Title: Born to Be My Baby
Author: ¤Sha¤GojyoxCho¤Hakkai¤
Date: Began March, 2003
Chapter: 3/?
Rating: R for later chapters. PG - 13 for now.
Category: Romance, Angst, Blood and the like
Main Pairing: Gojyo x Hakkai
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki. All characters, names, ect. are copyrighted to Minekura Kazuya.
Warning: Shounen ai/yaoi
REMEMBER!!: Yes, we are still in the middle of the flashback...
_____________________
Part Third (3/?)
As the days were, a majority of the time, bright and sunny, the nights were colder than expected. No one thought that with the temperature outside being so high all the time it would never get this cold during the night; but loe and behold it did. Hakkai did not find it the greatest aid in the crisis that he was in at the moment. Goosebumps settled over his skin as he asked Hakuryu if he were getting too tired. The creature replied with a light - hearted "Kyu!" and continued on, the pace of the vehicle across the desert - like land remained the same.
The former teacher shivered as the cold finally got to him through the few layers of cloth he was wearing. In a situation such as this, one gets to realize that there are two types of cold: one is the kind that just gives you goosebumps and feels good when you inhale through your mouth and let it cool your throat; and the other kind is the frigid kind that is highly uncomfortable and gives you a different feeling when it burns your throat and lungs - almost the kind that you felt just before the snow was going to fall.
The cold that was over the desert - like ground that Hakkai and Hakuryu travelled over was more of a mix.
Hakkai's hands stood trembling on the steering wheel, his knuckles still white but upon noticing this, however, Hakkai loosened his grip, finally feeling the strange, numb feeling over his hands. He inhaled and felt the chilled air soothe his throat. But the relief of his hot throat and numb hands was ephemral as something pattered over the windshield suddenly. It came without visual alert and splashed over the glass, separating into many tiny pieces difused about the window. Then another. And another. And before he knew it, the green - eyed man realized that it was raining.
"As if things could not get any worse...," the brunette murmured to himself softly. He had no cover to prevent the rain soaking him; but that was nothing compared to the worry that still plagued and nipped at his heart like a vulture. Not to mention his injuries were beginning to emit that nauscous, painful feeling again. The green - eyed man ignored them as best he could, but he was no match to that excrutiatingly distrubing bruise that Goku left on his adbomen when he punched him during the fight. The scene replayed in his head: how he had to dodge Goku's attacks once the teenager's limiter was off and how that was all he really could do [1]. He remembered that he had to pin Goku to the ground just to get one small, minescule chance at beating him before he killed them all. Then Goku punched him. Then he grabbed his wrist. Then he threw him. He literaly threw him. But that only brought back the terribly sickening worry for Gojyo for that was when he was thrown onto Gojyo, who was attempting to get up but having trouble with his injuries. He looked to vulnerable, so hurt. His eyes were pained and his skin was bruised and battered. It troubled the brunette immensely when he asked the half - breed if he were alright. All Gojyo did was cough. And a non - too - healthy one at that. God, what Hakkai would have given to help him then. What he would give to have gotten a chance to help Gojyo so that they could both defeat Goku and save Sanzo and themselves. It would be hell to kill a member of their own group, let alone a friend, and that is why a surplus of relief was present when Sanzo was able to produce a new limiter for the young gold - eyed teen.
Hakkai was soaked now and cold. The terriblly swift cold and the pelting, stinging rain... And as if on que, there were a line of buildings that rose from he horizon and became visible to both Hakkai and Hakuryu.
"There it is!" Hakkai cried. Hakuryu sensed Hakkai's relief and happiness and did its best to speed up, quicken the pace.
Gojyo, I'm almost there, Hakkai thought. Hold on, Gojyo...
The sun tried to peek through the clouds but proved unsuccessful and settled for rising behind them, the dim gray light illuminating the surrounding landscapes and beings.
They finally reached it - finally reached the town. This was in the direction that Sanzo had told them. Forty miles or no forty miles, Hakkai had to find the hospital and quick. He quietly waited for his friend to transform back into his dragon - state and smiled as the small alabaster dragon landed contently on his shoulder. And with that, he sprinted down the roads, glancing quickly from side to side, expecting to catch sight of the hospital's sign. Grocery, Decor, Clothing, and... Potpouri? Interesting. The hospital; it was right at the end of one of the longest streets in town.
The cold had gotten to Hakkai now. He was shivering and breathing hard, the cold stinging his throat with each gasp. He was probably going to catch Nomonia. Given the current circumstances, anyone else would have looked for new clothes once reaching the inside of the hospital; but Hakkai was not just anyone.
"Excuse me, ma'am!" he cried. "Please!" He reached the front desk. "Please can you tell me where Mr. Sha Gojyo is?"
"U - um... yes," she muttered, dumbfounded that anyone would brave the storm and cold and demand to see someone with sopping wet clothes. "Number thirteen. Down that way," she said, pointing down a passage.
"Thank you," he nodded and ran off, down the hallway, slipping from time to time from the water that dripped from both him and Hakuryu. Finally, he stumbled upon room thirteen. He placed a sturdy hand on the doorknob but paused suddenly.
"Kyu," Hakuryu chimed, wondering what could be the matter.
"I know," Hakkai said. "I just don't know what to expect."
And with that he opened the door, even though a male doctor was lecturing from down the hall that he was not allowed to see any patients without checking first.
But what the brunette laid eyes upon was terrifying to him: there lay Gojyo, on his back, his head back and hair pulled into a tight ponytail in the back of his head; his wound was bandaged completely and still bleeding while one arm lay over the edge of the bed, a cloth and tube wrapped around the upper part of his arm to measure his blood pressure. His breathing was uneven and rhaspy, as if he had larangitis and an IV was tubed through his shoulder underneath his skin.
"Oh, God...," Hakkai murmured, appalled.
"Hey!" a man exclaimed from down the hallway. "Wait a minute, you!" The brunette did not move an inch even when the doctor stood right before him. "What are you doing?" He inquired.
"I...," Hakkai started," just wanted to check on a friend."
"Well, why don't we at least get you some dry clothes first?" he asked, laughter added to his tone. Hakkai's eyes were still on Gojyo. The doctor saw how serious the green - eyed man was and said, solumnly, "Hey, he'll be fine." He looked to the inside of the room at the red - haired man in the bed. "We got the poison out before things got too serious."
"I'm glad," Hakkai finally looked to the doctor and smiled.
Hakuryu sneezed. Twice.
"Hey, I think we should dry your little friend off before he catches a cold."
Once is enough
To realize the pain
But twice a tragity occurs
I cannot bare something like that
So tough...
I looked from the outside in
Tried to keep an open mind
I only have one wish
That our love surpasses time
Please don't laugh
I know how this sounds
To fall again but this time
Out of bounds
But you pull me back in again
And hold me tight
I looked from the outside in
Tried to keep an open mind
I only have one wish
That our love surpasses time
And it's then I realize
That you make the night bright
So brilliant and true
Bright
Like stars
Blinds me
All I can see
Is you
Nothing else
"Is it alright if I see him?" Hakkai inquired to the doctor once he had put on some dry clothes and made sure Hakuryu did not catch ill. The small white dragon remained perched on his shoulder. The green - eyed man was still turning back part of the sleeves of the borrowed light lavebdar shirt, for the sleeves were still too long.
"I guess so," the blond - haired doctor put a finger to his chin. "We have a nurse in there now. We'll see how he is."
Inpecable timing: the nurse exitted the room right then. She shut the door behind her but jumped slightly when she saw the doctor and Hakkai behind her. "Ah! Do we have a visitor?"
"Yes," the blond answered. "He would like to see the man in that room. Is he doing alright?"
"Perfect!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands together. "He just woke up!"
They let Hakkai in and shut the door behind him softly.
"Kyu?" Hakuryu inquired quietly. He glided over to the back of a chair and landed, folding his wings in and watching as Hakkai knelt beside Gojyo's bed.
"H - Hakkai?" Gojyo asked hoarsly.
"Yes, Gojyo. It's me," the brunette responded, feeling the pain rise up in his chest as if he would burst into tears.
Gojyo reached up with one shaking hand and touched Hakkai's cheek lightly. "You look so scared," he whispered.
"Of course I am...," the green - eyed man murmured, pressing his hand over the other man's leaning against Gojyo's tender caress.
And then Gojyo began to mouth a phrase - something that reminded Hakkai of what they had said before he was taken to the hospital. "I love you...."
Hakkai remembered when they finally confessed their love to each other just a few hourse ago. "I love you, too, Gojyo...," Hakkai whispered, replaying the scene in his head when Gojyo had declared that he loved him. Gently, he slipped Gojyo's hand from his face and kissed his palm lightly. "I love you so much..." Slowly, his eyes slipped shut as he pressed his lips to Gojyo's palm once more, letting them to stay there.
The half - breed's facial features softened immensly as he murmured, running his thumb along Hakkai's bottom lip, "So this is what it's like to fall in love....?"
Emotionally, Hakkai was taken aback but all he did was remove his lips from the other man's hand. "Do you love me?"
"With all of my heart."
"There is you answer...." Hakkai offered a genuine smile, real and possessing a feeling of warm happiness never before expressed before and Gojyo knew that the deal of affection was not false.
Gojyo's gaze remained set upon the man before him but his mouth was pulled into a crooked smile and as he moved his thumb from Hakkai's bottom lip to stroke his cheek tenderly, he concluded, "Damn, you're beautiful." He let out a light chuckle when Hakkai's cheeks flushed with an adorable pink blush. "I hope you know that." His smile widened when Hakkai looked away and murmured to him,
"I... I never really thought about myself as 'beautiful' before."
"But it's so true, Hakkai."
"I have no idea how you can say that...." Hakkai pulled back and laid Gojyo's hand back onto the bedside.
Gojyo struggled to get up but elevated himself and then pushed his body into a sitting position.
"Gojyo...."
The red - haired man ignored the alarmed tone in the other man's voice even as he tore off the blodd pressure badge and took the IV out of his arm.
"You shouldn't - -"
"Listen to me, Hakkai," Gojyo commanded, his voice still hoarse for some reason. He took the green - eyed man by the shoulders and leaned down to where his lips were directly next to Hakkai's ear. "You're the most wonderful person I've ever met, babe"
"But - -," Hakkai's words were cut short as Gojyo placed two fingers to the former teacher's lips.
"I know what you're gonna say."
"You do?"
"Yes," he said as he drew back and placed his hands on both of Hakkai's cheeks. He stared him straight in the eyes and as a pacific smile spread over his face, he continued, "You remember when you said that Cho Gonou was dead?"
The other man nodded, dumbfounded.
"You are Cho Hakkai... and nobody else. Cho Gonou is dead. You are Cho Hakkai."
But no matter what the red - haired man said to him, Hakkai's terrible and tragic past still haunted him and lingered in his memory, cobwebs that could not be reached; they stuck in the corners of his mind, the ladder he used not tall enough to reach. Only two people could brush away those cobwebs. The two people that he loved the most throughout his entire lifetime: Gojyo and Kanan.
"Hakkai?" Gojyo broke into the brunette's thoughts. He shook his head as if waking up from sleep and averted his eyes from Gojyo's. But the red - haired man knew what it was that was making Hakkai so uncomfortable. "You," he realized, "are afraid, aren't you?"
"What?" Hakkai's head snapped to Gojyo's direction as the half - breed stood before him and sat in front of the healer, on the thin, cold sheets of the bed behind him. "What do you mean, Gojyo?"
"You're afraid of falling in love with me."
The brunette stared at the man before him. He knew he could not lie to him and so he murmured, his voice shaking and almost afraid to come out of his lips, "You may be right."
"Ne, Sanzo!" (guess who)
"What now!?"
"Can we get that?"
"No."
"That?"
"No," the monk's tone became more harsh.
"Oh! That looks re - e - e - ally good!"
"NO!" Sanzo cried and produced the fan from his sleeve, giving a good, hard whap at the monkey's head, the unique smacking noise hanging in the air as people continued to stare at the two with a glance of confusion. Goku rubbed his head for a few seconds, ignoring the strange looks from the other pedestrians [1] and turned his head this way and, still looking for more goodies to get. "You wanna die that bad, baka - saru?" Sanzo muttered, his fingers tightening around the handle of the fan as he placed a Marlboro Medium between his lips, letting it to hang limply as he searched for his lighter and lit it. Thank goodness Gojyo was not there at that time or he would have asked Sanzo if he could borrow his lighter. His was always out of lighter - fluid and the flint had grown dull and useless. You'd think that he would buy a new one with all of the poker money he rakes in.
Sanzo had always noticed, however, that Hakkai always had a problem with the constant smoking that he and Gojyo did. Especially Gojyo. The healer had always asked that they go outside or some place where the smoke did not linger in the room, even though it was not their permanently, but if they stayed there long enough, the ceiling would take on a disgusting yellow tint from the cigarette fog. The only times that Hakkai really didn't mind when the monk and the red - haired man smoked was when they were at a bar, which Hakkai never really ordered anything distilled, and when they were playing pool, which they never really finished a game, but he had taken note that Sanzo was quite good at the game.
But whenever Gojyo had taken out his cigarette box, Hakkai always gave a sigh and bit the inside of his bottom lip. Sanzo noticed. After it happening for, oh, say, the forty - seventh time, someone had to notice. Hakkai really seemed to care for Gojyo; but from what Sanzo had seen, Gojyo was nothing more than Hakkai's best and closest friend. After all, he was a player, lady's man, poker addict, and he had heard once from the brunette that he feared for Gojyo's health if he were to become a dipsomaniac.
Speaking of lady's man, Hakkai always got that pained look on his face when Gojyo would talk about the girls that he slept with the previous night. He joked and laughed and explained his strangest nights and Hakkai attempted to crack his usual false, yet pleasant, smile, but he failed from time to time and just looked morose and melancholy afterward until he gathered himself up and was able to smile to anything that someone said, be it threatening, serious, joyous, scoff - ful, or just plain, general news.
Usually, you think of a colour when you see someone. One of the first things that people think of is a colour to fit someone. Sanzo thought for a moment. The saru was, indeed, a bright yellow - so lively and hyper nearly 24/7; made you think of a rabbit on a sunny day; made Sanzo sick to his stomach. Sanzo thought of himself as either a dark gold or burnt ochre perhaps. Something dark and depressing. He was never happy. Gojyo joked about the whole "teenage hormone" thing but only got pushed up against the wall with fear when a bullet was shot mere inched from his head, leaving a deep ebony ditch in the wood of the wall. Gojyo was a fiery red - orange. If there was a colour as nonchalant as that, it had to be Gojyo. But Hakkai.... Sanzo never really could think of the colour that fit Hakkai's personality. He thought of Hakkai as maybe a light green at first but then the run in with that Chin Iisou guy mixed up his thoughts like food - colouring in cake - batter. Although he did not understand Hakkai's past completely, his look on Hakkai changed after that. Hakkai was more of an ashy, neutral gray now.
A cold gray. Hakkai was a mixture of emotions, so sad and depressing; but he kept his sadness bottled up. It was unhealthy, as Sanzo had heard from many people, to do that to yourself. To do that to yourself - he recalled running across Cho Gonou some years back. He tore out his eye [2].
Do that to yourself.
Unhealthy.
Emotionally unstable.
He wondered, but his thoughts were scattered.
"Sanzo?" Goku's call of attention placed him back in reality once more as the monkey ran from consession stand to consession stand, all the while looking to the blond monk behind him and asking if he could have this or that. Sanzo sighed. If he were the kind of person who would, he would smile and just give in to Goku's meaningless needs... But since everyone knows and loves Genjo Sanzo, we all know that he is not the kind of person that would do that; instead, "smiling and giving up" for him was another good whap on the head of the teenage ape with the fan and a threatening gun - shot fired into the sky as a warning that enough was enough. "Ple - e - e - e - ase, Sanzo?" Goku whined. "I'm really, really hungry!"
"Well, isn't that a stretch...," Sanzo mumbled to himself.
"Eh?"
"Nothing," Sanzo waved it off as if it were nothing (which quite frankly, it was nothing) and continued, "Look, " he sighed in mid - sentence, "you can have ONE thing."
"Really!?"
Sanzo was taken aback suddenly and clenched a fist at his own stupidity, the vein protruding from his forehead easily visible. "What the hell am I saying!?" He yelled. "Of course you can't!"
Goku began to whine again but it was quicikly silenced as Sanzo's fan connected with his forehead.
Sanzo left his fan to stay over Goku's head, his hand holding it there. The brown - haired teen stared at the blond monk, his gold eyes glassy with tears from the pain of the blow. Sanzo could care less, as his expression easily portrayed, but their eyes did not avert from each other [3] until...
"Hah!" Goku yelled and pointed a finger in Sanzo's face. "YOU BLINKED!"
"I HATE YOU!"
Hakuryu slowly spread his wings and hopped down to the cushion of the chair that he was previously using the back rest as a perch. He was about to drift into sleep when he glanced over to Gojyo and Hakkai, who were now staring at each other with expressions never before seen on either of their faces before. The tiny white dragon found this the best time to give the two men a little time alone and, flying up and scurying to the door, he waited patiently for it to be opened.
The brunette broke the gaze between he and Gojyo, with great effort, and got up to open the door for his friend, who flew out quickly, giving a "thank you" in its single word vocabulary. Hakkai smiled as he closed the barrier but not without warning that Hakuryu was not to go outside because of the frigid weather. He shivered just thinking about it. But the cold - jitters were sent packing as the brunette felt strong arms around his waist, pulling him toward him. "Gojyo!"
"Are you cold, Hakkai?"
"What made you think I was cold?" the brunette quierried, his voice trembling with somewhat fear and somewhat surprise.
"You were shivering," Gojyo reminded him and leant in, letting his head to rest on one of Hakkai's shoulders. "I could not blame you, though. It is pretty damn cold outside... not to mention in here." He loosened his grip slightly to let Hakkai turn around, as that is exactly what he was attempting to do. "It is cold in here, heh?"
"Gojyo...," Hakkai was shocked. "What in the world are you implying?"
Gojyo took one step backward. His eyes widened and his mouth was pulled into an all out smile as he let go of Hakkai and placed a hand to the back of his crimson - tresses. "Ah, no! Not that."[4]Gojyo took one of Hakkai's hands in both of his. "I've had sex before with tons of women, but none of them I have ever really loved. You I love, Hakkai. And even though I do, I am not going to force you to rush into a relationship with me." He smiled tenderly. "You don't have to if you don't want to. You let me know if you'll ever be ready." He placed a finger on the tip of Hakkai's nose. "Only then will it happen." Suddenly, Gojyo winced: his eye twitched.
"Gojyo! What's wrong?"
"It just... hurts a little."
"Oh, my, why didn't I do this earlier?" Hakkai realized as he unwrapped Gojyo's bandages over his arm and placed both of his hands over the hideous wounds, still open and bleeding slightly. He healed Gojyo's wounds with the light eminating from his hands, unbeknownst to him, illuminating his features in the dim green light as Gojyo looked to the brunette's expression, serious and unchanging, but at the same time, he was smiling... and tender, too. "There," Hakkai spoke as he discarded the bandages in the wastebasket. "How's that?"
Gojyo rose his arm up and wrapped it around Hakkai, behind Hakkai's neck and across his shoulders, smirking as he said, "Feels a lot better." He pulled back again and gave a yawn, which he could not surpress by placing a hand over his mouth.
"Tired?" Hakkai smiled.
"Sorta."
He laughed: the kind of light - hearted, semi - staccato laugh that echoed through the red - haired man's head and made him begin to laugh as well, even though he hadn't the slightest clue as to why. "I guess I'll go downstairs into the hospital's kitchen. They must have some coffee down there. That should keep you up for a while." Hakkai explained.
"I'll get it," Gojyo said while opening the door and turning around to continue, "I won't be too long."
"Okay. I kind of wanted to talk to you, anyway," Hakkai spoke.
Once Gojyo had reached the kitchen area in the bottom of the hospital, he paused when he heard a voice, "Wow, Mr. Sha! You healed up so quickly!"And Gojyo turned to find the nurse from earlier standing in her pajamas, staring at where the wounds were previously.
"Ah! God!" Gojyo exlclaimed. "You scared me! What, do you live here or something?"
She nodded. "Yeah. The doctor and I live here since our village was attacked by a band of youkai. There were so many injured people that we began this hospital to treat the hurt. But, man! How in the world did you heal up so quickly!?"
"Ah, just a...," he thought for a second, "a fast healer, I guess."
"I'll say!"
"Now if you'll excuse me...."
"What?"
"I need to get this coffee to my room before it cools."
"Two cups, sir?"
"Er... yeah."
"Oh, I get it!"
"Get wha--? What!?"
"That guy from earlier! How sweet!"
"Sweet? What's sweet?" Gojyo babbled. It was then that he pretended that he just realized that he had taken two cups. "Ah! I got two...." He gave a fake laugh and placed one cup into the sink.
"Yeah, that's what I said."
"What?"
"What do you mean, 'What?'"
"Nothing."
"Huh?"
"Bye." And with that, Gojyo raced up the stairs, leaving the nurse in his confusing dust as she blinked, shrugged, and walked back to her room.
Gojyo would have raced in and slammed the door suddenly, forgetting the coffee completely, but it was then that he saw Hakkai sitting in the chair beside the red - haired man's bedside, his back turned to the doorway, body slumped over and his posture irregularly poor, his elbows propped on his knees and his hands on his forehead.
Gojyo's footsteps were completely silent and the clatter of the coffee cup against the wooden surface of a bureau at his side made no connection with the two men in the room as Gojyo quickly turned to close the door, turning the knob before the door filled the doorway, completely quiet; not a sound.
"Hakkai?" Gojyo broke the silence.
Hakkai gave no answer. He didn't even move. What was wrong now? He had been so happy before Gojyo had left but when he came back, it was like seeing a different person there. How could someone get so sad... go from cheerful to sorrowful in such a short period of time? Was he fooling? No, Hakkai wouldn't do something like that.
Gojyo walked over to in front of the green - eyed man and sat on the bed, neverminding the sound of his sudden footsteps and the creaking of the old matress when it was sat upon. "Hakkai?"
Still, Hakkai gave no answer. Gojyo lifted his hands up to the green - eyed man's shoulders and took hold, firmly enough to gather his attention about him but softly enough so as not to suddenly hurt or surprise him. "Gojyo...."
"Yes?"
"I...," his words were pinched, short as if he had a limited surply of oxygen, "I'm... scared."
Gojyo's eyes widened, his face painted with surprise, an angst - filled one at that. "You really are... aren't you?"
Hakkai nodded. "What if something happens to you?"He paused, drew in a breath and lifted his head, spreading his hands to reveal a tear - streaked face, his tears carving twin glitter paths down both of his cheeks. The bottom of each eye brimmed with crystal liquid and his bottom lip was being bitten once more. "I couldn't protect Kanan.... I can't protect you either."
"That isn't true!" Gojyo cried; he knew what he was saying. He had heard Hakkai say such things before. He had no idea why he just yelled what he did into the open, even though he knew that it was, indeed, the truth... to Hakkai, anyway. Suddenly, he felt humiliated for some reason, even though the only member of the audience was Hakkai - like he had appeared on the stage, and forgotten his line.
"You know it is," Hakkai murmured. Gojyo had never seen Hakkai so serious in his entire lifetime. The happy, cheerful man that would serve you coffee at any time of the day, help you with anything that you could not do or needed help understanding, was abruptly transformed into a sadened, somber person. He was crying. For the first time in his life, Gojyo was witnessing one of the most horrid scenes of any being's existance: no one had seen Hakkai cry before. The brunette had taken all situations into consideration, hardship and all, and never complained. He never complained about always having to assist everyone, being so nice to every person and creature that he met, or, even, Gojyo and Goku constant fighting in the backseats of Jiipu. But now.... Now, Gojyo would not be surprised if Hakkai were to curse repeatedly (even though many teachers liked to call it "creatively").
"Hakkai, please," Gojyo stated, feeling the tightness returnin his chest as the warmth rushed through his cheeks, his own eyes becoming glassy with tears. "Please," suddenly, the red - haired man pulled the other man into the most pacific embrace he had ever felt, "don't look at me like that." Hakkai was in awe. He had no idea what to do; but once he had worked his arms free of Gojyo's grasp, he looked at his own hands and finally, closed his eyes, new tears flowing down his face, and wrapped his arms around Gojyo's waist. Hakkai dropped from the chair, kneeling down but pulled back abruptly, roughly almost. "Hakkai?"
"I stated," he spoke almost darkly, "that I could never hold anyone with these hands again... stained in sin."
"Hakkai - -"
"I promised her. I told her I loved her. I held her. I kissed her. I told her that I would always be there for her - that I would always protect her. Did I keep my promise, Gojyo?"
"But, Hakkai - -," Gojyo stammered. He wanted to explain that he should stop beating himself up over it. Damn it, Hakkai, Gojyo thought. I'll leave if you don't want me.
"Answer me," Hakkai commanded. "Did I?"
"N - no...."
"Now," Hakkai turned his back to Gojyo and lifted his head skyward, "what would she want now? What can she want me to do now?"
"I think that she would...," he hesitated, "would want you to be happy."
"Gojyo, th - -!" Hakkai was cut off as a palm came into swift contact with one of his tear - streaked cheeks.
"Get a hold of yourself!" Gojyo yelled. "Listen to me, Hakkai! Please, for once, let me tell you what I think is best." Hakkai's hand crept slowly over his, now red and burning, cheek where Gojyo had slapped him. "If she loved you so much," he began, "then I think that she would want you to be happy. I don't care if that's with me or not." Of course I do.... "But I hate to see my best friend so sad." I hate to see him anything but happy. "So... if you hate me that much, you can leave. You have my love, even if you don't want to return it." Damn, that was cruel. I want to take it back. I can't. "Leave. As long as I remember your sweet face and lovely personality, you can hate me all you want. Tell me what you want but I'll still love you." And with that, Gojyo turned and headed toward the bed, where he folded back the covers and slipped in.
Hakkai felt absolutely horrified - like the sassy little prick in some other television show that just realized the mistake of their life and someone had pointed it out to them. Someone they cared for beyond reason, beyond mere words.
And then, Gojyo asked one question, something honest that he felt he would die if he did not know the answer to, "Hakkai?"
"Yes?" His tone trembled.
"You you be angry... if I kissed you?"
*End Chapter 3*
Author Notes:
*Ahhh! I feel absolutely horrible! I want to apologize to my muses for what you've just read! And apologize to the readers if you didn't like it! I'M SORRY - Y - Y - Y! My scanner is not working at the moment and I have tons of fanart to put up. Maybe I can do it at my g.f.'s house, but who knows? She DOES have a scanner... and one that works at that! *smiles* Oh, and chapter four is gonna take some time, lots of course. Oh! Thank you to the ONLY PERSON that reviewed my story so far! Thanks a bunch! You rule! That was the first review that I had gotten... EVER. Yeah, this is the first fic of mine that I actually think is doing a pretty good job and can be put up here for you people to read. Ano.... Arigato gozaimasu!* (Yes, I am learning Japanese: Watashi wa "Minoru Tokitoh" desu!)
[1] I did not degrade Hakkai's ability when I said that all he could do was dodge. Seriously, that's what he was thinking when he was dodging Goku's fists.
[2] Alright, alright, alright, alright... I know that in the anime, Hakkai does not tear out his eye all the way. Goku stops him. (Oh, and by the way, "89" is EVIL!!!) But in the manga, he actually tears out his eye... all the way. No, it is not a pretty picture. Made me cry. This also makes me wonder... where does he get his other eye later on in the manga? I was reading it and then I noticed and I was like, "What does he get a glass eye?" 'Cause we all know that you cannot grow your eye back; can't pop it back in either. Too many nerves and such. Gah, that really makes me wonder. Oh, and if it says so in the manga... I can read very little Japanese but krud, I don't know! I just "dun" know!
[3] Hey! People! WAKE UP! Sanzo x Goku is EVIL! I know I say that a bunch but it is bad! Evil! Gah! I have noticed that Goku may like Sanzo... a little more than he should but COME ON! Personaly, I do not think that Goku goes with anyone but Nataku but how can some of the other Saiyuki fans out there pair him with anyone else that isn't big - eyed and cute in the "aw - look - at - him - isn't - he cute?" kind of way? I found sites that pair Goku with: Sanzo, Hakkai, Gojyo, Nataku, and Homura. Homura!? Gojyo!? Hakkai!? Sanzo!? Oi, I get a headache everytime I talk about this... Talk? Hell no. I'm rambling. Heh. To sum it up... 39 = EVIL! (Personaly, I like Sanzo x Homura. And some of you people out there probably hate me now. Save Sanzo from Goku's "cute-boy" wrath. When I say cute I don't mean attractive. Goku? Attractive? Not in my book! Sanzo on the other hand... *drools*)
[4] Who out there has seen Night Walker: Midnight Detective? Love it. Remember when Riho brought that lunch for Shido and Guni was making her think Shido was saying bad stuff?
Riho: Wow, Mr. Shido, I never knew you knew ventrilaquism! (is that how you spell it?)
Shido: Aheh... *grabs Guni* I'm just too shy to eat this in front of you! *sqeeky voice*
Yeah, picture Gojyo with the same look on his face that Shido had... Aw! (Cain x Shido.... RULES!)
Crap, how long can I ramble? Jeez! Well, look forward to Chapter Four - Part Fourth! Thanks for reading! Ja! (Shoot, I left my Gojyo x Hakkai lemon in my parent's room! Gotta find it! PLEASE REVIEW!) Until next time!
Author: ¤Sha¤GojyoxCho¤Hakkai¤
Date: Began March, 2003
Chapter: 3/?
Rating: R for later chapters. PG - 13 for now.
Category: Romance, Angst, Blood and the like
Main Pairing: Gojyo x Hakkai
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki. All characters, names, ect. are copyrighted to Minekura Kazuya.
Warning: Shounen ai/yaoi
REMEMBER!!: Yes, we are still in the middle of the flashback...
_____________________
Part Third (3/?)
As the days were, a majority of the time, bright and sunny, the nights were colder than expected. No one thought that with the temperature outside being so high all the time it would never get this cold during the night; but loe and behold it did. Hakkai did not find it the greatest aid in the crisis that he was in at the moment. Goosebumps settled over his skin as he asked Hakuryu if he were getting too tired. The creature replied with a light - hearted "Kyu!" and continued on, the pace of the vehicle across the desert - like land remained the same.
The former teacher shivered as the cold finally got to him through the few layers of cloth he was wearing. In a situation such as this, one gets to realize that there are two types of cold: one is the kind that just gives you goosebumps and feels good when you inhale through your mouth and let it cool your throat; and the other kind is the frigid kind that is highly uncomfortable and gives you a different feeling when it burns your throat and lungs - almost the kind that you felt just before the snow was going to fall.
The cold that was over the desert - like ground that Hakkai and Hakuryu travelled over was more of a mix.
Hakkai's hands stood trembling on the steering wheel, his knuckles still white but upon noticing this, however, Hakkai loosened his grip, finally feeling the strange, numb feeling over his hands. He inhaled and felt the chilled air soothe his throat. But the relief of his hot throat and numb hands was ephemral as something pattered over the windshield suddenly. It came without visual alert and splashed over the glass, separating into many tiny pieces difused about the window. Then another. And another. And before he knew it, the green - eyed man realized that it was raining.
"As if things could not get any worse...," the brunette murmured to himself softly. He had no cover to prevent the rain soaking him; but that was nothing compared to the worry that still plagued and nipped at his heart like a vulture. Not to mention his injuries were beginning to emit that nauscous, painful feeling again. The green - eyed man ignored them as best he could, but he was no match to that excrutiatingly distrubing bruise that Goku left on his adbomen when he punched him during the fight. The scene replayed in his head: how he had to dodge Goku's attacks once the teenager's limiter was off and how that was all he really could do [1]. He remembered that he had to pin Goku to the ground just to get one small, minescule chance at beating him before he killed them all. Then Goku punched him. Then he grabbed his wrist. Then he threw him. He literaly threw him. But that only brought back the terribly sickening worry for Gojyo for that was when he was thrown onto Gojyo, who was attempting to get up but having trouble with his injuries. He looked to vulnerable, so hurt. His eyes were pained and his skin was bruised and battered. It troubled the brunette immensely when he asked the half - breed if he were alright. All Gojyo did was cough. And a non - too - healthy one at that. God, what Hakkai would have given to help him then. What he would give to have gotten a chance to help Gojyo so that they could both defeat Goku and save Sanzo and themselves. It would be hell to kill a member of their own group, let alone a friend, and that is why a surplus of relief was present when Sanzo was able to produce a new limiter for the young gold - eyed teen.
Hakkai was soaked now and cold. The terriblly swift cold and the pelting, stinging rain... And as if on que, there were a line of buildings that rose from he horizon and became visible to both Hakkai and Hakuryu.
"There it is!" Hakkai cried. Hakuryu sensed Hakkai's relief and happiness and did its best to speed up, quicken the pace.
Gojyo, I'm almost there, Hakkai thought. Hold on, Gojyo...
The sun tried to peek through the clouds but proved unsuccessful and settled for rising behind them, the dim gray light illuminating the surrounding landscapes and beings.
They finally reached it - finally reached the town. This was in the direction that Sanzo had told them. Forty miles or no forty miles, Hakkai had to find the hospital and quick. He quietly waited for his friend to transform back into his dragon - state and smiled as the small alabaster dragon landed contently on his shoulder. And with that, he sprinted down the roads, glancing quickly from side to side, expecting to catch sight of the hospital's sign. Grocery, Decor, Clothing, and... Potpouri? Interesting. The hospital; it was right at the end of one of the longest streets in town.
The cold had gotten to Hakkai now. He was shivering and breathing hard, the cold stinging his throat with each gasp. He was probably going to catch Nomonia. Given the current circumstances, anyone else would have looked for new clothes once reaching the inside of the hospital; but Hakkai was not just anyone.
"Excuse me, ma'am!" he cried. "Please!" He reached the front desk. "Please can you tell me where Mr. Sha Gojyo is?"
"U - um... yes," she muttered, dumbfounded that anyone would brave the storm and cold and demand to see someone with sopping wet clothes. "Number thirteen. Down that way," she said, pointing down a passage.
"Thank you," he nodded and ran off, down the hallway, slipping from time to time from the water that dripped from both him and Hakuryu. Finally, he stumbled upon room thirteen. He placed a sturdy hand on the doorknob but paused suddenly.
"Kyu," Hakuryu chimed, wondering what could be the matter.
"I know," Hakkai said. "I just don't know what to expect."
And with that he opened the door, even though a male doctor was lecturing from down the hall that he was not allowed to see any patients without checking first.
But what the brunette laid eyes upon was terrifying to him: there lay Gojyo, on his back, his head back and hair pulled into a tight ponytail in the back of his head; his wound was bandaged completely and still bleeding while one arm lay over the edge of the bed, a cloth and tube wrapped around the upper part of his arm to measure his blood pressure. His breathing was uneven and rhaspy, as if he had larangitis and an IV was tubed through his shoulder underneath his skin.
"Oh, God...," Hakkai murmured, appalled.
"Hey!" a man exclaimed from down the hallway. "Wait a minute, you!" The brunette did not move an inch even when the doctor stood right before him. "What are you doing?" He inquired.
"I...," Hakkai started," just wanted to check on a friend."
"Well, why don't we at least get you some dry clothes first?" he asked, laughter added to his tone. Hakkai's eyes were still on Gojyo. The doctor saw how serious the green - eyed man was and said, solumnly, "Hey, he'll be fine." He looked to the inside of the room at the red - haired man in the bed. "We got the poison out before things got too serious."
"I'm glad," Hakkai finally looked to the doctor and smiled.
Hakuryu sneezed. Twice.
"Hey, I think we should dry your little friend off before he catches a cold."
Once is enough
To realize the pain
But twice a tragity occurs
I cannot bare something like that
So tough...
I looked from the outside in
Tried to keep an open mind
I only have one wish
That our love surpasses time
Please don't laugh
I know how this sounds
To fall again but this time
Out of bounds
But you pull me back in again
And hold me tight
I looked from the outside in
Tried to keep an open mind
I only have one wish
That our love surpasses time
And it's then I realize
That you make the night bright
So brilliant and true
Bright
Like stars
Blinds me
All I can see
Is you
Nothing else
"Is it alright if I see him?" Hakkai inquired to the doctor once he had put on some dry clothes and made sure Hakuryu did not catch ill. The small white dragon remained perched on his shoulder. The green - eyed man was still turning back part of the sleeves of the borrowed light lavebdar shirt, for the sleeves were still too long.
"I guess so," the blond - haired doctor put a finger to his chin. "We have a nurse in there now. We'll see how he is."
Inpecable timing: the nurse exitted the room right then. She shut the door behind her but jumped slightly when she saw the doctor and Hakkai behind her. "Ah! Do we have a visitor?"
"Yes," the blond answered. "He would like to see the man in that room. Is he doing alright?"
"Perfect!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands together. "He just woke up!"
They let Hakkai in and shut the door behind him softly.
"Kyu?" Hakuryu inquired quietly. He glided over to the back of a chair and landed, folding his wings in and watching as Hakkai knelt beside Gojyo's bed.
"H - Hakkai?" Gojyo asked hoarsly.
"Yes, Gojyo. It's me," the brunette responded, feeling the pain rise up in his chest as if he would burst into tears.
Gojyo reached up with one shaking hand and touched Hakkai's cheek lightly. "You look so scared," he whispered.
"Of course I am...," the green - eyed man murmured, pressing his hand over the other man's leaning against Gojyo's tender caress.
And then Gojyo began to mouth a phrase - something that reminded Hakkai of what they had said before he was taken to the hospital. "I love you...."
Hakkai remembered when they finally confessed their love to each other just a few hourse ago. "I love you, too, Gojyo...," Hakkai whispered, replaying the scene in his head when Gojyo had declared that he loved him. Gently, he slipped Gojyo's hand from his face and kissed his palm lightly. "I love you so much..." Slowly, his eyes slipped shut as he pressed his lips to Gojyo's palm once more, letting them to stay there.
The half - breed's facial features softened immensly as he murmured, running his thumb along Hakkai's bottom lip, "So this is what it's like to fall in love....?"
Emotionally, Hakkai was taken aback but all he did was remove his lips from the other man's hand. "Do you love me?"
"With all of my heart."
"There is you answer...." Hakkai offered a genuine smile, real and possessing a feeling of warm happiness never before expressed before and Gojyo knew that the deal of affection was not false.
Gojyo's gaze remained set upon the man before him but his mouth was pulled into a crooked smile and as he moved his thumb from Hakkai's bottom lip to stroke his cheek tenderly, he concluded, "Damn, you're beautiful." He let out a light chuckle when Hakkai's cheeks flushed with an adorable pink blush. "I hope you know that." His smile widened when Hakkai looked away and murmured to him,
"I... I never really thought about myself as 'beautiful' before."
"But it's so true, Hakkai."
"I have no idea how you can say that...." Hakkai pulled back and laid Gojyo's hand back onto the bedside.
Gojyo struggled to get up but elevated himself and then pushed his body into a sitting position.
"Gojyo...."
The red - haired man ignored the alarmed tone in the other man's voice even as he tore off the blodd pressure badge and took the IV out of his arm.
"You shouldn't - -"
"Listen to me, Hakkai," Gojyo commanded, his voice still hoarse for some reason. He took the green - eyed man by the shoulders and leaned down to where his lips were directly next to Hakkai's ear. "You're the most wonderful person I've ever met, babe"
"But - -," Hakkai's words were cut short as Gojyo placed two fingers to the former teacher's lips.
"I know what you're gonna say."
"You do?"
"Yes," he said as he drew back and placed his hands on both of Hakkai's cheeks. He stared him straight in the eyes and as a pacific smile spread over his face, he continued, "You remember when you said that Cho Gonou was dead?"
The other man nodded, dumbfounded.
"You are Cho Hakkai... and nobody else. Cho Gonou is dead. You are Cho Hakkai."
But no matter what the red - haired man said to him, Hakkai's terrible and tragic past still haunted him and lingered in his memory, cobwebs that could not be reached; they stuck in the corners of his mind, the ladder he used not tall enough to reach. Only two people could brush away those cobwebs. The two people that he loved the most throughout his entire lifetime: Gojyo and Kanan.
"Hakkai?" Gojyo broke into the brunette's thoughts. He shook his head as if waking up from sleep and averted his eyes from Gojyo's. But the red - haired man knew what it was that was making Hakkai so uncomfortable. "You," he realized, "are afraid, aren't you?"
"What?" Hakkai's head snapped to Gojyo's direction as the half - breed stood before him and sat in front of the healer, on the thin, cold sheets of the bed behind him. "What do you mean, Gojyo?"
"You're afraid of falling in love with me."
The brunette stared at the man before him. He knew he could not lie to him and so he murmured, his voice shaking and almost afraid to come out of his lips, "You may be right."
"Ne, Sanzo!" (guess who)
"What now!?"
"Can we get that?"
"No."
"That?"
"No," the monk's tone became more harsh.
"Oh! That looks re - e - e - ally good!"
"NO!" Sanzo cried and produced the fan from his sleeve, giving a good, hard whap at the monkey's head, the unique smacking noise hanging in the air as people continued to stare at the two with a glance of confusion. Goku rubbed his head for a few seconds, ignoring the strange looks from the other pedestrians [1] and turned his head this way and, still looking for more goodies to get. "You wanna die that bad, baka - saru?" Sanzo muttered, his fingers tightening around the handle of the fan as he placed a Marlboro Medium between his lips, letting it to hang limply as he searched for his lighter and lit it. Thank goodness Gojyo was not there at that time or he would have asked Sanzo if he could borrow his lighter. His was always out of lighter - fluid and the flint had grown dull and useless. You'd think that he would buy a new one with all of the poker money he rakes in.
Sanzo had always noticed, however, that Hakkai always had a problem with the constant smoking that he and Gojyo did. Especially Gojyo. The healer had always asked that they go outside or some place where the smoke did not linger in the room, even though it was not their permanently, but if they stayed there long enough, the ceiling would take on a disgusting yellow tint from the cigarette fog. The only times that Hakkai really didn't mind when the monk and the red - haired man smoked was when they were at a bar, which Hakkai never really ordered anything distilled, and when they were playing pool, which they never really finished a game, but he had taken note that Sanzo was quite good at the game.
But whenever Gojyo had taken out his cigarette box, Hakkai always gave a sigh and bit the inside of his bottom lip. Sanzo noticed. After it happening for, oh, say, the forty - seventh time, someone had to notice. Hakkai really seemed to care for Gojyo; but from what Sanzo had seen, Gojyo was nothing more than Hakkai's best and closest friend. After all, he was a player, lady's man, poker addict, and he had heard once from the brunette that he feared for Gojyo's health if he were to become a dipsomaniac.
Speaking of lady's man, Hakkai always got that pained look on his face when Gojyo would talk about the girls that he slept with the previous night. He joked and laughed and explained his strangest nights and Hakkai attempted to crack his usual false, yet pleasant, smile, but he failed from time to time and just looked morose and melancholy afterward until he gathered himself up and was able to smile to anything that someone said, be it threatening, serious, joyous, scoff - ful, or just plain, general news.
Usually, you think of a colour when you see someone. One of the first things that people think of is a colour to fit someone. Sanzo thought for a moment. The saru was, indeed, a bright yellow - so lively and hyper nearly 24/7; made you think of a rabbit on a sunny day; made Sanzo sick to his stomach. Sanzo thought of himself as either a dark gold or burnt ochre perhaps. Something dark and depressing. He was never happy. Gojyo joked about the whole "teenage hormone" thing but only got pushed up against the wall with fear when a bullet was shot mere inched from his head, leaving a deep ebony ditch in the wood of the wall. Gojyo was a fiery red - orange. If there was a colour as nonchalant as that, it had to be Gojyo. But Hakkai.... Sanzo never really could think of the colour that fit Hakkai's personality. He thought of Hakkai as maybe a light green at first but then the run in with that Chin Iisou guy mixed up his thoughts like food - colouring in cake - batter. Although he did not understand Hakkai's past completely, his look on Hakkai changed after that. Hakkai was more of an ashy, neutral gray now.
A cold gray. Hakkai was a mixture of emotions, so sad and depressing; but he kept his sadness bottled up. It was unhealthy, as Sanzo had heard from many people, to do that to yourself. To do that to yourself - he recalled running across Cho Gonou some years back. He tore out his eye [2].
Do that to yourself.
Unhealthy.
Emotionally unstable.
He wondered, but his thoughts were scattered.
"Sanzo?" Goku's call of attention placed him back in reality once more as the monkey ran from consession stand to consession stand, all the while looking to the blond monk behind him and asking if he could have this or that. Sanzo sighed. If he were the kind of person who would, he would smile and just give in to Goku's meaningless needs... But since everyone knows and loves Genjo Sanzo, we all know that he is not the kind of person that would do that; instead, "smiling and giving up" for him was another good whap on the head of the teenage ape with the fan and a threatening gun - shot fired into the sky as a warning that enough was enough. "Ple - e - e - e - ase, Sanzo?" Goku whined. "I'm really, really hungry!"
"Well, isn't that a stretch...," Sanzo mumbled to himself.
"Eh?"
"Nothing," Sanzo waved it off as if it were nothing (which quite frankly, it was nothing) and continued, "Look, " he sighed in mid - sentence, "you can have ONE thing."
"Really!?"
Sanzo was taken aback suddenly and clenched a fist at his own stupidity, the vein protruding from his forehead easily visible. "What the hell am I saying!?" He yelled. "Of course you can't!"
Goku began to whine again but it was quicikly silenced as Sanzo's fan connected with his forehead.
Sanzo left his fan to stay over Goku's head, his hand holding it there. The brown - haired teen stared at the blond monk, his gold eyes glassy with tears from the pain of the blow. Sanzo could care less, as his expression easily portrayed, but their eyes did not avert from each other [3] until...
"Hah!" Goku yelled and pointed a finger in Sanzo's face. "YOU BLINKED!"
"I HATE YOU!"
Hakuryu slowly spread his wings and hopped down to the cushion of the chair that he was previously using the back rest as a perch. He was about to drift into sleep when he glanced over to Gojyo and Hakkai, who were now staring at each other with expressions never before seen on either of their faces before. The tiny white dragon found this the best time to give the two men a little time alone and, flying up and scurying to the door, he waited patiently for it to be opened.
The brunette broke the gaze between he and Gojyo, with great effort, and got up to open the door for his friend, who flew out quickly, giving a "thank you" in its single word vocabulary. Hakkai smiled as he closed the barrier but not without warning that Hakuryu was not to go outside because of the frigid weather. He shivered just thinking about it. But the cold - jitters were sent packing as the brunette felt strong arms around his waist, pulling him toward him. "Gojyo!"
"Are you cold, Hakkai?"
"What made you think I was cold?" the brunette quierried, his voice trembling with somewhat fear and somewhat surprise.
"You were shivering," Gojyo reminded him and leant in, letting his head to rest on one of Hakkai's shoulders. "I could not blame you, though. It is pretty damn cold outside... not to mention in here." He loosened his grip slightly to let Hakkai turn around, as that is exactly what he was attempting to do. "It is cold in here, heh?"
"Gojyo...," Hakkai was shocked. "What in the world are you implying?"
Gojyo took one step backward. His eyes widened and his mouth was pulled into an all out smile as he let go of Hakkai and placed a hand to the back of his crimson - tresses. "Ah, no! Not that."[4]Gojyo took one of Hakkai's hands in both of his. "I've had sex before with tons of women, but none of them I have ever really loved. You I love, Hakkai. And even though I do, I am not going to force you to rush into a relationship with me." He smiled tenderly. "You don't have to if you don't want to. You let me know if you'll ever be ready." He placed a finger on the tip of Hakkai's nose. "Only then will it happen." Suddenly, Gojyo winced: his eye twitched.
"Gojyo! What's wrong?"
"It just... hurts a little."
"Oh, my, why didn't I do this earlier?" Hakkai realized as he unwrapped Gojyo's bandages over his arm and placed both of his hands over the hideous wounds, still open and bleeding slightly. He healed Gojyo's wounds with the light eminating from his hands, unbeknownst to him, illuminating his features in the dim green light as Gojyo looked to the brunette's expression, serious and unchanging, but at the same time, he was smiling... and tender, too. "There," Hakkai spoke as he discarded the bandages in the wastebasket. "How's that?"
Gojyo rose his arm up and wrapped it around Hakkai, behind Hakkai's neck and across his shoulders, smirking as he said, "Feels a lot better." He pulled back again and gave a yawn, which he could not surpress by placing a hand over his mouth.
"Tired?" Hakkai smiled.
"Sorta."
He laughed: the kind of light - hearted, semi - staccato laugh that echoed through the red - haired man's head and made him begin to laugh as well, even though he hadn't the slightest clue as to why. "I guess I'll go downstairs into the hospital's kitchen. They must have some coffee down there. That should keep you up for a while." Hakkai explained.
"I'll get it," Gojyo said while opening the door and turning around to continue, "I won't be too long."
"Okay. I kind of wanted to talk to you, anyway," Hakkai spoke.
Once Gojyo had reached the kitchen area in the bottom of the hospital, he paused when he heard a voice, "Wow, Mr. Sha! You healed up so quickly!"And Gojyo turned to find the nurse from earlier standing in her pajamas, staring at where the wounds were previously.
"Ah! God!" Gojyo exlclaimed. "You scared me! What, do you live here or something?"
She nodded. "Yeah. The doctor and I live here since our village was attacked by a band of youkai. There were so many injured people that we began this hospital to treat the hurt. But, man! How in the world did you heal up so quickly!?"
"Ah, just a...," he thought for a second, "a fast healer, I guess."
"I'll say!"
"Now if you'll excuse me...."
"What?"
"I need to get this coffee to my room before it cools."
"Two cups, sir?"
"Er... yeah."
"Oh, I get it!"
"Get wha--? What!?"
"That guy from earlier! How sweet!"
"Sweet? What's sweet?" Gojyo babbled. It was then that he pretended that he just realized that he had taken two cups. "Ah! I got two...." He gave a fake laugh and placed one cup into the sink.
"Yeah, that's what I said."
"What?"
"What do you mean, 'What?'"
"Nothing."
"Huh?"
"Bye." And with that, Gojyo raced up the stairs, leaving the nurse in his confusing dust as she blinked, shrugged, and walked back to her room.
Gojyo would have raced in and slammed the door suddenly, forgetting the coffee completely, but it was then that he saw Hakkai sitting in the chair beside the red - haired man's bedside, his back turned to the doorway, body slumped over and his posture irregularly poor, his elbows propped on his knees and his hands on his forehead.
Gojyo's footsteps were completely silent and the clatter of the coffee cup against the wooden surface of a bureau at his side made no connection with the two men in the room as Gojyo quickly turned to close the door, turning the knob before the door filled the doorway, completely quiet; not a sound.
"Hakkai?" Gojyo broke the silence.
Hakkai gave no answer. He didn't even move. What was wrong now? He had been so happy before Gojyo had left but when he came back, it was like seeing a different person there. How could someone get so sad... go from cheerful to sorrowful in such a short period of time? Was he fooling? No, Hakkai wouldn't do something like that.
Gojyo walked over to in front of the green - eyed man and sat on the bed, neverminding the sound of his sudden footsteps and the creaking of the old matress when it was sat upon. "Hakkai?"
Still, Hakkai gave no answer. Gojyo lifted his hands up to the green - eyed man's shoulders and took hold, firmly enough to gather his attention about him but softly enough so as not to suddenly hurt or surprise him. "Gojyo...."
"Yes?"
"I...," his words were pinched, short as if he had a limited surply of oxygen, "I'm... scared."
Gojyo's eyes widened, his face painted with surprise, an angst - filled one at that. "You really are... aren't you?"
Hakkai nodded. "What if something happens to you?"He paused, drew in a breath and lifted his head, spreading his hands to reveal a tear - streaked face, his tears carving twin glitter paths down both of his cheeks. The bottom of each eye brimmed with crystal liquid and his bottom lip was being bitten once more. "I couldn't protect Kanan.... I can't protect you either."
"That isn't true!" Gojyo cried; he knew what he was saying. He had heard Hakkai say such things before. He had no idea why he just yelled what he did into the open, even though he knew that it was, indeed, the truth... to Hakkai, anyway. Suddenly, he felt humiliated for some reason, even though the only member of the audience was Hakkai - like he had appeared on the stage, and forgotten his line.
"You know it is," Hakkai murmured. Gojyo had never seen Hakkai so serious in his entire lifetime. The happy, cheerful man that would serve you coffee at any time of the day, help you with anything that you could not do or needed help understanding, was abruptly transformed into a sadened, somber person. He was crying. For the first time in his life, Gojyo was witnessing one of the most horrid scenes of any being's existance: no one had seen Hakkai cry before. The brunette had taken all situations into consideration, hardship and all, and never complained. He never complained about always having to assist everyone, being so nice to every person and creature that he met, or, even, Gojyo and Goku constant fighting in the backseats of Jiipu. But now.... Now, Gojyo would not be surprised if Hakkai were to curse repeatedly (even though many teachers liked to call it "creatively").
"Hakkai, please," Gojyo stated, feeling the tightness returnin his chest as the warmth rushed through his cheeks, his own eyes becoming glassy with tears. "Please," suddenly, the red - haired man pulled the other man into the most pacific embrace he had ever felt, "don't look at me like that." Hakkai was in awe. He had no idea what to do; but once he had worked his arms free of Gojyo's grasp, he looked at his own hands and finally, closed his eyes, new tears flowing down his face, and wrapped his arms around Gojyo's waist. Hakkai dropped from the chair, kneeling down but pulled back abruptly, roughly almost. "Hakkai?"
"I stated," he spoke almost darkly, "that I could never hold anyone with these hands again... stained in sin."
"Hakkai - -"
"I promised her. I told her I loved her. I held her. I kissed her. I told her that I would always be there for her - that I would always protect her. Did I keep my promise, Gojyo?"
"But, Hakkai - -," Gojyo stammered. He wanted to explain that he should stop beating himself up over it. Damn it, Hakkai, Gojyo thought. I'll leave if you don't want me.
"Answer me," Hakkai commanded. "Did I?"
"N - no...."
"Now," Hakkai turned his back to Gojyo and lifted his head skyward, "what would she want now? What can she want me to do now?"
"I think that she would...," he hesitated, "would want you to be happy."
"Gojyo, th - -!" Hakkai was cut off as a palm came into swift contact with one of his tear - streaked cheeks.
"Get a hold of yourself!" Gojyo yelled. "Listen to me, Hakkai! Please, for once, let me tell you what I think is best." Hakkai's hand crept slowly over his, now red and burning, cheek where Gojyo had slapped him. "If she loved you so much," he began, "then I think that she would want you to be happy. I don't care if that's with me or not." Of course I do.... "But I hate to see my best friend so sad." I hate to see him anything but happy. "So... if you hate me that much, you can leave. You have my love, even if you don't want to return it." Damn, that was cruel. I want to take it back. I can't. "Leave. As long as I remember your sweet face and lovely personality, you can hate me all you want. Tell me what you want but I'll still love you." And with that, Gojyo turned and headed toward the bed, where he folded back the covers and slipped in.
Hakkai felt absolutely horrified - like the sassy little prick in some other television show that just realized the mistake of their life and someone had pointed it out to them. Someone they cared for beyond reason, beyond mere words.
And then, Gojyo asked one question, something honest that he felt he would die if he did not know the answer to, "Hakkai?"
"Yes?" His tone trembled.
"You you be angry... if I kissed you?"
*End Chapter 3*
Author Notes:
*Ahhh! I feel absolutely horrible! I want to apologize to my muses for what you've just read! And apologize to the readers if you didn't like it! I'M SORRY - Y - Y - Y! My scanner is not working at the moment and I have tons of fanart to put up. Maybe I can do it at my g.f.'s house, but who knows? She DOES have a scanner... and one that works at that! *smiles* Oh, and chapter four is gonna take some time, lots of course. Oh! Thank you to the ONLY PERSON that reviewed my story so far! Thanks a bunch! You rule! That was the first review that I had gotten... EVER. Yeah, this is the first fic of mine that I actually think is doing a pretty good job and can be put up here for you people to read. Ano.... Arigato gozaimasu!* (Yes, I am learning Japanese: Watashi wa "Minoru Tokitoh" desu!)
[1] I did not degrade Hakkai's ability when I said that all he could do was dodge. Seriously, that's what he was thinking when he was dodging Goku's fists.
[2] Alright, alright, alright, alright... I know that in the anime, Hakkai does not tear out his eye all the way. Goku stops him. (Oh, and by the way, "89" is EVIL!!!) But in the manga, he actually tears out his eye... all the way. No, it is not a pretty picture. Made me cry. This also makes me wonder... where does he get his other eye later on in the manga? I was reading it and then I noticed and I was like, "What does he get a glass eye?" 'Cause we all know that you cannot grow your eye back; can't pop it back in either. Too many nerves and such. Gah, that really makes me wonder. Oh, and if it says so in the manga... I can read very little Japanese but krud, I don't know! I just "dun" know!
[3] Hey! People! WAKE UP! Sanzo x Goku is EVIL! I know I say that a bunch but it is bad! Evil! Gah! I have noticed that Goku may like Sanzo... a little more than he should but COME ON! Personaly, I do not think that Goku goes with anyone but Nataku but how can some of the other Saiyuki fans out there pair him with anyone else that isn't big - eyed and cute in the "aw - look - at - him - isn't - he cute?" kind of way? I found sites that pair Goku with: Sanzo, Hakkai, Gojyo, Nataku, and Homura. Homura!? Gojyo!? Hakkai!? Sanzo!? Oi, I get a headache everytime I talk about this... Talk? Hell no. I'm rambling. Heh. To sum it up... 39 = EVIL! (Personaly, I like Sanzo x Homura. And some of you people out there probably hate me now. Save Sanzo from Goku's "cute-boy" wrath. When I say cute I don't mean attractive. Goku? Attractive? Not in my book! Sanzo on the other hand... *drools*)
[4] Who out there has seen Night Walker: Midnight Detective? Love it. Remember when Riho brought that lunch for Shido and Guni was making her think Shido was saying bad stuff?
Riho: Wow, Mr. Shido, I never knew you knew ventrilaquism! (is that how you spell it?)
Shido: Aheh... *grabs Guni* I'm just too shy to eat this in front of you! *sqeeky voice*
Yeah, picture Gojyo with the same look on his face that Shido had... Aw! (Cain x Shido.... RULES!)
Crap, how long can I ramble? Jeez! Well, look forward to Chapter Four - Part Fourth! Thanks for reading! Ja! (Shoot, I left my Gojyo x Hakkai lemon in my parent's room! Gotta find it! PLEASE REVIEW!) Until next time!