Ok, this story is going to switch every other chapter. This chapter is going to be outtakes, and the next chapter is going to be more offscreen stuff. Also, a few of these outtake scenes are based on scenes from the novelization of the movie.

***

Lucian runs after the car before jumping on top of it. He flexes his arm…and the blade doesn't come out. He looks at his arm, then raises it again and shakes it. Suddenly his blade shoots out like an arrow. It flies offscreen. Cut to static.

A little later a new camera gets wheeled in, while the old one, which is now sliced in half, gets taken out. Lucian puts his blade back in the coat sleeve. He grins at the new camera.

* * *

Kraven shoots Lucian with the silver nitrate bullets after getting stabbed in the leg. Lucian pretends to be dead. Suddenly, Kraven hears a noise and looks up. He instantly pales and looks like he's about to piss himself.

Above in the rafters are a bunch of teen girls perched like vultures of some sort; these are rabid fan girls.

Rabid Fan Girl: Mine.

*this entire bit they're whispering while moving as slowly as possible without making sudden movements*

Kraven: Oh shit. Lucian.

Lucian opens his eyes, and then looks up and sees what Kraven sees.

Lucian: Oh shit.

Kraven: Okay, let's just not make any sudden movements. Just move slowly towards the exit.

Lucian: That's not going to work.

Kraven: I know it's not going to work for you; they're going to gang-rape you. It'll work for me though.

Lucian: Hey! You shot me, though.

Kraven: Oh, you're right. Ok, just slowly get up, and we'll slowly…

Suddenly, Soren walks in.

Soren: HEY GUY! GUESS WHAT I-

The rabid fan girls lunge. Static fills the screen.

Later, Lucian, Kraven, and Soren are lucky to be alive. Their clothes are ripped, Kraven and Soren are bleeding in a dozen spots and Lucian…well, it's like what Kraven said would happen, and he's shaking. Sonja's there, trying to make him feel better, but it's not working.

Kraven: Soren, you idiot. What was so important that you had to walk in at that exact moment?

Soren holds up something.

Soren: I found a dollar.

Suddenly, Lucian snaps out of his traumatized state. He and Kraven look at each other, and then tackle Soren and start beating the crap out of him.

* * *

Viktor walks over and grabs the pendant around Lucian's neck. He pulls, and jerks up Lucian, who suddenly starts choking. After a moment Viktor lets go and Lucian falls down.

Len Wiseman: CUT! Viktor, he was choking for a good ten seconds!

Viktor: I know.

Everyone: *rolls eyes*

Lucian stands up and takes off the pendant. He looks at the back of it before sniffing it.

Lucian: This smells like glue.

He looks offscreen where Kraven is tossing a bottle of superglue into the air. Kraven sees Lucian, and tosses the glue out the window before running away.

* * *

Viktor walks over and yanks the pendant from Lucian's neck. This time it actually comes off.

Viktor: I loved my daughter.

Suddenly, Kraven pokes his head onscreen.

Kraven: Yep. You all heard that right. *wink wink*

Lucian's eyes snap open and he and Viktor stare at Kraven disbelievingly.

Viktor: I'm going to kill that…

Lucian: No, I get to kill him!

Viktor: HELL NO!

The two start beating the crap out of each other. Kraven sneaks away during the brawl.

Lucian and Viktor: FINE! WE'LL BOTH KILL HIM! (They turn and see he's gone) SHIT!

They hear a loud thumping noise and go in its direction. Kraven's lying on the floor, is head split open. Sonja's standing over him, holding a lead pipe. She gives a sheepish smile when they look at the body before glancing at her. Lucian grins back.

* * *

Viktor and Michael, who's in hybrid form, are practicing their fight scene in the large chamber. Viktor knocks Michael into a pillar, Michael then leaps to his feet. But instead of attacking, he suddenly goes into a pose.

Viktor: What are you doing?

Michael: (Starts talking like a badly dubbed kungfu movie character): You're vampire geezer powers are NO match for my invincible kungfu! (Yells Bruce Lee type yell)

Everyone bursts out laughing, except for Viktor who just looks at Michael like he's gone insane, as the hybrid continues to switch from one pose to the next. A good portion of the cast is rolling around on the floor laughing so hard. Len reaches into his coat and pulls out a flask of vodka and opens it. He finds it to be empty, and throws it away with a yell.

* * *

Kraven and Erika are in the middle of their dirty little scene together. Suddenly the phone rings, and Kraven walks over and picks it up. Erika's trying (Not: and I make HEAVY use of the word trying) to look disappointed.

Kraven: What!? Ummm, yeah; I'm kind of busy at the moment…I've got a naked girl in here…YES IT'S A REAL ONE, YOU FUCK!

Soren pokes his head on from offscreen with the phone and Erika at this point tries to cover herself up. Kraven throws his phone at Soren.

Soren: I was just checking.

Marcus shows up at this point and grabs Erika, slinging her over his shoulder and walking offstage. Kraven just continues to yell at Soren.

* * *

The flashback scene. Lucian and Sonja are in her room kissing. Suddenly Viktor bursts into the room, looking pretty pissed off.

Lucian: Didn't you see the sign!?

Viktor (holding up said sign): You mean THIS?

The sign reads: Lucian is not in here. From: Lord Oliver.

Lucian shrugs while Sonja giggles. Viktor walks out of the room after cursing in another language. Offset, Len drinks from his flask.

* * *

Soren is whipping at a dummy that looks like a transformed lycan. The dummy is pushed foreword.

Soren: ARGH! There's no stopping it!

Suddenly, Erika walks in from offstage and flicks the dummy with her finger. It falls over. Soren looks at her incredulously. Erika rolls her eyes and scoffs.

Erika: Men.

* * *

Viktor is about to kill Singe in the elder's resting place. Singe has been replaced by a dummy that resembles him. Viktor punches the dummy in the head, which is supposed to cave inward slightly, with blood coming out before the body falls to the floor. But nothing happens.


Viktor looks at Len, who shrugs, before punching it again. This time the head EXPLODES. Fake blood goes everywhere, including all over Selene and Viktor. Viktor just looks annoyed, while Selene looks like she's about to freak out, which is rather surprising for her.

Viktor: Gee, I wonder how the head could have gotten messed up.

Everyone glares at Kraven.

Kraven: It wasn't me!

Viktor: Who else could it be?

Singe, who is leaning against one of the walls, is wearing a hidden smirk.

* * *

Raze, in the subway station, suddenly stops and sniffs the air. He turns around and sees the death dealers.

Raze: BLOODS!!

Suddenly, a few of the extras stand up.

Extras: Ah, HELL NO!

They whip out guns and start shooting up the place while everyone else ducks and covers.

Rigel: Raze, you stupid bastard!

Raze: What'd I do!?

Rigel: NEVER SAY 'BLOODS' AROUND CRIPS!!

Raze: HOW THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!? I DIDN'T CAST ANY OF THEM!!

Rigel: ...good point.

More to come.