Chapter 2------------------------Of All Weird Things
(A/N)- Sorry this chapter is so short…
I awoke in the backseat of the Cadillac, face down on the smooth leather seat. I grunted angrily as I struggled to sit up since I'd never been that sore in my life…but I suppose you're right Mr. Shadow, my old life not this one (do you have to be so technical?!) Anyhow, after the initial shock and panic wore off (trust me this took quite a while), I climbed into the front seat, silently praying that the keys would be there. But of course with my already ill-fated luck they weren't. I searched frantically for those damn keys then after a minute or so of complete madness the thought occurred to me that I should just look in the glove compartment.
Yeah I know Mr. Shadow that was the most obvious place but Jesus! I had just died! Give me a fucking break! Anyhow, strangely enough in the compartment I found not only the keys, but also a huge purple carrot, rave hand-lights, cheese-colored nail polish, a rather large bottle of vodka, a telletubie and a variety pack of Trojan condoms. I know Mr. Shadow that was quite a shocker! I mean like, what does a 56 year old man need with condoms? I agree, it should've been more along the lines of Viagra. And who the hell has ever heard of a purple carrot?!
Anyways I hastily shoved the creepy aforementioned objects into my knapsack which too had managed to come along, and put the keys into the ignition. That's when it finally hit me that I was in a deep dark forest. Barely any sunlight filtered in through the un-naturally thick foliage above me. Talk about disturbing! It was then that I realized I was in Middle Earth (mushrooms as big as the ones I saw simply do not grow anywhere else) and that I was somewhere in Mirkwood, home of the 15-foot spiders that JRR Tolkien said inhabited the woods which now surrounded me on all sides. My heart raced in fear as I finally scanned the line of trees and brush that seemed to be closing in on me. I know Mr. Shadow, I almost DID pee in my pants…