Juliet didn't write to Mother or Aunt Ilse and tell them that she and Allan had broken their engagement--why should she? It would be spread around soon enough. Those old Blair Water gossips would wrangle and harangue the issue to death--what had caused it? Was there another man? Woman? Had they fought over something trivial? When Josie Blair and Fred Polk had ended it months ago a rumour had gone round that it was over a cat--Josie had one and Fred didn't like them. Juliet didn't think she could face hearing a rumour like that about herself and Allan. No, she was glad to keep it under wraps as long as possible.

She told only Trudy and Greta, and while telling it she was very flippant and pretended that it didn't hurt or matter at all. The two girls knew it was an act. They petted Juliet and stroked her, but offered no words of sympathy or encouragement. They were wise souls--they knew that nothing they could say could minimise this hurt for their dear friend. She only left one part out--the part about kissing Blair. That part seemed, even to Juliet, sort of hazy and dreamlike. Had she really done that? Anyway, they all took great pains that Alice should not know. Alice Burns had a way of fussing and drawing out the most painful of secrets, and then wanting to talk them over in a way that was like sticking a straight pin in your soul. Whenever Alice was around, Trudy would remark casually, "Allan called while you were out." Then Juliet's heart would jump hopefully into her throat until Trudy cast a pointed look at Alice and shook her head sadly. He had not called, really. It was just for show. But Juliet could not hide the fact that her slender left hand was white and naked without her ring. Maybe Alice noticed and tactfully said nothing--maybe she didn't--but either way, she said nothing.

Juliet expected Allan to tell all the home folks immediately--she prepared herself for a barrage of letters and phone calls--but none came. And Mother didn't mention it at all. Neither did Aunt Ilse. Their letters were warm and cheery as ever and Aunt Ilse's mentioned some plans for the far-off wedding that would never take place now--cheery little notes that took the wind out of Juliet's sails and made her feel physically ill. And Bea wrote that there would be an addition to the family by next Valentine's day. So Bea was having a baby! Juliet felt suddenly exhausted. She had hoped to be married to Allan by next February--and to soon after that have such happy news of her own. That would never come to pass, now. She couldn't imagine loving anyone but Allan. But even if she could one day love someone else it would not be for years and years yet. It certainly couldn't be until she'd stopped writing him these long, morbidly friendly letters. Even though she never got a response back.

* * *

friend, I've kept my promise not to tell anyone your secret, but I must ask--how are you? Allan, I know I'm not supposed to, not anymore, but I can't help but worry about you. But that's not what you want to hear and I don't want to make you feel guilty, so I'll move on. School is going very well. For my oral history class we had to record a story and submit it to the dean. I racked my brain for a story--I thought back on my own childhood and a thousand memories sprang to mind. Oh, do you remember how you and Bea and Doug and I played Gone With the Wind years and years ago? You were furious because you always had to be Ashley, and Bea was furious because she had to be Melanie. Because you're both blondand Aunt Ilse would do our costumes and she would insist that we keep at least some semblance of verisimilitude. I got my first kiss from you when we were playing Scarlett and Ashley. Does that even count as a first kiss, if you're playing someone else? But oh, remember how we'd make Father and Uncle Perry dress up as the Union soldiers and chase us? We'd run down the lane screaming, 'The Yankees are coming! The Yankees!' frightening the old PEI farmers and farmers' wives into thinking that they'd invaded from New York!

But no, I couldn't write about that. It seems to dear to share right now, and my heart is very tender about anything that concerns you. I should be honest about it, at least, shouldn't I? Allan, I love you, and miss you more than you will ever know, especially because I'm finding it hard to believe that you still love me. Even though you swear you do. But I'm veering off topic and I am trying very hard not to cry and leave smudge marks on this letter, so instead of crying I'll tell you what story I did pick for my project: the one about Mother, as a little girl, eating the poisoned apple in Lofty John's barn! My teachers loved it and so I typed it up and submitted it to the campus literary mag--and a certain Mr. Jones on the alumni board wrote to tell me this:

Miss Kent,

I found the charming tale you submitted to The Primrose very engaging indeed. The only thing I did not like about it was that it ended so soon. You must have a thousand old stories about your Mother, and I would be interested in reading them all if they are half so interesting as this.

I am yours respectfully, etc.

There! That's transcribed exactly as he wrote it. I never thought about being a writer before, but I had such a wonderful time when I was writing the story. Isn't that the way with so many things? They turn out the way you least expect. Because I never expected to be without you, and look at me now

* * *

Juliet hardly noticed when the semester ended. Word had finally gotten around--from someone, she didn't care who--that Juliet Kent was unattached. They suspected it was Alice, but she was actually being kind as could be, and seemed to have no malice towards her at all. Anyway, Juliet was bombarded with offers of dates from the young coeds. A few of them she accepted. Why shouldn't she? Didn't she have a closet full of lacy dresses that were, at present moment, being eaten up by moths? Wasn't going out with someone better than sitting alone in the tower, letting twilight wash over her?

But she could not like any of them--not even as friends. She resented them and within minutes of making their acquaintance, zeroed in on each of her suitors faults. Tom Marshall was too skinny. Bill Rainey's ears stuck out. Rob Dunbar thought he was funnier than he actually was. John Lester might have been all right--but he wasn't Allan, so Juliet hated him. She hated all of them and she might have liked them ever so much just a short time ago!

She hashed out each date with her roommates . They talked into the wee hours. Trudy and Greta spent a lot of time trying to convince Juliet to give the boys who came calling a chance. They were all tact--no one mentioned that it was unlikely Allan would come back. But they all believed that was the case, deep down. Trudy pointed out that Rob Dunbar was very rich indeed, and Greta reminded her again how handsome John Lester was, and how many girls would love to have him take them out! And then Alice said,

"There's always Blair King. He's supposed to be madly in love with you. Say, is it true that you and him were caught kissing the night of the Sweetheart Dance?"

Juliet, horrified, searched her face for any hostility, but there was none--just a genuine curiosity. She flushed up to her ears and avoided meeting Trudy's hurt glance, and said, "Who told you that? Was it Blair?"

"Georgia Miles saw you when she went out for a smoke," Alice said dismissively. "She walked out into the hall the same time as your Allan did. She remembers because she asked him for a light and he said he didn't smoke and she thought it was so odd--all the boys around here do." Alice pushed back her yellow curls with both hands, seeming to realize that she'd blundered into uncharted territory. "And then--they both noticed you and Blair--and she ducked back inside and she said Allan gave this little laugh and turned on his heel. We all thought that was the reason he broke it off between you."

"It was after--after--that Blair--that I--I mean, when we--" Juliet trailed off, seeing color rise in Trudy's cheeks. "I'm sorry, Trudy, I forgot about him and Hannah"

"Oh, keep forgetting Hannah," Trudy said angrily, jumping to her feet. "I couldn't care a whit for her! She doesn't deserve Blair anyway--she just wants him because he's dark and handsome. She doesn't even know him!"

"Then--what--are you mad at me for?" poor Juliet asked.

"I'm mad because you didn't tell me!" Trudy shouted. Trudy--sweet, docile Trudy--shouting? It was--surreal. "Me, your best friend! Or so I though. And because it's so hypocritical--all this time, you've pretended you hated Blair King, and then you jump at him first chance you get. It--sickens me! Ugh!" She grabbed her jacket and left the room, Greta following close after. She cast a sympathetic smile towards Juliet as if to say, "Don't worry. She'll calm down and things will soon be normal."

But Juliet did not think things would ever be normal again. Trudy hated her. She and Greta were probably talking about her right now, wherever they were. And Allan hated her. He must. He hadn't tried to get in contact with her. A wave of sudden shock rolled over Juliet--suppose Allan had seen her and Blair kissing and thought--thought that she was glad to be rid of him. She slumped down to the floor and pressed her eyes closed, considering. There was no one--no one who loved her. What a mess she'd made of things!

And then Alice was there--Alice, saying in a soothing voice, "Shush, shush, don't worry. Won't it all be all right as rain soon? You'll see." Could this be Alice, smoothing her brow and murmuring comforting things into Juliet's ear? Even if they were not true they were just what she needed to hear and she felt solace.

* * *

There was a gay week after term ended spent in Doug and Bella's little house. Juliet actually enjoyed herself immensely. It was hard to be upset when there was a dear little baby around--a dear, chubby baby with fat knees and black curls--with the most beguiling little drooly smile and who made the world seem new again. Little Embeth Kent worked like a balm on her aunt and soothed her ravaged soul. She was just beginning to babble. They all

listened to her with the same marvel and awe as they would if Churchill gave a rousing call to arms in their kitchen. Embeth was creeping now, too--she crawled on the floor on all fours and carried things in her mouth like a little puppy dog. Juliet spent almost all of the pocket money she had on a small camera and took roll after roll of film of the little girl.

"I'll never be able to afford to have all of this developed," she laughed.

At night the grown-ups--in name only!--sat around the kitchen and talked. Juliet had finally told them all about the break-up--and Doug and Bella were aghast. Juliet parried their questions wearily but was not snappish--it would be so much worse when she got home. For it seemed Allan wasn't going to tell anyone himself. It was up to her. And she must do something--she couldn't take much more of them all talking about and planning for a wedding that would never happen.

Late that night Juliet heard a train whistle in the distance as it crossed over the railroad bridge nearby. The sound was high and haunting and made a pang in her heart. She was scheduled to fly home tomorrow. Why--oh why? For the first time in her life, Juliet realized, the thought of lovely old New Moon filled her not with happiness--but with dread. She did not want to go home. There were too many memories there.

* * *

A/N: Back! Thanks for being so patient with me. I was sick all last week and didn't feel much like writing. Marzoog, you had better update again soon and Terreis! Chris! Will! Ahem? You said you wouldn't keep us waiting for more than a few days! *stamps foot*

I hope that you all have a very merry Christmas/happy Hanukkah/whatever! Thanks for reading and giving me so many reviewsthey are the best presents!