SM- Hello and welcome to another episode of Star Chat. Now that the writer is dead, courtesy of Darth Vader, I can say whatever I want. So lets bring out todays guest...Luke Skywalker!
LS- Hi, Thanks for having me.
SM- Wasn't my idea, trust me.
LS-....oh....
SM- So Luke, How did ya get so lucky?
LS- Uh...I don't know what you mean.
SM- Oh come on, I mean you blew up the Death Star with one shot!
LS- Oh that, I used the Force.
SM- Right, sure you did, you just keep telling yourself that.
LS- No, really, I did.
SM- Kid, your embarrassing yourself on galaxy-wide television, cut it out. Okay next question. You blew up the Death Star with one shot but you can't land an X-Wing on Dagobah. Can you explain this?
LS- All the sensors were down, and there was a lot of mist and fog. What do you expect?
SM- Surly a great Jedi like yourself can use the "Force" to land am teensy weensy starfighter.
LS- But I wasn't that strong in the Force then, that's why Ben told me to...
SM- Wait, Ben? Ben Kenobie?
LS- Yes!
SM- He died on the Death Star, didn't he?
LS- Well...yes, but...
SM- Oooooohhhhhhhh, so now you can see ghosts? Will someone please call this guy a shrink because he desperately needs one!.
(Darth Vader comes onto the set at this point)
SM- What are YOU doing here?
DV- There is something I must tell Luke
SM (bangs head on desk and sighs)-FINE, go ahead, whatever.
DV- Luke, there is something I must tell you, I am your father!!!!
(Set becomes so quiet you can hear crickets chirp)
LS-Uhhhhhhhh, yeah, you already told me that.
DV- Really?
LS- Yeah, on Bespin, remember?
DV- Hmmmmmmm, Nope, not ringing any bells.
LS- YOU CUT MY HAND OFF WHEN YOU TOLD ME!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU FORGET?!?
DV- Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh yyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
LS- What's so funny?!?
DV- You were all like NOOOOOOOOO, its not true, your not my dad!
SM- HEY! Wait a sec. If your Luke's father, who's YOUR father?
DV- Uh... I don't know.
SM- Well then, why don't we ask the Mystic Jawa? Mystic Jawa please bring back the ghost of Vader's father.
(Cuts to a Jawa wearing a Psychic costume.)
MJ- Utinni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(All of a sudden the ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn appears)
DV- QUI-GON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
QG- Uh...
DV- Why didn't you tell me!!!!!!!!
QG- Uh... It's not what it looks like.
LS- Great, he's going to go psycho again.
QG- I didn't do it I...
(The ghost of Shmi Skywalker appears)
SS- QUI-GON JINN!!! Get your astral butt back here RIGHT NOW!!! You left me once, you will NOT leave me again!!!
(Shmi chases Qui-Gon around the studio)
DV- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(Vader goes nuts and pulls out his lightsaber)
LS-Oh no you don't...
(Luke battles with Vader while Steven is slamming his head into his desk)
SM- SECURITY! SECURITY! well thats all the time we have for today folks, maybe next time I'll have a NORMAL talk show!!!
LS- Hi, Thanks for having me.
SM- Wasn't my idea, trust me.
LS-....oh....
SM- So Luke, How did ya get so lucky?
LS- Uh...I don't know what you mean.
SM- Oh come on, I mean you blew up the Death Star with one shot!
LS- Oh that, I used the Force.
SM- Right, sure you did, you just keep telling yourself that.
LS- No, really, I did.
SM- Kid, your embarrassing yourself on galaxy-wide television, cut it out. Okay next question. You blew up the Death Star with one shot but you can't land an X-Wing on Dagobah. Can you explain this?
LS- All the sensors were down, and there was a lot of mist and fog. What do you expect?
SM- Surly a great Jedi like yourself can use the "Force" to land am teensy weensy starfighter.
LS- But I wasn't that strong in the Force then, that's why Ben told me to...
SM- Wait, Ben? Ben Kenobie?
LS- Yes!
SM- He died on the Death Star, didn't he?
LS- Well...yes, but...
SM- Oooooohhhhhhhh, so now you can see ghosts? Will someone please call this guy a shrink because he desperately needs one!.
(Darth Vader comes onto the set at this point)
SM- What are YOU doing here?
DV- There is something I must tell Luke
SM (bangs head on desk and sighs)-FINE, go ahead, whatever.
DV- Luke, there is something I must tell you, I am your father!!!!
(Set becomes so quiet you can hear crickets chirp)
LS-Uhhhhhhhh, yeah, you already told me that.
DV- Really?
LS- Yeah, on Bespin, remember?
DV- Hmmmmmmm, Nope, not ringing any bells.
LS- YOU CUT MY HAND OFF WHEN YOU TOLD ME!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU FORGET?!?
DV- Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh yyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
LS- What's so funny?!?
DV- You were all like NOOOOOOOOO, its not true, your not my dad!
SM- HEY! Wait a sec. If your Luke's father, who's YOUR father?
DV- Uh... I don't know.
SM- Well then, why don't we ask the Mystic Jawa? Mystic Jawa please bring back the ghost of Vader's father.
(Cuts to a Jawa wearing a Psychic costume.)
MJ- Utinni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(All of a sudden the ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn appears)
DV- QUI-GON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
QG- Uh...
DV- Why didn't you tell me!!!!!!!!
QG- Uh... It's not what it looks like.
LS- Great, he's going to go psycho again.
QG- I didn't do it I...
(The ghost of Shmi Skywalker appears)
SS- QUI-GON JINN!!! Get your astral butt back here RIGHT NOW!!! You left me once, you will NOT leave me again!!!
(Shmi chases Qui-Gon around the studio)
DV- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(Vader goes nuts and pulls out his lightsaber)
LS-Oh no you don't...
(Luke battles with Vader while Steven is slamming his head into his desk)
SM- SECURITY! SECURITY! well thats all the time we have for today folks, maybe next time I'll have a NORMAL talk show!!!