Disclaimer: see chapter one
Thank you again everyone for the reviews, you are all just too kind! I'm having fun writing again, even though I know my rustiness shows here and there. Thanks for your patience and words of encouragement! Please let me know what you think, it helps so much!!
Chapter four—House of Dreams
Despite her best intentions, Shalimar found herself drawn to the living room couch, or rather, Brennan's temporary sleeping place. She slumped down into its cushions and sighed deeply. He had been gone for quite a while now, and she was getting frustrated. "Ok, worried," she admitted to herself as she blew a strand of wayward hair out of her face. Even though she couldn't quite get over the feeling of betrayal she felt every time she remembered watching the video feed from one of their recent missions, she was beginning to feel more resigned than anything else. Brennan didn't belong to her, as much as she wished it otherwise, and it really wasn't fair to take her jealousy out on him.
"I'm not jealous," she whispered to herself in anger, "I'm not." She slumped down further and wearily closed her eyes as she anxiously drummed her fingers on either side of her. She hated waiting.
A few hours later, Brennan walked in to find her sound asleep on the couch. He gently closed the door behind him and walked as silently as he could towards her, knowing that her feral hearing made her a light sleeper. She mumbled something to herself as she wiggled around in her sleep before falling silent again. Brennan's irritation melted as he saw she clenched one of his shirts in her hands, pulled up tight to her chest. Her hair hung over her face in a wild frenzy, and he couldn't resist lowering himself to his knees beside the couch and slowly pushing her hair back behind her ear. He contented himself by watching her for a long moment before gently kissing her on the forehead and backing quietly away. He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, taking care to be as quiet as possible. His thirst quenched, he set the glass into the sink and turned around and leaned against the counter, watching Shalimar through the open entryway.
"What am I going to do with you?" he whispered into the air, staring intently at the small lump she made on the sofa. "Or, more to the immediate question," he considered to himself, "where am I going to sleep tonight?"
A roguish smile broke across his tired face as he raised his eyebrows in delight and padded towards the bedroom.
"It's your fault, you know," he reasoned to the still sleeping figure, "you didn't leave me much other choice." He plopped gleefully onto the bed.
The next morning found Shalimar groaning as she pushed herself stiffly up from the awkward position she had slipped into during the night. She groggily looked around in confusion, before remembering why she was on the couch in the first place, Brennan.
"He never came back," she bit her lip. As she sat there considering, her frustration returned and she threw his shirt across the room.
"Damn, I can even smell him," she muttered, angry that she had allowed him to have that much of an impact on her emotions. She pushed herself off the couch and paced around the room, feeling like she could climb the walls. She clenched and unclenched her fists as she circled the living room, freezing when she suddenly picked up a slight sound from the other room. She cautiously tiptoed down the hallway, peeking into the bathroom and then heading towards the bedroom when finding it empty. She poked her head slowly around the bedroom door and came to an abrupt stop when she saw Brennan sleeping like a baby in her bed.
Her eyes widened in disbelief.
"Hey," she exclaimed, lightly shaking his bare foot that peeked out from the end of the blanket. "Brennan!" she reprimanded, shaking his foot a bit harder. "I've been worried sick about you and here you are sound asleep in my bed?"
Brennan grunted as he woke up at the persistent tug on his toe. "Our bed," he reminded her as he scrubbed at his face with both hands in an attempt to wake himself up.
"My bed," she corrected. "What are you doing in here anyway?"
Brennan's hands continued their assault on his face until suddenly freezing as her earlier comment sunk in. He pushed himself into a sitting position and languidly stretched out his limbs. "You were worried about me?" he asked with satisfaction.
Shalimar tore her eyes from his bare chest and took in the knowing grin on his face. Her eyes narrowed.
"Don't change the subject," she snapped at him, "What are you doing here," she gestured wildly around the room. "When, how? I waited, I didn't hear, I would have, I would have heard you," she stammered to a finish, angry that he could so easily fluster her. "And get out of my bed," she added as an afterthought.
Brennan raised his eyebrows at her demand. "Well, you were in my bed," he shrugged, "I had to sleep somewhere." He gave her a grin. "You seemed pretty cozy with my shirt, I was just doing you a favor."
Shalimar's eyes flashed yellow for a brief moment before she realized she still had his big toe in her grasp. She tightened her hold slowly, not saying a word as he began to squirm slightly, uncomfortable. She held her hold until he made eye contact, then gave one more warning squeeze before letting go and walking over to the dresser. She yanked open a drawer and began pulling out clothes. Brennan shot up out of the bed and was at her side in a moment.
"Shal," he gently grasped her wrist, stilling her moments. "Don't leave, I'm sorry for whatever it is I've done to anger you so, but just—just don't leave."
She gave him a confused look, her heart constricting at his look of despair.
"Relax, I'm not leaving. I'm just taking a shower, you know, getting dressed for the day." She yanked her wrist from his grasp and slammed the dresser drawer shut, gathering up her items and heading for the door.
"Shalimar," Brennan's deep voice stopped her. She turned back around at his tone. He stood for a moment, head down, before looking back up at her. He raised his hands in a gesture of defeat.
"Please, talk to me. I don't understand what I did, and I don't know how to get through to you. One minute we're laughing and then the next minute you're mad again. He sank onto the bed, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "I don't know what to do anymore."
Shalimar bowed her head for a moment, gathering her thoughts. She set her clothes back down on the dresser and knelt down in front of Brennan, placing her hands on top of his.
"I know." She agreed softly.
They sat in silence for a long time and then Brennan leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him in a tight hug. Shalimar hesitated for just a moment and then wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his shoulder. She sniffed as she felt him take a shuddering breath.
"I missed you," his voice rumbled into her ear.
"I know," she agreed again. She stayed still for a moment more and then pulled away to search his eyes.
"Brennan," she started.
"Don't you mean Peter?" he gently teased with raised eyebrows.
She batted at his arm with her hand, "Brennan," she repeated with a small smile, "We've been through too much for me to ever completely leave. You don't ever have to worry about that."
His eyes softened as he nodded his head in agreement, reaching out to capture her face in his hands, remaining silent as he studied her expression.
She closed her eyes and took a breath before opening them again and meeting Brennan's head on.
"You just have to give me some time to get past this. I can handle this—this thing. I just need time to adjust. I wasn't expecting it, that's all, I just—"
"Shal," Brennan softly interrupted, "I have no clue what you're talking about."
She looked at him aghast, before remembering with all fairness she never really had told him what she knew, what she saw. She had to clamp down her anger at the memory of it.
Brennan saw a flash of betrayal in her eyes before disappearing behind a purposely neutral face.
"You. Me," she tried to explain. "And then her," she added with distaste.
"Shal?" Brennan prompted, still confused.
"I know we're kind of," she hesitated, searching for words, "undefined." She paused, pulling away from his grasp, "but I thought we had something."
Brennan shook his head, still bewildered. "But we do." He again reached for her face, but settled instead for her shoulders as she turned slightly away from him. His thumbs gently stroked her shoulder blades in soothing circles.
"You're my best friend," he admitted softly.
Shalimar paused in her thoughts to smile sadly at him, blinking away the sudden rush of tears.
"And you're mine," she whispered, closing her eyes in pain. "That's what makes this so hard."
"I still don't understand," he entreated. "What's so hard?"
She shook her head, unable to stop the trace tears that slipped out despite her efforts to fight them. She again pulled away from his grasp and stood up, turning her back on him and wrapping her arms around herself.
Brennan jumped quickly to his feet and strode around her. His look bode no argument as he pulled her tightly against him, holding her firmly until she sagged against his chest. He pulled back slightly and wrapped his large hands around her soft cheeks. Her eyes stayed closed, so he leaned in and softly kissed each eyelid before capturing her lips in a desperate kiss. For one brief moment, Shalimar was in heaven, then reality returned with a harsh rush, and she pushed away from him, stricken.
"I asked you not to do that," she hissed. "You can't have both of us like that."
Brennan watched in frustration as the walls around her chinked back into place.
No," he exclaimed emphatically, "Not this time." He grasped her shoulders. "Don't shut me out." He waited until she met his glance with a defiant uplift of her chin before continuing. "Tell me what the hell you are talking about."
Her eyes flared, and she reached up and slapped him before realizing what she was doing. He stared at her in shock as she covered her mouth with a shaking hand.
"Talk to me," he whispered. "Why? What—"
"I saw you," she interrupted, taking a step back. "I saw you." She repeated, backing further away from him. For a brief pause pained eyes met, and then she suddenly ran out of the room. Thundering footsteps faded away and then the front door slammed shut.
"What?" Brennan yelled, whirling around and hitting the wall in frustration. "What did I do?"
Silence was his only answer.