?" She gently asked.

"No!" Snape flung back his hair and sniffed. "Don't be asinine! Save your queer feelings for Divination."

He was lying she could tell by the way he slid his gaze back to her to check she had moved on in her train of thought. No such luck mister! Hermione frowned until her mouth became a thin line, but before she could ask another question Pomfrey returned.

"Don't wander off Miss Granger. I want to complete a physical on you." The Mediwitch made Snape enter a cubicle and swished the curtain closed about them. "You boys!" Her voice carried through the screen. "Go back to your rooms, extract the Head Master from his gossiping and please – please just go to bed. It's been a long night, there's nothing that can't be left until morning."

Shut out Hermione wandered over to Harry and Ron. "I'll see you shortly?"

Harry nodded and glared as Draco passed them. They dawdled toward the door, Ron looking at Hermione long and hard before asking. "Lavender takes Latin?"

"The only reason Lavender took Latin was because she thought it would help her with her dancing." Hermione sighed sadly.

"Dancing?" Harry asked.

"Latin dancing," Hermione said as the boys crossed the foyer toward the moving staircases. "She wanted to understand the lyrics."

Harry stopped, looked at her and blinked. He followed Ron and companionably asked his friend. "Ron, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

Ron looked up at him with a simple smile, "Well, I think so, Harry, but Kevin Costner with an English accent?"

Harry shook his head.

The boys ascended the staircases and gave Hermione one last jaunty wave before they vanished out of sight

"What?" Hermione heard Ron's voice echoing down the stairwell. "I was serious!"

Harry's groan in answer was barely heard over the grinding of rotating stonework.

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Some time later Hermione had curled up on one of the infirmary beds and drifted into the cottonwool land of dreams when a swish of robes and the unmistakably scent of Muggle sweets filled her nose. She propped herself up on her elbows and blearily watched as the shadowy form of the Head Master swept by and went into the curtained cubicle that still contained Professor Snape and Madam Pomfrey.

Tiredly she sank back down to the pillow and yawned. Perhaps she should have returned to her rooms with the boys? How long does it take to put a sticking plaster on a bumped head?

Time passed and she was again pleasantly drifting off to sleep when Snape's heated voice shot through the air like an acidic arrow.

"I in no way had sexual relations with that student!"

Hermione had never heard Professor Snape so emotional. The very sound of his voice sent her heart racing and set her senses to full power. Gone was the cool composure and measured voice, gone was the icy control, gone was the precise and thoughtful sarcasm, present was a crackling and steaming turmoil like an overheated buffalo stuck in a mud pool.

"Oh very believable Severus. Well done." Pomfrey's voice was calm but sure. "You've convinced us all."

"I'm afraid you did Severus." The Head Master asserted. "Denial won't erase the fact."

"You are the one who offers sweets to children!" Snape's voice raised a notch. "I am not a paedophile!"

"She is of age Severus." Dumbledore's was working hard at diplomacy. "If that's any consolation."

"So I won't be charged with statutory rape? Wonderful! I am placated."

Hermione could hear the angry ruffling of curtains and robes. She was shocked and bemused by Snape's lack of composure and the reason behind him losing it.

Snape had been caught with a student? She cringed. I hope she- he- it- wore greaseproof paper? Come to think of it, Snape would probably insist on it, he was obsessive about cleanliness, one look at his classroom proved that. Plus, he looked the type to be into kinky sex. Hermione could almost imagine him snivelling: here's the rubber sheets and the roll of greaseproof paper. Wrap yourself up in it and put on the antlers, that's a naughty, naughty girl.

"This is ridiculous!" Snape paused. Hermione could hear his heavy breathing. "I cannot be held responsible for my actions while I was in that state." He rationalized externalising his problem and distancing himself from it… "I was a snake! I'm going to my rooms."

Snake? Snape had sex with a student when he was a snake? Hermione shuddered in revulsion. That was horrible! She could not think about it! Who in their right mind would let a snake do that to them? Parkinson? Goyle? Malfoy? Who was that damaged to want a snake up their fundamental orifice?

Unless…

She felt the cogs squeak and slowly, very slowly turn on pins in her rusty mind, unless the student was…. A figurative lead weight hit Hermione in the head. Shakily she pulled the pillow to her mouth and squeaked. Unless they were a snake too? She painfully clutched the pillow. Her knuckles whitened as she buried her face into it and tried to suffocate herself. No… oh… No!

"No."

Dumbledore's word stopped Snape as the curtain swished open and the light in the cubicle split out over the room, splashing over a shocked and gasping Hermione with an indented pillow on her knees.

The Head Master smiled beatifically "You're awake Miss Granger, good, good. We have something we need to discuss with you after Madam Pomfrey has completed your physical examination."

Helplessly Hermione looked up as the Mediwitch swept down on her and her cubicle's curtains were closed with a decisive swirl, blocking out the sharp silhouette of Snape and the shorter rumpled shape of Dumbledore.

"Please tell me?" She begged, sitting up and beseeching the older woman in a husky whisper. "Please?" She clutched onto Pomfrey's sleeve with a pathetic look on her face. She tried to make it sound funny and impossible, but it came out flat and serious. "Snape did not have sex with me while we were both snakes?"

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tbc