Spoilers: Order of the Phoenix
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shiv5468: he will talk to her, I promise! But it's just not the right time yet...
the cat: she will heal... slowly, but she will.
In the following days, Quidditch talks went out of control. It seemed at least half the school had picked up the coded language. Even Harry looked like he was sick of it. Exasperated by the whole thing, Hermione was now wandering alone, not caring for the dark shadow following her each time it was possible.
He wanted to talk to her, but he knew he had to wait, though Viktor was persuaded that time was playing against him and Harry himself had told him it would be better if he weren't to wait too long. But Severus knew he wanted to give Hermione all the cards for their talk. Until then, he would wait.
It was one of those times he had followed her, late in the evening, but still before curfew, and she had ventured down to the lake, her eyes apparently lost in the contemplation of the giant squid lazily splashing and waving his tentacles at her. She wrapped her arms around her knees and laid her chin on her right knee.
"Whom did you die for, Draco?" she whispered to the emptiness around her. "Did you hate me so much that even your death had to make my life miserable? It's not my fault if I survived. You wanted me to collapse under my grief and I wanted to die. I've never wished so much for death than lately. When you told me to take the narwhal tusk with me for the confrontation, I hoped so much that you would use my blood to purify it. Oh, it would have been given willingly! But no, you had to take yours, making me even more miserable than I already was."
She tightened her embrace on her knees and her hands slowly curled into fists.
"Why do I feel more guilty for your death than for the death of my child?" she said aloud, her voice hoarse and raw. "Why does your death affect me more than Professor Vector's? You were my enemy and you died my enemy, using me in spite! Why should I feel like I owe you something? The only gift you gave me is something I don't want!"
The giant squid turned his black eye toward her and his tentacles moved in an inviting move, as if to try to convince her to come for a swim. Hermione stood up, her arms along her sides, her hands still balled into fists.
"I hope you rot in Hell for what you did, Draco Malfoy," she murmured, her voice dangerously tight.
Severus had only the time to step back in the shadows as she passed before him, the hem of her robes brushing against him.
Of course, Cornelius had to come back. It was too good an occasion to miss, with Hermione's distress and all the talks about Voldemort's disappearance and his reappearance as Tom Marvolo Riddle. And this time Cornelius brought with him a better ally than Amelia Bones. Severus stumbled on him as he was discussing with Hermione in the corridor leading to the Gryffindor common room.
"Say one word, Percy," she said, threatening, "and I swear that I'll hex you so bad that Fudge will have to take Macnair out of Azkaban just to put you out of misery."
"How could you, Hermione?" he said sadly.
"Ron and Ginny are in the common room. You can go tell them hello if you remember you have siblings," she replied scathingly.
Percy Weasley's face paled considerably.
"Oh, here, look! There's Ginny and her boyfriend."
Percy turned around, looking at the tall dark-haired wizard holding Ginny's hand.
"Percy, may I present you Tom Marvolo Riddle," said Hermione with something close to dark joy.
The only sound Percy managed to utter was a gag. Tom peered at him curiously.
"Is there something wrong?" he asked cautiously.
Ginny rolled her eyes and said dryly:
"My brother is just making a fool of himself. Surely, Percy, you heard about Tom being back with us."
"I think he was more interested in my involvement in the story; well, mine and someone else's too. Am I right, Percy?" intervened Hermione. "After all, that's why Fudge was here for the last time. Go on, Percy, I know you're dying to cast your spells on me, hoping to discover what Mrs. Bones missed last time."
Percy's blue eyes flashed.
"You are right, Miss Granger. And you do have to accompany me to the Minister for Magic so he can be the witness of the results."
A strange light gleamed in Hermione's eyes.
"Lead the way, Percy… or should I say Mr. Weasley?"
Percy winced slightly at her venomous tone but turned around in direction of Albus's office. Severus had no qualms about following them, though he was anxious about what she could say to Cornelius. She did say she would do her best to help the Minister for Magic to send him to Azkaban, after all.
Albus was waiting in his office with Cornelius and though he saw Severus in the back, he didn't say a thing about it. Cornelius and Percy were too excited with the idea that they had finally cornered Albus, Hermione and possibly Severus to even notice the Potions Master's presence.
"Miss Granger, I have reasons to believe that you are bound in some ways to a unicorn and that the fact that they are coming near you is in no way a proof of your virginity," said Cornelius pompously.
Hermione's eyebrows shot till her hairline.
"How interesting," she commented quietly.
"Now, Cornelius, I object to this treatment of one of my students!" protested Albus. "Miss Granger is a serious student, who would have been Head Girl if not for her involvement with Harry Potter and the dangers she is already in because of her choice in friends."
"I would rather say her involvement with one Severus Snape!" exclaimed Cornelius, while Percy made a grimace of distaste. "Weasley, check for any spell cast on Miss Granger!"
Percy complied obligingly and Severus was quite amused to notice that the spell he used was a dark spell.
"No spell, Minister, not even a dark one," he announced as Hermione crossed her arms, scowling at them.
"Very well, Weasley. The detecting spell now."
Once again, Percy pointed his wand at Hermione. Severus couldn't see her face, but he could see the tenseness of her shoulders and he knew that she didn't want him sent to Azkaban. He knew she didn't have to worry about herself, for Cornelius would rather accuse a former Death Eater of every crime than the young witch who faced Voldemort and defeated him almost single-handedly. But she was worried about him. He knew also that he shouldn't read too much in her concern, since it was her nature to be concerned about others, no matter what, but still, he couldn't help but hope that he still had a chance.
The light dancing around Hermione was of the purest white ever. Cornelius's eyes bulged and Percy swallowed convulsively. Severus allowed himself a small smile, hidden in the darkness; Albus's eyes twinkled and Hermione scowled even more.
"Are you done with your stupid spells?" she snarled. "I thought you were convinced last time!"
"Young lady, you will watch your tone with me! I know you're involved with Snape and as soon as I have the proofs, he will be sent to Azkaban for abusing his powers!"
"You're only afraid about your own powers! At your place, I would rather avoid to annoy one of the wizards who defeated Voldemort."
"Miss Granger, You-Know-Who was defeated twenty years ago. For all I know, your friend Harry Potter was solely responsible for the feat, not Severus Snape," said Cornelius primly.
Hermione was suffocated with indignation.
Severus's fists tightened and he took a deep breath. It would not do to get disturbed by Cornelius's stubbornness.
"Cornelius, you saw him yourself two years ago," said Albus, surprised.
"Did I? Or was it just a memory, Dumbledore?" replied Cornelius maliciously. "Anyway, Miss Granger, since it seems that, once again, you managed to save Snape, I came here for another reason as well."
He waited a moment, savouring his power. Hermione didn't even bother to say anything; she knew only too well that he would speak no matter what.
"Mr. Malfoy requested a word with you."
"You deny Voldemort's return and still consort with Malfoy!" she exclaimed enraged. "And during this time, you accuse wizards like Severus Snape or Harry Potter to lie and deceive people! Malfoy can go rot in Hell with his son for all I care!"
"You forget yourself, Miss Granger," he continued in an oily tone. "As I said, Mr. Malfoy requested to see you… before receiving the Dementor's Kiss."
Severus saw the shiver running down her spine and then, to his utter surprise, she glanced over her shoulder, straight to where he was standing. She knew he was there and her eyes were pleading. One of Voldemort's sentences rang in his head: Whom can you turn to when you feel lost? He smiled slightly; Hermione knew he would always be here for her. Swiftly, he moved out of the shadows and stood behind her, his hand only inches of her back, close enough so she could feel its heat.
"I will accompany her over there."
"You, Snape?" Cornelius said, contempt in his voice.
"She has been placed under my responsibility. She is my care," he replied, his tone still quiet.
She snaked her arm in her back and squeezed his fingers in thanks. Albus's eyes twinkled even more merrily than usually.
"Indeed, Severus, you are abusing your powers over the students," he said, his tone falsely scolding. "Protecting them is perfectly scandalous."
Percy was beginning to feel very ill at ease, while Cornelius was spluttering with anger. Gently, Severus caressed the back of Hermione's hand with his thumb and he felt her relax gradually, almost leaning into him.
"I'm here for you," he whispered. "Now and forever."
Slowly, her eyelids closed, the long eyelashes casting their shadows on her cheeks. She knew it.
Azkaban was as cold and dark as he remembered it. He hated the place with every fibre of his being and even Hermione could feel it. She was walking by his side, close enough to be able to touch his hand without anyone noticing, but still not close enough for people to talk. She looked up at him.
"I'm sorry to make you come back here," she said softly.
"Don't be sorry, little one. I knew what to expect when I told Fudge I would come with you."
"Thank you. I… I didn't want to come here alone, facing him…"
She shivered.
"An older version of your nightmare, of the wizard haunting you, of he who gave you the impression he had sunk his claws in your soul until the end of times," Severus completed softly.
"You know? How do you know?"
"Because I had a younger version of this same nightmare in front of me everyday for seven years… until now. They called me Lucius Malfoy's lapdog for quite a long time, Hermione. That's one of the roles I played as a spy. He thought he could do anything he wanted with me. I was his personal slave, with a buried rage that he knew I couldn't let lose against him, because the Dark Lord would punish me, if the Ministry didn't catch me before for the murder of a wealthy wizard like Malfoy. Believe me, Hermione, I know what it means to face another version of your worse nightmare."
"I never knew… when you were favouring the Slytherin students that–"
"That it was more or less a matter of life and death for me? Very much so. But it now belongs to the past."
The guards outside Azkaban eyed them suspiciously, but let them enter. Their identities were checked several times before they were led into a dusty room where they waited for Lucius to come. Severus gritted his teeth. He could feel the Dementors' presence from here and it brought disagreeable memories back to his mind. Hermione looked at him and gave him a tight smile. Her eyes were haunted and he wondered if the memories brought back by the Dementors were of Draco's death.
Lucius entered and the guards let them alone, though the cold due to the Dementors' presence was intensified, probably because they were now surrounding the room they were in. Seeing the arrogant blonde man, Severus was reminded of the time he had come here with Albus, for the exact same purpose: meeting with Lucius. He was suddenly filled with dread.
Lucius looked coldly at Hermione, in silence, motionless. She shifted uneasily under his gaze. He had a way to look at her that made her forget that she wasn't alone; she felt dissected under his scrutiny and Severus knew she wouldn't last long without blurting something. Discreetly, he moved his hands, the soft rustle of his clothes being enough to snap her out of her trance.
Lucius smirked at her, not even looking at Severus. It was as if the dark Potions Master didn't exist. Lucius had always behaved like this, knowing he was here, but never acknowledging his presence, taking it for granted, in the same way that he was taking Severus's magic for granted. For Lucius, Severus was above house elves, but just.
Finally, he decided to break the silence.
"Draco died for you."
Hermione shivered violently and didn't answer. She licked her lips nervously, looking like a deer caught in headlights. Silence fell on the room again and it took at least one minute before she tried to deny it with a slight shake of her head, which looked more like a nervous move than anything else.
"My son," repeated Lucius, insisting on the family link between Draco and him, "died for you."
"No," she whispered so softly that it could have been a breath of wind.
Another minute went by, Lucius and Hermione facing each other, the blonde wizard with all his arrogance and no sorrow, the young witch grieving for the death of her enemy.
"You brought the tusk that he purified with the blood of his heart so you could defeat the Dark Lord. He died for you."
"No," she repeated, more desperately, as if she was trying to convince herself.
Whom did you die for, Draco? She had asked herself the question and still didn't know the answer. Lucius's behaviour did nothing to erase her doubts. He looked nothing like the grievous father, but like a man thirsty for revenge because she was responsible for his son's death.
"No," she said again, "he died for his mother. Not for me."
Lucius had a slight smirk, though his stance remained rigid and forbidding. Severus stepped forward, placing himself just behind Hermione without touching her, just lending her the comfort of his near presence.
"My. Son. Died. For. You," Lucius stated forcefully, his voice somehow sounding like a thunderous hiss.
"NO!" Hermione cried out.
She took a deep breath.
"No, he didn't die for me. He died for himself, for revenge. He would have died for me if he had sacrificed himself for love or out of duty. Never for revenge. Never for hate. I'm not guilty of your son's death, Mr. Malfoy. Draco took his own decision and you have to accept it. Still, out of his respect for his last choice, I will honour his wish and bury him with his mother."
Lucius's face fell before distorting itself in anger.
"Mudblood!" he hissed. "Not even able to face your true responsibilities! The Dark Lord may be dead, but others will rise to take his place and accomplish what he failed to do: get rid of your existence!"
"Isn't it odd that among those who defeated Voldemort are a half-blood and a Mudblood? That he whom Voldemort feared was a half-blood like himself instead of the pure-blood wizard born almost at the same time? He chose Harry, not Neville."
Lucius moved toward her menacingly but before he could reach her, a body clad in black had stepped between them.
"It's over now, Lucius," said Severus calmly. "I think you should get used to it before receiving the Dementor's Kiss."
"Traitor! You should have died instead of Draco!"
"Several people should have died instead of Draco. You included. Farewell, Lucius. Come, Miss Granger."
The way back to Hogwarts was silent for most of the part, until Hermione looked up at Severus.
"Whom did he die for?"
Severus almost stopped in his tracks. Her question sounded so genuine, as if she expected him to give her the only answer possible, as if he could know something that she, the infamous Gryffindor Know-It-All, didn't know.
"You know it, Hermione," he said gently. "You said it yourself and you were right. He died for himself, or maybe for his mother, but never ever believe that he died for you. You read his letter and even though he said in it that he did, it was a lie. You knew him, Hermione, you know he would lie for anything. Don't think that because he died, he became honest all of the sudden."
He half-closed his eyes. He knew of something in the letter that wasn't true, but did she know? Could she understand?
"Believe me, Hermione, not all that's written is truth. You have a critical mind. Use it when you read his letter, even though they are his last words. If you remain objective, you will know what is true and what isn't."
He could read the question in her eyes; despite everything, she still didn't know how to guard her emotions, letting her feelings be known to everyone. But he couldn't answer it yet. Soon, but not yet.
She nodded and continued her way in silence. Her last worded question still sounded in his mind. Whom did Draco die for? As they approached Hogwarts' doors, he thought he had found the true answer, maybe because of the perturbed presence of Firene in the back of his mind, becoming stronger now that they were back on the school's grounds. Gently, he stopped her with his hand on her arm.
"Forget your guilt, Hermione. You are not guilty of the choice he made. He could have killed you as easily and Firene knew it. Yes, Hermione, Firene would probably have had to kill you had Draco made another choice. Do you wish him such a pain?"
Slowly, she shook her head, biting her lower lip to prevent the tears to fall down her cheeks.
"He didn't die for you, Hermione. Draco died for pride, for glory, for revenge. He died for something, not for someone. For revenge for his mother, for a sense of duty toward his family maybe, for the glory of being the instrument in the Dark Lord's fall – though he never guessed how you would be able to tweak the prophecies – for, above all, I repeat, he died for pride."
She nodded and entered the castle.
"And pride was thy fall," whispered Severus while watching her disappear in the corridors.