Okay, more outtakes.
* * *
Michael: I want to go with you.
Selene walks over and gently kisses him, distracting him so she can handcuff him to the chair. Afterwards she starts to move away.
Then her arm jerks back. Looking back she sees that HER arm is handcuffed to the same chair by another set of handcuffs. Michael grins.
Michael: Looks like your stuck here also.
Selene: Well in that case...
She jumps on him and pretends to ravage him, while Len groans before reaching to his flask.
* * *
Viktor uppercuts Michael, knocking him into the air and ending the fight. Viktor looks on, extremely satisfied.
Lucian (O.S.): NOW!!
Suddenly a huge amount of green slime falls from the ceiling, covering Viktor in it. This is instantly followed by pillow feathers, and water balloons. Finally, Soren and Kraven run over and pelt him with silly string.
Viktor: ...(looks at himself)...could someone get me a towel?
Sonja walks in offset and throws a huge bucket of water on him. She walks off grinning.
* * *
Viktor picks up Michael and is about to throw him through the wall.
Len: CUT!
People bring in Kraven, who's struggling greatly, and wearing Michael's clothing. He is Michael's stunt double.
They replace Michael with Kraven and walk offset.
Len: Okay, ACTION!
Viktor throws Kraven through the concrete wall. He hits the opposite end.
Kraven: ...I hate you people.
* * *
Flashback scene. Viktor leaves the dungeon as the sunlight roof starts to open. Lucian's thrashing in his chains.
Lucian: WAIT!! ...if you kill her Viktor, I'll...I'll...tie you up and force you to listen to Barbara Streisand.
Everyone (except for Viktor): Oooooooh!
Viktor runs back in.
Viktor: GAH!! OKAY! OKAY! HERE!
He runs over and cuts Sonja free, who's laughing hysterically at this point, as she walks over and hugs Lucian.
* * *
Offset. A van shows up and takes away the director, Len Wiseman, as he babbles in a straightjacket. Meanwhile...
Kraven: So who's going to be director?
Marcus: Erika already called it.
Kraven: I thought you wanted to be director.
Marcus: I did...but she...
Kraven: What?
Marcus: ...she gave me the puppy-dog look.
Kraven: ...you are COMPLETELY pussy whipped.
Marcus changes into hybrid form, bitchslapping Kraven, before walking offset.
* * *
The whip fight...only Soren's not there.
Erika: Where's Soren?
Kraven walks in from offset.
Kraven: He's not going to be walking for a while.
Erika: Why?
Soren: ...he accidentally walked in on Lucian and Sonja...and Sonja was naked.
Erika: ...ouch.
Kraven: Yep. (pulls out whips) So I'll be playing Soren's part, since I will probably be forced to either way.
Everyone nods in agreement.
* * *
Lucian breaks up the fight between Pierce and Taylor. He walks up, and suddenly the gun barrell smacks into the back of a lycan's head, knocking him out.
Lucian: ...woops.
* * *
Half regenerated Viktor sits down in his throne.
Viktor: Do you know why I've been summoned here?
Kraven: ...
Viktor: What?
Kraven: What the hell is wrong with your voice!? You sound like a damn redneck!
Viktor: WHAT!?
Viktor tries to go after Kraven, but he trips and falls down the stairs. Everyone starts laughing their asses off.
* * *
The train scene. Amelia is on the ground, covered in blood. Raze approaches, pulling out a syringe.
Voice (O.S.): STOP!!
Suddenly someone burst through one of the windows. He runs up to Amelia, scooping her up. He stands and looks at the others.
Person: (hissing) MURDERERS!
He runs away with Amelia.
Everyone: ...who was that?
Lucian: ...Azrael.
(Author's Note: Azrael is an original lycan character (who's also a villain) from my story Darkest Before the Dawn. And a while back I came up with this humor fic idea, and one of the things is that he and Amelia are a thing. Don't ask.)
Everyone: Ooh.
* * *
Viktor walks in the dungeon after Sonja's been killed. Lucian's on the floor crying. Viktor walks up to the statue/corpse of Sonja and grabs the pendant. It comes off, along with the head, which falls to the floor and breaks open.
Lucian and Viktor: What the...!?
Viktor kneels down and put his finger in the broken head. He brings it up to his nose, sniffing it before licking his finger.
Viktor: ...huh. Chocolate.
Lucian: O_O
More to come.